Title: Mikey, the Mystic Master, 2

Author: Stormy1x2

Word Count: 1646

Warnings: Crack, humor, blatant abuse of the Mystics character.

Summary: In which illusions are used, and Mystics abused. And because I wanted to join in the fun, Human!turtles. Well, err—sort of. :D

Mikey, the Mystic Master Chapter 2

Time flows ever onward, and soon, the inevitable comes to us all.

"I'm hungry," Mikey announced. "This whole 'Mystic Master' gig has me so charged I could eat a whole elephant."

"Are elephants your usual choice of cuisine?" Air asked curiously.

Earth looked horrified at the thought, cuddling Klunk tightly as he watched with wide eyes.

Mikey blinked. "What? No!"

"Master has a habit of saying things he does not really mean," Metal concluded. "This is most distressing. Lies are not for the honorable ninja."

"First off, you are SO not the ones to be commenting about my honor," Mikey told the hovering Mystics. "Attacking us behind our backs—err, minds? Not honorable. At all."

"And Mikey's not lying, just prone to exaggeration," added Donatello. "He means he's really hungry."

"I, for one, could go for a little deep dish action," Raph agreed. "I'll go with ya, Mikey. Grab the disguises?"

"Sure thing."

The Mystics merely watched from a distance as layers upon layers were put on. Pants, sweaters and bulky overcoats to disguise the shape of their shells, gloves to hide their three-fingered hands, scarves, hats and sunglasses to cover the green tint of their skin.

Fire tilted his helmet. "And you consider this to be the art of concealment?" he scoffed. "You look like hunchbacked trolls."

"No, we consider this to be a disguise, so we don't get caught by curious scientists and hauled away to labs for dissection," Raph shot back. "You got a better idea?"

"Naturally," Air said scornfully, it's nose – or rather, the front of its face – up in the...well, air.

"You are aware of course, that we can conceal your appearance with our powers of illusion?" Metal sniffed and folded his arms. "Master merely has to think of the appropriate illusion and we can easily create it for him. How cruel of our Master to dismiss our talents so easily."

"But I didn't!" Mikey protested. "I didn't know you could use those illusion-thingies for disguises."

The Elementals ignored his protests and waved their arms. Their baggy clothes fell away – Water was snickering and muttering something about 'Clothes Removal No Jutsu but no one really wanted to ask – and a rain of light fell over them. As it passed, it left behind an image taken, as they said, from a mental projection of Mikey's of how he felt they would look as a human.

Leo and Donnie examined each other's form critically. "Not bad," Leo said, taking in Donnie's light brown shaggy hair and brown eyes. He was clad in jeans and a t-shirt.

"Same to you," Donnie commented. Leo had distinctly Asian features, feathery black hair that shone blue under the light, and vivid blue eyes. "Nice, Mikey."

Mikey was long, blond hair and looked distinctly like a California surfer boy with his new dark tan and green eyes. "I'm hot, admit it." He stroked his hands down the tight green shirt that showed off his new, lean form.

"Ah-hem" came a familiar, growling voice. The three turtles turned to take in Raph's form.

A rather large and robust Viking woman scowled back at them. Her massively muscled arms were folded underneath her ample bosom that was heroically being held back by straining metal breast plates. A gray, pointed helmet with two small, white horns perched on top of a mane of thick golden hair, twisted into two braids at the side. Clad in a simple, white tunic, her angrily tapping toes encased in metal-plated high-heeled sandals, she looked about two seconds away from either exploding at Mikey – or exploding out of her dress.

Leo clapped a hand over his mouth, instantly trying to control the hysterical giggling he could feel welling up inside him. Donnie and Mikey had no such restraint however, and rolled on the ground, howling with laughter.

"GRAAAAA!!" Raphael lunged at his younger sibling who barely escaped his grasp, rolling to hide behind the Elemental Mystics. Raph approached them, ham-like fists – with nails delicately painted a pale pink - clenched and trembling under the strain of holding himself back. "Change. This. NOW."

"But that was the form we saw in Master's head," Earth said with a shrug.

Water was panting, disappearing and reappearing at Raph's side, tugging at his/her breast plates. "Master has excellent taste!" he exclaimed happily, not even caring when Raphael backhanded him into the wall.

"MICHAELANGELO." Raph's voice was like a foretold portent of doom.

Leo leaned behind the Metal Mystic. "I'd change that pretty quick if I were you," he whispered. "A joke's a joke, but the longer this plays out, the longer you're going to have to avoid Raph's revenge, and he knows where you sleep."

Mikey gulped and nodded. "Guys, change it please!"

Another shower of light, and the Viking woman disappeared, replaced with a tall, lean dark-haired youth wearing black torn jeans, leather biker gloves, combat boots, and a red t-shirt. Raphael looked himself over carefully, and then nodded once, his expression still angry, but calming down. "Better."

"You're welcome," Mikey squeaked, but didn't come out from behind the Mystics.

"This illusion is amazing," Donnie said, studying his 'hand' intently. "I can feel the extra fingers."

"Our illusions are part visual and part mental," Metal explained with the patient air of someone used to dealing with very small children all of the time. "You will both look and feel real to anyone who encounters you, as the mental projection extends outward from the visual."

"You get that?" Raph muttered as an aside to Donatello.

"Yup."

"Oh, good."

The trip to the surface was relatively quick and painless. The Mystics thankfully, did not insist on accompanying their Master to the surface.

"We are accustomed to staying behind," Air said, floating on his back. An image of clouds was projected over his head.

"We are able to keep ourselves entertained," Fire agreed, juggling some more fireballs.

"No burning things," Mikey said quickly. In the short time that the Mystics had been there, it had already been discovered that the Fire Element was quite the pyromaniac, and had a habit of setting small fires to 'play with'. "Be good, and I'll show you the trash pile outside the lair that you can burn to your heart's content."

Fire pouted, but nodded. "Deal."

The four headed out, Mikey careful to place himself furthest away from Raph, on Leo's other side. Raph didn't seem to care – no doubt he knew the best way to serve out revenge was to bide one's time. Though the Mystics would never allow true harm to befall their Master, they could approve of the sentiment.

It wasn't until after dinner that Mikey began to learn the downside of having Mystics as Minions. Hard as it was to believe, they were even more anal than Leonardo about certain things.

Mikey faced off against Metal in the middle of the lair. The rest of the Mystics sat on the sidelines with his brothers. Raph had a bowl of popcorn on his lap, and a wicked-edged smirk on his face as he watched the showdown.

"I do not need a lesson in weapons maintenance," Mikey hissed. "I am perfectly capable of caring for my babies by myself."

Metal glared at him, and with astonishing, Mystical speed, he snatched one of Mikey's nunchakus away, holding it up for inspection. "I can see rust beginning to form on two of the links," he informed his Master haughtily. "And if you were so conscientious about your... babies, then there would not be--" he leaned in and sniffed. "--pizza sauce coating the link attached to the handle. This is unacceptable." Metal straightened and reached out, grabbing hold of Mikey's bandanna tails. Turning in midair, he marched off – well, okay, floated off – in the direction of the dojo, dragging his unwilling victim behind him. "Come Master, and I shall teach you of the ways of Rust-Away – the best thing about living in this century, if I do say so myself."

Mikey threw a desperate look in his brother's direction. "Guys! Help!"

Raph waved happily. "Bye-bye, Mikey!"

Splinter had a considering look on his face. "Perhaps these Mystics will prove to be a good thing after all."

Fire suddenly popped up between the two of them. "You didn't really like that rug in the sitting area, did you?"

Donatello saw the smoke and ran for the fire extinguisher. Leonardo went to the bathroom to hunt down the extra-strength Excedrin. Raph held back Master Splinter who tried to brain the Elemental with his walking stick.

"That is an Oriental rug from Japan, given to me by my son!" Splinter snarled.

"Well, it still is," said Fire placatingly. "It's just got some new patterns in the one corner. Made of soot and scorch marks. Nothing to worry about."

"Come on, Master, we'll clean it up and take it to the antiques repair guy April uses," Raph said soothingly. He was not used to being the restrainer in these cases. "Drink some tea or something. And you!" He glared at the Elemental. "Mikey told you to stop burning stuff!"

"I'm bored," Fire said simply, and vanished.

From overhead, Air was still floating on his back, waving his hands at the clouds to make them form different shapes. "Do you want me to hurt him?" he called down, conversationally.

Raph considered that for all of two seconds. "Yes."

Air disappeared as well. A few seconds later, an explosion sounded from the dojo. Raph, Don, Leo and Splinter all raced for the dojo, converging on the door en mass. Mikey and Metal were staring at the heap of Mystics in the middle of the dojo floor. Water was hissing, steam rising from its evaporating form, and Fire looked miserably waterlogged. Air hovered over them, looking down with a smirk.

Raph cleared his throat. "Why'd you get Water too?" he asked curiously.

Air shot him an unconcerned look. "Why not?"

End chapter 2.

:D This has to be the most fun I've had writing in years. I'm glad people are enjoying it as much as I am. Next up – how to introduce your new Mystic Minions to your closest friends.