Disclaimer- it's been years since I started writing this, my original writing might have changed slightly but hopefully my grammar will have improved.

"...I have been so worried about Kai since he went into hospital. He hasn't adapted well to his new diet as I hoped and keeps having issues with meals. I know it's not a quick fix and this issue could be with him for years. Deep down, I'm closest to him in the house which is why it hurts me to see him suffer..."

I keep reading, curiosity getting the better of me.

"...Kai is doing so much better, I think he is finally finding himself...Not that I could ever give up meat myself! But I appreciate this is what he wants to do. He also is using his art as a better outlet for his emotion...which i'm jealous of. I wish I had a similar outlet for my emotion ..."

Huh!?

"Mr D bought us a dog! It's my second favourite present after the painting of Drigger that Kai must of put hours into painting (And how he kept it hidden I'll never know).Anyway Kai named the dog Syrus, and it's a very fitting name. I'm finding myself calmer with him around and I'm sure Kai does too. Tyson and Max maybe don't care as much but I already can't imagine my life without Syrus..."

Fresh tears form in my eyes at Syrus's name, as I quickly look over and see the last bit of dirt being thrown on the grave. Tyson has started blubbing like he gave a damn and Max has already high-tailed it to the biscuit jar, his answer to all awkward scenarios.

Ray has gone inside so I quickly put the diary in the last position it was found. He comes in to the room and bypasses me and looks out the window. I've given up hiding my tears from Ray as he knows me better, but he doesn't even look at me.

"Was a good service..." Ray says in an eerily emotionless voice

"Uh yeah.." I sniff, wiping the remaining residue of tears away

"I'm going for a walk" Ray pulls something from his drawer and walks out the door. I've no idea what he took with him but as soon as I hear the front door slam, I'm nose deep in the diary again

"Syrus is dead!, I can't breathe...My heart has shattered into a million pieces. All I can think of is that moment we saw him on the road, and that needle going in... I'm putting on a facade showing I'm alright but inside I'm dying too. I don't want to get to upset around Kai because I don't want him to get upset and ill again"

"Oh Ray..." I mutter. All I want to do is hug him, let HIM know it's alright to be upset, the next paragraph shocks me to the core.

"I cut myself, I have been a shell merely existing since this morning and I needed a release! Even Drigger couldn't cheer me up. I was in zombie mode when I saw the knife in the kitchen drawer. It was glinting brightly and no one was around. I unwrapped one of my wrist wraps and let it glide across my skin. It was sharper than I expected and I winced but a sense of euphoria came over me. Then guilt. I quickly washed the knife and put it away, wrapping up my bleeding arm tightly, panicking that it would bleed through. Luckily it didn't and I was able to face Kai and run upstairs. I feel abit woozy now so I think I'll go lie down. I hope never to do that again"

Now I really wanted to hug him, I hadn't realised Ray was suffering as much as I was. You sometimes forget when you're wrapped up in your own issues that other people are hurting as well. That was when I realised... Ray had gone for a walk...and had taken something with him...

I threw the diary on the bed and ran for the door...