Thank you all so much for the reviews! I'm actually kind of shocked that it got such a good reception... I hadn't been expecting that. 0.o But, thanks again and please enjoy!

I don't own KHR.

Chapter Two: Mama 'Crezia vs. NamimoriSkylark

Dear Mama,

Lambo is a whiny, selfish little brat, which obviously means he's just fine. Nana Sawada thanks you for sending the money, since she's having to now board four extra people. Can you send me my Gamecube and it's games? Also, do you know of a 'Bianchi' in Nonno's business?

Yours,

Lucrezia

Japan had an excess of rice.

So far, in the past two weeks, Lucrezia had eaten rice for breakfast, lunch and dinner and there was no sign of it stopping. Fortunately, there were many delicious side dishes as well - yakitori, tempura, tonkatsu and a mysterious dish named unagi that she still refused to be told what it was. Also, thanks to forewarning from Tsuna, all of Bianchi's cooking was subtly disposed of when the pink-haired woman's back was turned.

More rice was put into the cooker, "So, Tsu-kun, what're you going to be doing in your remedial classes today?" Nana asked cheerfully while her morose son sulkily chewed on his breakfast.

"The same thing I do everyday, mom..." He mumbled back.

"Try to take over the world?" Exclaimed Lucrezia in an absurdly cheerful way for seven in the morning. She glanced about, noting the confused looks. "Ah. None of you've ever seen that show? Alright then..." Settling back in, she contentedly plopped a chunk of rice into her mouth.

Just for the fun of it, the bored technophile decided to follow Tsuna to his school the next, opting out on actually joining him in the class. She was on vacation, damn it, and no way in Hell was she spending it in summer school, like she actually belonged in it. It would hurt her overly inflated though easily damaged pride, which was as delicate as a hundred year old glass vase teetering on the edge of a side table in a house with two cats, a dog and Lambo. Instead, she decided to wander around the school for awhile before going back to the house.

The school consisted of three buildings for each year and while rather modern in design, it didn't compare to her fancy private school back home. Still, if Tsuna and Yamamoto were any sign of the people here, the students here were way kinder than her school, which was filled with suspicious, snobby and bitter rich kids who were children of politicians, CEOs and old money families who prepared themselves for the real world by being totally cutthroat in their classes. It was almost like those teen series books that were only filled with cash, bitches, and boys. Not that she would know - to her, books were too old fashioned. They used paper, for the love of all things shiny and codeable!

Finally reaching the roof of the first year's building, Lucrezia walked out into the warm sunlight and over to the wire fence that kept any idiots from falling or jumping over the edge. Pulling on it gently, she noted that it had been replaced recently and glanced about the school yard. There wasn't much to see, only a few classrooms filled with a few people who were also in remedial classes and, sitting over on the rooftop of the second year's building, another boy in a uniform, though for some reason his had a weird red and gold armband. While she stared at him, he suddenly snapped his head over and glared at her, standing up and walking to the edge of his building.

"Who are you and what are you doing at Namimori Middle School not wearing the proper uniform?" He demanded harshly, his cold voice traveling over the gap between them.

The American girl blinked in surprise and offense. What gave this guy the right to be a jackass when they've never even met before? "You douche bag!" Hissed out from between her teeth, "I don't even go here!"

The boy narrowed his eyes, "Are you registered as a visitor in the office?"

"Nooooo..." She dragged the vowel out, regarding the other guy with wary eyes.

"Then you must leave."

"What?" Lucrezia's eyes popped open, "No! I'm going to stay here, just to spite you! Ha! Bite me, bitch!"

Apparently the wrong thing to say. "I'll bite you to death."

Raising an eyebrow, Lucrezia rolled her eyes. "I'm so scared of a scrawny little boy with too long hair and colourful armband. Someone please help me." Droning that out boredly (while pointedly ignoring the fact that the guy looked to be at least four inches taller than her), she flicked her hand at him as if shooing away a fly, "Now, bye bye, little boy! The big kids are going to go play now!" With that, she flounced back to the door leading to the stairs and kept going until she reached the bottom floor and the school yard. Reaching back to fluff up the back of her hair, Lucrezia glanced over shoulder to see the figure of the boy still standing, glowering at her. Grinning cockily, she popped him the finger and skipped out the school gate.

WHAM!

Only to run into a girl who had been lurking behind it. Both of them sprawled out on the ground, clutching their heads in pain, Lucrezia moaning and the other girl whimpering something that sounded vaguely like "Hahi~". Getting up slowly so as not to stress her brain out any more, she leaned over and offered a hand to the other girl, who gratefully accepted it.

"Thank you!" She said happily, "Haru was just waiting for Tsuna to arrive, but he hasn't made it yet."

"Oh." Weird. Tsuna had a girlfriend? "Actually, you missed him, he's already inside."

Haru looked at her in total shock. "But – but Haru made him a bento!" Sadly, she held up a black lacquered box with a pink patterned handkerchief around it.

"Well, maybe if you run it in to the office, they could call him at the lunch break to pick it up?"

"N-no," sniffled Haru as she turned around, "I'll just go home..."

Oh, damn it all. "Why don't you drop by the house when he's finished here?" Offered the blonde. Dropping her bento box, the pony-tailed girl raced back to hug her.

"I can? Really? Okay! See you later!" Picking the box back up, Haru raced off, leaving behind her a rather confused person.

"...Do you even know who I am?"

Glancing up from her computer screen where she was trying to get back into the wireless network of the mysterious 'namimoriskylark' (who apparently got better security against hackers), Lucrezia raised an eyebrow at the three boys entering Tsuna's bedroom. "Hey guys. Are those snacks?"

"Yeah, I just brought them over!" Yamamoto grinned happily, "Can you help us with our math homework?"

"Is it in kanji?"

"Yes."

"Permission to go fuck yourself is granted. Now hush down, Mama 'Crezia's bringing in the big guns. All Skylarks of the Namimori variety are going down." A disk was inserted into the laptop, "And it's on! Neee-roooow, pew pew pew! Die, bitch, die! This is what happens when you deny me my internets! Pew pew! Firewall down! Mission accomplished, whores! Password acquired! All your wireless are belong to me, Monsieur namimoriskylark! I! Am! BITCHIN'!" Hooting with pride, she pumped her fists into the air.

Twitching angrily while Yamamoto laughed and commented on how silly she was, Gokudera whipped out a handful of dynamite, "How dare you desecrate the ears of the Tenth! What're you doing in his room, anyway?"

"I get the best connection here." Picking up the laptop, she began walking out the doorway, "Remember this for me: 'if-you-try-this-again-i-will-hunt-you-down-and-bite-you-to-death'. All in katakana." As she exited, a thought suddenly formed in her mind: Why does that sound familiar? She was trying to figure it out when she entered the kitchen and spotted Haru at the stove and stirring a steaming pot of what smelled like kimchi. When the now-totally-creeping-Lucrezia-out girl turned around and noticed her, a chill rolled down the half-Italian's spine.

Putting down the spoon, Haru clapped her hands with joy, "Yay! You're here too! I was hoping you'd be!"

Slowly, Lucrezia began to inch back to the door, "How did you know where Tsuna lives?"

"I once tracked him down to rescue Reborn from his evil clutches! But then I fell in love with him, so it's okay!"

"...How did you get in?"

"Reborn let me in!"

The toddler who was sitting on the table with a pile of clothes next to him nodded sagely, "I thought that she could help the boys take a break from their work and relax in awhile."

"...Great. Last question: did you two meet during recreation time at the Funny Farm?" All Haru did was blink blankly at her, while Reborn pulled a pistol from out of his suit and pointed it at her.

"Want to say that again?"

Finally reaching the door, Lucrezia booked it, barely dodging the bullets aimed after her and wondering what Nana would think when she got home from picking up groceries with Lambo and to find bullet holes in her walls. She made it to the traditional room and sat down in the corner to begin writing a program that would save her the trouble of having to constantly re-hack into namimoriskylark's internet.

It was hours later (around seven o'clock) when she first heard the shouting.

"I'm sorry! I don't know how to do it!"

"Damn you! If you don't know how, don't act like you do!"

Sighing heavily and setting aside the screen that had been playing Doctor Who episodes, since she'd gotten bored with the programming, Lucrezia trodded upstairs to try and find out what was happening.

Inside Tsuna's room was a chaotic scene of Gokudera yelling at Haru while Tsuna typically panicked and Yamamoto tried to calm things down. And, just to add fuel to the fire, the window rattled open and a small, cow-printed butt snuck through as the other Bovino in the house climbed inside singing softly to himself.

"Who are you? I'm Lambo! Who am I? I'm Lambo!" The afro'd head whipped around and began feeling the angry stares of death being sent towards him by Tsuna, Gokudera and his all-time favouritest auntie ever Lucrezia. "I...I'm just passing by, " he told them nervously as he crossed the room to where a small kotatsu had been set up with a pot on top. "What're we having today? Yuck, kimchi..."

"Don't come for dinner!" Spazzed out Tsuna as Haru picked the little boy up and remarked on how cute he is.

Lucrezia knew a golden opportunity when she saw one and sidled over to the eccentric Japanese girl. "Do you want him?" Questioned the two time winner of the 'Worst Aunt In the Bovino Family Ever!' award, "Because if you want to take my nephew home and keep him and never give him back, that's all good by me."

Apparently Tsuna was tired of the non-regular's shenanigans. "You three! If you're not going to help with our homework, then leave!"

Haru apologized sadly as Lambo and Lucrezia blatantly ignored him. Fortunately, Yamamoto showed a rare stroke of genius and suggested they find an adult to help them with the answer to the apparently 'evil' seventh question. For reasons Lucrezia could not comprehend, both Tsuna and Gokudera looked over at Lambo before pulling faces and listening to Haru's sudden and loud declaration that she knew the perfect person to help them out. Everyone was excited until Haru pulled out her phone and called Bianchi.

Once again, the American was left in the dark as Gokudera bolted down the stairs as the doorbell rang, only to return moments later foaming at the mouth and being carried up to Tsuna's bedroom by Bianchi, who Lucrezia was actually surprised to find out was his older sister who had apparently spent the sunny days of her youth in the kitchen with an Easy Bake Oven and a bottle of cyanide and had enjoyed testing her treats on her younger brother. The pink-haired woman glanced over the math sheet casually before slowly and methodically tearing it apart.

"This doesn't matter at all," she declared over Tsuna's screams of horror and Lucrezia's pleas for the life of 'the beautiful math!', "What's important is love.

"It does matter!" Wailed Tsuna, "We could fail because of that! You couldn't solve the problem and now look what you've done!"

Just then, a deep voice sounded from the doorway, "No one answered the door, so I let myself in." A large man in his forties wearing a tweed suit and spectacles entered the room, "Which one was it, Haru? The problem you couldn't solve?"

"Who's he?" Asked Lucrezia suspiciously, narrowing her eyes behind her (considerably much cooler than that man's) thick rimmed glasses.

"This is my dad," answered Haru perkily, "He teaches mathematics at the university. That's why I called him." Staring at her in shock, Lucrezia realized something. I never saw her pull out a phone! Is she... a ninja?

Suddenly Haru was the best thing in the world all over again in Tsuna's eyes, "Why didn't you mention that from the beginning? He'd make the ultimate helper!"

"Hmm..." Miura-san picked up Yamamoto's paper and studied it intensely, "This is indeed at the highest college level, but it's nothing I can't solve. The answer is three."

"No..." Came the dreadful voice of evil out of the corner of the room where a hammock was hung, "Four." Reborn smiled, obviously delighting in being smarter than everyone else in the room, "You misapplied Foxtail's Formula. The answer is four."

"What?" Cried out Tsuna again, causing Lucrezia to seriously wonder about the strain he must get on his vocal cords, "What're you talking about, Reborn? That's a university professor you're talking to!"

A light seemed to dawn in the professor's eyes as he murmured about seeing Reborn's sideburns somewhere before he realized that apparently Reborn was the genius mathematician Borin, who would annually appear in academia to solve previously unsolved problems!

At that point, Lucrezia decided to take a painkiller for her newly developed headache and go to bed. Obviously she was getting delusional.

Dear Mama,

I haven't been to school yet because I'm going home before it starts, remember? Lambo is an annoying douchebag. The Sawadas are nice. Lambo is irritating. Miss Bianchi is nice (thanks for nothing, by the way). Reborn is scary. Lambo makes me want to kick him. I want to go home. Please send my Xbox and video games.

Yours,

Lucrezia

PS: Why hasn't anyone skinned this kid yet?

With a heavy sigh, the strawberry blonde closed her laptop and glanced about the yard. While Nana was inside being a regular homemaker (which Lucrezia took to be the woman's fulltime profession – why didn't the woman do anything other than clean and cook? It was creepy!), Bianchi suntanned on the lawn and a revealing bikini and Reborn enjoyed a beer nearby her on the porch. Lucrezia had pointed out that the drink was bad for a baby's digestive system, but a quick threatening with a loaded pistol had shut her up. Tsuna was up in his room – he had sullenly told them he had homework to do while sending a dirty look at Reborn.

As for Lambo?

Thanks to an ill-fired rocket, she was able to enjoy some peace and quiet without a little boy screaming at her to play with him. It was simply a quiet summer's day, and it was her full intention to enjoy it. With a quick readjustment of her glasses, the girl stepped out into the sunshine and basked in the rays of light.

That was, until a orange-haired boy wearing glasses and carrying a wooden box appeared.

Damn it.

The boy peeked into the yard and, noticing Bianchi and her lack of modesty, dived back behind the wall. Raising an eyebrow, she glanced at the older girl who had gotten up to follow the kid.

"Did you want something? You were peeking into someone else's home..."

"I was... uh... looking for Reborn..." The boy stuttered out. Reborn hopped off of his lawn chair and headed over. Though Lucrezia considered going to help the poor kid who was about to be very confused, she figured the reaction would be funnier.

"Are you here to kill him?" Very, very confused. Re-opening her laptop, the half-Italian girl googled Yandere and wondered if Bianchi could be classified as one. A link to the explanation quickly popped up:

' "Yandere" is a Japanese term for a person who is initially very loving and gentle to someone before their devotion becomes destructive in nature, often through violence.' Slowly closing the laptop, Lucrezia shook her head and continued to watch the show.

Reborn had reached them now. "What's the matter Bianchi?" He asked before greeting the stupefied boy, who began to point over his shoulder at a little boy resting there.

"Reborn!" Declared Lambo as he got up, "Ga ha ha ha! Lambo's horns can become powerful weapons!" Sighing in the back, his aunt shook her head. Yeah, they had been powerful weapons - on the bull that Nonno had raised when he was a child. Now they were just decorations. But that didn't stop Lambo from tossing one at Reborn like a knife, only to have it knocked back into his face by a lizard on Reborn's hat that had changed into the shape of a baseball bat. The orange haired boy took off, Lambo still on his back. Deciding that it was finally enough (because if Nonno found out that the horns might've been damaged, there would be Hell to pay), the foreigner followed them out.

When she reached them, the new kid was on his cellphone, shouting at his mother. "Reborn was a baby! But he was drinking beer! And he's a crazy strong fighter!"

Lucrezia tapped him on the shoulder lightly, making him jump back screaming until he realized it was her, not Bianchi or Reborn. "Umm, sorry about them..." She tried, "I know they're really weird. Thanks for bringing my nephew home," her eye twitched, "I suppose..." Before he could say anything back, his mother on the phone distracted him by asking about Lambo. Both of them looked up to see the little boy in cow-print up a tree.

"Lambo is a child who perseveres!" He cried, pulling out some grenades, "I'll make you go boom the next time for sure! Boom! Boom! Boooom!" The grenades were tossed towards the toddler resting on a lawn chair. Eerily casual, Reborn knocked them back with paper fan that had a face on it, blowing up the tree where the five year old was.

"Reborn took out Lambo!" Screamed the boy.

"No he didn't," scowled Lucrezia, "The annoying little bugger'll live somehow."

The door to the Sawada house was thrown open. "Hey!" Called out Tsuna, "Who just blew something up? If strange rumours start going around, I'll get kicked out of school!" He noticed how Bianchi was dressed when she muttered about Lambo's stupidity, "Bianchi, why're you dressed like that? The neighbours'll think you're crazy!"

"Isn't she?" Muttered the American as the boy next to her began to go towards the spiky haired boy, until stopped by a crying toddler pointing a bazooka at himself. A large cloud of smoke suddenly enveloped the three outside of the gate.

A black-haired teenage boy suddenly stood in front of them wearing a kimono. "Here we go again..." He sighed, "Just when I was enjoying the food at the inn..."

"Lu-Luigi?" Exclaimed the shocked Bovino girl, "N-no, wait!" Lucrezia jabbed here finger at him, "Who are you and where is my nephew?"

"Ah, young Zia 'Crezia," he smiled, "You're still short."

The jaws of the two teens standing by him dropped, "L-Lambo?" Cried out Lucrezia, "Holy shit! You look just like your dad!"

"I get told that a lot..." He agreed and the two ambled off into yard, leaving behind the shocked kid with glasses askew blithering into his cellphone.

The older Lambo had just finished explaining to his aunt how the Ten Year Bazooka worked when Bianchi saw him. "Here we go again," murmuring that tiredly, he turned away, "I'll be on my way now..."

"It's okay," protested Tsuna, "I explained to Bianchi about you. Sorry about before, Lambo." The brown-haired boy moved over to where the bikini wearing assassin was lying, "You see, this is what that kid will look like in ten years. See? Do you understand now, Bianchi? Bianchi...?

The young woman pulled out a poisonous cake. "So you were still alive, Romeo."

Lucrezia glanced around, "What's going on? Is something bad about to happen to this version of my nephew? Because I kind of like him now..."

"It's not him, I said!" Tsuna spazzed as the older Bovino boy took off with Bianchi hot on his heels, "RUN LAMBO!"

Out of nowhere, a bullet nicked Lucrezia's earrings and more began to land at her and Tsuna's feet. "Bianchi's marksmanship was the worst," Reborn informed them, "You never know where her bullets will fly."

"Shit! Screw this!" Lucrezia ran off towards the house, only to get stopped by a stream of bullets right in front of her, "Noooo!"

"Do something, Reborn!" Tsuna pleaded, "At this rate, someone is going to get killed!"

A pistol was pulled out of nowhere and pointed at the boy, "You can take care of it, right Tsuna?" Reborn pulled the trigger with a bang, sending Tsuna flying back.

"Why did you just shoot him?" Screamed Lucrezia. Reborn just smiled at her in a 'you'll see' kind of way.

Tsuna's body suddenly ripped out of his clothing, leaving him only in his boxers, "REBORN!" He shouted, "I WILL STOP THE FIGHT WITH MY DYING WILL!"

Blinking her brown eyes, the half-Italian just sat back down on the porch. "I," she declared, "Am utterly confused."

Nana leaned out the door with a tray of drinks, "Are you thirsty, dear?"

Lucrezia stared at her for a moment, looked at all the chaos surrounding them and then looked back. The face of Tsuna's mother was still beaming peace and contentment despite everything.

"...Sure." Taking a sip, Lucrezia decided that if she was going to be anyone when she grew up, she wanted to be Nana Sawada. There had to be some serious Zen of Awesome or something going on in that woman's mind.

Nana is seriously awesome. I bet she was a yanki or something before she met Iemitsu, because that would just be so cool.

And, ohhh, Lucrezia, you are so going to die...

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