2013.08.11 Thanks for the reviews! Guest in this chap is dedicated to Kh530.
Japanese terms (for those who watch the dubbed version):
Usuratonkachi - dull hammer - Sasuke's derogatory nickname for Naruto being the class dunce
baka - idiot (most of you probably know this already)
-sama - honorific, very formal, used for people of high status
-san - honorific
-kun - honorific, for someone of the same status or lower/younger
-jiisan - honorific for old men, lit. grandpa (Sai uses it here and him using 'grandpa' seems off somehow)
2
"Hey, hey, Sai," Naruto called in a half-whisper as they exited the Hokage Tower after getting dismissed from the briefing. "We absolutely cannot tell anyone about this."
"Our missions have always been confidential," Sai said matter-of-factly as he walked on down the road.
"Oh, right," Naruto said. Whew! What a relief.
"But this one is at the other side of the world," Sai said. "And we're not directly involved with the investigation. It's not strictly confidential. At least, not while we're here."
"No, no! It is. It absolutely is. Sasuke and Sakura must not know!"
"Only Sasuke and Sakura?"
"No, I mean everyone but since we're likely to bump into them today, I had to mention them specifically." Naruto grabbed Sai by the shoulder and stared him down. "Tell me you won't tell them."
"I won't tell them."
"Good."
"Yo, usuratonkachi. We heard you have a new mission."
"Geh!" Naruto faced the source of that familiar mocking voice. A smirking Sasuke was approaching them with Sakura by his side. Teme…how did he know? "How did you know?"
"We met Lee back there just now," Sakura replied while pointing back to the direction they came from. "He seems to be in a hurry. Something about you guys being in a rock band?"
Sai motioned to correct her.
"Yes, exactly!" Naruto said, shoving Sai behind him at the same time. "We're gonna be in a rock band."
"A raku band," Sai mumbled but still audible.
"What's the difference?" Sakura asked.
"Nothing," Naruto spouted. "The client has a weird way of saying it. He says raku band when he actually means rock band. We're gonna be famous over there in the east."
Sasuke and Sakura just looked at him like they were waiting for a punch-line.
"We're going on world tour and all, y'know. Screaming girls and stuff. But don't worry, Sakura-chan," Naruto said with a scratch of his head. "You'll always be in my heart."
Cross-shaped veins suddenly protruded on Sakura's forehead.
"And all that while on mission to track a criminal syndicate," Naruto boasted further.
"Lee said you'll only act as a front to cover for the agents who will conduct the real mission," Sasuke said unimpressed.
Lee no baka! I'm gonna punch your big mouth later! "Yeah, but who cares? I'm gonna be a real rock star playing a real instrument with thousands of real screaming girls. I figure it's a good break from all our shinobi action anyway. Green with envy, Sasuke?"
"Why would I be?"
"Because I'll be a real rock star playing a real instrument with thousands of real screaming girls."
"You already said that," Sai said.
"Yeah coz it needs to be said again coz Sasuke here doesn't get it."
"You're right," Sasuke said with a shrug. "I don't. Later, usuratonkachi. Don't screw up."
Naruto seethed as he watched Sasuke walk away with Sakura following. I'm gonna show you, teme... With eyes still on the Uchiha, Naruto firmed his resolve. "Sai, we're gonna be in a rock band."
"Raku band," Sai corrected.
"No. We're gonna learn how to play music for real. And we're gonna get good and be famous and get loads of fans."
"Yonbaka is already famous according to Aoyama-san. They are very popular among the middle to senior age groups."
"You don't have to remind me."
"But you seem to keep forgetting."
Naruto slumped his head and shoulders in frustration then turned to face Sai. "Don't you get it? Rakugo would be embarrassing."
"Why?"
"It's a comedy act in front of old people. I'd have to act like a fool."
"But you already act like a fool."
"And you'll have to act like one with me."
"I don't mind. It's only an act until that syndicate is caught."
"Whatever. I want everyone to acknowledge me as a rock star."
"I thought you wanted to be Hokage."
"I do. But for now, I want to be a rock star and you and Lee and Gaara are going to help me."
"Naruto, our mission is to - "
"We're gonna go on tour anyway. What harm is there to actually play rock instruments and get fans from the appropriate age group?"
"We were ordered to follow what the client wants."
"You and your by-the-book ways. I'm just sayin' while we're doing that rakugo band thing, we can also learn to do the rock band thing. No harm, no foul."
"The ultimate goal is to capture the syndicate," Sai said firmly.
"Yeah, so?"
"If we are to accomplish that goal, we will have to help YIPIA out as much as we can."
"What are you saying?"
"We cannot just act as decoy. We have to use our shinobi skills to help with the investigation."
"But you just said we have to do what the client wants."
"No, I said we were ordered to. But I don't want to be at the other side of the world for an indefinite period. If something serious comes up within the Five Great Countries during our absence, it will take too long to get back. We need to accomplish this mission as quickly as possible."
"Sai…you're not as boring as I thought you were," Naruto said, not at all sarcastically. "Fine, I say we can also be a real rock band."
"And still be shinobi," Sai pointed.
"Yeah," Naruto agreed with a glimmer in his eyes. "A shinobi rock band!"
"Oooozu!" It was Lee coming straight at them, dressed in…uh…
"Lee, what the hell are you wearing?" Naruto gasped. Sai eyed Lee curiously.
"This is how my clone was dressed like in the photo."
"He's not a clone," Naruto corrected. "He just happens to look like you."
"And he wasn't dressed like that," Sai said flatly.
"He wasn't?" Lee was sure he got the animal skin and chains down. He even borrowed eyeliner from Tenten and applied it all around his eyes.
"I was thinking of punching your big mouth earlier," Naruto said. "But you look like somebody already punched you and gave you two black eyes."
"I just wanted to be ready," Lee said in all seriousness. But he had to trust Sai-kun's critical artist's eye that he didn't get it quite as accurately as he thought. He took off the thick bearskin that made him look like he was off to go hunting in the wild. He then started to uncoil the heavy chains from his arms and legs.
"I'm sure Aoyama-san will provide us the proper disguise," Sai assured. "But your chain does give me an idea."
~アホ~アホ~アホ~アホ~
Meanwhile, back at the Hokage's office, Tsunade was still trying to talk Gaara from backing out of Yonbaka.
"I just remembered I have a lot of paperwork left in Suna," Gaara said. "I'm sure you understand."
Tsunade was sympathetic but all bases were covered ahead of time for this one. "Temari-san assured in her message that all your responsibilities are being taken care of. You need not worry about anything in Suna."
Apart from the monetary compensation, it seemed Temari and Kankuro wanted their little brother to go out into the world and experience 'normal' things. Suna owed it to the lad after shoving a hideous monster inside him from when he was a wee babe. Temari begged Tsunade in her letter to make sure Gaara join the mission to the shinobi-less and practically risk-free land in the eastern hemisphere. Going by that logic, Tsunade supposed Konoha owed Naruto the same thing. The other two required for the task happened to need just as much exposure to 'normal' things. Yes, they have to go, Tsunade decided.
Gaara's mind was currently racing. What else could he say to decline graciously without offending the Hokage and the client? "The truth is… I don't think I have the necessary abilities for this mission," he said humbly. "I don't want to bring embarrassment to Suna if I fail. I do believe any shinobi who can practice henge jutsu can take over for me. Even Naruto can copy all four baka members if he so chooses."
"Yonbaka," Tsunade discreetly corrected.
"Right…yonbaka…" The name alone was enough to set Gaara's teeth on edge.
"It would be very risky to use henge," Tsunade said. "At some point, a henge user will have to change back to his real appearance to recover chakra. Aoyama told me the band is scheduled to appear in something called real-time TV, which would require the members to be on camera surveillance for at least 24 hours."
Gaara considered this for a moment. He wasn't much of a henge user. He never needed it so he didn't fully learn its limitations, but… "I know a shinobi in Suna who can keep his appearance for five days straight," he said. If he had any intonation in his voice, it would be one of triumph. "I'll assign him as my replacement."
"Oh…uh," Tsunade scrambled for a follow up. Dammit, I'm losing him! "That…that shinobi must be quite amazing indeed! Five days, amazing…but...there's just no time to send for a replacement. The client said you will have to leave immediately and it's a few days journey from Suna to here. And…" Okay, I didn't want to do this but seems I have no choice. She sighed for effect. "Gaara-san, your village is relying on you." She took on an even graver voice. "And truthfully, Konoha is too." A rueful shake of the head and another sigh. "If it wasn't for the extremely generous compensation offered, we would not send our shinobi to the other side of the world but as you know, we need to raise our villages again after the war." Dramatic pause and a long intense gaze. "We need you on this mission, Gaara. There's no one else..." The last part might have been a slight overkill. Tsunade waited for a response.
Gaara met Tsunade's eyes but said nothing. It would have been easier if Shukaku were still inside him. He'd just wreak instant havoc, destroy the village, kill everyone in sight and then walk out of Konoha's sand-shattered gates with dignity. Instead Gaara would have to be...veeeery...quiet... "I'm very tired. I need to rest."
"…Of course," Tsunade said. "You've had a long journey and still far longer one ahead. We made reservations at a fine inn. Our ANBU will escort you."
"NO...That is…escorts won't be necessary. I'll find my way there myself."
"Oh but you're the Kazekage. It's our responsibility to ensure your security."
Gaara pointed at the sand gourd on his back. "Ultimate defense, remember? There's really no need to trouble yourselves… Besides, it's been a long time since I was here. I would like to have a leisurely walk through the village. ANBU would be…a distraction."
The Kazekage's safety was actually farthest from Tsunade's concern exactly because of the aforementioned 'ultimate defense'. But Gaara was acting rather strangely…even for Gaara. "…Very well. Have a good rest. You will have to leave in a day or two so please enjoy your stay in the meantime. Let us know if you need anything."
Gaara acknowledged and walked out slowly out of the office, slowly through the corridor, slowly out the exit and slowly down the road. As soon as he was a few paces out of sight from the tower, Gaara made a dash for it behind the trees and into the shadows.
~アホ~アホ~アホ~アホ~
The Yonbaka replacements were ordered to proceed to a posh inn, where Aoyama was staying, to receive further instructions. Gaara stayed behind at the Tower, apparently, for 'some business' with the Hokage.
Inside his room, Aoyama popped a video inside a player and showed random action-synched musical performances by Yonbaka.
'So that's rock music,' Sai mused. He smiled at this. He kinda liked the beat.
'That guy doesn't look like me at all,' Naruto thought. 'Hmmph! I can do way better than that!'
"Oooh! I am so cool!" Lee gushed.
"That's not you," Naruto and Sai said at once.
"I would show you the rakugo part but I've had a very long journey and need to get some rest. For now…" Aoyama walked over to the edge of the room and opened four irregularly-shaped cases. "These are your instruments," he said as he handed Naruto an electric guitar, Lee a keyboard and Sai a pair of drumsticks. "You will use those on padded drums," he said to Sai." The sound will be muted off so you don't have to worry about which to hit. Just act like you know what you're doing."
"Understood," Sai said.
Aoyama also handed him a bass guitar. "Would you give this to Gaara-san when you see him?"
"Certainly," Sai said with a smile.
"This is just so you will get the feel of your instruments," Aoyama pointed out. "Try to remember what you saw in the videos and imitate the movements. We'll leave as soon as I finalize the travel arrangements. That should be within two days."
"That soon?" Naruto asked.
"The trip from here to the eastern hemisphere will take two whole months."
"But you said the concert will start in two months," Lee said.
"Exactly. That is why we cannot linger here. You'll begin proper training while we're at sea."
With that, the three ninjas were dismissed. As soon as they were out of the inn, Naruto suddenly remembered his empty belly. His stomach growled audibly as if on cue. Naruto grabbed his companions and headed to Ichiraku.
On the way to the ramen shop, however, Sai suddenly skidded in his tracks, prompting Lee and Naruto to follow his sudden detour.
"What are we doing here?" Naruto asked after Sai led him and Lee into a shop they had never been to before.
"This is where I get my art ninjutsu supplies," Sai informed.
"Ooooh!" Lee said enthusiastically. This is where that giant scroll and brush for your sealing method came from!" Sai confirmed with a smile. Naruto grumbled. There was nothing to eat in an art supply shop.
"Welcome!" The proprietor warmly greeted. "What do you need today, Sai-kun?"
"Hello, Kintaro-jiisan," Sai greeted back. "This is my supplier since my ANBU days," he informed his companions.
"Why if it isn't our very own hero, Uzumaki Naruto-kun," Kintaro exclaimed.
Naruto momentarily forgot his hunger and beamed at the acknowledgement. He liked this old man already.
"And Konoha's beautiful green beast himself, Rock Lee-kun," Kintaro continued.
Lee almost leaped to hug the man if he wasn't rendered immobile from extreme happiness. "Kintaro-san..." he said amid tears and drooping nose mucus. No one ever called him by his self-proclaimed title, not even Gai-sensei. "How did you know?"
"Sai-kun has told me all about his friends," Kintaro revealed genially.
"Sai-kun…" Lee rushed to hug the artist nin.
Sai dodged quickly. He seldom felt fear like he did then. Or he thought it was fear. A more knowledgeable person would describe it as immensely creeped out. He immediately shook off the sensation. He had to get to his purpose. "Kintaro-jiisan," he said. "I need a favor."
つづく
Up Next: Gaara, oh Gaara, wherefore art thou, Gaara?