Author's Note

So, this is my first fanfiction! Be nice Anyway, this is a Naruto-Harry Potter crossover, mainly centered around the Naruto characters. In this chapter and the next, it's kind of all exclusive Sasuke and Naruto, but all the genin 13 or whatever and my six favorite DA members will get involved after that. Also, eventually I'll haul in all the Slytherins and Peeves. Musn't forget Peeves. And the house elves are coming, of course. So, in this fic, all the characters are around 17, and they've all gone up a rank or two… I'm not doing actual pairings, but it'll be hinted at, like, best-friend kind of thing. I'm sure there's more I'll add later, but all I can remember right now is to talk about Sasuke's story, so just know that Sasuke killed Orochimaru but then went back to Konoha, so Itachi's still alive. All right, later!

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The Hokage had NOT been sleeping, did NOT have an S-ranked mission stamped on her cheek, would NEVER have drool sluggishly sliding down her lip, and DEFINITELY did not throw (empty, of course) sake bottles at her two best ANBU when they appeared via window. Not Tsunade, the Legendary Sannin. Nevertheless, said ANBU were not pleased.

"YOU STUPID OLD HAG! YOU TOLD US TO REPORT AT 6AM, AND WE DID,

--despite my best objections, you have Sasuke to thank for me being here at all-- THEN YOU THROW SAKE AT US! YOU—YOU—"

"Imbecile."

"Yes, IMBECILE! IMBECILE! … uh, Sasuke?"

"Hn?"

"You aren't supposed to help me insult the Hokage. She doesn't like you, you know."

"That's why I WHISPERED, dobe. You just happened to blow my cover, again."

"Heh heh, sorry. Anyway, g'd morning old hag, here's the mission report. You do know that an enemy ninja could just take a mirror and read confidential info off your face? I mean, I wouldn't have thought to bring a mirror, but—"

"OUT! My head hurts, that was 6 PM not AM—"

"—actually, it was AM, Tsunade-sama, you punched the time onto Naruto's forehead by the same trick you're using now, you know with the report on your face—"

"WAS TOO AM! I mean, PM! Now, OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT…"

"… what the hell?"

The two ANBU were having similar reactions. The sudden Naruto-like POOF! had caught everyone off guard, and there seemed to be dense green fog filling the air.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Uh… IT WASN'T ME!"

"Naruto…"

"NO! NO! I didn't do it! I don't do green! I'm an orange kind of guy, really! Not green! Right Sasuke? Right?!?! SASUKE?!?!?"

"Naruto…"

"SASUKE?!?!?!?!?"

"Naruto…"

Sasuke, the only intelligent being, grabbed the ever-ready fan from Tsunade's desk. (After a few weeks of constant smoke from appearing shinobi, she had ordered one from Temari) With the dreary demand of "Naruto, dear Hokage, please shut up," he swept away the smoke, from which was issuing a muffled series of coughs and groans.

When all was cleared, eight kids were revealed to be sprawled across the Hokage's rug, massaging their temples. Most appeared too dazed to respond to the kunais pressed against their throats, and the only one fully conscious, the kid with the green (oh, the dreaded green) eyes, was too busy glaring at the taller redheads to notice.

Impressive frown, Sasuke mused absently.

" Fred and George. You. Are. So. DEAD. Who's idea was it to chuck FLOO POWDER on a GROUP APPARATION?!? Then you had to transport us to WHO-KNOWS- WHERE 'cause the floo powder randomly decided to WORK and then everyone decided to TALK so we had an actual DESTINATION—Oh. Hi. Could you take the knife thing away please? I'm kind of annoyed right now, and it wasn't MY fault; you should kill the twins. Yeah, over there. No, they're both real, poking George won't make him disappear. No, no, don't stab him please. He IS my friend. Oh, very well. Stab him if you must. No one seems to understand me anyway, 'cept for the booby one over there who's looking at me like I'm a dementor. Though maybe not a dementor; don't think I look that scary. Hm…"

Hm indeed. The green-eyed one seems to be quite talkative. And the leader. Still, his babbling is probably just shock. And a new language is needed, since I only know a bit of English. Interesting…

Sasuke saw the Hokage's famed evil glint a few seconds before Naruto. Glancing briefly at each other through their respective masks, fox and snake, they swore quietly and started preparing their hand seals. With all the speed of their esteemed sensei, they hopped gracefully into the air, ready to poof away, when

"IF YOU TWO LEAVE, YOU'RE STRIPPED OF ALL YOUR POWERS AND ARE DEMOTED TO GENIN!"

They froze.

"Muh ha ha, I love myself." was added more quietly.

And that was pretty much when gravity failed the two ANBU and the Hokage had both sitting on her knees, grandmother style.

"Crap crap crap crap—"

"Be more creative, dobe."

"Sure, stuck-up smart head, lets see you do better. Crap." Naruto said the last part firmly.

"Hn. Fine. Crap."

"VERY WELL, my pretties," Tsunade interrupted. "there seem to be quite a few English speaking idiots on my favorite rug. (and only rug, but you don't need to know that)

"Your new mission is to lodge them, find out who they are, what they are, how they will be useful to us, and most importantly, how to get rid of them. Comprende? Very good. Since there's a lot of useless ninja walking around, you can grab anyone you want to help—just don't tell them they're not gonna get paid."

Squawk !

"No, Naruto, you're not going to be paid either. Long ranged mission, so however you lodge your group—well, bring sleepover gear. Now off you go, toodle doo, and don't forget they don't speak Japanese, so you're going to have to teach them, or learn English yourselves with your chosen subordinates. Have fun, Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto!"

Tsunade smiled as she watched the two slink off with their charges. Oh, this was going to be fun…