Lexa's hand was not soft. It was a hand of a warrior wealthy of skills and experiences. It was a hard hand of a hardened woman. Strong and firm. Clarke was fond of it.
Those were the hands that recently ended a life of a queen and saved many others. They were the same hands that made Clarke feel safe when they touched her. Clarke smiled faintly to herself before she brought Lexa's hand to her mouth. Her lips brushed lightly against those long fingers before she kissed the back of her hand.
When she saw a pair of green eyes stared directly at her, Clarke jerked her head back in startle, letting go of Lexa.
"What are you doing?" Lexa asked, swiftly springing up to a sitting position. Her face calm but her tone was thick with anxiety, it almost sounded like an accusation to Clarke's ears.
Clarke told herself to remain calm but she failed. "I… er …" She stuttered then she tried to cleared her throat but she couldn't clear her thoughts. I was admiring you and your hand. "You were having a nightmare. Again. You were reaching out to something. I didn't know what else to do so I … kinda took your hand." She managed a nonchalant shrug and continued, "You don't mind that, right?" She knew there was a hint of nervousness in her voice but she had no idea how to speak the truth without making it sound obscene at that moment. She just helplessly hoped that her flushing the colour of embarrassment would not give it away.
Lexa said nothing. She continued to look at her, her expression unreadable. As usual. The uncomfortable silence made Clarke feel uneasy. She felt like she ought to say something. Anything. To make it clear that she didn't mean any harm or disrespect. The last thing she needed right now was to lose the trust from the woman before her. Clarke opened her mouth but Lexa cut her off, holding up a palm.
"You shouldn't come so close. I could have hurt you," she said seriously. "It happened before when I was having a night… " Lexa paused abruptly to find a better word then she said, "when I was asleep." Lexa briefly dropped her gaze, pressing her lips tight together. "It happened to Costia once. I was dreaming and she was beside me and I ended up hitting her face with my fist," Lexa recalled, absentmindedly. "I don't want you to experience what she had."
"You didn't hurt me," Clarke said right away, laying a comforting hand on Lexa's knee. "Even if you did, I'd forgive you anyway."
Lexa gave a faint smile before she said, "I don't know if I'd forgive myself." Then she leaned close and closer still. She didn't stop until her lips were right beside Clarke's ear. Their cheeks touched and Clarke stayed very still, not knowing what to do. She didn't back away. Her face was reddened when she felt Lexa's warm breath at the top of her ear. Clarke took a deep breath, held it and shut her eyes.
"Don't tell anyone about this," Lexa said quietly. "I can't have anyone thinking their leader is haunted by nightmares." Then she leaned back, her eyes serious. Clarke slowly and silently let air out of her mouth in relief. She gave a nod and said, "I understand." Clarke drew her hand back to her side and did her best to hide the disappointment. She stood up slowly, feeling Lexa's eyes watching her with desire. Clarke quickly dismissed the thought, telling herself it was just her imagination. She was about to go back to her couch when Lexa gripped her wrist with her swift hand.
"I know you weren't telling me something, Clake." Lexa looked her in the eye. "I know you don't want to admit it."
Damn it. She saw me. Clarke averted her eyes and stared silently at the floor like a child caught in the act of misbehaviour. She felt a blush blossoming across her face. Clarke hid it as best as she could with her clumsy hand, pretending to be wiping something off of her face. I must've looked stupid, she thought. She wanted to run out of the room for she couldn't stand the embarrassment but she was not sure she could wring herself free so she decided to play dumb. "I don't know what you mean."
That earned her a knowing stare from her friend. "I think you do," Lexa said nonchalantly, pressing pressure in her grip. "You can just say it. You're not in the mood to draw me."
"Oh, um …" Clarke shook her head slowly, her hand waving in refusal. "No, it wasn't like that. I was—"
"It's fine," Lexa interjected, not unkindly. "You're tired. I shouldn't have asked you to continue in the first place. We can do that another time."
There was a pause and Clarke saw no better option than to give a nod. It was better than getting caught. Only then did Lexa let go of her then she moved to make room for Clarke and gestured for her to sit. Clarke did.
To be continued