It is disgusting and hideous to have him in my home, using my dining room, commanding my servants and me and my son, but there is nothing I can do. I was never raised to stand up to people, I was raised to use my femininity to make men believe that anything I wanted was their own idea. This is not the kind of persuasion that will ever work on Lord Voldemort. Even if I had been equipped to put up a fight, I would not have – no one dares stand up to him, and certainly not me, fallen from grace as I have.
Instead, I must sit at the table next to my son, along with other Death Eaters, knowing he takes pleasure in using my house to humiliate me, to make sure I know that I no longer have any control over my life, even in my own home.
I keep my hands in my lap as he sits at the head of the table, in Lucius' chair, and surveys us all. I keep my eyes directed in my lap. He has not punished us yet for what happened at the Ministry, and instead of relieving me, I am only more afraid. His rage will only be worse because most of the others were locked away; by the time he finished with Bella, her hair was stiff with sweat, her throat so hoarse from screaming she did not speak for days. In a way, I would have preferred to share that punishment; he would have vented his rage then, and we would not be waiting for the axe to fall.
"Well," he finally says, "a new member has joined us recently. I trust you all are familiar with Draco Malfoy?"
Murmurs of assent come from those gathered, tinged with confusion. Like me, they had all expected Lucius' wife and child would be punished for his failings; they had not expected that his son would be allowed to join.
He smiles, and I almost suspect that it it is less an expression of real pleasure than just a habit left over from when he was still human. That, or he is relishing something yet to come.
"Given the boy's father's recent failure, I felt that he should be given a chance to prove himself," he continues. "Draco, please stand."
He does, and the Dark Lord smiles again. "I have an important task for you, boy. There is a certain…someone…who I feel must be eliminated; he is an obstacle to all I hope to accomplish." He is almost purring now. "I take it you are familiar with Albus Dumbledore? He is headmaster at your school…"
Draco nods. "Do you accept the task of killing him, Draco?"
My son's chest puffs up with pride even as dread fills me. "I do," he says, his face alight with joy at the prospect of proving himself and bringing honor to the family once more.
Meanwhile, I am screaming inside. Albus Dumbledore is a master, one of the greatest wizards ever known; my son has no chance at beating him. He is proud and brave and smart and strong, but he is a child, however much he wants to be a man, and against a man like Dumbledore he will not win. I do not know what the Dark Lord hopes to accomplish by sending my son on this mission, but he cannot truly believe that Draco will succeed.
"My Lord, there are many accomplished wizards here tonight, best among us you…surely there must be a better candidate to carry out this task than a sixteen year old boy?" I say. Draco shoots me a look of pure fury, but I ignore him. He can hate me; but I will not allow this to go on without at least trying to get him out of this.
The Dark Lord smiles slowly at me, and I think for a moment that he must have wanted me to ask. "Why, Narcissa, surely you are eager for this chance to prove that the Malfoys are still among my most loyal servants?"
I do not meet his eye – I do not have the courage – instead staring at his hands. "My Lord, you need only ask me to go, and I will do this. But surely my son cannot be the best chance we have of destroying Dumbledore."
"Oh, but Narcissa," he says, "Draco here has such a…unique…opportunity. He does go to the man's school, does he not? And he must be longing for a chance to prove himself worthy to be a Death Eater…"
"I will not fail," my son announces, shooting another glare at me. "I can do it. I will do it."
I look up to see the Dark Lord smiling at me cruelly. "See, Narcissa? The boy wishes for a chance to prove himself…and he shall get it…" And I finally understand.
He does not mean for my child to survive at all. We have been waiting for our punishment, and this is it – he will kill my son on this suicide mission, we will fall from grace, never to return, and Lucius and I will have to live without our son. And there is nothing I can do; there is no hope in defying the Dark Lord. He hopes this will happen, and I know it will, simply because he is that cruel.
He nods at Draco. "You may be seated, boy." Draco sits, glancing at me and setting his jaw. He looks away. What does he think of me? Does he think that his mother has just tried to steal his glory? I do not care. I do not care if my son hates me until the day he dies; as long as he is alive to do it. He is my boy, my only child, and I cannot think of a way to save his life, even though I try desperately. There is no one I can turn to, no one who will help the fallen Malfoys, and no one who will defy the Dark Lord to do it.
The Dark Lord glances as me once more, smiling again, before moving on to other matters. He knows that inside I am dying, he knows that it will destroy both me and Lucius to lose our son, and that is why he is doing it. I have been waiting for the axe to fall, but I had not expected it to come like this – I had expected him to take out his anger on me. I had expected physical punishment. I had expected to be able to handle it. I had never thought that he would go so far as to punish my child for our transgressions, and I do not believe Lucius thought so either.
I keep my mind blank until the meeting is adjourned, terrified that I will think something traitorous and the Dark Lord will know, or that I will simply break down right there. Neither happens, and it is only after everyone is gone that I begin to think again.
I turn to look at Draco. Even angry at me, even though he is taller than I am, even though he looks more like a man, he is still my little boy. He is still my child, even as he storms away, and I will do anything to save him.