You're probably going to ask me how I can guarantee this, but I guarantee you are going to laugh by the end of the chapter. Just do it.
"Hiwatari-kun! Are you all right?"
Satoshi's hopes lifted just a teensy, weensy bit when he saw Daisuke running toward him with a worried expression. He'd waited for this day…then he realized that the teacher had probably sent Daisuke to check up on him. Instantly, Satoshi's anticipation deflated faster than Dark's ego when pricked by a pin. Whereas Dark might've raced home crying about the "boo-boo", Satoshi attempted to finish drying off his shirt in silent anger.
"The teacher---she was worried---and the girl---she took over your seat---and we have a new project---. Oh, you look wet, Satoshi. Really wet."
Inside, Krad buried his face in his hands.
"Him! Here? Oh my gosh, why didn't you warn me, Jennifer…?"
"I tried! And ohmigod I actually said 'hi' to Daisuke!"
Ashley was very cramped. "What are you guys talking about? I'm getting squished, and the lunch bell already rang."
"Uh-oh, he'll be at lunch!"
"Jennifer and Daisuke, sitting in a tree!"
Ashley pushed against them. "Umm…guys, it's really stuffy in here. So yeah. Could we leave?"
At that moment, the janitor opened the hall closet door and found 3 girls gaping back at him. He had been cleaning up Brittney's gastrointestinal artwork and merely needed a mop. However, they had apparently hid in the wrong closet at the wrong time.
"I can explain" Brittney said before they tumbled out.
200 miles away, in a elevated laboratory half a mile above the ground:
"I did it! Oh yes, I did it! Oh, Stephen! Oy, you boy! Hurry up and get up here! I've finally completed it!"
"It is very impressive, Professor…"
"Of course it is! Now, write this down, for the encyclopedias: On the 20th of June, 1924, Professor Arnold Bean Humbug finally concluded his noble efforts! In his elevated laboratory half a mile off ground, he invented the first ever---!"
"…Sir, it's October, sir…and we're in the 21st century, sir…"
"---oh, shut up, you talk too much---I repeat, the first ever mind-reading device in history! I shall now run a preliminary test!"
With a ZAP! the laboratory lit up with a brilliant glare as atomic articles in the megaton range of the mind-reading apparatus destroyed all boundaries known to man and invoked their nuclei etc, etc (insert scientific-sounding terms here). In seconds, the inner workings of Stephen's brains were revealed to Arnold Bean Humbug.
The professor must be crazy…but that's why I work here. Sigh…I'm such a altruistic person. I really should get another job, though, because sometimes the professor forgets my paycheck. Like how he forgets the date. And last week he called me his wife. One can only dream…well, I mean, Professor. Humbug is a very attractive man…Now what was I doing? Oh yes, the Professor is running a preliminary test---WHAT THE---!???!?! ON ME!!!??
There was an awkward silence as the Professor read what Stephen was thinking while Stephen realized the Professor was reading what he was thinking since both of them were now thinking
There was an awkward silence as Satoshi and Daisuke reappeared in the classroom. At this moment, 200 miles away, Stephen was running home in tears while the Professor completely forgot about his assistant. Instead, he was now focusing the mind-reading ray 200 miles away on a location called Azumano Junior High. No one knows why he chose this spot. Maybe he spotted Satoshi's weirdly colored hair and decided to peek in on things.
This is what he saw.
Daisuke:
Why is everyone staring at us? Gulp…I feel so exposed…
Satoshi:
What? Why are they looking so intently? Am I standing too close to Daisuke? I'm not even touching him! What! That girl actually has the nerve to sit in my seat? &#!!
Takeshi:
Mother of pearl…I wish Satoshi and Daisuke would move over, I gotta see this up close…
Jennifer:
(mouth open)
Why is the teacher showing us NAKED STATUES? Ohmigod. Ohmigod. This is pornography!
The Teacher:
Oh great. They look shocked. Well, studying Greek Classical Art is mostly boring stuff, so I had to make it fun somehow…
Brittney:
Holy crap…it's Apollo…
Ashley:
Oookey, I am SO not looking at that! And why is Jennifer blushing?
The Teacher:
Well, better start putting them in groups for the project. Let's see…it'll be easier to go with the friends. Risa and Riku and Tasume and Yaraha. Daisuke and Takeshi…and Satoshi, although he probably knows all this stuff. Reiji and Mitsuka.
Takeshi:
Awesome! I get to scope out nude Greek people with Daisuke! And Satoshi!
Jennifer:
Why is everyone getting into groups? Oh, a sort of project. Where do I go? Ohmigod, Daisuke is waving at me! AHHH!!
Ashley:
Ummm, are we supposed to be pairing up? And why is Takeshi touching the statue?!?
"And since our girls need some guides, why don't you three show them around and help them with the project, ok?" The teacher beamed at them and shoved Daisuke into Jennifer, who gave a loud "Eh!"
Daisuke:
No! Riku! It's not what it looks like!
Jennifer:
He's PRESSING against me!
"And oh yes, you too," the teacher said, dragging Brittney and Ashley over.
It took about half a millisecond for Brittney to what was happening. She and Satoshi gave each other a surprised glance, and then it was war.
"Well, you're in your groups now!" the teacher beamed, not minding the death-glares being traded over her head.
Satoshi mentally added his teacher as Number-Two-Person-He-Would-Not-Mind-Krad-Beating-Up-Once-In-A-While. His father had already taken the top spot.
Heck, he would add the girl as Number Three.
Brittney:
(weakly) I just realized…Satoshi/Takeshi/Daisuke. STD. And we're the JAB (Jennifer/Ashley/Brittney). JAB STD?!?!?
Jennifer:
Can anyone get him off of me?
Daisuke:
AHHH! My hair's stuck to her shirt! Stupid button, let my hair go…
Riku:
(covering eyes with hands) We are so over, Daisuke.
Once in the safety of the library, the six sat around their appointed table. Two of them were clueless about what was going on. One was as red as his hair. One was very mad. Another was emotionlessly seething, if that was possible. Still one more was reading a porn magazine.
Satoshi opened his briefcase and dug out a very old notebook. It had a faded H on the navy cover. He had used it a long time ago, before he'd come to Azumano, at Hartford Academy. It had been quite a while, but he was sure the English would start coming back to him.
Brittney's eyes glossed over the cover and lit up. "Hartford!" she squealed. She took on a dreamy expression. "Yeah, I remember Hartford," she went on. "Loved the school, hated the people. But the teachers were nice enough, I guess."
Krad appeared in an astral form beside Satoshi and raised an eyebrow. Hartford is a boys' school.
Jennifer read the cover, which was written in both Japanese and English. "Hartford Boys' Academy. Wait. Only boys are allowed there, Brittney. How'd you get in?"
Brittney shrugged as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. By now, Takeshi had put down his porno and was listening excitedly, despite the fact he couldn't understand much of what was being said. "Well, I had to go in disguise, mainly…"
Krad choked on an imaginary donut. She cross-dressed! And he laughed so hard he fell to the floor.
"You cross-dressed," Satoshi said feebly, lowering his notebook.
"You cross-dressed!" Takeshi exclaimed, an almost jealous expression on his face. He leaned across the table. "What was it like?"
Brittney stared at him for a full minute. "What?" she said at last.
She can't understand you, Krad said listlessly, eating his imaginary donut.
Satoshi sighed extra loudly and flipped furiously through his notebook. Daisuke stared intently at the table. Takeshi was still waiting for a reply. Brittney was staring quizzically at everyone. Ashley was tracing her name. Jennifer leaned forward perkily but then found nothing to lean forward perkily about. The teacher was secretly taking a nap in the lounge. Professor Arnold Bean Humbug was being interviewed by Oprah (and simultaneously reading Oprah's mind). Hilary Rodham Clinton was running for president----.
"Cross-dresser," Satoshi mumbled, reading from his notebook, brow furrowed in concentration. The English letters could've been another language for all he was concerned.
"So?" Brittney asked disdainfully. "Some sacrifices have to be made."
Ashley got the point. "You can speak English?!?" she gasped at Satoshi.
Satoshi was trying to figure what they were saying. She called you a homosexual, skirt---er, pant-chasing, flowery fairy, Krad added helpfully.
"She called me a what?" Satoshi asked in Japanese.
"Whoa, go back to English!"
"Yeah, I didn't catch that last part, Satoshi, say it again."
"His English is good," Jennifer said, leaning forward perkily again.
A homosexual pant-chasing flowery fairy, Krad repeated, even more helpfully.
Satoshi dove into the part of his notebook no good English student should learn. "Bullshit," he said forcibly.
"WHAT?" Ashley cried. Brittney sprang up. "What did you say?"
Now the taller girl is trying to accuse you of secretly being in love with your teddy bear and kissing it at night."What teddy bear?" Satoshi asked, puzzled. He also stood up to face Brittney.
Daisuke brightened. "Are you talking about teddy bears? I gave Riku a teddy bear for her birthday. It was brown with a red ribbon---."
What do you mean, what teddy bear? The one I ripped up 3 years ago because you liked it too much.
"Oh," said Satoshi. "That teddy bear."
Takeshi had plopped a tape recorder on the table and was watching this like a tennis match. "What did she say, Satoshi?" he asked.
"She's accusing me---er, Daisuke of molesting a teddy bear---."
"You can't take that, Daisuke!" Takeshi roared, thumping the table so that his porn magazines fell to the ground. "Quick, Satoshi, what's a good comeback?"
I think you are very pretty, responded Krad from over Satoshi's shoulder.
"I think you are very pretty," Satoshi said to Takeshi.
Takeshi instantly grabbed Daisuke so that they were all standing, facing Brittney and the still-sitting Ashley and Jennifer. "Say it, Daisuke! 'I think you are very pretty.' C'mon, say it, don't let them walk all over you! They insulted your teddy bear! They insulted your pride! Your honor! They're mocking all teddy bears! Besides, they burned our crops, spoiled our milk, and stole our livestock!"
"They did?" Daisuke asked blearily.
"No," Takeshi said theatrically, "but are you going to wait around until they do?!? Say it now! 'I think you are very pretty!'"
By the way, Satoshi, that means "I think you are very pretty" in English.
"WHAT THE---KRAD—THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS---!?!?"
"Say it!"
"Why are all of them saying 'I think you are very pretty' to each other?" Brittney asked.
"Love triangle," said Ashley, sniggering.
Jennifer blushed.
She grew even redder a couple of seconds later when a very reluctant and embarrassed Daisuke, unaware of Satoshi goggling at him, said red-facedly to Jennifer, "I think you are very pretty," which pretty much ruined the chances of the group project succeeding as the meeting dissolved into giggles and a lot of alter egos choking on imaginary donuts.