Day 53
Alec's hands were warm. And soft, way softer than they had any right to be, considering all the heavy lifting and manual labor he did around TC. Max traced the creases of his knuckles and the faint scars on the back with the pad of her thumb. She thought about how sometimes, when he was really frustrated, he would rake his hand through his hair like he didn't care what it looked like. She thought about how confident his hands were, and how the only time she had ever seen them hesitate was that night on the roof, raw and vulnerable, when he had reached to push her sopping hair behind her ear. For an insane, fleeting moment, Max had thought he would kiss her, which surprised her, but not nearly as much as the disappointment she'd felt when he just walked away.
So, Max thought about Alec's hands because it was honestly too frightening to think about anything else even remotely Alec related.
Like all the what-ifs clattering around in her head. What if he'd been hit by something heavier? What if Max hadn't been able to get to him in time and he had died of smoke inhalation? What if that blade had hit him two inches to the right and severed his aorta and he had bled out in that stupid, grimy house before Max even knew what was going down? What if she were in the morgue in the basement, holding a cold, hard hand instead of a warm, soft one?
She also wasn't even going to touch on how this sick, anxious knot wrapped around her insides had to this point in her life been reserved almost exclusively for Logan. It was helplessness, pure and vicious, and Max hated it. She hated it because she knew that Alec would be all right. Katya, one of the medics, had informed her earlier that he was pretty banged up, but that she didn't think it was anything an X-5 couldn't handle. A blood transfusion, a few stitches and some rest, and he'd be right as rain, though the cracked ribs he'd received from the shower of debris that fell from the second floor would hurt like a bitch for a while.
So why couldn't Max make herself let go of his hand?
There were footsteps in the hall, and Max willed them to pass. She really wasn't in the mood for company. They stopped anyway.
"You're a hard girl to get a hold of," Logan said. He leant against the doorframe with his hands in his pockets. He was trying really hard for casual, but Max could see the tension around his eyes. "I've been calling you all morning."
"Sometimes a girl needs some peace," she countered.
"That was quite an entrance you made the other day," Logan continued, ignoring her venom. "It's all over the news. You should probably scrap the van, though. A dashboard cam from one of the patrol cars got a clear shot of the license plates, so Sector Police will be looking for it."
"Already done," Max answered. Mole had been upset that he'd have to kiss another van goodbye, but Max knew it would be forgotten as soon as they got their hands on a replacement.
"You could have called," Logan said quietly after a moment's hesitation. "The police report said that three bodies were recovered. I thought – "
"Yeah, sorry," Max interrupted. "I've been kind of busy."
And good Lord, had she been busy, because when it rained it fucking poured. In the two hours they were gone, they suffered a massive power surge. All of the computers crashed, leaving their servers free for the plundering during the thirty minutes it had taken Dix to get the firewalls back in place. A faulty transformer near the abandoned nuclear facility was blamed, but something about it didn't gel with Max.
There was also a small uprising to crush, after Mole returned and told his own, extremely exaggerated version of events. At least two dozen of the more easily aroused transgenics in-house had been ready to storm the gates and take on half the city. If Joshua hadn't been there to help calm them down, Max was fairly certain that she'd be somewhere in the middle of a full-blown battle in the streets of Seattle and not a quiet hospital room.
Calling Logan had honestly never been further from her mind.
"I can see that," he said.
Max shot Logan a glare. Sometimes she still had trouble telling when he was being sarcastic or just plain mean, and she was already irritated. Besides, there were no smuggled goods to receive or incomings to extract today, and the thought of Alec waking up alone – or not waking up at all - sat like a stone in her stomach.
Syl and Krit had both pitched in too, though they were mostly seeing that Alec's responsibilities were fulfilled. It was not lost on Max that it took both of them to do in one day what Alec did all on his own. Without Max ever having asked. Or realized, for that matter.
"Well, I'm alive. Is that all?" she snapped. "Or did you take time out of your busy schedule to come all the way down here to tell me how to do my job?"
"Max-"
"What, Logan?"
"That's not what I meant."
"Then what did you mean?"
Logan seemed to choke on his words for a moment before clearing his throat roughly. His gaze flicked to her hand, which was still holding Alec's. For a moment, he almost looked envious.
"You care about him."
The statement was so matter of fact and certain – surprised, sure, but certain – that Max found herself at a loss for words. She eyed Logan warily, not entirely positive she wanted to have this conversation. Not ever, and certainly not with him.
"Honestly," he continued, "the way you two have been acting, I thought you were just, well, fuck buddies. I'm thinking there's more between you than that." Logan paused and scratched the back of his head. He looked embarrassed, like he'd said too much, and squinted one eye shut. He did that when he got uncomfortable. "To be frank, I'm not sure which I prefer."
Max swallowed exactly four highly inappropriate responses. She had to remind herself that she had actually given him reason to believe that she was the kind of girl to break up with a fella and then go sleep with a guy she didn't even like the very same day. Logan wasn't trying to be a dick, and she didn't have to take her stress out on him, like she used to do with Alec on the outside. Max didn't miss the irony of that role reversal.
"We have a… tempestuous relationship." Well, if that wasn't the truth, Max didn't know what was.
Logan smirked. "I think all of your relationships are tempestuous."
"Comedy Hour with Logan Cale. Buy your tickets in advance, save five dollars."
Logan chuckled, and for a moment it felt like it was before; before the virus, before Manticore had stolen her life from her. Before all that stupid love shit got in the way, and they were just two people who could be in the same room with each other without one of them fleeing in an angst-induced fit. She missed that, because angst-induced fits were so not all they were cracked up to be.
The smile faded, and Logan gestured toward Alec with his head. "You could do worse," he said softly.
Max looked at Alec, all battered and bruised and bandaged. "I know."
The truth of the words was like a kick to the face, even if their 'relationship' was a sham.
Logan cocked his head to the side. "You look surprised."
Max hastily schooled her expression into something more neutral. "Only to hear you admit it."
"I don't know," Logan shrugged, "I think he's proven he's not a complete ass. He's stuck around hasn't he?"
"Yeah, he has," Max said softly. He'd done a hell of a lot more than just stick around. He'd gotten her back when she didn't even know she'd needed it. Terminal City would have gone straight to hell if he hadn't been there to spot the trees in her forest; Max was so big picture, she often forgot about the little things.
"Then I'm glad you have him." He checked his watch. "Listen, I've got some things-"
"It's cool," Max said. "You're a busy guy, saving the world, protecting the downtrodden."
"Blah blah, woof woof."
Max smiled. "Blah blah, woof woof."
"See you around, Max. Take care of yourself."
"You too."
Logan left with a crooked smile, and she watched him go, waiting for the sense of loss that usually accompanied his departure. Instead all she felt was something suspiciously similar to closure.
Alec fought hard to keep his body relaxed and his face still until well after Logan left. He kinda felt like a jerk for eavesdropping on their private conversation, but those two needed to talk. Alec was tired of seeing Max beat herself up over the way it all went down, and he wasn't going to be the one to interrupt them.
When the sounds of Logan's footsteps faded at last, Alec let loose the groan he'd been holding in. Everything hurt.
"Oh God," he said. "If this is what a hangover feels like, then I've never been happier to have been grown in a lab."
The look of sheer panic on Max's face was priceless, especially when Alec flicked his eyes toward the now-vacant doorway. He felt her pulse quicken against his palm. Then he realized he could feel her pulse in the first place and looked down at his hand. Max's right hand was curled around the flat of his hand; her thumb drew lazy, soothing circles - until he noticed. Goosebumps raced up Max's arm under his scrutiny; he followed their progress with interest, then traced the curve of her neck with his eyes before finally looking at her. Her cheeks were pink and her eyes wide, and suddenly the moment was far more intimate than he had ever intended.
Alec swallowed hard, struggling to keep his expression unreadable before plastering a grin on his face. "I always knew you cared, Maxie. You know, deep down."
Max's blush deepened, but she somehow managed to keep her tone light. "Well, I couldn't drag your sorry ass from a burning building to let you die in your sleep, now could I?"
"Excellent point. It'd just be bad form." He smacked his free hand to his forehead and winced. Bad Idea. "Ah, shit. The kids - did everyone—?"
"They're all fine, even Fixit." Max assured him. She visibly relaxed, now that the conversation had strayed toward neutral ground. "Can't say the same thing for the other guys, though. They lost three."
"The chick that tried to fillet me?"
"Bought the farm."
"Damn," Alec said sarcastically. "I was really looking forward to round three."
Max snorted. "I wouldn't worry about that. They're probably gunning for both of us now, considering you took out two of 'em."
"Did you bag Xena, Warrior Princess?"
"Nah, she slipped out while I was trying to climb though a burning building to rescue this guy I know who can't seem to stay out of trouble. Syl finished off one of hers."
"Good for her." Alec paused, his chest suddenly feeling too small for his lungs. Max hadn't just saved his life, she'd risked her own, and let the bad guy get away to do it. "I'm sure this guy you know is extremely grateful."
"He better be," Max replied, "because I swear he thinks it's my full-time job."
Alec squeezed her hand and brushed his thumb over her knuckles, a motion so tender and unguarded that it immediately put the deer-in-the-headlights look on Max's face again. Alec just watched her, like if he looked hard enough he might be able to read her thoughts, because Max remained frustratingly difficult to translate. Alec expected it was because she didn't even know what she was thinking half the time. Her body language told him she was anxious, almost expectant, but confused, too, so chances were she didn't have a clue what it was she was waiting for.
Alec took a deep breath and went out on a limb. He had to know if she'd meant what she said to Logan, or if she had only told her old flame what she needed to keep him at a distance.
"Maybe one day you'll let him make it up to you."
Abruptly, Max stood and finally released Alec's hand. She pointedly avoided looking him in the eye, and Alec was actually grateful. He knew the rejection kicking him in the gut would be written all over his face too, and, well, Max didn't need to know that.
"Katya will kill me if I don't tell her you're up," Max said lamely, already walking toward the door.
"Max—" he said, trying to interrupt her before she bolted like a spooked horse.
"And I've got some… stuff to do – "
"Max."
"But I think Ralph and Bullett were planning to come visit later, so—"
"Stay."
"I can't," Max said, drawing a deep, shuddering breath.
"Why not?" Alec said quietly.
"Get some rest, Alec," she said, offering a sad half-smile.
Then she was gone, and Alec was left to replay the whole conversation over and over again, trying to make some sense of it. Like why any of it bothered him, or why he even asked her to stay in the first place. It wasn't like he had a thing for Max. That would be ridiculous.
Day 59
"Boo, you stare at that boy any harder, he gonna burst into flames."
It had taken longer than Max had hoped, but with the help of Logan and the S1-W, they were able to secure a handful of entrances into Terminal City from Seattle. All but one of them were subterranean, and most were so intricately laid that a guide was required, but at least they could get supplies and incoming transgenics to safety. After Max's last conversation with Logan, Cindy and Sketchy had both started running errands into TC, so she saw them each at least once a week. They couldn't stay for long, due to the high levels of radiation, but Max was inexpressibly grateful for every minute with her friends that she got.
Startled by Cindy's voice, Max jerked her gaze away from Alec, who was on the other side of the warehouse overseeing the arsenal inventory. Katya hadn't been able to get him to stay in bed any longer, and Max found she had a hard time not watching his every move. To make sure he was okay. It had nothing to do with the last conversation they'd had. Or the conversation they hadn't had.
She looked at Original Cindy, then anxiously around the room.
"Fire? Where?" Max took a moment to actually process what Cindy had said, then shrugged and looked down at the clipboard in her hand, trying for nonchalance. "I don't know what you're talking about."
Cindy arched a sculpted brow and gave Max her best Yeah Right, Whatever Look. "Mh-hm. Well, you let me know when your boy turns transparent so I can see whatever it is you are starin' at."
With a huff of frustration, Max tossed the clipboard down onto the crate of canned fruit Cindy had helped smuggle in. "That's just it, though: He isn't."
"Isn't what?"
"Transparent," Max replied, looking Cindy in the eye. "I thought I had him pegged, but he keeps throwin' me curve balls, ya know? I always thought he was this shallow, opportunistic chauvinist. But now…"
"Now you've seen his black little heart isn't quite as black or shriveled as you thought, and it's thrown you for a loop."
"Pretty much."
Cindy sighed and threw an arm around Max's shoulders. "Baby girl, if life has taught Original Cindy one thing, it's that no one is ever what we think they are. They show us who they want to be because it keeps them safe. Sometimes we just gotta let 'em know they can show us what's underneath."
"That was deep."
"Just keepin' it real, boo."
The only problem with that was Max was pretty sure Alec had already tried to show her, and she'd fled in terror. Because she was clever like that.
Max needed time to wrap her head around things, in general, and Alec got that. Give her imminent crisis or impending doom and she could usually cobble together some kind of plan inside of three minutes. Sure, those plans were usually utterly insane, but even then she pulled it off with guts and strength of will alone.
Matters of the heart were another story. Normally watching her agonize for days over how to deal with a particular situation would drive Alec to force her hand, to make up her mind, but he couldn't exactly do that this time. Not when he was obviously the root of her turmoil. He seriously regretted saying what he had in his hospital room. It had been impulsive, and way too much of a chick flick moment to have possibly gone well.
So, not only had he probably ruined the strange, tenuous friendship he and Max had, but he didn't even know why he had done it. He had wanted to test the motives behind what Max said to Logan, but to what end? What had he really hoped to accomplish? He didn't even know what he wanted, for Christ's sake, and that in and of itself was a little disconcerting. Alec always knew what he wanted.
On top of that, Max had become the Queen of Mixed Signals. Alec was seriously considering making her a crown and scepter, just to make it official. She followed him around all day, not hovering, but always within earshot – until he spoke to her directly. Very suddenly she had somewhere else to be. She was also amusingly distracted when she wasn't, you know, boring holes through Alec's back with her eyes. It was a good thing Manticore hadn't given her laser vision.
Then there was the touching. Whenever she got close enough to make contact, she did. Feather-light touches so casual, Alec wasn't even sure she knew she was doing it. He rather wished he could be so lucky, because each and every caress was like a jolt of electricity against his skin, threatening to drive him to distraction.
What was weird though, was now that Alec was thinking about it he realized that Max almost never touched anyone, ever. It was like she was punishing herself for not being able to touch Logan by avoiding human contact all together, unless she was beating someone's ass. But then Alec had woken up with her hand all wrapped up in his, and now she couldn't seem to stop touching. Like she was trying to catch up as quickly as possible.
Alec slammed a crate of ammo onto the shelf with slightly more force than necessary, and wrote down the amount on his clipboard.
"Easy," Krit said, entering their make-shift arsenal. Alec hadn't heard his approach, proof how unfocused Max's behavior was making him. "What did the box ever do to you?"
Alec snorted and stepped to the next crate, where he started counting the contents. Not that he noticed what they were, because he could feel Max's eyes on him again. He was seriously tempted to go give her a good shake and demand to know what the fuck she was playing at. First she literally ran away from him, then she practically stalked him.
Krit leant against the shelving next to Alec, close enough he could see Alec's facial expressions. Alec was sensing a pattern.
"What is it with you oh-niners?" he snapped. "They tweak a chromosome in your cocktail that makes you stare at people until they go mad? An excellent interrogation technique, but seriously, what gives?"
"What's going on with you and Max?" Krit asked, totally ignoring Alec's outburst. "She's been awfully… affectionate lately."
Aggravating as hell was more like it, in Alec's opinion.
"Your guess is as good as mine," he said instead.
"You don't think she's, you know—"
Alec shot Krit a sideways glance, and was infinitely amused to see a little pink staining his cheeks. "What?"
"Going in heat."'
"I doubt it," Alec replied. "Have you ever come across a female X-5 in heat?" Krit shook his head. "This ain't it. Trust me."
Krit arched an eyebrow. "You and Max?"
I wish.
Alec froze; there was no possible way his brain just allowed that thought to even exist, let alone process. With difficulty, he resisted the urge to face-palm. Madness, it was. Absolute madness.
Quickly, he forced his body to relax, and painted a smug grin on his face. "Nah, not Maxie, but man was she a handful."
Krit laughed and shook his head. "You're something else, man. Seriously though, whatever's going on between you and my sister, hug it out, or whatever it is you guys do, because she's going to drive us all crazy."
"You and me both," Alec said to the empty room.
Day 65
"Your couch is way more comfortable than mine," Max mumbled into the cushion.
Syl turned the page of the book she was reading and took a sip of water from the glass on the table. "Max, that is your couch. I took it three days ago."
Max scowled, but didn't move. "What?"
"Seriously, when was the last time you were even at your place? Better yet, when was the last time you slept? You look like hell, chica."
Max knew for a fact that she hadn't slept more than twenty minutes together since the night Alec had almost died, but she'd eat her boot before admitting it, even to Syl. "I showered this morning," she replied petulantly.
Syl set her book down, her brow creased with concern. "And you didn't notice the couch was missing? Come on, Max, what's going on?"
Max tried to look innocent, but it was hard with her face mashed into the sofa. God, she was so exhausted. "What do you mean?"
Syl sighed heavily and rubbed her forehead, like Max had spontaneously given her a headache. "You're kidding right?" She paused, waiting for Max to reply, but was met with silence. " Alec."
Max went rigid. "What about him?"
"Jesus," Syl muttered, standing. She crossed the room and sat on the coffee table right in front of Max's face.
"Is that my coffee table, too?"
"As soon as you need a table to set coffee on, you can have it back," Syl responded impatiently. "What happened with you two? Ever since we picked up those kids in Sector Three you've been… out of it. One day you guys were normal, and then all of a sudden you're Space Cadet Number One, and he's stomping around like someone pissed in his Cheerios. And don't say you don't know what I'm talking about, because even Krit has noticed, and he's about as in-tune with the female psyche as a hammer."
Max really didn't want to talk about this, but it was obvious that Syl wasn't going to let it lie. She pushed herself up and flopped against the back of the couch, totally resigned.
"Shit got a little… intense the other day."
"And?"
"And I backed it up," Max said with a shrug.
"You know, chica, for being so clever, you can really be pretty thick sometimes."
Max glared. "It's a bad idea. We work together."
Syl scoffed. "Whatever you need to tell yourself, but I've seen the way he looks at you."
"Yeah?" Max said defiantly. "How's that?"
"Like you're something he knows he'll never have."
Maybe one day you'll let him make it up to you.
"You're wrong."
"Whatever," Syl said tiredly. "But you need to deal with this. For real. Preferably before you run yourself into the ground."
"There's nothing do deal with," Max insisted. "Nothing happened, nothing is going to happen. I don't see what you're so worked up about."
"If nothing happened, then why are you all bent out of shape? Would it really be that horrible to just let him in?"
"Maybe," Max snapped. "Alec uses people, Syl. He's always looking for what he can get out of it, and… and I won't be another notch on his bedpost."
"So you'll trust him to keep safe the only place on the west coast that we're even remotely protected, but not your heart. I don't know if that's hypocritical or just sad. From what you've told me, he's had your back since day one. Even when you hated him."
"I've been cleaning up his messes since day one, you mean."
"And he's helped clean up yours." Syl stood and set her hands on her hips. "I think you need to take a good, hard look at yourself, then figure out why you're really so against the idea of there being something real between you." Dramatically, she threw her hands in the air and looked at the ceiling. "And for the love of God, talk to him."
Alec left his door open, because closing it provided him with only the illusion of privacy. He had learned the hard way very early in his stay at Terminal City that his room was public space, and had three broken doors to prove it. He'd also learned it was much easier, no matter how irritated he was by the intrusion, to settle the dispute and send them on their way. Sometimes he felt like he was living with a bunch of really big kids in Halloween costumes. That also had guns and nicotine addictions.
It was hard at first. He'd had a pretty sweet place in Seattle, with a television and big rooms and doors that didn't have squabbling transgenics busting in at all hours. Unless you counted Max, which Alec didn't. Still, it was better than the eight-by-six cell with a cot he'd had at Manticore, so he wasn't going to complain.
Needless to say, Alec was somewhat frustrated when he heard a door slam open, boots stomping down the hallway and a female voice shouting. So much for catching some shut-eye.
"You can pitch a fit if it makes you feel better, but you know I'm right!"
"Stay out of it, Syl."
That was definitely Max. Alec's ears were proven correct when she stormed past his door, looking all kinds of pissed off. Alec knew from experience that she only ever got that that angry when someone called her on her shit.
Alec took a deep breath and without thinking about what he may be getting himself into, popped his head out the door.
"Max?"
"What?"Max demanded, spinning around on her heel. She looked like she'd like to be able to spit fire just then. When she realized who it was she was shouting at, her expression faded to something more careful, though definitely still annoyed.
Alec put his hands up in a placating gesture. "Everything okay?"
"Peachy."
He hesitated for a moment, wondering if he was about to bite off more than he could chew. "Got a minute?"
"Yes!" Syl called down the corridor. "She has several. Take as many as you like!"
Max glared at her sister over Alec's shoulder, then shoved past Alec and entered his room like she owned the place. Max did that everywhere, so it wasn't really surprising.
"Fine."
Alec stared, not sure how to begin. Max folded her arms across her chest impatiently.
"What happened the other day, in my hospital room?"
"I don't know, you tell me. You're the one who got all sentimental."
"I'm not the one who panicked and fled, so don't act like it meant nothing," Alec countered.
"It didn't."
"Yeah? Then why were you even there? There are a dozen ways you could have kept tabs on me, and you chose to sit at my bedside. Holding my hand."
Max faltered. "I was worried about you."
"And the conversation you had with Logan?" Max's eyes widened. "Yes, I heard pretty much all of it," Alec continued dismissively. "Was it all a bunch of lies?"
"I told him what I needed to. Don't read into it."
Alec's stomach sank. "So all those things you said to me on the roof, were you just saying what you thought was necessary, too? Did you mean any of it?"
Max's expression suddenly became fierce. "All of it."
"Okay, I see how it is: I'm good, just not good enough to meet your high standards, is that it? Shall I go find a wheelchair? Or, I know! Maybe I'll inject myself with a genetically engineered retro-virus so we can never touch. Would that even the playing field?"
"That's not fair."
"No, it isn't is it? But that way you could pine away from a distance singing Woe Is Me instead of actually having something. That's what you want, isn't it?"
Max was beginning to get that panicked look in her eye again, which usually ended with her fleeing the scene.
"What do you want?" He tried not to shout, he really did, but she'd wriggled her way under his skin, and he didn't think he'd ever be able to get her out.
Max's eyes became impossibly huge, and she actually took a step backward, like the question terrified her. Or maybe the answer. Another step, and her back was against the wall.
"I—" she stuttered, "I don't know."
Alec forced himself to take a few deep breaths. This was on its way to being out of control, and he hadn't meant to scare her off. He just wanted answers, because she was going to drive him insane. His eyes never left hers though, effectively gluing her to the spot. Cautiously, he reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear.
"Jesus, Max," he said softly. "What the hell are you so afraid of?"
"Having something," Max whispered harshly. She roughly batted his hand away, trying to cover up the broken look on her face with aggression. "Haven't you noticed that everything I touch goes to shit? If you don't have something, you can't lose it, and I am so done with losing things."
"So you're prepared to live the rest of your life alone and miserable and terrified of something that may just as likely turn out to be… beautiful as ugly and broken?"
Max lifted her chin defiantly. God, she was so stubborn.
Alec shook his head in disbelief. "Well, I'm not."
Alec pressed his lips to hers, softly but insistently. He tried to push the whole messy jumble of emotions crashing through him into this one charged moment, determined to make her understand what he felt, even if he didn't because he knew that this right now was what they'd been working toward for weeks. Since they'd known each other, even. All the drama, the harsh words and the tender moments mixed in had led to this kiss, and he'd be damned if she didn't get it, too.
Stunned, Max went completely rigid for what seemed like an eternity. Then she kissed him back. It was little more than a tentative, uncertain brushing of her lips against his, but it was better than the outright rejection he'd expected.
Emboldened by her response, Alec deepened the kiss, twining his finger though silky soft hair and gently sucking on her full bottom lip. Max sighed, opening her mouth to him, and he slipped his tongue inside. She was sweet, like honey, and for a moment Alec totally lost himself in the novelty of kissing Max.
She ran her hands up his chest, and Alec's pulse quickened, her touch setting all sorts of synapses firing. Then she pushed him away, breaking the kiss and dropping Alec's heart from its place in his chest to somewhere around his knees. He should have known it was too good to be true.
Max stared at him, her breathing ragged and her lips swollen. She was searching his face for something.
"Alec," she said, her voice uneven, "what—"
Alec stepped back and pulled a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry," he said. "I don't know—"
Suddenly there was the sound of arguing in the hall, and Alec held his breath, willing whomever it was to work out their own shit out tonight because he was having a hard enough time dealing with his own.
"Alec," Mole's harsh voice demanded from behind him. "This arrogant Arctic jackass stole my cigars. Again."
"I did not, you scaly moron. Tell him I've been up at the plant all day hauling in sheet metal, won't you?"
Alec forced himself to breathe and dug the heels of his palms into his eyes in an attempt to block it all out. All of it.
"Mole," he ground out, "did you smoke them all?"
Alec almost didn't hear the whisper of fabric over Mole's outraged response, and when he lowered his hands, Max was gone. He slammed the door.
"Fuck."
Max's ceiling mocked her, and her bed was bigger, somehow emptier than she ever remembered it being. She hadn't really expected to get any sleep, but was hardly in the mood for company. Not that the silence and solitude brought her any peace, either. All she could see was the shattered look on Alec's face when she pushed him away. She chewed her lips in an effort to erase the feel of his on them, to forget how she'd kissed him back, and how right it had felt.
Jesus, Max, what the hell are you so afraid of?
His words mocked her, too.
Having something. It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the whole truth, either. Sometimes it seemed like everything Max tried to hold on to was made of sand. The harder she tried to keep it, the faster it slipped through her fingers: her old life in Seattle when she was just a bike messenger by day and a cat burglar by night, Ben, Tinga, Brin, Zack – twice. Logan. She didn't even have her motorcycle anymore.
All of it was her fault. She had been unable to save them, Ben from himself, Tinga and Brin from Manticore, Zack from an apparent destiny to lose himself for her sake. Her love for Logan was the only thing that had kept her strong through Manticore's attempt to reindoctrinate her, and they'd used it against her, nearly costing Logan his life more than once.
So, it wasn't just the having and losing that burned, but knowing that it was her short-comings that caused it. Her mistakes. When the sand had slipped away, all Max had to show for it was a handful of rocky regrets that she couldn't seem to let go of, no matter how badly she wanted to. She wasn't sure she could deal with anymore regrets.
The problem was Max didn't know if letting Alec get close would be the mistake, or if shutting him out would be. Alec wasn't all bad, but he confused her, and Max had a hard time trusting what she couldn't understand. He was such a smart ass, always pushing her buttons, but then sometimes he'd look at her and the room would freeze for a moment. Like he knew she was something he'd never have.
Maybe Cindy was right, about people wearing masks to keep them safe. Maybe Alec kept trying to show her what was underneath; she just kept running from it. Maybe that was her mistake.
Max believed in facing her fears head-on. She thought Alec might just be worth the risk.
Terminal City looked like one of Joshua's watercolors as she crossed it, all indistinct shapes, blurred lines, and smeared shades of blue, black and violet. Sometimes when she walked the streets at night she felt like an interloper. Or the Final Girl in a Zombie horror flick. And to think she called this place home.
Halfway to Alec's building a figure stepped from around the corner of an old office unit. He was all long limbs and shadow. Even his face seemed to swallow the minimal ambient light. He raised a gun in surprise. Then he lowered it.
"Max, I didn't hear you."
"Raif. I didn't see you. Imagine that."
He grinned, a flash of white in the darkness. "Can't sleep?"
"No rest for the wicked." She paused. "You seen Alec?"
Raif tilted his head so slightly Max almost didn't catch it and studied her. She was careful to keep her face neutral, remembering that Raif's night vision was as clear and sharp as hers was during the day. Sometimes she really hated living with other transgenics. They were a crafty lot, always trying to read between the lines, looking for a weakness. Max wasn't even sure what she was hoping to accomplish by going to Alec, and she didn't want Raif reading too much into it. She shouldn't have even asked.
"Not since this morning," he replied after a moment. "But I heard at Command that he was taking some… personal time tonight, and not to bother him."
"Right. Thanks. As you were."
Raif nodded respectfully, and retreated back into the shadows. Max thought dude was kind of odd, personally, but was glad he was head of night patrols. Any ordinaries ran into him in a dark alley, they'd piss their pants before making a move.
Max encountered no one else, but when she finally reached Alec's door she stood frozen, utterly indecisive. She raised her hand to knock, but didn't. Max never knocked, and even if she did he'd probably just ignore her. The "GO AWAY" scrawled in permanent marker across Alec's door wasn't exactly an invitation, either.
But this was important. Max felt like an ass for leaving things the way she had, when he had put himself so far out on that limb, and she knew that if she didn't do it now she'd lose her nerve and it would be one more item on the list of things They Don't Talk About. She realized that she didn't want that, even if she did piss him off by ignoring the warning on the door.
The door swung open with a faint whine, but Max remained in the doorway. Alec was sprawled across his bed on his stomach facing away from the door. She could tell he was awake by the measure of his breath, and was proven correct when he heaved a great sigh.
"What is it about the concept of a closed door that is so hard to grasp? Piss off."
Max hesitated for a fraction of a second. This was her last chance to back out.
"May I come in?"
Alec's entire body went rigid at the sound of her voice. Stiffly, he reached up and flicked on the lamp next to the bed and flipped over.
"Max."
"Hey," she said, offering a tentative smile.
Alec swallowed and gestured for her to enter. She did, closing the door behind her.
"What's up?"
The room seemed much smaller now than it had earlier, yet the distance between her and Alec felt insurmountable. Max faltered for a moment, not quite sure what to do with herself. It wasn't something she was used to, because she had always been of the mind that doing something was better than doing nothing at all. She rather hated the feeling.
Alec furrowed his brow, sensing her discomfort, and pushed himself upright. He let his hand rest on the mattress. Max took the gesture as an invitation and sat on the edge, twisting her torso to face him.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"I've been thinking," she replied. "Maybe you were right."
"Why do I get the feeling we've had this conversation before?"
Max threw him a sideways glare, but even she knew there was no real heat behind it. "About me being afraid."
Alec said nothing, but reached out and grasped her hand. Max hadn't even realized she'd been nervously picking imaginary lint from his blanket. His hands were still so soft, and the contact distracted her momentarily. Max felt her façade crumble as though it had been a physical thing.
"I don't want to be afraid anymore."
She leant over and kissed him. Her lips brushed over his, and the tingling sensation Max had spent most of the night trying to forget came rushing back full-force, sending little bolts of electricity all the way down to her toes. Alec didn't need to be told twice to kiss her back, and he didn't hesitate to open up to her when she flicked her tongue across his bottom lip, begging entrance. He tasted like whiskey and Alec, and Max decided that she could spend quite a lot of time learning the contours of his mouth, memorizing each and every response, no matter how minute.
Still, she felt he was holding back. He tasted her gingerly, like he couldn't believe he was allowed to, and he had yet to touch her, like maybe doing so would shatter the illusion. Or maybe it was because every time he put himself out there, she pushed him away.
Well, Max had had quite enough of that.
Wrapping a hand around the back of his neck, she deepened the kiss, stealing passion from the pool of heat already forming in her stomach. He didn't resist when she forced him gently onto his back and crawled on top of him. That was all the invitation Alec needed; his hands were suddenly everywhere at once, sliding up her thighs, caressing her sides, teasing the bare skin beneath the hem of her shirt.
Finally, they settled on Max's hips with a grip so hard she'd probably bruise. Alec pulled her down roughly, thrusting his hips to meet her half way and grinding his erection against her core. Max gasped into Alec's mouth, and he did it once more, just to torment her.
They definitely had too many clothes on.
Breaking away, Max straightened, making sure to roll her hips as achingly slowly as possible. Alec didn't even bother to try to hold back a groan, and strong fingers gripped even more tightly, digging into her flesh.
"Jesus, Max," he said breathlessly.
Max smiled wickedly and pulled her shirt over her head. Lightning quick, Alec flipped them, pinning her beneath him before the discarded garment even hit the floor. Deft fingers unhooked her bra; it joined the shirt, leaving Max open to his hungry gaze. He kissed her again, hot and hard and open-mouthed, like he was trying to press her into the mattress and devour her simultaneously.
Alec's lips were like fiery brands as they traced the curve of her neck, claiming every inch they touched. Max dug her fingers into his hair while he had his wicked way with her, her body undulating against his of its own accord. Impatient fingers sought the hem of his shirt and jerked it up over Alec's head. A happy sigh escaped Max's lips feeling his skin against hers. Her hands wandered, greedily exploring the hard planes and firm muscle of his back. It was smooth and scorching hot, and Max couldn't get enough.
Then Alec took a nipple into his mouth, teasing it with flicks of his tongue and nips of his teeth, and Max arched off the bed, her entire existence narrowed to one tiny bit of pebbled flesh. He gave the other the same torturous treatment until Max was little more than a quivering, needy mess.
"You know we're probably both going to regret this in the morning," Max said between deep, greedy breaths. Alec was playing her body as expertly as he played the piano, somehow managing to find all her sensitive spots, all the right keys to stroke. Like he already knew.
"No, we won't," Alec said, dragging moist lips down the center of her stomach toward her navel. He unbuttoned her jeans and unzipped the fly before placing a soft, lingering kiss just above her panties.
"How do you know?" Max demanded, her voice more raw than she'd intended.
"I don't," Alec replied, looking up. His eyes were so dark Max almost couldn't see any green. "I guess you'll just have to trust me."
Max looked him in the eye and lifted her hips. Alec smiled and hooked his fingers around both her jeans and panties and tugged them down her legs. There was an awkward moment where they both forgot she still had boots on, and Max laughed as Alec struggled to remove the offending articles.
Alec crowed triumphantly, then silenced her with a kiss, this one languid and searching with more heat than force. Max went willingly with the change of pace, letting Alec lead. For once in her life, she was completely okay with that.
Alec knelt between Max's legs, and she wasted no time shoving his boxers down to his knees. Alec's sigh of relief became a strangled moan when Max wrapped her hand around his hard length and stroked him firmly.
"Fuck," he breathed into her neck.
"Mmm," Max said. "Are you waiting for an invitation or should I draw you a—oh."
Alec thrust inside in one smooth motion, filling her so completely she forgot how to breathe and effectively killing conscious thought.
"Map," she finished, exhaling harshly.
"What?" Alec said, chuckling smugly. Then Max clenched around him, and the sound died in his throat.
With a growl, Alec wrapped Max's legs around his waist, grabbed her hips and pushed, driving himself impossibly deep. Max swore she could feel him all the way up in her chest, squeezing her lungs tight and making her heart beat an arrhythmic staccato against her ribcage.
Then he did it again. He moved with purpose, each thrust hitting a different point inside her until it was all she could do just keep pace with him. The ball of heat in her gut spread inexorably outward, pushing her closer and closer to the edge until she was so close it almost hurt.
"Alec, I… I need – "
Alec leaned forward, his body taught as a bowstring and buried his face in the crook of her neck. "Anything, Maxie."
"More."
Alec obeyed, slamming into her with such wild abandon that Max didn't even bother trying to keep up. With one hand braced on the wall above her head and the other clutching at Alec's sweat-slicked shoulder, Max let him fuck her right into the mattress.
She didn't last long after that. Tiny flutters soon became blinding spasms as she teetered on the edge of ecstasy.
"Oh God, Alec I'm – "
"I know."
Then he brought a thumb and forefinger to her clit and pinched. Max crashed with a strangled cry, coming so hard the only thing she could feel was Alec's cock inside and the fire racing through her veins. His mouth found hers, swallowing the sound.
He wrapped his arms around her, pressing their bodies flush together. Somehow Max managed to return the embrace, and when Alec came moments later, she felt it with her entire being. She wished she could have seen his face though. She bet he was beautiful.
They collapsed in a sweaty, sticky heap of limbs and blankets, and Super Soldier or not, Max swore it took a full twenty minutes for her breathing to return to normal.
Alec rolled off and dragged a hand through his hair. Max watched him from the corner of her eye.
"Stay," he said at last.
Max rolled toward him, throwing an arm over his chest and tucking her head beneath his chin. She could hear his heartbeat, and kissed his chest.
"I don't think you could get me out of this bed if you wanted to."
Alec didn't respond, but she could tell he was smiling.
There was a phone ringing, somewhere, but the warm weight pressed tightly against her back was enough to discourage any thought she might have had to find it. Except for the part where it didn't stop. Three times it rang through, and when the fourth started, Max moaned and lurched forward, her hand blindly searching for the offending electronic device.
"Don't, Maxie," Alec mumbled, trying to pull her back. "Come back to sleep."
Max found the phone and flipped it open. "Whaddayafrigginwant?" she demanded. "I was sleeping."
There was a long pause on the other end, and Max hoped they had hung up.
"Max?" said a confused voice. "What are you doing with Alec's phone?"
Max's eyes flew wide, and words failed her. The first thing she was doing when she got out of bed was changing her ringtone, so it wasn't the exact same one as Alec's, because shit.
"Just hang up. Let someone else deal with it," Alec said, placing feather-light kisses on the back of her neck.
"Was that-? Oh." The voice cleared its throat. "Never mind. Sorry I woke you."
When the line went dead, Max dropped the phone back on the floor and rolled over to face Alec. He met her with a lazy kiss before dropping his head back down onto his pillow.
"I hope you weren't planning on keeping this our dirty little secret, because I'm pretty sure the cat's out of the bag. Everyone in TC will know by dinner time."
Alec laughed, and pulled her closer. "Who cares?"