It's a little early but enjoy…
Twilight - (Edwards Point of View) - Chapter Two.
During the drive, I wondered where I could go. Though my main instinct was to turn the car around and return to the place I most wanted to be, I continued on. Right now I could disappear to anywhere. Catch a plane to Europe, to Australia and no - one would come looking for me. They would allow me to return at my own time.
To a human this would feel like pure freedom, to me it felt like a sanction. To be away from my home and my family. I hated this.
I could leave Forks behind me, for a few years at least until Bella Swan moved away where I could then return to my family free from the shadow of her scent.
I could visit Isle Esme, Carlisle and Esme would be happy to lend it to me but I did not enjoy the idea of being so far away.
Where could I go?
Coming out from my mindless wander, I looked out the window into the darkness that my eyes had no problem adjusting to. Sighing in aggravation of my situation I barely caught a glimpse of the "Welcome to Alaska" sign as I raced past. Alaska. My unconscious mind had brought me to my distance relatives - the Denali's.
Perhaps a visit to see them would be beneficial.
Hopefully some different company would take my mind off Bella Swan. For all I could see, all I could think about was her. Even after the distance I had put between us, her face, her eyes remained etched into my head.
A few hours later and I started up the familiar snowy pathway to the house. I remembered the time our family had once lived here with the Denali's. It was for only a couple of years before we began to draw to much attention, ending in our separation. We had moved to Baudette and the Denali clan had stayed to create a home here.
As the house came into view, though the sky was still midnight blue I could see Carmen and Kate perched on the steps in anticipation at the surprise night-time visitor while Eleazer crouched protectively in front of them. Looking out of the big bay window were Irina and Tanya, whose face lit up at my recognition. Joining the others outside Tanya said "Be still, it is Edward sisters."
Putting the car to a stop and stepping out, I looked up to see Tanya by my side, trying to remain inconspicuous as she linked her arm through mine. I smiled politely down at her. She unsuccessfully tried to hide her thoughts, instead just informing me that her feelings had not changed since the last time I had seen her.
At reaching the others I casually slipped my arm out of Tanya's, ignoring her internal pout. A smiling Kate descended the stairs then with open arms, I hugged her back briefly.
"Hello Edward, are you well and safe? "
"Yes thank you, it has merely been too long Kate, I hope I'm not intruding." I answered.
"Of course not Edward, you're family." Carmen replied, remaining on the steps with Eleazer.
"Come, let us go inside we have much catching up to do." Her husband said making himself present.
I followed the two of them as they led the way inside.
Through the entrance we rounded the corner to the living room, Irina remained facing the window.
"Irina, look who has come to visit." beamed Tanya.
Irina turned slowly, she had always been more withdrawn than the others. Like me, she never seemed to enjoy this life.
"Hello Edward." She said.
"Irina." Was my brief reply.
The others were now seated on the sofas. I sat down opposite Carmen and Eleazer, with Tanya on the other end of the sofa. Surprisingly she kept her distance, guessing the reason I was here now at four in the morning was not for her.
"What brings you here then Edward?" asked Kate with a smile.
And suddenly I felt ashamed, I had left home, to run and hide from my problems. But the Denali's weren't new to the prospect of scents. Kate, Irina and Tanya had tried many times in the past to create a relationship with a male human and keep him alive. To resist the urge for their blood. But however every relationships had ended in disaster. After a few decades they felt overly guilty for the lives lost and in their guilt fought the urge for human blood, changing their food source to the blood of animals - it did the job.
Since then Carmen and Eleazer had joined them and they had become the only other vegetarian vampires we knew.
"I'd rather not discuss the matter. I hope you understand Kate." I said looking down at the table.
"Of course, we understand." replied Kate.
I gave her a weak smile.
"So, how are you all?"
"Good, thank-you. We've recently discovered a original Bernardo Bellotto piece from the 18th century. There was some damage but that's to be expected." Carmen replied. Eleazer's eyes were locked on his wife's face as he nodded in agreement. They held so much love, it reminded me of Esme and Carlisle.
The others fell into easy conversation about their home. My mind drifted away into my own world, thinking of yesterday and her eyes as they locked with mine and spilled the secrets of her mind. I thought of her blush, her pale skin, her scent. Even now it almost pulled me from the room to retreat back to Forks and find her.
"And you Edward? What is happening with the Cullen's?" Tanya asked, breaking me from my thoughts.
"Well, we've all returned to the local school,"
"Again?" Laughed Tanya.
"Yes, Carlisle's also a doctor at Forks hospital and Esme continues to renovate."
I don't know how they manage to keep up the human charade almost permanently.
"Do you not get tired of repeating school over and over?" asked and thought Carmen.
"Sometimes but it helps us to stay in one place for a longer time."
Surrounded by all those humans. I don't know how they bare it.
"How do you resist?" questioned Irina remaining at the window.
"We manage." I shrugged. I wanted to say that some of us had a hard time managing - me and Jasper in particular.
Thinking back to Isabella Swan, my new demon, I wondered what was happening at school, would the girl wonder where I was? Would she question her new friends about me?
Surely my bizarre glares would've unsettled her, Bella probably thought I hated her, though that was true. For she was the reason I was here now, hiding away.
Suddenly I was standing in anger, fists clenched, muscles tight.
"Edward! What on earth is wrong?" Carmen said standing also, letting Eleazers hand slip from her own.
"I'm sorry, I can't do this."
With that I was out the door crossing the drive and running through the forest that surrounded the house. Hopefully none of them would follow me.
I did not run too far away, just far enough to escape the chatter. I came to a halt and in my anger slammed my fist into a nearby tree breaking the bark away with a loud crack.
Needing to destroy something, anything I pushed my weight against the same tree, hearing it snap and creek as it fell to the floor, shaking the earth around it and sending snow cascading into the air.
Standing here in the Denali forest, I had never felt so confused.
A little pathetic human had chased me from my home and I had allowed it to happen. I hadn't even tried to fight against it. She had come to Forks and turned everything around. Breathing heavily in anger though the extra air was not a necessity I began pacing, thinking, planning. What was the right thing now to do?
To stay away so that the human would remain alive?
Or to return home and continue fighting against the monster inside?
Slowly my pacing subsided and I just stood in the midst of a snowy forest, utterly alone.
Hours later I realised I was no longer standing up, instead I was lying on the floor looking up through the snow covered branches, my vision clouded by Bella's eyes asking what my final choice would mean for her. I didn't know.
Occasionally I would picture them turning red, thinking of my past plans to attack her. Changing her into a vampire was not something I had considered until now. Transforming instead of draining her so I didn't have to endure the scent anymore, letting us continue life as we did. It still wasn't the right thing to do, damning her to a life of forever with no say in the matter just for my peace of mind. And even I wouldn't be able to do it without killing her anyway, I would have to allow Carlisle to do it, a course of action he would never allow.
Not concentrating on my surroundings I was suddenly aware of Tanya's voice in my head.
Edward, don't be alarmed its just me…Slowly walking forward on my left. I could hear the soft brush of her shoes on the ground.
"Tanya." I said acknowledging her presence.
The others think I'm annoying you, they told me to leave you be.
"Its nice to be in different company." Not sure what to make of my comment, she skipped onto what she really wanted to ask.
Edward, what is wrong? What's really happened?
"I don't want to talk about it Tanya." I sighed as she kneeled down next to me.
"What will you do Edward? Stay here?" I could hear the hope in her voice.
"I can't decide what the right thing to do is."
But you do Edward, you just have to figure it out for yourself. She smiled down at me.
I just nodded. I did partially know what I would do. My choice was just swinging in the balance. It was quiet for a long minute before Tanya spoke again. The sadness in her thoughts was clear.
For a moment I thought you had come back for….She didn't need to speak or think the last word, for I already knew what she had thought.
"I know, and I am sorry. I didn't mean to toy with you," She just looked down at her lap.
"Tanya, never underestimate that you are beautiful and wanted."
She gave me a small smile and dipped down to kiss my cheek. Thank you.
She jumped up then. Taking a few steps away from me Tanya looked back over her shoulder. You will do the right thing Edward. Then she was running back to the house and out of sight.
Part of me knew I would not see her or the others again for a while.
Wednesday morning approached, the sun bright in the sky. Snow glistening in the light. I had realised at some point during the last 12 hours since Tanya's conversation that I missed my family. I was a home sick vampire, I thought of Emmett and how he would laugh at the situation.
I sighed, wishing to return home more than ever but still I wasn't ready.
Lying in the forest I had lost all meaning of time, transfixed by Isabella's eyes as they continued to bore into my own. Maybe I had become delusional, my mind projecting images it thought I wanted but instead reflected a haunting mirage and one that I could not escape from.
Bringing my phone out of my pocket, I checked the time for the first occasion since arriving in Alaska and was surprised to find it was early Thursday morning. I had been out here for almost two days alone with my thoughts. Looking back up I noticed the change in the sky now, the darkness becoming ever so slightly lighter.
Sitting up, I knew my decision, I was going home. I would not run from my problems any longer. Wanting to get home and see my family, I was soon up and running back towards the car. Not stopping to say goodbye I slid in and turned the key hoping they understood my gratitude, maybe I would send them a card or gift of some sort as a thank you.
Hitting the gas on the freeway, I was promptly speeding away from Alaska at 180mph. It was still dark out but people would be awakening soon, returning for another day at work and school.
Looking at the time on the dashboard, I realised I had been driving for three hours, I was also running out of petrol. Stopping at the next gas station and slotting the nozzle into the tank, I watched the numbers rise slowly, testing my patience. After swiping my card to pay, I was back on the road dodging the pile up of rush hour traffic.
Finally six and half hours later I was on the outskirts of home. Knowing that the others would have returned from school by now, I took a detour to one of my favourite places, my meadow. I wasn't avoiding my family as such but I couldn't go home to listen to the thoughts of worry and concern I knew I had caused them. Aside from Rosalie of course.
I often came here to escape from it all. I had discovered it two years ago when we first moved to Forks. The only people who knew of it were me and Alice through her visions of me being here.
The meadow was a perfect circle outlined by the forest, the green carpet of grass always a little wet from the never ending rain, held different little flowers. It was tranquillity.
Walking at human pace to the middle and lying down, I continued to counteract the two main options. Would I return to school and continue the human charade while fighting every part of me not to attack Isabella Swan? Would we move away again? Or would I eventually kill her?
I did not know and I wished Alice were here to figure out the future. Out of all of my family members, she was the one who I had missed the most, even for the short period that I was gone.
As I lay there, the mist and light rain dampened my clothes but I did not move. I would change at home.
Had I done the right thing coming back? It seemed so long ago since the biology lab, the monster was now under control and forgotten.
Everything had changed but somehow also remained the same. We had lived here long enough now for a routine to become established. It had created a false sense of security. So when I left, it broke all normality of the routine and unsettled me. Usually I always knew in some way what was to happen next but now I was lost on my future.
Feeling almost a pull to see my family again I jumped up and ran back through the surrounding forest.
The rain on the way back picked up, large droplets splattered against the windscreen, the wipers going as fast as they could to clear it. Carlisle's Mercedes was faster than my own car but I still preferred my silver Volvo.
Reaching home, and parking the car in-between my vanquishes empty spot and Rosalie's red convertible, I cut the engine and got out, understanding that Carlisle must of used my vanquish to get to the hospital. I walked through the garage door and down the hallway hanging my coat up on one of the many pegs before entering the living room. The house was silent. Everyone must be still be out.
Dropping the car keys into the side table draw and closing it, I then made my way upstairs. My room was still the same, the book I had been previously reading lay on my couch, my school bag on the floor next to my couch and a fresh set of clothes had been placed on the end with a note on top reading 'Your welcome, Alice xoxo.'
She must have seen my homecoming then.
I changed into dry clothes realising that I had been wearing these since Tuesday morning and they were truly covered in mud from the forest floor's I had been lying on.
Hearing the front door open and close I went downstairs to greet a humming Esme. Standing at the bottom of the stairs I watched as she spun around at hearing my approach. Her eyes grew wide with surprise and I felt truly guilty for leaving my mother without any warning.
Edward! And I was then enveloped in a hug.
"Hi mum, I'm back." I smiled down at Esme.
"Where have you been? The others told me you left. What's wrong? What happened?" she said realising me.
"I'm sorry, it was necessary at the time." I replied avoiding her questions.
The garage door flew open then and I was hit with my midget sister crashing me into a hug.
"You're back, you're back, you're back." Alice said now jumping up and down. I noticed silently that her eyes were butterscotch once more. They had hunted.
"Hey Edward, couldn't stay away could you?" Emmett winked.
Back already… come to finish the job? I scowled at Rosalie, also noticing from her words that Alice had filled them in on the situation.
"So where have you been?" asked Emmett casually.
Jasper plopped down on the sofa turning television on, he was glad I was back for the sake of Alice who had been sad these last two days, the guilt grew stronger - no one should make Alice sad.
"I went to visit the Denali's." I replied.
"And what are you going to do now your back? You smell her again and once more you'll be running for the hills." Rosalie sneered.
"Rose…" Emmett sighed.
I stood there not knowing how to answer her. What would I do? I didn't know. Even little Alice could not see the future now because it was undecided.
Your pathetic. Rose shot me one last glare before speeding upstairs to her and Emmett's room.
Emmett was torn, not wanting to fight with his wife, he shrugged before sitting next to Jasper on the sofa and turning his attention to the television.
"We need to have a party." Alice announced, hiding her thoughts from me.
"Why dear?" Esme asked, just as confused.
"For Edwards return of course!"
"Alice I don't think now is the time…"
"There is never not a time for a party Edward." She glared up at me daring me to say no.
"Alice, no."
"Fine, spoilsport." She said sticking her tongue out before flashing me a wide grin and skipping to her desk in the corner. Esme squeezed my shoulder then headed upstairs to her office. Now the reunion was over, I went and sat on the wooden step staring fixedly at my baby grand piano, willing just a hint of a tune to appear in my mind.
Three hours later, the garage door opened and shut once more, notifying us that Carlisle was home. He placed his briefcase next to the table before spotting and turning to me.
"Welcome home son." He smiled.
I hope you don't mind that I borrowed your Vanquish, Edward. I could hardly turn up to work on foot could I? He chuckled dropping my keys in the draw.
"Oh course not Carlisle, I'm grateful that you lent me your car on such short notice." I nodded then went to sit on the armchair understanding the need for a talk.
Esme flittered downstairs then, skipping over to give her husband a kiss. Alice came over and perched on the armrest next to Jasper who placed his arm around her.
"Alice informed us of the situation and we've dealt with this problem before but it's your choice Edward. What would you like us to do next?" Carlisle started. We can move if that's what you want…
"No Carlisle, I want to stay here but I don't know if I can return to school. I fought off attacking her once I don't know if I could do it again." I said hating to admit my weakness in front of the others.
The room was silent while Carlisle thought about what was best for everybody.
The best for Isabella Swan would be if I were to remain at home, spread a story that I had left to attend a new school, keep my distance from her.
The best for us would be if I returned to school and kept up the human charade, allowing us a few more years in Forks without talk.
And the best for me - he did not know. He knew I was alone, so maybe taking me away from school would render me more isolated than I already was. He was torn.
Alice closed her eyes then and I watched her look for my future unsuccessfully.
"I can't see his final choice until he chooses it himself." She signed, scowling gently at me. But I think your leaning towards going back, you want to see her again.
"We shall leave it in your hands then Edward, whatever you decide we'll support you." He smiled then took Esme's hand and they descended up the stairs together.
You'll do the right thing Edward. Alice smiled at me, gave Jasper a kiss on the head and then returned to her laptop.
Emmett who was bored of watching TV, sighed moving off the couch to retreat upstairs and see if Rose had calmed down.
Jasper remained a statue on the sofa, staring absentmindedly at the television. The sound from the speakers announced that a house in Barbados had caught fire and a murderer had finally been put in jail after a year of countless court appointments in New York.
Following Emmett's actions I made the way to my room. On entering I paused for a fraction, happy to be home before walking over picking my school bag up and placing it in my wardrobe, not wanting to be reminded of school until I had to be. I also took my damp, muddy clothes and threw them in the bin, they would be no good to anyone now.
Walking over and lying down on my couch, I picked up the book I was reading two nights ago and continued from where I left off with the rain silently tapping against the large glass wall.
Sometime during the night, the floorboards creaked with movement. I looked up from my book to find Esme standing in the doorway.
Sorry Edward for intruding…She gestured towards the book.
"I just thought that now your back, you might like to perhaps hunt? The others hunted yesterday morning but I didn't feel like joining them." Even now her black eyes held only love and concern for her eldest child.
"That sounds like an idea." I smiled.
We jumped over the river at the same time and lightly landed before taking off once more. I didn't run at my full speed as Esme wasn't as fast and I didn't want to leave her behind. We didn't usually hunt together, she was mostly with Carlisle and I preferred to be on my own but sometimes the company was nice.
Edward…she thought while running. I think you'll make the right decision. The one that keeps the Swan child alive. You're so strong Edward, you can do this.
"Thanks mum." I said looking at her, I couldn't bring myself to smile though, wanting not disappoint her, to show my mother just how strong I was.
Another few miles later and we caught the smell of a herd of deer. Gesturing for Esme to go first, I joined her quickly, suddenly realising how thirsty I truly was.
Three deer later and we were full, walking at human pace back towards home. We didn't fill the silence with chatter and when we reached the house, Esme smiled and thanked me for joining her then departed to her office. I went to my room trying to figure out what to do next, for I still could not choose between returning or hiding.
But at some point through the duration of the night, my decision became clear. I was going back to school.
I could finally see my future.
The next day, I followed the others to the garage in the morning and watched as they sped off into the woods in my Volvo to school. I'd already decided that I would return next week.
Carlisle had already left for the hospital and Esme had gone to gather materials for one of her latest projects so she would most likely be out all day. I was once more alone again.
I spent most of the morning in my room, finishing Carlisle's book and returning it to his office, I completed any homework I'd been given and arranged a bunch of flowers to be delivered to the Denali's as a thank you for having me.
Since my decision was made, I went hunting again in the afternoon. Draining as many animals as possible was my new plan in order to be ready for Monday.
Everyone returned home at some point but instead of retreating downstairs to join them, I stayed in my room.
That night it was Alice that came up to see me. I was stood with my doors wide open, staring out into the darkness. I didn't turn around as she came in but the sound of soft foam of my couch sinking down told me she had perched herself on there. Edward, nothing's changed. Nothings been said. She like all the other's, has the occasional quick glance. That's all. Alice's weight shifted then and I heard her soft footsteps on the wooden floor.
I missed you. She thought before departing from my room.
Saturday passed with little happening, I hunted a few more times - once with Alice, once with Carlisle and once on my own. My eyes were truly golden now but I would continue hunting until tomorrow morning. Only Alice knew my plans to return to school but the others had guessed due to my constant hunting.
Rose had gone back to ignoring me only occasionally throwing me a quick scowl. I just rolled my eyes. Me and Rosalie had never really seen eye to eye. Vanity was everything to her, in her human life she was surrounded by men but when I showed no interest after she had been transformed, it offended her, she wasn't used to it. Of course she had gotten over it after meeting Emmett and now I simply irritated her as any other big brother did.
Sunday morning, I took my Vanquish out for a drive, it felt nice to hear the purr of the engine, the smell of leather, to feel the miles passing beneath me. The roads were empty so I was able to hit 180 mph without delay. My mind free to think with no thoughts but my own.
When I returned home everyone was downstairs, Jasper, Emmett and Rose all sat on the sofa, Alice was once more at her laptop, Esme in the dining room working on house plans and Carlisle stood at the bottom of the stairs looking down at a file.
"Carlisle." I said gaining his attention.
He looked up. "Yes Edward?"
"I've decided… I'm going back."
Right on bro. Thought Emmett.
Alice clapped her hands in glee and Jasper turned to watch Alice, his eyes full of love.
Rose shook her head. Typical, I better start packing now.
"If you're sure Edward." Carlisle smiled. I know you can do this son.
That night I went hunting once more. I felt almost bloated from the amount I had consumed during this weekend. My stone body refused to show my fullness though.
I couldn't lie I was happy to return, not to learn what I already knew and not to hear the trivia human gossip but to see her again. I wanted to test myself, to be the person everyone thought I was. I just hoped that I could be strong enough to resist.