Disclaimer: Not mine, blah, blah, blah.
Warnings: None for this chapter, depressingly.
It didn't take the Warden long to corner me about my behaviour, the evening in camp passed relatively uneventfully (apart from Alistair retiring very early, claiming that his injuries would heal better with sleep) but the journey the following day was uncomfortable for everyone. Alistair clearly had no idea what to say or do about anything, though he did seem to have changed slightly, more confident within himself somehow. Drake, leading the group as always with long strides and silence, nodded to Sten and began to fall back through the group, finally stopping where myself and Wynne were walking.
"We are thinking of heading up to Orzammar, passing through Lake Callanhad quickly."
"For what purpose?" I asked, raising an eyebrow as the Warden fixed me with a steely glance.
"Something I need to do for Sten up there." I exchanged a quick glance with Wynne, who smiled wearily as Drake jogged back to the front of the group and fell into step with Sten.
"You reckon those two are...?" I nodded up to the Qunari and Warden, who were both walking like they were completely alone.
"Are what Zevran? I have no time for innuendos and nods," Wynne replied.
"Sharing the long nights together?"
"I haven't seen or heard anything, and neither do I wish to acknowledge it even if I have."
"They would make an odd couple, would a word ever pass between them?"
"Well, if Sten needs something doing and we're doing it, he must have spoken to Drake. They talk, perhaps just not quite as loudly as you do." Wynne laughed at her own little joke, then her tone suddenly turned harsh. "Alistair, what are you doing? Stop loitering over my shoulder and partake in the conversation."
"Sorry, I couldn't help but come over, teasing Zevran is becoming a favourite pastime."
"So Alistair," I couldn't help but pounce on the poor lad after that little comment, "do you think Drake's been licking the old Qunari lamppost of late?"
"Maker!" Alistair exclaimed, scrunching his face up, "that's a horrible expression."
"Oh sorry, I forgot," I gave a look of mock horror to Wynne, "we're in presence of a virgin! Such talk is defiling his ears." I shot Alistair a grin as his face began to turn red, so annoyed and embarrassed that he couldn't even stutter.
"Zevran!" Wynne chided. "Just because you have little care for intimacy, do not measure your wisdom simply by how many people you have sullied."
"How about it Alistair?" I gave the Warden a cheeky wink, "fancy being sullied by me?" Alistair was looking at me desperately and I suddenly felt a pang of pity for him, this simple, foolish human who had been pushed into something he hadn't particularly wanted.
"Oh no," Wynne suddenly whispered, looking between the two of us. "You stupid man!" She exclaimed at Alistair – who turned redder than I thought was possible – before she rounded on me. "And you! I knew that you wanted a bed mate while we travelled, but I did not think you stoop to actually forcing someone!" I couldn't raise my eyes to look at Wynne, I ended up staring at my boots like a petulant child caught doing something naughty.
"Wynne," Alistair had finally caught his voice and spoke with surprising strength. "He didn't force me, he just made me see things differently. And, no offence, but this is between me and him."
"Oh, between you and him is it? Then I shall leave you alone. Maybe Zevran can darn your socks for you as well?" Wynne strode off, leaving me with a sinking feeling in my stomach and a gnat buzzing in my ear.
"I've been doing some thinking," the gnat buzzed, "about us." I waved half-heartedly to try and knock the annoyance away but it stayed exactly there.
"Look, Alistair, I'm glad you don't believe I forced you last night but truth be told I did. There is no relationship, no 'us', and definitely no darning of your socks. If you want fun then find me, but expect nothing more." I broke off from the group entirely after my speech, striking out to the right under the pretence of scouting for incoming enemies. The virgin gave – no, not the virgin. Shit, I'd even taken his label from him – the Warden gave me a hurt but surprisingly understanding look before continuing with the rest of the group.
A small troop of Darkspawn were the only battle we saw all day, though the remnants of one were what Drake was interested in at Lake Callenhad. We finally learnt that it was Sten's sword that we were looking for, and it was because he awoke without it that he killed the farmers near Lothering. I mean, I understand how attached to a weapon one can get; when Drake gave me a new dagger and said it was far better than my Crow blade, I had a hard time relinquishing it and taking up a new blade, but I would never kill a whole group of innocents just because it wasn't where I expected it to be. We discovered that it had been taken by someone up to Orzammar, and as it was our plan to head there anyway we would look for the sword too. We set up camp that night just north of the Lake, the Magi tower shining out like a beacon over the waters. After food was eaten I decided to wash down in the lake, bathe in the clear waters and soak in the magic – the air buzzed with it as though it was alive and it got into your veins, making you feel invincible through mere placebo. I meandered along the water's edge until I found a spot I particularly liked the look of and slid my boots off, untying my armour and shrugging it off, about to lay my daggers on the ground when I heard the lightest footstep behind me.
"Come out Warden, before I convince myself you're a darkspawn and gut you."
"I'd like to see you try," Drake answered wryly before stepping out onto the bank.
"Trying to get a second show?" She didn't even have the good grace to look embarrassed at being caught watching, she simply raised an eyebrow.
"I could have done without the first one."
"Ah, then perhaps you want a more... personal one?" I grinned, knowing full well that she wanted no such thing.
"Don't mess with Alistair. I don't know or care what his reasons for last night were, but I do not want you fucking up his head. If he spends battles watching your arse instead of his enemy, the only person he'll die slower than is you when I get my hands on you." She hadn't raised her voice, hadn't flexed towards her weapons, hadn't even narrowed her eyes. It was the simple, plain truth. If I messed up Alistair she would have my head.
"You like him!" I exclaimed, giving out a small laugh.
"I like him impaling darkspawn. No more, no less. He's a fellow Warden – I have to tolerate him."
"Nothing more than polite acquaintance?" I asked with a smirk. Drake nodded her head.
"What you do doesn't bother me; just make sure he's focused. He was fine today, that's the only reason I'm allowing last night pass." Drake turned to go, face giving no clue of her true feelings.
"Oh, Drake?" She paused but didn't turn around, "this may comfort somewhat. Last night, Alistair needed quite a bit of, how shall we say, persuading?" Drake had whipped round with daggers at the ready before I even blinked, flying at me with full force and knocking me to ground, blade at my throat just as I rose one to hers. "Mere toleration would not warrant such a reaction."
"Do not touch another member of my party, or I will castrate you and leave you for the darkspawn." I lowered my dagger and remained silent, Drake rising and heading back to camp.
"But what if they come to me first?" I muttered, shedding my clothes and swimming out into the lake.
As I came back into camp, silence and a low burning fire greeted me. Everyone had turned in, though I could dimly make out the shape of the Qunari on the far hill, presumably providing a look out. I rolled out my blanket and curled up near the dying fire – most of the group had tents and supplies with them, but I never carried such things and had slept in worse places than a forest floor next to a fire. I woke briefly as the watch on the hill was changed but dozed until movement from one of the tents caused me to wake and I had a hand on the hilt of my dagger before I had even fully awoken.
"Zevran?" The ridiculously loud whispering of Alistair reached me and I relaxed my hand.
"Yes?"
"I need to talk to you. Can we talk? Nothing too serious I promise, but I need to talk about this." I tucked my legs underneath me and dragged my blanket over my shoulders, now that the fire was more or less out the chill of the night was setting in. "Can we go to my tent?" Alistair asked and I looked up at him, realising that he had no ulterior motives but was simply freezing cold – I could hear his teeth chattering and see his arms shake. As I followed him back to his tent I glanced up to the hill and stopped in my tracks. Both Sten and Drake were sat on the hill, the Warden staring straight at me while the Qunari looked out over the lake beside her. I smirked and ducked down to go into Alistair's tent, half tempted to give out a loud sound of appreciation as I entered purely for the Warden's benefit.
"What is it?" Alistair asked as I sat down opposite him and laid my daggers on the ground.
"Sten and Drake, up on the hill together."
"Oh. Yeh, they do that a lot." Silence lapsed between us and I watched Alistair as he fiddling with the corner of his blanket. "I've realised that I don't have any feelings for Drake, it is simply because she was there for me after Duncan and is the only other Grey Warden." I studied Alistair closely as he spoke and waited a few seconds before replying.
"Liar." He looked up at me, but there was no denial there, simply quiet desperation.
"I don't know what to do Zevran. I've never been in love, never really even fancied someone, and now I've got Drake who completely disregards me, and you. You." Alistair let the last syllable roll off his tongue, like he was seeing how the pronoun felt on his tongue.
"Don't underestimate what Drake feels for you – she just has other things to think of. Remember, she lost her entire family to a traitor, was forcibly conscripted into the Grey Wardens, Duncan died and now she is leading the army against the Blight. I think issues of the heart are being suppressed."
"Wow, when you list it like that – I suppose she has been through more than any of us."
"But enough talk of her, what of me?" Hey, I never claimed to not be self-centred. I was bored of Drake and her problems, especially as I suspected more between her and Sten than she implied.
"I'm just confused." Alistair shrugged and went back to playing with his blanket. "Last night was good, amazing in fact," I rolled my eyes at a typical virgin's hyperbole, "and I get that there's no feelings attached."
"Few feelings." I interjected.
"What?" Alistair looked up, brow creased into a puzzled frown.
"Not no feelings, few feelings. You're not a job Alistair, I didn't have to seduce you in order to get close to you and kill you. There were feelings associated, just perhaps not the feelings you want."
"Oh. Well, I've said what I wanted to say. And if you don't want to be serious with me that's fine, absolutely fine, but I would like to still..." He began to blush and stuttered into silence. I smiled and chuckled to myself.
"Ah, you want more of this Antivan Elf? Then of course I must accept," Alistair broke into a grin, "but not tonight. Dawn is almost rising and camp shall be awakening soon." Alistair nodded in sad agreement, but grabbed hold of my wrist as I went to sheath my daggers and leave.
"Stay. Just lie with me for a while."
"And if the others see me leaving your tent in the morn? Will your embarrassment be able to stand it?"
"We'll find out when it happens." I grinned, that was probably the first time I had ever heard Alistair just accept something, without worry or consequence. I watched as the Warden moved onto his roll, stretching out and allowing me to gently push him onto his side with his back to me, allowing me to lie down beside him and slide and arm around his waist. Alistair's breathing quickly evened out, the soft even breath of sleep, but I stayed awake contemplating whether my punishment at the hands of Drake would outweigh the enjoyment I could have at the hands of the Warden in my arms.