A/N: New chapter, which is remarkably unexpected, even for me. But this song just seemed to fit, and I needed to be like, "See Fred? I didn't forget you in fanfic world!" (Yes, I know I'm weird :P)
Thanks a bunch to: xMessrMoony, brooke-ella1790 and StarsInTheSky123 for reviewing.
This chapter is designed differently than the first one, it's kind of like a songfic mixed with my interpretation of a diary belonging to George.
Warning: Very angsty and depressing, so if you're still on a Holiday Cheer high, I'd suggest waiting until tomorrow as to maintain said cheer.
Oh, and another note, I am not expecting this to be amazing, just I've needed to finish this one up for weeks now.
Little Summary: Mrs. Weasley gave George a "diary" after the Battle of Hogwarts, and George is, at first, annoyed about it, but then it begins to help.
6/19/98: I don't like diaries. It makes me feel like a pansy. And feeling like a pansy reminds me of calling Percy a pansy almost every day of his life. And that makes me think of Fred. Who's gone.
It's hard to listen to a hard hard heart
Every time I hear my own heart beating, like when you just wake up and it's complete silence except for your breathing and your heartbeat, I think of him. My heart is pounding, taking me through each day, and each day it hurts. And even so, I'm going to kill Mum for giving me a diary.
6/20/98: Beating close to mine
He was always with me, you know? He was my brother. He was my twin. He was always with me, everywhere. Was. I hate that word. It's kind of like the world's saying he doesn't exist anymore. It hurts like a mother. Just smashing into me, over and over again. Okay, I might not kill her about the diary. I'll just call it a thoughts book, that's all.
Pounding up against the stone and steel
6/27/98: It kind of feels like, every morning I went to the store and looked at the amazing ideas that Fred specifically came up with, someone, I don't know, smashes me into reality. It's like there's a wall.
Walls that I won't climb
A wall that I just can't get over. It's always there, it won't leave me alone. It's kind of like there's me, on one side. And then everything else I've ever lived for is over there, and maybe there's a window, so I can see what I'm missing out on. My family, my friends, my shop, my happiness, it's all over there, on the other side. And I just can't seem to ever get to it.
7/4/98: Sometimes a hurt is so deep, deep, deep
And sometimes it hurts so much that I just can't see to make it stop. And I start crying and feel like I can't even stop, even though I know it won't help.
You think that you're gonna drown
7/6/98: Sometimes it feels like it's a weight on my chest that just refuses to go away, so I'm sitting there, with it crushing me.
Sometimes all I can do is weep, weep, weep
And since it hurts so bad, I start crying again, harder.
7/7/98: With all this rain falling down
And it's even worse when the weather decides to imitate me being a human water fountain.
Strange how hard it rains now
And now, even though the war's over, it seems to be raining more. Everyone's noticing.
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
And it isn't like, normal rain. It's huge, fat droplets, crashing down to the earth, spaced out evenly, but at the same time it's disorganized.
When I'm holding on underneath this shroud
So we all just hide in the house as the rain outside pounds on the roof, where the rain inside of us just keeps hitting us.
Rain
It just keeps hitting us.
7/9/98: It's hard to know when to give up the fight
I don't really know what I should do about this. I mean, yeah, there have been times when I've felt like ending it. But I really just can't. It'd kill my mother, for one thing, and I know that no one would forgive me for doing that to the family. I've gotta try and stay strong.
7/11/98: Two things you want will just never be right
I want two things: Fred back, and things to be back to normal for everyone. Of course, neither can possibly happen. I'll never get my twin back. Teddy'll never have his parents back. Dennis'll never get his big brother back. Harry'll never have his parents or his godfather or Hedwig back. Hermione still needs to get her parents back from Australia.
7/18/98: Its never rained like it has tonight before
And…It's still raining. And everything still hurts. And tomorrow's the one month anniversary of their death.
Now I don't wanna beg you baby
I don't want to make someone take care of me, make someone make me feel better.
For something maybe you could never give
When everyone else is still seriously hurting. I mean, it'd be wrong for me to ask for someone to help me while they're barely balanced, right?
7/19/98: I'm not looking for the rest of your life
Sometimes I think about what it would have been like if you had lived. If you could have been able to say, "Well, when I was 35…" or "When I was 22 years younger than I am now…". You just…can't. It's impossibly for you to talk about that kind of stuff. Because you died when you were only, what, 20? Yeah, that's right, two decades you lived. Two. Decades. That's all. I feel like this should be written to you, this specific entry. You died one month ago today. And you just…disappeared, it feels like. Your body was there, but you, your soul, everything that made you Fred. It was all gone.
7/20/98: I just want another chance to live
I need a chance to get better. A chance to live again, to make things better for me, to be alive again. I've basically been dead to my family, really. I feel horrible about it.
Strange how hard it rains now
I feel like, maybe, I'm bringing down the rest of the family. Ron's spending almost every day holding hands with Hermione down by the pond, the two of them just talking. He's got someone who really gets him. Ginny spends her time with Harry in the gardens, and they talk too. On a day when you'd be still here, Fred, one of us would go up to each couple and bug the pants off of them. But you aren't here anymore.
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
So there's no one to hover over the happy couples like clouds or Mum or anything. Because I'm up here in my room sulking, and you're…Not here, Fred. Fred's not here. Forge isn't here. My twin just…isn't here.
When I'm holding on underneath this shroud
7/24/98: Good lord I sounded pathetic the other day. I seriously need to get a grip. I'm becoming my mother. No, that sounds mean. We're all affected by this. I'm making it. Mum's making it. We're all sticking around, and I even went to the store today, left my room, the stuff I used to do. I saw Lee yesterday; it was nice to see him. Because it means I still have a friend who isn't related to me, and that I can still hang out with people, and that I'm not insane.
Rain
Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm holding on underneath this shroud
7/26/98: I went to the store again today. Verity said people missed me, and were asking for me in the shop. It made me feel better. And Ron came with me to the shop. Said he wanted to work there, since he no longer felt the need to
Rain
7/27/98: I suppose Mum's starting to feel a little bit better. She sort of starting to accept it. But one thing confuses me. What happened to your little hand on Mum's clock? It's just sort of…gone.
Strange how hard it rains now
Kind of like it left when you did. Kind of like when you disappeared, it did too. I'm quite sure that if it had stayed, though, Mum would have flipped, because it would have been on something like, "mortal peril" 24/7. So, sometimes, it's good not to have the hand on the clock. But you not being on it kind of feels like you've been slightly erased.
7/28/98: Rows and rows of big dark clouds
To tell the truth, the clouds of this sadness that just looms over, they're gonna keep coming unless I kick them out. And I think I will. Because they're getting sufficiently obnoxious, and being obnoxious is my job. Fred might be gone.
Well I'm still alive underneath this shroud
But I'm still here. I can carry on his legacy. I can fight this for both of us. Sure, now it's just George Weasley instead of Fred and George or Gred and Forge, but still, I can take this in his memory. I'll stay strong through the storm. I can take this.
Rain Rain Rain
It's time to fight the rain. Fight it and win, and, who knows, maybe even become more of the person I was before Fred died. Really, I've still got everyone else, and Fred would shoot me in my remaining ear if he knew how pathetic I was being. And plus, for once the girls will be looking at me as an individual, not as Fred's Twin. This could seriously improve my luck with the ladies…
And I'm gonna thank Mum for the thoughts book or diary or whatever the heck it is.
A/N2: Hope you liked it! I need assistance figuring out who's death to commemorate next, so review for suggestions, and, heck, review for kicks and giggles too :P.
Merci to all who have reviewed and to who will!
For anyone who's interested, the song is called, "Rain" by Patty Griffin, and it's REALLY good.