Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer applies.
Warning: The story will mostly be written in first person point-of-view, and will contain mentions of depression, thoughts of suicide, and things within that category.
Chapter 2:
When I reopened my eyes, the first thing I noticed was that I was staring at the ivory colored ceiling; secondly, I realized that I was lying on a queen-sized bed. I immediately sat up and held my head, massaging it in small circles when I sat up too fast. I noticed that I was wearing a pale pink nightgown; this then led me to wonder who had changed my attire. Lastly, I inwardly questioned who had brought me here.
I sat on the bed, staring at nothing in particular, as I tried to remember how I ended up in this bedroom. I did not know how long I was sitting there, but when the bedroom door opened, I jumped in startled.
I watched as my mother walked into the room, dressed in one of her fashionable business attires, silently questioning why she was in the room. "Ah, Riku, good morning," she greeted with a smile.
"…Morning," I responded in a low tone since I did not know what to say even though I had so many things I wanted an answer to. It was almost as if I had lost an ability to speak, as strange as that sounded.
"The maids have already unpacked your belongings and have put them in your closet," Mom commented as she gestured to the walk-in closet on her left, but directly across from where I was at. "Why don't you go refresh up, and I'll see you in the dining room for breakfast? You can ask one of the maids if you don't know where that is," she added with a smile.
I merely nodded in response before she left the room and closed the doors behind her. I let out a quiet sigh yet again as I slowly got out of bed, and trudged towards the walk-in closet, grabbing some articles of clothes from the rack, before I made my way to an adjacent bathroom.
I stood by the doorway in awe as I stared at the luxurious bathroom, noting in the back of my mind about the heated flooring to the Jacuzzi bathtub to the flat-screen television hanging on the wall near the shower stall. A smile made its way on my face for a moment as I imagined how it would be to taint this luxurious scene in red.
'No, don't do it,' my rational side interjected as I shook my head to snap out of such thoughts.
I ran a hand through my auburn hair as I placed my clothes on a vanity counter before I went into the shower stall to adjust the water temperature. Once I was satisfied with the temperature, I stepped back out to slip out of my nightgown before I went back inside the large shower stall.
It had been nearly an hour since his mother went upstairs to checkup on Riku. Kaoru let out a frown when he noted that his younger sibling has yet to come down for breakfast. He also noted that she did not come for dinner last night either, and add to the fact that he did not know when she had last eaten, he was worried. He knew that Hikaru was also slightly worried, even though his older twin did not show it on his expression; after all, they are twins… he knew these kinds of things.
What he does not understand was why Hikaru disliked their only sister. He knew that he and Hikaru are twins, and as such, their bond is stronger than most siblings; but that does not mean that they should exclude Riku just because she's not a part of their 'group'. Besides, he knew that their mother had wanted a daughter for the longest time, and that was the main reason Riku got most of their attention when they were young. He hated Riku for it; but he did not withhold a grudge like Hikaru because in the end, she is still their sister.
"Riku is late," Yuzuha muttered as she sipped on her cup of coffee. She then summoned a maid nearby, and instructed, "Can you go check on my daughter, and summon her here?"
"Of course, Madam," the maid responded with a bow before she left to do the task.
"Maybe she drowned in the bathtub," Hikaru muttered with a scoff as he stirred his coffee.
Yuzuha shot a glare towards her oldest child, and responded sharply, "Hikaru, how can you say that to your only sister? Do you dislike her that much?"
"I'm not –!" Hikaru yelled but stopped himself when he realized that his mother got his name correctly and did not mistake him with his twin. "…You got my name right," he commented in awe.
"Mind telling me why you dislike Riku?" Yuzuha asked with a frown on her face, waving away her son's comment, and added in a low tone, "Where did I go wrong?"
Hikaru glanced at his twin before he responded in quietly, "That's because you didn't mistake her with anybody else like you did with us. Besides, you're always giving her more attention then you did with us when we were younger. And when you do give us attention, it's always to scold us."
"I'm sorry," Yuzuha stated with a resigned sigh as she placed her coffee cup down on its saucer. "I didn't know I was doing that to you two. You know I always wanted a daughter so I can dress her up; but that plan didn't go as I would've liked," she added while she shook her head in dismay.
"What do you mean?" Kaoru asked curiously as he raised an eyebrow. "From what I noticed yesterday, Riku is somewhat fashionable even though what she wore yesterday wasn't designer label."
Yuzuha nodded in agreement as she traced her fingers around the rim of her coffee cup, and said, "It's not my place to say; but the Riku I met three years ago and the Riku I met yesterday is different."
Kaoru blinked in confusion at his mother's response as he shared a glance with his twin, and then responded with, "Mom, if it's been three years then it wouldn't be strange if she has changed."
Riku walked into the room before his mother had a chance to say anything. She flicked a glance towards their general direction as she walked towards a maid, whispering in hushed tone, and then sat down a seat diagonally away from him and Hikaru.
"Sorry mom, I sort of dozed off after shower," she muttered with a small apologetic smile towards Yuzuha.
Kaoru frowned when he noted how she ignored him and Hikaru. However, he did not blame her since he had a feeling how hurt she must have been by Hikaru's remark. He then eyed at her attire, a yellow and white lace-panel tank top, a pair of dark denim jeans with corsage-accented stuffed slim belt, and a pair of ivory-colored platform sandals. In other words, it was simple yet stylish to some degrees.
He glanced at his twin worriedly when he saw how Riku's face was void of any emotion. It was as if she was shutting herself away from the world. He almost let out a smile when he noticed Hikaru's slight worry expression as well.
'At least he still cares about her,' Kaoru mentally noted.
"Sweetie, I want to tell you that you'll be attending Ouran Academy starting Monday," Yuzuha stated as her gaze focused on Riku, who simply nodded in understanding. "Based on your grades, the Chairman said that you will be placed in the same class as your brothers."
In that instance, Riku's golden amber eyes flickered towards him and Hikaru. He nearly shivered when he noticed the coldness in her eyes… it was as if she had forgone on life; however, he was unsure of what he had seen since he only saw that expression for a couple of seconds.
"I understand," she directed that statement to Yuzuha, and then shifted her attention back to them. "Don't worry; I'll stay out of your way."
"Good, and make sure you don't come near us at school," Hikaru retorted with a scowl. He did not even spare a glance towards her as his attention was focused on his breakfast.
Riku did not say anything in response as a maid arrived with her breakfast, a bowl of rice, a couple of fried fish, and a bowl of soup. In fact, Kaoru noticed that she did not speak for the rest of her meal, and he briefly wondered why his mother was still sitting there, sipping on her cup of coffee as if she had all the time in the world.
"Mom, what are you still doing here? I thought you have a meeting to go to," Hikaru spoke after a while as he spared a glance towards to Yuzuha.
"I will in a bit," she responded with a small smile and then took another long sip of her coffee. Yuzuha then released a deep sigh and shifted her attention towards Riku to say, "Honey, one of the maids found something alarming that she brought to my attention yesterday."
Riku, on the other hand, merely paused in mid-action of wiping her mouth with a napkin, and raised an eyebrow as if she was indicating Yuzuha to continue.
Kaoru looked over to his twin with confusion written on his face before he turned to his mother questioningly, "What is it, Mom?"
Yuzuha did not say anything for a moment as she pulled out a small package from her purse, and placed it on the table. "Riku," she began in a careful tone, almost as if she treading cautiously, "Why do you have these anti-depressant pills?"
His eyes immediately widened in surprise and shock as he looked over to his sister. Kaoru silently noted that Riku did not look like someone who was depressed, but then again, he knew that he does not know her enough to know what was going in her mind.
"Anti-depressants?" Kaoru heard his twin whispered in astonished.
"Since when?" Yuzuha continued when she did not receive a response to her earlier question.
Riku placed the napkin on the table and slightly leaned back against her seat, her eyes closed for a moment as if she was trying to remember something. "On and off for three years now," she finally answered in a void tone as she reached over the table, and grabbed the package. "It all started four months after you visited," she added as an afterthought.
"What happened?" Kaoru could not help ask, and nearly flinched when he saw his sister's cold gaze.
Riku did not say anything for a moment, almost as if she was contemplating whether or not to tell them. "What's broken twice cannot be fixed so easily," she responded in a blank tone, and grabbed a glass of milk tea that a maid had placed before her.
"Kazu never mentioned this to me," Yuzuha murmured in a low tone with a frown on her expression.
"That's because Dad doesn't know," his sister responded before she took a long sip of her milk tea, and continued, "He's usually busy with his work, and I lived in a dorm."
"Riku…" It was the first time in a long while since Kaoru had saw his mother's dejected expression.
"Look, it's not that big of a deal, Mom," Riku interjected with a sigh as she placed her cup on the table, and gave Yuzuha a pointed look. "So don't go blaming yourself for this. Besides, it's not like I'm going to attempt suicide or whatever just because I'm taking anti-depressants."
Kaoru looked over to his twin for a moment before he shifted his attention to his sister, and said in a quiet tone, "Is it because of us?"
Hikaru gave him a startled look as if he was surprised by the question, but he did not say anything.
Riku merely gave a mysterious smile, and did not say anything in response.
I can't believe that Mom already found out about the fact that I'm taking anti-depressants… not that I bothered to hide it since I had put it in the front compartment of my luggage. Still, that was a careless mistake on my part. I inwardly sighed when I saw Kaoru-nii's surprised and shocked look; it was as if he was trying to gauge for my character, trying to understand the reason why.
"Anti-depressants?" I heard Hikaru-nii whispered in an equally shocked tone.
I noticed that his eyes were widen in surprised, and in that instance, he looked regretful for something I could not place. However, that expression disappeared before I could ponder on the reason. Not that I really care… after all, he disliked and loathed my very existence since I was born.
"Since when?" my mom asked instead since I did not answer to her inquiry about why I had anti-depressant pills.
I pursed my lips for a bit as I put the napkins back on the table, an attempt to stall for time, and slightly leaned back against my seat. I closed my eyes for a moment to block off the curious gazes from my family, silently debating whether I should tell them the truth or not.
In the end, I decided to go with the truth and said, "On and off for three years," as I leaned over to grab the small package. I stared at the name of the package, eyeing at the small writing of '100mg' underneath that name, and murmured, "It all started four months after you visited."
'And the three days of hell began,' my mind echoed despondently.
When Kaoru-nii had asked, "What happened?" I merely shifted my gaze onto him, and did not say anything in response. Why would he ask so casually about something I did not want to discuss… something I was willing myself to forget?
'Maybe it's because they don't know,' my mind supplied.
"What's broken twice cannot be fixed so easily," I repeated what I had said to myself yesterday as I grabbed a cup of milk tea to distract myself from the mental onslaught of those torturous three days of hell.
"Kazu never mentioned this to me," Mom stated in a low tone with her brows knitted furrow and a frown appearing on her face.
I paused for a second to stop myself from letting out a dry chuckle at her expression. "That's because Dad doesn't know," I responded and then took a long sip of my drink, fully aware of the fact that they were eyeing at my every action. "He's usually busy with his work, and I lived in a dorm," I supplied.
I did not mention the fact that I was diagnosed by the Academy's psychiatrist after I was rescued from that hell. Originally, these anti-depressant pills were to help me with my post-traumatic stress disorder; but I had also found out that it worked well for my depression as well. I presumed that my psychiatrist also know about what was truly going on with me based on our sessions, and prescribed it to me. I was thankful for the fact that she did not mention where my true problem lied, mainly because I did not want to relive the incident by talking about it, and that she did not protest much when I asked for an increase in dosage.
"Riku…" my mom trailed off.
"Look, it's not that big of a deal, Mom," I interrupted with a sigh as I placed my cup on the table, and gave her a pointed look. "So don't go blaming yourself for this. Besides, it's not like I'm going to attempt suicide or whatever just because I'm taking anti-depressants."
It was a lie; but they did not know that. After all, I had made several attempts to commit suicide, and I nearly laughed out loud at each of those failed attempts. One of the most memorable ones was a week before I came here; it was right after my dad had announced that he is going to send me to live with Mom and my brothers.
I could have sworn that I distinctly heard a quiet, "Is it because of us?" from across the table; however, I did not say anything as a smile appeared on my face when I remember how ridiculous I was when I made my way to the top of London Eye.
I had planned to jump of its 135 meters structure, and I was prepared to either drown in a river nearby or be smashed against the concrete… which ever direction I landed in. That would have been a sight for everyone to see. As dramatic as how my ending would have been, I did not have the courage to jump… if how I was clinging onto one of the support beams was anything to go by.
Really, I wanted to laugh at how pathetic I was… I wanted to laugh at how much I desired to die, and how much I desired to live at the same time.
I internally shook my head to bring myself back to the present, and noticed the solemn expressions on my mother and my brothers. I had a feeling that they were thinking about what I had just said; and as much as I would have liked to say that I was finally glad that my brothers were bothered by the news, it was irksome. It showed that they cared when they truly did not, if what Hikaru-nii said yesterday was anything to go by.
"I don't know when your meeting is, Mom, but is it okay for you to still be here?" I broke the silence in a calm tone, inwardly controlling my expression so that I came off as calm as my tone indicated.
"Ah! I'm going to be late!" Mom cried out as she finished her coffee in one quick sip. I watched in mild amusement as my mom gathered her jacket and her briefcase, telling a maid to call for the limousine, and then shifted her attention back to me. "Your school pamphlet is in my Study, you can ask one of your brothers or a maid to show you where that is. I promise we'll talk more about this more when I get back, alright? I don't want you to commit suicide."
"Don't worry; I don't plan to," I responded as convincingly as I could with a smile with a wave towards her retreating figure. I did not have the heart to tell her that I thought of death all the times; besides, she did not need to know something that could potentially break her.
"Love you guys!" Mom called out before she completely walked out of the room.
I let out a sigh as I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to think what I am going to do for the rest of the day. When I was still in Imperial Cavalier Academy, I took on missions to distract myself from thinking about those dark memories of the past… well, it also disguised as means to end myself; but I was not going to tell anyone about the latter. However, since I was pulled out from the Academy and shipped here… how am I going to distract myself?
'You could go sightseeing. It has been ten years since you were here, and surely, many things might have changed since then,' my rational side whispered.
That did not seem like a bad idea, even though my mom forgot to leave me with any money to spend. I suppose it's time to use my savings, despite the fact that I have a policy not to withdraw any money once it goes into my savings account. Mostly because I like seeing my money grows whenever I deposited my salary every time I completed my mission... it was exhilarating to see the amount of numbers on my paycheck going into my savings. It was one of the perks of being an S-Ranked Cavalier since we are risking our lives for these big-pay missions.
'And I could find some places for my dramatic end, if I ever have the courage to pull it through,' a fleeting thought crossed my mind as my lips almost curled into a smile.
"Well then, I'm going to go out," I had no idea why I was even telling this to my brothers; nevertheless, I stood up and headed towards the doors.
"Where are you going?" Kaoru-nii asked in a curious tone.
I paused by the doorway, and half-turned around to face him, only to see that Hikaru-nii was also looking at me even though he did not say anything. "I don't know; maybe sightseeing or shopping," I replied with a shrug.
"We'll show you around. Right, Hikaru?" Kaoru-nii responded as he looked to the mentioned person. He looked as if he was asking for my oldest brother to agree with whatever he had said.
Hikaru gave a slight shrug in response and said, "Sure, why not?"
"Don't bother. If I wanted you to show me around, I would have asked," I retorted just before I left the room.