NCIS Director Shepard was not one to jump to conclusions. Still, with no memory past going to sleep last night and ending up in an abandoned apartment, it was hard not to. She felt mostly fine except for a headache, so at least it wasn't a psychopath. Did they kidnap her for a ransom, or to get back at NCIS? And who was the kidnapper?

As she woke up more, Jenny realized that she was not tied down in any way. She also realized that she still had her gun, badge, and pocket lint. Getting up, she looked around. It was an abandoned apartment- that assertion was correct. The walls were filthy, the windows gone and the furniture destroyed. Bugs and rats had moved in to feed on whatever was left behind. Among the dirt was a bright white envelope, which she immediately picked up.

Inside was a cellphone, which she pocketed, and a wallet. Inside the wallet was a driver's license in her name with her picture, but in much better condition than her real one, credit cards (in her name), and $200 in cash. She pocketed those items carefully and unfolded the perfectly-folded letter. There wasn't a lot written on it, but what was on it chilled her to the bone.

Dear NCIS Director Jenny Shepard

By act of ROB, you have been brought to an alternate universe. All your friends are gone. There is one way, and only one way to escape. Kill your adversaries.

Your targets are:

Colonel John Sheppard

Commander Jane Shepard

Corporal Adrian Shephard

General Shepherd

Rob MacGuffin

P.S. Smile, you're on TV!

One of the hoods kicked the oddly shaped lump. The alley was unlit in the dark night, and they could barely make out the shape. "Looks like a woman, but messed up," he drawled.

"That's 'cause yo high," his buddy said, jogging over. "She looks alright to me." He kicked the woman. "Hey, miss, wake up."

"I think she's dead," the first hood said.

"Naw, she ain't dead," the second argued. "See? She's breathing."

"Yeah, well, she must be knocked out or somethin'," his friend replied, moving closer to examine the woman more closely. "You got a light?"

"Why, for your joint?" the other quipped. He flicked his lighter anyway, revealing a woman in oddly angular yet curvy futuristic armor that covered the whole body. Beside her lay a pistol and an envelope. "What the fuck?"

"Looks like some kinda super armor," the first hood said after a pause. He picked up the large pistol. "Damn, this thing is big. One hell of a gun." The man aimed the pistol at the side of a building and experimentally pulled the trigger. With a tremendous report, a large hole appeared in the masonry.

"Fuck, man!" The second hood shouted. "You can't just shoot a gun like that! The cops will be onto us in no time."

Commander Shepard's eyes snapped open as the gunshot shocked her awake. Her head hurt, her body hurt, and she had no idea where she was. "Calm your shit, man," she heard a street-hood voice say. "Let's just take her shit and get outta here."

"I don't know, man." The second hood backed away. "That's some weird shit, like military shit. Do you know what they do to people who mess with that? Gitmo, that's what."

"All right, more for me then." The hood shrugged and reached for the woman. In an instant, she grabbed his arm in an incredibly strong grip.

"No one's taking anything," Shepard said forcefully, getting to her feet. The hood found himself slammed up against the wall. He tried to wriggle free, but the woman was incredibly strong and held him fast. He slammed his fist into the woman's gut, pain shooting up his arm as his knuckles broke against her solid armor.

The other hood, still carrying Shepard's M-6 Carnifex, ran out of the alleyway. He was a pretty fast runner, a track star before being kicked out of high school five years ago. Certainly faster than any girl could run. He took off into the dark street, feet pounding against the empty sidewalk.

Shepard was an augmented, highly conditioned and battle-hardened marine. She had outrun Geth. She had faced off against Krogan. This guy was a street hood, and not even a very good one. In seconds, she closed the distance and slammed the man to the ground. There was a sickening crack as the man's skull impacted the bare concrete. In the alley, the other hood lay on the ground, neck snapped. Shepard dusted off her gloved hands and retrieved her pistol.

Now, where the hell am I?

Colonel John Sheppard woke up slowly, very disoriented. The last thing he remembered was being stunned aboard a Wraith ship headed toward a black hole. The familiar sight of the Empire State Building shocked him fully awake. Earth?

Sheppard quickly checked himself over. No major wounds, but he still had everything he had brought to the Wraith ship. Leg felt numb from the stunner. He pinched himself. Nope, not a dream. A Wraith trap, then? He took a closer look at his surroundings. John was in the middle of a park, empty except for a few homeless people and a street cleaner. The skyscrapers of a major city rose up around him. Definitely New York. He shivered. It was early in the morning, and he was wet and cold.

As he rose to leave, Sheppard noticed the envelope on the ground. Curious, he opened it and dumped the contents on the ground. A cellphone, a wallet and a letter. He opened the letter, thinking it might offer a clue as to who the envelope belonged to.

Dear Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard,

By act of ROB, you have been brought to an alternate universe. All your friends are gone. There is one way, and only one way to escape. Kill your adversaries.

Your targets are:

Commander Jane Shepard

Corporal Adrian Shephard

General Shepherd

Director Jenny Shepard

Rob MacGuffin

P.S. Ask where Atlantis is, and people will direct you to Vancouver.

He pocketed the cellphone and wallet, then folded the envelope up and tucked it into his tactical vest. Pretty creepy and weird, but not the strangest thing he'd seen. If this really was Earth, he could probably get a hold of General O'Neill or someone else who might know what was going on. If he could-

"Freeze!" A policeman shouted behind Sheppard, drawing his own firearm. "Drop the gun!"

"Shit," Sheppard muttered to himself. "I can explain-"

"Drop the gun now!" the cop insisted.

"Listen, I'm-"

"Drop it, now!" the cop was overexcited, and probably inexperienced. Sheppard sighed and unlatched the the P90 from its sling, dropping the almost-empty weapon on the ground.

"The other gun, too!" That was going to be a problem. In his hip holster was not a standard M9 or his beloved Colt 1911, but a Wraith stunner.

"I'd really rather-"

"Drop it or I'll shoot!" the cop shouted. Reluctantly, Sheppard unhooked the hip holster and let it fall to the ground. "Now turn around, slowly with your hands up!"

John did as he was instructed, facing the policeman. He was clearly nervous, the gun shaking in his hands. "Now look, why don't we calm down and sort this mess out?"

"You are under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do can and will be held against you in the court of law. You have the right to speak to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you. Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?"

You have got to be kidding me! "Yes, I understand those rights," Sheppard replied. Hopefully O'Neill would be able to sort this out- and not fire him.

"Sir, wake up," a voice called. Groggily, General Shepherd forced his eyes open. In front of him was a soldier wearing a gasmask and urban combats. The shoulder badge identified him as a Marine attached to HECU. What the hell is HECU?

"I'm awake, Marine," Shepherd snapped, forcing himself up. It was morning, in what appeared to be a relatively peaceful city. They were in a side street. "Give me a sitrep."

"I only woke up about five minutes ago, sir," the gasmask soldier- a corporal- replied. "Started looking around and found you. I still have no idea what's going on."

Shepherd checked and made sure he had his revolver. He wondered how he ended up on the side street of a major US city, but if he didn't know, this grunt wouldn't. "We should get to a safe area. The Russians will be here any moment."

"Russians, sir?" the corporal asked.

Shepherd mentally chided himself. The soldier had also been unconscious, and might have memory loss. Hell, he probably had memory loss. The last thing the general remembered was a massive explosion, but there must have been more to it. "What's the last thing you remember, Corporal?"

"Fighting my way out of Black Mesa," the soldier replied. "And some man in a suit saying something about getting rid of me."

"Nothing about the Russian invasion?"

"With all due respect, sir, there is no invasion. The Cold War has been done for over ten years."

Great. He was stuck in the middle of hostile territory with a deranged Marine. "There is one more thing, General," the Corporal mentioned. He fumbled with an envelope, which he handed to the General. "I have one, too, but it's a bit different. I have no idea what it means, sir."

General Shepherd took the envelope and tore it open. Inside was a cellphone, which he tossed aside. It could be anything from a tracking device to a bomb. There was also a wallet, with a (civilian!) ID and a few hundred dollars in cash. In the back of the envelope was a letter, which he opened.

Dear Lieutenant General Shepherd,

By act of ROB, you have been brought to an alternate universe. All your friends are gone. There is one way, and only one way to escape. Kill your adversaries.

Your targets are:

Commander Jane Shepard

Colonel John Sheppard

Corporal Adrian Shephard

Director Jenny Shepard

Rob MacGuffin

P.S. You lost 117 women along with those men. Don't you ever forget that.

"Sir," the Corporal called, breaking his superior out of his trance. "We should get moving, sir."

"You're right," the General agreed. "We'll try to find some friendlies or at least somewhere to bunker down until nightfall. By the way, what's your name, son?"

"Corporal Adrian Shephard, thirteen-thirty-seventh Hazardous Environment Combat Unit, sir!"