PART TWO

JAG Headquarters

First Day Back After New Year's

Harm was in an undeniably good mood. He was laughing and joking with the staff, he was flirting with all of them – males and females. He was like his old self – his younger self to be more precise. The smile on his face brightened the room. Harm and Mac had not spoken over the holiday. In fact they had barely seen each other since Mac had dropped by – rather since Christmas. They spoke on the phone once about the case that she had 'ostensibly' dropped by to talk about, but that was it. If the truth were told Mac was avoiding him, rather than him avoiding her.

Creswell assigned Mac and Harm to a murder investigation that would take them to Norfolk. Harm was about to speak up and suggest that Bud or Sturgis go instead because Mac was still recovering from the accident on Christmas Eve, but decided to let her voice her own concerns – which she of course did not.

He was light and easy with her and talked about the case on the drive down. Mac was a little off balance. She didn't know if she should ask about Lana, apologize for interrupting them, ask about his holiday, bring up their changing relationship, comment on his mood or just ignore the whole thing. She pretended to ignore it and focused on the task at hand.

When Mac was allowed to dwell in her own thoughts, she convinced herself that Harm hadn't slept with Lana. All the outward signs were there, but she refused to believe that he would have slept with a woman less than five days after he told Mac he loved her. (The conversation they had at her apartment was not factored into her theory.) She also didn't think he would have started a relationship with a woman he barely new. The situation was innocent, it was just a dinner and maybe he took her out for New Year's Eve. Although a woman like Lana must have had plans for New Year's Eve more than four weeks before. No, Harm was at home alone on New Year's just like Mac was. She convinced herself. Because of that conviction, she didn't feel the need to press him about Lana nor did she feel the need to apologize for coming by unannounced. She silently resolved not to do it again.

Even with that resolution, she was still a little off balance as concerns her and Harm. She wasn't sure if she would classify what she was feeling as jealousy or just the tentativeness that comes with a change in the relationship. It was clear that the energy that Harm had on her for the past three plus years (more like five or six) was gone. He wasn't mean or nasty, snide or caustic. He wasn't trying to elicit comments from her or shove her face in the fact that he was moving on. He was just Harm, only more mature than she had ever known him to be and seemed happier than he had been a very long time. He was being nice to her – and that threw her off completely. She tried to be happy for him and hoped to find that happiness for herself.

For Harm's part, he was happy. He and Lana had had dinner once more – not on New Year's Eve – but it did not end with them in bed. They genuinely liked each other, but were not about to become steady lovers or enter into a relationship that neither one wanted. As for Mac, well Harm was probably over compensating a little. He was making a conscious effort to not be snide, caustic or petty with her. Honestly he didn't feel that way (the ego stroke he got from Lana was helpful to that end). The shift in thinking wasn't as hard as he expected it to be. He owned the mistakes he made and let the rest go. They were not meant to be and that was OK. They were both still alive and they were – for most intents and purposes – friends. At the very least they could work together. So they hadn't lost anything tangible.

Norfolk BOQ

They had gotten a late start so they would have to spend the night. Harm went for a run. Mac was still on light duty so she could not join him. When he got back he had invited her to dinner, but she had politely declined. She was still reluctant to take anything from Harm for fear of him taking it the wrong way. About an hour later Mac was too hungry to sleep. She went in search of food and walked into Harm and a very pretty commander coming out of the mess.

Harm made the introductions. It turned out the woman was a pilot he had known on the Patrick Henry. She had just been rotated back to the states and she was waiting for her transport back to San Diego. They were just on their way out to a bar off base to play some darts and tell some lies. It looked friendly – platonic enough. Mac was invited, but declined the invitation.

As she watched Harm walk away with his friend on his arm, she was struck by how attractive he was. He had a sparkle in his eye and a lightness to his demeanor that was alluring, enticing, striking. He was not the serious, brooding, lovelorn man that she had gotten used to in the past several years – the one she had to constantly guard against; nor was he the bitter spiteful petty colleague that she avoided. He no longer looked at her expectantly nor did he hang on her every word hopping for what she could not give. He was more like the Harm she had met nearly a decade before. He even looked like he had lost some weight and moved better. She had missed that Harm over the years. It was bittersweet to see him again – to know that he was back, but not for her.

When she was called at 0300 to come bail him out of jail she was somehow not surprised. The bar fight, that turned into a brawl was not his fault. He was just at the wrong place at the wrong time and he needed to defend the honor of his friend – who actually could defend herself quite well and who also needed bailing out. When she picked him up, he wore his black eye and other assorted cuts and bruises like badges of honor. He still had it. When he kissed his pretty commander pilot friend good-bye, Mac got the distinct impression that they would be seeing each other again. Not that Mac was counting, but that was two – two that she knew of – inside of a week and a half. She wasn't sure if she liked this new version of Harm anymore.

JAG Headquarters

Early January (A Week Later)

Mac was regaining her confidence – she found her center and was again 'in the zone.' The epiphany (if that is what it should be called) that was the result of her car accident truly did have a profound effect on her, at least professionally. She and Creswell were developing a very good working relationship, most probably due to the fact that they wore greens to work, but ultimately was born out of the growing respect they had for each other. Mac was good at her job – better now that Harm had refocused his energy off her. She was truly Creswell's senior attorney and the chief of staff – not just the one left by Chegwidden.

Mac came by Harm's office to discuss her interview with the CO of the Petty Officer who had been murdered from Norfolk. Harm had a theory that Mac didn't agree with, that placed the dead Petty Officer at the scene of another crime, which happened that same night. Both crimes were being treated independently, but Harm wouldn't let it go – even after Creswell had ordered him to. Harm felt that the proof was in the forensics.

When she stepped up, he was on the phone; she waited outside - listening in on his conversation. He was in full flirt mode.

"… Ha … no … I'm sorry I don't remember … I did what? … On the stand … what case was that again? … It's not coming back, sorry … Did I tear your testimony apart?" He laughed that laugh that melts women's hearts. "I believe that you do good work, especially if I couldn't break you on the stand … I usually can find some hole in the logic at least enough to plant doubt in the members' minds … well it was still, very wrong of me to do that." He laughed again easily. "I do need something from you … Oh, I need to make it up to you, huh? … for defending my client? … how about dinner? … tonight is good … you name the place … Whoa, you really do hold a grudge …no, no, that is fine, 1900? … I'll pick you up … hang on, let me find a pen … ok go ahead … got it … 1900 … sharp, no uniforms … I may be a few minutes late … right, I will see you then and you will fax me the report? … the sooner the better … great, you're the best." His laugh this time was undeniably sexy. She must have made some comment about him finding out exactly what she was BEST at. "I'll see you tonight."

Harm hung up. He tucked the piece of paper that he wrote her address down on into his coat pocket. The smile on his face did not fade when he looked up and noticed Mac standing there.

"That was Commander Lily Carroll - the pathologist? … She is faxing over the autopsy right now."

"Why?" Mac didn't know what she was feeling. Seeing him flirt, make dates with other woman, enjoy himself … it bothered her. Was it jealous or just envy? Or was she mad because he wasn't letting his theory go? Or was she annoyed that he could turn on and off the charm at a moments notice? Pretty much like the switch he had thrown with her.

"I am making a point to Creswell." He said with a cocky grin.

"And he will be making a point when he ships your six off to the North Pole."

He shrugged. He was right and he was going to have to prove it and God help him if he was wrong and had to tell Creswell that he hadn't dropped it. "What did you find out from Captain Morrison?"

Mac told him what she knew and had to deal with him working all the new information into his theory. Harm could be very annoying at times, but he was beginning to win her over at least as it concerned the case.

A couple of days later, the investigation was complete, and charges were filed. Harm had been right. The two incidents were connected. When he presented the information to Creswell, Mac stood at his side defending his actions and concurring with his theories. While Creswell was glad that justice was done, he could not abide Rabb's disobeying orders. Both cases was turned over to Mac to prosecute and Harm was taken off of it all together to attend to some other cases – some pretty LOW level cases. If Harm cared about the case being taken away, he did not show it. He won his point. His CO would have to learn that Harm's instincts were often dead on.

Mid-January

Mac had gone to the hospital to see Harriet. The babies were born and all three needed to stay in the hospital a little longer than normal. Harriet and Bud were understandably worried and needed the support of their friends.

Mac was holding John Michael as he slept. Matthew Lee slept in a crib near Harriet, who was also asleep. The little baby in her arms was so tiny but such a huge miracle. Mac was overcome with feelings – her love for her friends, these new lives brought into the world, and her own uncertain future particularly as pertains to children. All her guards were down as she focused on the new life she held. She didn't hear Harm come in.

"I don't think I have ever seen you look more beautiful than you do right now." He said softly.

She looked over and had no idea how long he had been standing there. Her eyes were wet, but she was not about to cry. She gave him a weak smile.

He leaned in and kissed her cheek. "It will happen for you, Sarah. You have to believe that."

Her weak smile faded. Mac and Harm had shared so much about her condition, and they had talked about having children. They had talked around having a child together. He had offered to make good on that deal – but Mac had declined. It was hard for her to see where and when a child would enter her future and it made her sad.

Mac passed the baby over to him and he tried to cradle him in his large arms. For the first time Mac really noticed that Harm looked out of place with a baby. He looked uncomfortable and unsure of what to do.

She softly laughed. "You'll get the hang of it."

Harm looked up at her. "I like them better when I can give them back to the parents." He stated with an obvious second agenda.

He needed her to know, that he had lost the need, the desire to be a father. Lost is actually not the right word – he had realized that he didn't want to do what it took to be a good father, and he damn sure was not going to be a bad one.

This realization was new for him, but he had been spending time with Bud and the boys over the last couple of weeks; coupled with his experience with Mattie and the 'break up' with Mac really drove the point home. He was not cut from the father cloth – he was too much of a chip off the old block. It could have been something he was forcing himself to believe, but when he tried it on – it fit. Harm was not a PTA, catch in the back yard, homework on school nights kind of man.

His whole life he had grown up thinking that when he was a father he would never abandon his child. His work, his career, his duty and honor, would never take him away from a child of his. But as a man – as a man who was coming to terms with who he really was, he had to own that if he were in his father's shoes, he would have done the exact same thing. He if had a child, and there were a mission Harm would go. He would go; knowing full well that he might not come back and that his child would have to grow up as Harm had: fatherless. It was then when he realized that he would rather not put himself or a child through that. It was better if he remained childless.

He gave the baby back to Mac and motioned that he would come back later. Mac nodded and watched him go. She felt like she had just lost something else; that the world was changing around her and she was just standing still watching it all go by.