"I love you," she whispered to me, leaning in close, her lips brushing against my ear.

I shivered, leaning back in my seat. "L-Ladybug…" I gasped.

"I love you," she repeated.

"What about Chat Noir?" I asked, gazing into her bluebell eyes.

She smiled softly. "He doesn't know me like you do," she said. "He doesn't know who I really am."

"I know who you are…" I murmured, leaning in closer to the drawing.

"Hey, Nath? Are you okay?" I heard a voice interrupt me.

I looked down to see Ivan, turned in his seat, looking up at me.

"U-ugh… fine… " I said, blushing. How much of that did he hear?How much was I saying out loud?

"You were muttering pretty intensely to yourself," Ivan noted. "Didn't know you were such a big Ladybug fan." He paused. "You and Adrien have a lot in common, you know?"

"I-It was just me getting… " I paused. "I… I was thinking about how it would be if, you know, Chat Noir and… "

"Dude, it's cool," Ivan said. "Just… you've been by yourself for the past two hours. Maybe want to hang out with the rest of us?"

"N-no," I said, pulling my sketchbook close. "I'm fine."

Crowds made me uncomfortable, even if I knew everyone here. Why couldn't they understand that? Juleka, Ivan, Mylene… someone was always interrupting me, making sure I "fit in" but all I really wanted to do was draw my comic in peace. If I couldn't be with Marinette for real, then why couldn't I at least have this?

"Dude, you're always by yourself," Ivan said. "Like I mean always. Juleka used to be your lab partner but now it seems like you don't really have any friends. Not since…"

"Juleka and I are fine," I said, though I knew what he was talking about. "I just… she'd rather be with Rose… "

Ivan snorted. "I know when you're making excuses. I've sat in front of you all semester."

"Seriously," I insisted. "I just…" How to make it not sound bad? "I don't like talking to people," I finished lamely.

"You're antisocial," Ivan asserted. "That's not news to anyone in class. But after the Evillustrator thing, you've been a lot more withdrawn. It's really bugging me. I mean, after you're akumatized, most people go back to normal."

"Most people don't remember it," I muttered.

"Sorry, what?" he asked, raising his voice a little.

"Nothing," I said in response, looking back down at my drawing.

"So, uh," he said. "Marinette. Have you talked to her at all recently?"

"No more than usual," I muttered.

"So basically not at all," he said in response. "Why am I not surprised?"

"Because I'm shy and I don't talk to people when I can avoid it?" I offered in a quiet tone.

"Yeah, something like that," he said.

I shut up then. I really didn't want to keep talking to Ivan more than necessary. I could feel myself getting drained by just this small amount of dialogue. Things were a lot simpler in my comics. People were a lot less complicated than they seemed to be in real life.

"Nath, Nathanael," he poked my arm repeatedly, trying to get my attention.

I ignored him as well as I could, but there wasn't really much I could do.

"Why don't you bother Mylene?" I asked in a low growl.

"Because I'm bothering you," he said in an amused response.

"But I bet she would enjoy being bothered by you a lot more than I do," I said.

"I can't leave you alone," he said. "You've been alone all morning. It's nearly time for 's food to get here."

"I'm fine," I insisted.

Why couldn't he just leave me alone?

Wait, that's right. Because he was my friend.

It was lame how friends worked.

"Hey, can I read your comic?" he asked, reaching for it.

I instinctively pulled back hard, keeping it out of his hands, panic rising in my chest. "No," I said.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Because it's mine," I said in response.

People didn't understand. Just because I drew something didn't mean I wanted everyone to see. Comics to me were like diaries were to other people. My innermost thoughts went into them.

"But I really wanna see it," he insisted, reaching out for it again, this time getting his hands on it, snatching it away from my grip.

"Hey! Give it back!" I said.

"I'm just going to take a sec," he said, opening it up.

"Give it back!" I said in a louder voice. He maneuvered his body to block me, turning the pages.

"This is really good stuff," he said in what was probably meant to be a compliment.

However, it felt like he was punching me in the gut, panic rising in my throat as he turned the pages, one after another after another after another.

"Just give it back!" I roared, yanking on the notebook, pulling it out of his startled hands.

I suddenly became aware of a million eyes on me, staring me down.

"I…" I squeaked in surprise. What was there for me to say? I…

I pulled the sketchbook tight to my chest and then took off, pushing through the classroom and running towards the door.

"Nath-" Juleka's startled voice came but I slammed the door behind me then took off at a sprint.

What had I just done? Yelling like that in the middle of class? That wasn't like me…

I ran towards the basketball court, quickly hiding under the stairs in the back. I pulled my sketchbook close, hugging my knees against my chest. I closed my eyes, forcing myself to take deep, even breaths.

It was going to be okay. It really was. It wasn't like my whole class was going to hate me for one silly outburst, right?

Maybe. Maybe they would…

Maybe…

Stop it! I internally scolded myself. This type of thinking is what landed you as the Evillustrator to begin with!

I needed to maintain control. I couldn't let what happened last time I got this upset happen again. I just couldn't.

"Nathanael?" I heard a sweet voice call for me suddenly.

Oh God, why did it have to be her who came to find me?

"Hey, Nath?" she asked, a little unsure, looking around. "It's Marinette? I just want to talk…"

My heart clenched painfully and I pulled myself a little tighter.

Please just walk by… I prayed silently.

"Nath…" she walked around to the other side of the stairs, then noticed me. Marinette knelt down in front of me, giving me a reassuringly sweet smile. "I didn't know you had quite the temper," she said with a lighthearted lit to her voice.

I was not amused.

Her smiled fell. "Are you feeling okay?" she asked in a soft voice, scooting in close. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really," I muttered, looking away.

Soft fingers touched my face, pulling my attention back towards her. "Nathanael…" she said in a soft voice. "You know I'm here for you, right? You're my friend."

Friend. It was probably the word I hated the most coming from her mouth.

"I'm okay," I said, pushing her hand aside. "I promise. I just… I didn't want Ivan to see… "

"See what?" she asked.

For anyone else, I would have just left it at that. I wouldn't talk about it, I wouldn't open up. I wouldn't say anything. But this was Marinette, the girl I loved more than anything.

"I… he wanted to see my comic," I mumbled.

"Do you mind if I take a look?" she asked in that sickeningly sweet voice.

She was like poison to me.

"Uh… sure," I said, mechanically unfolding myself and handing her my sketchbook.

It was like slow motion. Her face went from amusement, to surprise, to absolute shock in a matter of seconds.

"Y-you know this is r-ridiculous, right?" she said, giving a nervous laugh. "There's no way that-"

"I know," I said. "It's impossible right? You're not some superhero. But I do like drawing you like this...if that's okay?" I felt the lie coming out of my mouth, but I could tell from her face how much it disturbed her that someone else knew. And I couldn't do that to her.

"Y-yes," she said, relief clearly entering her eyes. "Yes of course. It's… it's fine," she assured me, closing the sketchbook.

I didn't quite know if she believed my lie. But she looked like she wanted to. Like she really wanted to. Because the alternative…

The alternative that I knew what she was hiding was pretty frightening.

It was frightening for me too.