Chapter 2
"I can't believe Mom and Dad left Junior in charge and not me.
Sure, he's the crown prince and I'm not, but I'm the oldest!
Not that I want to be crown prince - heck no, running a
kingdom is way too much work. Sometimes I think Dad
has some serious brain damage to want to rule the entire
world - doesn't he realize how much responsibility that'd be?
"I kind of wish Mom was still here. I'm used to her coming to
tuck me in at night. Not that anybody knows about that.
Wait, then why am I writing about it? Somebody could
read this! First chance I get I'm burning this thing."
~From the Diary of Ludwig Von Koopa
"So, what exactly are we supposed to do about this?" Ludwig wondered.
It didn't take long for word about our guest to spread throughout the castle, and before long all my siblings were clustered around the little figure in the red cap, who blinked curiously at them in return as he sucked his thumb. "What else can we do?" I asked wearily. "We have to go look for her."
"What about him?" Roy wondered, as Iggy suddenly picked the baby plumber up and sniffed him.
"Somebody has to stay here and watch him while the rest of us search," I answered logically.
"Don't look at me," Wendy said crisply. "I just did my nails."
I rolled my eyes, a move most of my brothers mirrored. Iggy was hoisting Mario Jr over his head as he scrutinized him, making him giggle and kick his chubby feet. "I wonder what makes him tick?" he mused.
"Babies don't tick," I snapped, as my heart gave an unhappy flutter. I didn't want to think about how much time we'd have to spend in a Mushroom Kingdom prison for dissecting the crown prince.
Iggy took another sniff, then held the little kicker out at arm's length. "No," he allowed, coughing, "but they sure do smell."
Morton bugged his eyes out before turning and scurrying out of the foyer. "I have to go, um, blow something up," he called back vaguely.
"Me too," said Ludwig, hurrying after him.
"Don't look at me," Wendy said again as she blew on her nails.
Huffing in annoyance, Elsie took the soiled prince and stomped away. "You're all a buncha useless sissies," she called over her shoulder.
"True enough," I said mildly, knowing that Mama Rosie would have scolded us too, if she was here. Well, she'd be more polite about it. "Okay," I sighed, "who wants to join me in the search party?"
Predictably, Rue volunteered to stay here and help Elsie watch Mario Jr, while the koopalings that didn't run out of the room a minute ago opted to follow me outside...except for Wendy, of course. Sometimes I'd like to gnaw off those nails of hers.
"Okay, let's see," I mumbled, going over a checklist a few minutes later, "We'll need torches to see by, backpacks for food in case we're out there a long time, sleeping bags in case we're out there a really long time..."
"And drinks?" wondered Lemmy.
"Good idea. You and Larry go get the food and drinks; Roy, Iggy and I will get the rest of the stuff."
The pair gave a hop and ran off - I'm sure the head cook was going to be ecstatic when they stormed the kitchen - while the three of us went to dig up five backpacks and sleeping bags. Snagging torches was easy enough, since there are rows of them on virtually every wall. We met up in the foyer a few minutes later and then, after securing our gear, we all trooped outside.
"Let me think," I mumbled to myself as we headed across the bridge that stretched over the moat, "if I were a baby princess lost and alone out in the middle of a strange place, where would I go?"
"In your diaper," Roy said promptly, making Larry and Lemmy and snicker. I rolled my eyes and took the lead as we headed out the main gate.
Beyond the castle walls, the terrain was a mixture of smooth dirt and patches of rocky ground, making traveling on foot slow-going as we climbed up boulders and slid down inclines. Plus there were pools of lava to work around, and angry, fire-proof piranha plants waiting to pop out...not that any of it bothered us. But it made for slow progress, and supplied plenty of hiding places for frightened little princesses.
When we didn't find anything close to the castle, we ventured out into the dense underbrush a little further out, which was so dark it was almost impossible to see without torches and good ol' keen koopa eyesight. Just how did two babies get this far, anyway?
"I wonder what Mom and Dad are doing right now?" Lemmy wondered as he skipped over a tangle of roots growing in the middle of the path.
Roy snorted. "Probably something fun," he muttered.
"More fun than this," I agreed sourly. "I doubt when they put me in charge they figured I'd have to go off on a baby hunt five minutes after they left."
"What does one need to conduct a good baby hunt?" Iggy suddenly mused. "A big net?"
"Or a bill blaster?" suggested Lemmy.
Groaning, I rubbed a hand over my eyes. "That's not what I meant, you sick turds," I grumbled. "Now-"
Roy suddenly jerked a hand up. "Sh!" he ordered. "Listen."
We all froze, ears straining. Somewhere off in the distance was a soft sound...a strange one. Kind of like a snuffling, sobbing sound. Lemmy wrinkled his nose. "Is that what Mushroom Kingdom babies sound like when they cry?" he wondered. "Doesn't sound a bit like how Rue used to."
"Or Elsie," agreed Roy. "She about busted the roof off when she was small."
Grimacing, I nodded in agreement; my baby sister had quite a pair of lungs on her. Fortunately, she had grown out of wailing when she wanted something. Now, if we could just teach Wendy the same...
"It's coming from over that way," Iggy said, pointing down an even more overgrown path than the one we were on. The underbrush was so thick it had me wishing we had thought to bring a machete or something - and then I saw Roy gearing up to spit a fireball, planning to torch our way through the dense forest. "Don't do that," I cried, giving him a shove that sent him sprawling.
Roy rolled like a log for about a foot before he stopped and hauled himself angrily to his feet. "What was that for?" he groused, brushing himself off.
"The princess could be hiding in any one of these bushes," I told him tersely. "So we can't just start flaming everything in sight."
"Many things around here have a habit of bursting into flame anyway," Iggy reminded me as he adjusted his glasses.
"I know - which is why we should stop talking and hurry this up," I said meaningfully.
Following the sobbing sound, we made our way deeper into the forest, pulling and tugging and clawing our way through the weeds and underbrush. Progress was made slowly, especially since my brothers kept chattering and bouncing around - particularly Lemmy. "Do I have to remind you guys that I'm in charge around here?" I asked testily as he and Larry kept shoving each other around and cackling like crazy koopas.
Without waiting for a response, I whirled on them with a roar and unleashed a steady stream of flame that would have made Dad proud. Not that fire was much of a threat to our hard shells, but it chaffed the skin and could cause a seriously bad hair day, and the four of them scattered with squeals. "How come you get to breathe fire and we don't?" Roy demanded, as he pulled his sunglasses off and wiped soot off the lenses.
"Because we already checked back that way and I know it's clear," I said smugly.
"And you're standing right where we haven't checked," Roy added sourly.
"Exactly."
Still smug, I turned around and pulled aside a clump of shrubbery - and nearly hopped back in surprise. Curled up at the base of the tree in front of me, covering his head and whimpering pitifully was a baby yoshi. He was a bright - almost neon - lime green, and he looked so scared I was pretty sure he hadn't even noticed us yet.
Larry peered around my arm curiously. "It's not the princess - but maybe we could put him in a pink dress and glue some blond curls on his head," he suggested. "I'm sure no one would ever notice."
I wearily shoved him back, then stepped closer and bent down. "Hey, little one," I started to say, "do you happen to know where-"
At the sound of my voice, the yoshi moved its hands from its head and looked up - and took off with a shrill shriek, running for cover behind the large tree trunk. Sighing, I straightened up again. "Am I that scary?" I wondered.
Behind me, my brothers were sniggering hysterically. "To the weak-minded," Roy confirmed. "You've got Dad's mug after all."
Great for it to be causing terror when I didn't want it to. I was just about to chase after the little shrieker when Roy stepped casually in front of me, and just as casually snagged him as he came back around the other side of the tree. He unceremoniously dumped the frightened creature into his backpack; a moment later a lime green nose poked out, followed by a pair of wide, bewildered eyes. His nose twitched, but he didn't shriek or try to get away again.
"That's one," he noted.
"Good; let's hurry up and find the princess," I said.
Fortunately, we found her only a few feet away from the whimpering yoshi. She was lying back on a pile of leaves and cooing quietly as she kicked her bare feet, looking like she was too young to understand that she was in a potentially dangerous environment, and she didn't react as the five of us crowded around her and peered closely.
She had huge blue eyes and was dressed in a lacy pink dress over her plump white diaper, and a string of glittering beads was woven carefully into her golden curls, like a circlet.
Larry snorted. "Like if she didn't have some kind of ornament on we would have no idea she's supposed to be a princess."
"Let's just get her back to the castle," I said, as I bent closer and started lifting her carefully.
Little Popo squirmed and giggled like my clawed hands tickled, and her cherubic face broke out into a smile as she patted my large nose. Roy snickered. "Looks like she likes you," he noted.
I thought back on all the times her mother started screeching louder than a banshee who'd just sucked down a balloon-full of helium the second she caught a glimpse of my dad's face and wondered whose personality was at work here.
"I think there's room in my bag," Roy offered cheekily, as I straightened up and gently rested the plump baby against my shoulder.
"I can handle it," I said crisply. "Let's get going."
We all trooped back to the castle, which was oddly quiet when we got inside. Having no other reason to hang around, my brothers all shed their explorers gear and wandered off in different directions, leaving me alone with both the tiny princess and unhappy yoshi, who started fussing again after Roy left him on the floor.
Sighing, I leaned down to scoop him up with my free hand - and felt my nose twitch as an unpleasant odor drifted to me from the softly cooing princess. Sighing again, I turned and hurried down the corridor. "Elsie?"
I found her back in her room, curled up on her bed with her journal for world conquest in her hand. She looked up as the three of us came in. "You found them," she noted, sounding pleased.
"Uh huh." I set Popo down carefully on her bed. "You think you could give me a hand? The little princess has, uh, delicately soiled herself."
Elsie sat up and scowled at me. "Why can't you do something about it?" she demanded sourly.
"Because I'm a useless sissy," I reminded her.
Grunting, she cradled the tiny princess in her arms carefully and slid off the bed. "I pity the poor girl who gets stuck with you," she sniffed.
"Me too. Where's Mario Jr?" I asked as I followed her out into the hallway.
"Where else? Rue took him to the old playroom."
"Ah. Smart thinking."
With so many kids who were close in age, Dad had built us a playroom that almost took up an entire wing of the castle. The rest of us had outgrown it years ago, but Elsie and Rue still spent a lot of their time in there. It had everything; swing sets, slides, rows and rows of tunnels, merry-go-rounds, train sets - and a whole lot more, all brightly and cheerfully colored. When Elsie and I got there, each one of us toting a baby, Rue was perched on a swing, while Mario Jr was crawling around on a teeter-totter and giggling happily.
"How'd you get so good at this, anyway?" I wondered, as Elsie carried baby Popo over to a large cabinet at the side of the room.
"Uh, we have a lot of relatives with babies on Mom's side of the family, and they seem to just keep coming," she reminded me, as she pulled out a stack of diapers we kept on hand for when the aforementioned relatives visited. "Don't you ever pay attention to how they take care of all those kids when they're here?"
"Um...no."
"Typical."
Rue, who had been listening to us, suddenly jumped down from his swing. "Well, even if Elsie has a knack for changing diapers, she can't watch them by herself," he noted as he came over.
No, I agreed silently as I looked both him and his twin over; they were much too young to be saddled with the responsibility of watching two helpless babies for an extended period of time. They were only a little bigger than I was when Mama Rosie first joined the family, and not a whole lot older.
And speaking of big; I felt my expression grow a little wistful as my gaze wandered over all the playground equipment, noting how none of it was built for someone of my stature. Anything I might try to play with would probably break - or I'd get stuck or something. And then my siblings would have to come saw me free. I shuddered at the thought.
"Where's Junior?" Elsie suddenly asked.
"Uh, I'm right here," I told her, with a puzzled frown.
Huffing, Elsie shouldered the freshly-diapered princess and shot me a weary look. "Not you, the other Junior."
Oh. Rue and I quickly looked over at the teeter-totter, but it was empty. The whole playground had fallen silent. "Uh-oh."
"You lost him?" Elsie scolded. "Way to go, big brother."
"Our future king in action," Rue chimed in.
"Hey - no double-teaming me," I snapped. "He can't have gotten far."
I hurried out of the playroom, my eyes scanning back and forth - and then the yoshi still cupped in my hands suddenly squirmed with an unhappy whine. I hastily set him down, and he trotted over to Elsie; cooing, Popo stretched her hands out to him. The saddle on the little yoshi's back was specially designed for babies, and Elsie took a moment to place the tiny princess on it and securely buckle her in with the straps attached to the sides before hurrying along with me and Rue on our search.
"Maybe we should split up," I suggested as we turned a corner.
"Or go tell all the guards and have everyone in the castle help look," Rue added.
"Or," Elsie put in dryly as an unhappy yell echoed further down the corridor, "maybe he's just ahead in the kitchen."
"This day just keeps getting better and better," I sighed, as the sounds of the head cook screeching continued to echo back to us.
And it wasn't even lunchtime yet.