A/N: Here's the next part. It's pretty angsty, so keep that in mind before you read it. Nothing major happens, but if you're sensitive to this kind of story…

XOXOXO

Red had been holding Nicky for some time when Norma came in. Her friend offered up a weak smile and pointed at her wrist. It was time to get dinner started.

Nodding Red smiled at her. "I'll be there in just a little bit. Go ahead and get started," she whispered.

Smiling gently, Norma nodded. She was more than capable of getting things moving.

Looking down at Nicky, Red smiled sadly. She hated to have to wake her. Rubbing her thumb against the girl's cheek, she leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "Nicky honey," she said, nudging the girl awake. It took a few minutes, but soon enough Nicky was awake.

She'd almost forgotten about telling Red. It wasn't until she sat up fully and saw the sympathetic look on her face that she remembered. Looking away quickly, Nicky felt her cheeks flame. She hadn't wanted to tell anyone-especially Red. It would only bring trouble.

Nicky had wanted to share her story with Red for a long time, but she knew herself well enough to know that it was a bad idea. When Nicky shared things, she didn't just talk about one or two things it was the entire saga from start to finish. She overshared-emotionally slutty she had dubbed it. She was like fucking Pandora's Box. Open up about one thing, and everything came pouring out.

She knew that Red would try to comfort her-want to heal her. It didn't work that way though. The minute Red started Nicky knew that she would want more. She had never managed to hang onto anyone long enough to find out if there was ever an end to that cycle. Was there ever a point where the security and love she sought out in other people would be enough?

"It's time to start dinner," Red explained, cupping Nicky's jaw and lifting it higher. Nicky wouldn't meet her eyes though. She knew the younger woman could be stubborn. The younger woman had high walls, and she didn't like them to be breached. It must have felt a little scary for Nicky, realizing how much she let her in. She looked at the blush on her cheek and saw the evidence of embarrassment.

Red wanted to pull Nicky close to her, but maybe it was too soon. Nicky seemed uncomfortable under her touch. Generally, she would ignore it, but now… she wasn't sure how to respond. Nicky had told her some things, but not everything. Was she making it worse? Maybe a little time for them both to clear their heads would be good. Nicky could regroup, and they would talk after dinner. "I should go," Red explained. "Norma could probably handle it on her own, but I'd hate to do that to her."

Nodding in understanding, Nicky chewed on the inside corner of her mouth. She should have expected this. "Okay," she said. Her voice sounded strained even to her own ears, and she wondered if Red would question that. After a moment of silence, she realized that Red wasn't. She quickly stood up, praying that Red would pull her back, but she didn't.

"You should lay down until dinner," Red suggested. "You still look tired." Nicky felt so far away. She didn't know what to do for her. Rising to her feet, Red walked up behind Nicky. She watched as her shoulders tensed as she approached. "Nicky?" she asked.

Nicky nodded and cleared her throat. "You're probably right," she agreed. Pleasantly surprised she felt Red embrace her from behind. She covered Red's hands with her own but stayed stiff in her embrace.

"Nothing has changed Nicky," Red promised softly, chin resting on her shoulder. She leaned her head against the younger woman's and willed her to feel the love she had for her. Slowly Nicky started to ease out of the tension.

Warm arms around her, Nicky focused on Red's words. Were they still the same? She wanted to believe it-needed to. She talked herself through her emotions and decided that Red hadn't changed the way she was treating her at all. Maybe everything was going to be okay. She gave into the warmth and let herself relax against Red. As soon as she settled, Red gave her a final squeeze and let go.

Nicky tried to hide her disappointment. Turning around, she offered Red a smile that she knew looked forced. Her lips were tight, and her eyes were watery, and a part of her hoped that Red would notice that. "You should go," Nicky said, gesturing towards the entrance of the cube. "Don't want a riot on your hands."

"You sure you're okay?" Red asked.

NO! Nicky's mind screamed.

"Positive," she answered. "Just a little groggy." Just tired. It was the entire world's go-to phrase. Everyone knows you don't question it. Just tired. The silent code of No, I'm not okay.

"Do you need me to stay?" Red asked. She ran through the details in her head. Could Norma handle dinner on her own? She had Gina and the others, but there were the two new girls. They were useless and didn't listen. With Gloria sick, they were short hands, discipline, and the one person other than herself who could make those two work.

Nicky watched as Red's mind wandered away. "Nah, I'll be alright. Go feed the masses Red."

Red tilted her head and nodded. "Okay, but first, follow me." Without giving her any time to argue, and despite her protest that she didn't even have shoes on, Red pulled Nicky along behind her. A moment later they were in her cube.

"What?" Nicky asked when Red just stared at her.

"I want you to lay back down," Red said, gesturing towards her bed. I think you'll sleep better in here.

Nodding slowly, Nicky's tears slowly fell. She stepped forward towards Red. It was too close to be appropriate, but she couldn't manage to initiate anything. "Thank you," she whispered.

Red pulled her into a hug, relieved that Nicky seemed so affected by the gesture. If she couldn't be here with her, at least she could offer her this. "Come on now," she said, pulling back. "No more tears." Red wiped at the trails on her cheeks and helped her into bed. Tucking her in, Red kissed her forehead.

"Okay," the younger woman answered. "Thank you," she added as Red started to get up. "Really." Her bottom lip wobbled, and the tears kept coming.

"Just rest Nicky. We'll talk later." Watching Nicky's eyes close shut, she quietly left the cube. She turned around and peeked back in, only to see Nicky crying silently with her face buried against Red's pillow. The site broke her heart, but she didn't know what to do. After dinner-they would talk after dinner.

Nicky pulled Red's blanket up to her chin and tucked her face against her pillow. Everything smelled like Red, and that was a comfort of its own. Her blanket was thicker than the standard prison blankets that Nicky used. It was heavy against her shoulders, and she tried to pretend that it was Red holding her. More tears fell, and Nicky thought about how much her life had changed.

Prison had been good for her. The routine was something she had settled into quickly. She knew who she was here. The rules were simpler in prison: you could predict things, you knew where you were supposed to be, what you were supposed to be doing, who you were supposed to be. It was a skin she slid into expertly. This was what she was good at, finding identities and allowing herself to feel like a real person, allowing herself to feel like she had an identity of her own.

She didn't want to think about what life was going to be like when she got out-so many different variables and choices. Anything could happen, and that idea terrified her. She had a support system here. She had friends and family. Nicky wasn't used to such lasting relationships, of feeling like a part of something instead of a fraud blending in until everyone realized she wasn't at all who they thought she was. She had perfected her front over the years-discovering what she could project to make people like her or overlook her depending on the situation.

Outside of prison, she wouldn't have Red. Pulling the blanket tighter around herself, she squeezed her eyes shut. Red. She had become more than just Nicky's mother. She was her saving grace. Nicky knew that as good as prison had been, Red was what grounded her. Red was the one who cared about her enough to make her feel like there was hope-that these wounds could heal and she could find all the broken pieces and be whole again. Had she ever been whole?

Maybe that was all just some nonsensical fairy tale that she wanted to believe. Red couldn't still see her as the same person. She had made that more than obvious. Dinner was more important than she was. One night of a rocky meal would not kill them. Norma could probably handle it anyways. Even if she had to leave, did it have to be while she was still crying? It was clear that she'd made the older woman uncomfortable. If it were really important and things hadn't changed, Red would come back. She'd check in on things and then come back and show her that things were okay.

She tried to remind herself of Red's words, of the feel of her arms as she held her, of the very fact that she brought Nicky in here to sleep. She hadn't just brushed her aside. Or had she? Nicky shook her head. This was guilt-or maybe pity. Tucking Nicky away in her bad had been merely a gesture to keep her calm until they could talk later and she could tell Nicky the truth. It wasn't the first time someone had told her she was too much to handle. That her problems drained everyone around her and that she was too much.

Her mind calmed, and the pain took over. Giving into it, she stopped arguing with herself and allowed herself to cry and hide away in the comfort from Red that she had left. Everything was about to change.

XOXOXO

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