A/N Looking good so far? Sirius, James and Lily give Remus a talking to. Ps, the man can see the house because the spell was only cast a week before they died. You'll understand what I mean.
Disclaimer: Hitler liking to wear frilly blouses and bras with apples in them while throwing I Wish I Were A Jew parties is equivalent to Sophie writing any of the Harry Potter books or contributing to any of J K Rowling's ideas.
James was leaning against his kitchen counter and he was looking at me from under heavy eyes. I shifted. James folded his arms across his chest. I shifted again, looking at the tiled ground. I didn't really blame him or Sirius. Sirius was sitting at their kitchen table, slumped on his arms and looking like a kicked puppy.
They knew I was going to do this, I thought angrily. So why did they have to get so bloody angry and in such a bloody strop all the time? I had actually purposely avoided them since after the meeting, staying in my own flat rather than meeting with them because I knew they would only gush about it and tell me how dangerous it was. But everyone had to make a sacrifice. It was war. There weren't any compromises. It was all sacrifices.
"You could have at least told us," Sirius said shortly. "I mean, rather than just hearing it at the meeting. What if you bloody died, hey? And the only time we saw you was saying you'd go and offer up your life to some… to some wild, killing beast that'd rip your throat out without thinking." I felt something boil up inside of me. I knew Sirius wasn't talking about me, but my temper was short these days.
"Is that what I've boiled down to, then? A wild, killing beast? D'you have any idea why I didn't come and see any of you? Do you?" Sirius sat still, eyes meeting mine. His eyes were narrowed in confusion and frustration.
"He never said that, mate," James stated quietly, running his hands up and down the opposite arm, as if cold. "He never will, neither. None of us will."
"You still haven't answered my question," I said tartly.
"I had no bloody idea, no," Sirius retorted.
"Did you ever think I may be doing it to protect you?" I said shortly. "Nevermind." Lily was standing in the corner of the kitchen, looking distressed. She walked over to us slowly and James watched her.
"Let's all calm down," she said finally. "Let's just calm down. I'll make us some tea. I'm sure Remus did what he had to do." Sirius slammed a hand angrily against the table.
"He didn't have to do anything, God's dammit!" he said roughly, slamming his hand again on the table. "Why'd Dumbledore do this? You could be killed, for Merlin's sake, Remus! You could die and we'd never know it, we'd never know…" He looked sharply away and I stared at the back of his head.
"I have to do this," I said quietly. "I have to do my part. You lot don't understand, you can go out; you can get contacts, names from your jobs. I can't. This is all I can do." I took the tea Lily held out and checked my watch. "I'm not dead, anyway. Stop being so grim." Sirius slumped against the table again, putting his chin in his hands.
"Being an adult sucks," he said calmly.
"How did it go?" James asked over Sirius. It was odd. James, the immature, thick headed bastard had grown up in areas where Sirius hadn't, grown up where they had vowed they never would grow up. It was strange how little the things we had said as children mattered now, even though they were such an impact on our lives.
"Quite quick, actually," I said vaguely, sipping at the tea. "He said I could, er, join, almost right after I asked. I was going to walk away. You've no idea how scared I was that he wouldn't call me back. But I guess, if there's one thing Greyback didn't like," I added, running a thumb around the rim of the cup, "it's letting go people – creatures – he bit. He's like a collector." The impact of my words was immediate. Sirius sat up straight and stared at me.
"Don't say that," he said quietly. I shrugged.
"It's true," I said calmly. Sirius glared at me.
"No. You're just like us. You've just got a different load, that's all. Don't be so harsh on yourself. You always are and you know what? It's really annoying me." He stood up, slammed his chair under the table and walked out the door. There was silence. I looked around. James was looking at me, slightly unnerved.
"He's right, mate," was all he said. I set down the tea in the manner of someone getting ready to leave. James grabbed my arm and I looked at him.
"Don't try me, James," I said quietly. "I'm really not in the mood." James paused.
"Just… don't take it out on him, okay? He's having a hard time from his parents." I wanted to shout at him that that was such a pity because I just didn't know what a hard time was. Being shunned from your family, oh yes, that's terrible. Being shunned from the whole Wizarding Community! Ha! I grabbed my cloak from the chair and pulled it on.
"Thank you, Lily," I said finally, hovering by the kitchen door for a moment before leaving. There was a mop of black hair protruding from the back of the couch and I ignored it, walked out the front door and got three metres down the road before I leant against the wall.
What was wrong with me? What on earth was wrong with me?
"Rough time, Lupin?"
I didn't recognise the voice and I whipped 'round, taking out my wand. A grubby-faced person with so many scars on his face it looked like a young child's drawing and a mop of coarse black hair smirked at me. I recognised that scent. It was the sort of scent you had and you got so used to it that it wasn't until someone else with the same scent came along that you realised what it was. It was there last night with Greyback and it's here now. I surveyed them grimly.
"How'd you know where I was?" I said, not daring to look back at the Potter's house. Oh, god.
"We have our ways," the man said simply. He was still smirking. "Come with me." I pocketed my hands in my cloak and moved quietly after him. He walked in silence and I couldn't help but notice he walked with a limp. A natural one or one he had for a long time, I noted, as he walked on it comfortably as if he knew it. Soon we were in a dark alley. No one else was there. I looked him in the eye and he continued to smirk.
"Don't play stupid with me, Lupin, because I'm saying this once and only once." His eyes flitted around. "St Mary's Church, Herald Road, London. The third confessional box on the left side of the altar. Be there at exactly 10:52 on this watch," he handed him a small gold wristwatch, "or the Master says there's no deal. Say, 'Forgive me father, I have sinned.' When the voice speaks, say, 'I have committed a terrible crime I daren't speak. I fear I shan't be forgiven.' When the voice says, 'Tell me, my child of the moon', don't say anything. Count the three in your head slowly, like this." He counted to three calmly. I kept my eyes fixed on him. "Then cough. He will tell you where to go and when. This is your one chance. There won't be another." And he walked away. The facts started to slip away in my head and, after a moment of trying to remember them, I sprinted to the newsagents in the town where James and Lily lived and wrote it all down.