chapter 2

Sam's POV

I'm numb

I don't feel anything

Sadness

Anger

Fear

Nothing

Why did this have to happen to me. Now is the time where I wish I was Carly the most. I tried. I swear I tried as hard as I could ,but it wasn't good enough.

I feel so dirty

No matter what I try I can't get clean. I don't let anyone touch me. I don't touch anyone. I'm too filthy, too disgusting.

I was lying in this hospital bed just staring. I didn't know what I was staring at, I was just..staring.

"Knock knock." I looked to the door and saw Carly and Freddie entering my room. I didn't want to talk to them. Everytime they come here they try to make me talk about that night ,and I can't. Everytime I think about it I feel like I have to throw up.

flashback

I was walking away from Bushwell Plaza fuming mad at that stupid nub.

How could he call me a bitch then say I'm jealous of Carly. I am not jealous of Carly. Am I? I was so emerced in my thoughts I didn't hear the footsteps approaching.

How could that nub not see how I feel about him? I mean I drop hints, I stopped hitting him. Alot. But I guess he's too into Carly to notice me.

It was dark and the streets were empty except for a few sleeping hobos. I was about 10 minutes away from my house when there was a hand over my face and someone was dragging me into an alley. I struggled against their grip but it only got tighter. I tried to scream but they were muffled by his hand.

He pushed me up against a brick wall and leaned his weight against me so I couldn't move. I kicked, I punched, I treid to push him off me put I couldn't move. I felt helpless as tears streamed down my face. He ripped open the front of my shirt and groped me painfully hard making cry out against his palm.

"Don't fight darlin' it won't hurt too bad." he whispered in my ear. Making me cringe. He unbuttoned my pants and ripped them off my legs. After that I zoned out.

I heard another zipper and felt hands all over my body. Then I felt pain. Unexplainable pain between my legs. I wanted to be somewhere else. Anywhere else. Hell I would have been happy in juvie if it meant getting out of here.

It hurt so fucking much.

When I came back I noticed that the man was gone and I was alone in this dark alley, and there was only one place I wanted to go right now.

End of flashback

"Sam!" I was ripped from my thoughts when I heard my name. I turned my head to see Carly and Freddie sitting next to my bed in some metal chairs.

"Huh what?"

"I said how are you feeling?" Carly said. *sigh* I'm so sick of that fucking question. Everyone asks me that and I;m so fucking sick of it.

"Why don't you try asking something else fro a change." I snapped. Carly looked taken aback and Freddie didn't look suprised at all.

Ugh He looks so hot right now in his black and grey striped polo shirt that fits tight to his body and his black skinny jeans. I hate stripes but I love them on him.

"When do you get out of here?" Freddie asked.

"I don't know, maybe tomorrow." I shrugged. I really want to get out of this fucking place. I feel trapped in a box or something. They haven't let me leave this room since I was brought here last night. Or should I say this morning.

"Are you hungry?" He asked with a smirk already knowing the aswer to that question, but to tell you the truth I wasn't hungry.

"No not really I don't feel like eating." I turned away from them and let the tears fall. I feel so weak. I cry all the time. I'm so sad. I'm just not me anymore and that scares me.

Later that day *FPOV*

Sam was discharged under Spencer because her mom is California getting a tummy tuck and we couldn't get a hold of her. The ride back to Bushwell was silent to say the least. I just felt something in the pit of my stomach everytime I thought about Sam. I felt angry at myself.

How could I let this happen to her?

How could I let her leave knowing it was too late to be walking the streets?

I'm such an idiot

"Why do you say that?" I heard Carly ask.

"What?"

"You said you were an idiot." Oh shit I said that out loud.

"Nothing just forget it." I looked in the rearview mirror and saw Sam had a distant look in her eyes, like she wasn't in the car with us, and that's when I noticed how beautiful she really is.

Her ocean blue eyes. Her shining blonde hair cascaded down her back like a blanket. Her creamy white skin glowed in the light from the window. She looked like an angel-wait. What?

Did I just say that blonde headed demon looked like an angel?

*SPOV*

The nub's words kept coming back to me.

Maybe if you were more like Carly

It's not my fault your jelouse

Maybe if I was more like Carly. My life would be so much easier. Maybe if I acted more like her I could forget about what happened. Maybe more people would pay attention to me. Maybe Freddie would love me.

That's it. I'll be like Carly.

We pulled up to Bushwell Plaza and got out of the car, walked into the building and into the elevater to the 8th floor. When we got to Carly's apartment everyone was really quiet and it was freaking me out. Here's my chance, let's Carly it up.

"Hey guys you wanna work on some stuff for iCarly?" I ask in my best Melanie voice. Everyone looked at me like I had 3 heads.

'Uh Sam I don't think this is the right time, don't you want to rest?" Carly asked .

"No, I'm fine. Let's go to the studio and Freddie can do some cool techie thing and we can work on a script and rehearse." Freddie was giving me this weird look like he was expecting something to happen.

"I don't think that's such a good idea considering what happened-

"I'm fine let's go." I interupted Freddie. I really didn't want to think about it. With that said I ran up the stairs to the iCarly studio.

*CPOV*

"Ok something isn't right with her." I said to Spencer and Freddie who were still standing there somewhat shocked.

"Yeah, that was weird." Spencer pointed to the stairs.

"Guys I don't think we should do iCarly this week, she's not ready. I think she's just trying to forget what happened by putting her mind on something else." Freddie said.

I'm really worried about Sam. She doesn't seem like herself, at all.

"Yeah I think your right let's go talk to her." Freddie and I ran up the stairs to the studio to see Sam writing something in a notepad. She saw us and smiled,

"Hey guys, so I got some great ideas for the show. I was thinking we can-

"Sam we're not doing iCarly this week, you nee-

"I'm fine guys, really. Hey Carly would you go shopping with me tomorrow?"

WHAT! She's acting like she wasn't just raped by some stranger. Like the past 12 hours of her life were just erased. She's not even acting the same.

"Are you sure, I mean we can go some other time maybe next week-

"No!" Sam yelled. She looked down and I can see the tear she was hiding. "I wanna go tomorrow." She muttered.

"O-okay we'll go tomorrow, what do you wanna buy?"

"New clothes."

"Why?"

"I just want new clothes ok?"

"Alright."

Oh yeah something is definately wrong.

AN: Well that wasn't as good as I thought it would be but I posted it anyway. Hope you guys liked this sucky chapter. LOL

I promise next chapter will be better :)