Thanks for the reviews and alerts from last chapter! It gave me the motivation to finish this one very quickly. :)

Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts is owned by Square Enix and Disney.

Chapter Two: Close Encounters of the OOC Kind

"Kairi? Naminé?!"

Sora could do nothing but stare at the two in disbelief. "How'd you… What's-"

"Oh, stop being such a dumbass," said Kairi, taking a seat on a nearby bleacher as she lit a cigarette. "Look, hon, I know you've got the same intelligence level as a hamster, but most people understand what 'go the hell away' means."

"What just… happened?" managed Sora. "Half an hour ago you were-"

"Being asked out by Demyx Sudoku," she said casually, exhaling a thin line of smoke. "Like I'd ever go out with that loser. You know, Sora… I might actually consider going out with you, if you weren't… you know."

"Wait, Demyx? What?" Despite his confusion, Sora was quickly growing angry. Naminé had yet to speak, but sat next to Kairi as though she weren't there at all.

"Kairi, what the hell are you talking about?" Sora clenched his fists together. "And Naminé, how are you here? Why are you treating me and everyone else like shit? Snap out of it!"

Kairi's expression was unreadable, save the twitch in her eye that did not go unnoticed by Sora. "Look, I was being nice. Having an actual conversation with a person like you. I wasn't even going to kick you out. Screw it. You have ten seconds to get off these bleachers or I will destroy what little reputation you've made for yourself. You've seen me do it to other people. I won't hesitate to ruin your life."

Naminé continued looking at the ground, refusing to contribute to their conversation.

Sora shook his head, completely overwhelmed by the situation. He had to find Riku, and fast.

Riku paced through the lobby, glancing up at the clock every few seconds. Sora was supposed to meet him at nine, but he was five minutes late. Hopefully he hadn't gotten caught up in the newfound insanity of their world.

"Riku-kun!"

He turned around to see Sora rushing toward him as he held steady a can of Red Bull and the biggest pixie stick Riku had ever seen.

There was something different about Sora. Why was he wearing pink? And since when did he look so completely stupid?

The boy smiled at him, bright blue eyes completely devoid of any thought or substance. "Riiiiiku-kun, you should be in class, ne?"

Riku raised an eyebrow. Apparently this place had grabbed Sora, ripped out his brains, given him an addiction to sugar and caffeine, and spewed out the remains.

"Okay, what the hell is going on here?" his voice sounded through the lobby as he questioned no one in particular.

The other boy whimpered a little, clutching the can of Red Bull as his bottom lip curled into what could only be described as a pout. "Riku-kun, did I do something to upset you? I know you said no more Red Bull, but sometimes I-"

"Sora, what happened to you in the one hour we were apart?" he was starting to become legitimately scared now. "Since when do you wear pink polos and throw out random sounds in your sentences?"

"I… I was just showing my knowledge of the beautiful Japanese language!" Were there tears forming in his eyes? Really? "P-Please forgive me, Riku-k… Riku! Y-you always said it was kawaii when I talked like that!"

Kawaii? What the hell did that mean?

Riku stared at his friend in wide-eyed disbelief. This was not Sora. There was no way in hell this pansy-ass, permanently-frozen-at-the-age-of-five imbecile was his best friend.

The pounding of furious footsteps alerted Riku to the approach of another person. He whipped his head around to see that it was none other than… Sora? Another Sora?

"Riku, if someone doesn't explain to me what's happen-" the newly approaching Sora stopped dead in his tracks, his dumbfounded gaze transfixed upon his idiotic doppelganger.

Stupid!Sora stared back with wide eyes, the gigantic pixie stick falling from his mouth and dropping to the floor, its sugary content coating the tile.

"Riku…" Sora's voice was insanely calm. "Would you like to explain why you're talking to an moronic version of myself?"

"Riku-kun, what's going on?" asked the simpleton. "I… I don't like being confused… You know that."

"So that's not you," Riku breathed a sigh of relief. "I was afraid they'd done something to your brain… I don't know."

"That means the Kairi I was talking to in the bleachers wasn't our Kairi!" concluded Sora as he completely ignored the incoherent babblings of the sugar-addicted boy. "Good thing, 'cause she was a bitch."

"But what's going on?" Riku scratched his head. "We're clearly not on our world, and yet we… or some version of ourselves… exist here."

"Sort of. I'd like to think that this-" Sora pointed to the dumbed down version of himself, who was now attempting to lick the sugar off of the floor. "Is not me."

"So you think we're in another reality?" asked Riku. "Meaning… If there's another Sora and another Kairi…"

"There's gotta be another Riku."

"There's no way another version of me could be this bad."

Riku would, of course, grow to resent that assumption.

"My life now lays in pieces on the floor of melancholy.

Where crows and magpies walk the line

Of fortune, fame, and folly.

Where specters roam and ghosts abound,

Where souls are lost and never found.

Where those in darkness seek the light,

But never 'til their final fight-"

"Riku, that's great but really… I think that's enough poetry for today," Kairi smiled as sweetly as she could manage. That final battle must have really knocked a few screws loose in Riku's brain.

"Kairi, Kairi, Kairi…" he said sadly. "You're a sweet girl, but I can't expect you to understand the inner workings of my psyche."

She raised an eyebrow, slightly perturbed. He was not insinuating that she was stupid.

"Granted, you're better intellectual company than my precious Sora, but that's to be expected. No one in this school really understands me. You know, just last week I was reading The Catcher in the Rye, and came to the conclusion that I'm the Holden Caulfield in my life."

Kairi could only stare at him, mouth slightly agape, as he continued the monologue of a depressed, misunderstood intellectual. And what was this about his "precious" Sora?

"I mean, maybe I should run away from home, too. My life here is an empty shell, wouldn't you agree? What have I accomplished in my life? Is Sora really enough to keep me here? Some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright."

…and now he was quoting Shawshank?

She smiled uncomfortably. "Listen, Riku? I think… maybe you should see someone about this. I'm not saying you're crazy, it's just, well, you're not acting like yourself at all. Just a few hours ago you were going on about how good it was to be going home, and now you're talking about leaving again. You wouldn't do that to me and Sora, would you?"

"Going home? What're you talking about?" he looked thoroughly confused. "Kairi, I've never been off the islands in my life."

"What're you talking about?" Kairi stared at him. "Did you get zapped by something that completely erased your memory? Would it have been possible for Naminé to mess with you as a joke?"

Riku rolled his eyes. "Naminé, your little sidekick? Please, like she'd ever have the balls to try something on me…"

"My sidekick? Riku-"

"Kairi!" Sora came sprinting down the hall. He grabbed Kairi's wrist in haste. "Come here for a minute; I really need to talk to you."

Riku scoffed and shook his head. "Sora, what did I tell you about drinking Red Bull? It always puts you in these hyperactive moods, and you know I don't like-"

"Save it for later," he interrupted, practically dragging Kairi away from Riku, around the corner, and into an all-too-conveniently placed janitor's closet. (The convenient placement of said closet was determined by the AU author, not the parody author.)

"Sora, what's wrong with Riku?" she asked.

"Nothing out of the ordinary," came the voice of a certain silver-haired friend.

She gasped, backing into the door. "Riku? You were just- how'd you-"

"That wasn't Riku," Sora explained. "Didn't you notice something was off?"

"Well, yeah…" Kairi nodded. "You were acting really strange; I thought maybe Naminé had messed with your memories or something. But his name was Riku; he looked exactly like you! What do you think is going on? Is this a trap that's been set by Maleficent?"

"I don't think so," Riku's voice was pensive. "I mean, we don't know how many worlds are out there, right? What if there are worlds a lot like ours, with people very similar to us who just happen to live through different things?"

"Like an alternate reality," Kairi said.

"Exactly."

"That's completely insane, but based on the other things we've been through, definitely not out of the question. You know," Kairi put her hand on her chin. "That other Riku did say something about Naminé being my sidekick… Meaning in this world, she's not my Nobody. Still… I wonder why I'd have a sidekick."

"Um, Kairi…" said Sora cautiously. "Don't take this the wrong way or anything, but the 'you' in this world is an awful person. I met her."

"Really," she raised an eyebrow, but didn't look particularly surprised. "Well, that'd explain why the Riku in this world is a depressed freak with a strange obsession for his best friend."

Riku narrowed his eyes. "Just which best friend are you talking about? You, right?"

She chuckled. "Oh, if only it were that simple… No, this Riku… Seems to have feelings for Sora, believe it or not."

He swallowed, glaring horrifically at Sora. "I know the Sora in this world talks about me strangely, but I do the same thing? What'd I… What'd he say?"

"You, uh…" she stifled a giggle. "You called Sora 'precious'."

His mouth fell open as he stared at her in disbelief. No sound could escape his lips; he could only mouth the word 'no'. Sora shuffled his feet uncomfortably, refusing to make eye contact with either of them. Kairi could see that this conversation was going nowhere without her assistance.

"You don't think you guys are together in this world, do you?"

"No, I'm sure it's just some weird obsession thing on Riku's part," Sora shook his head.

Riku snorted. "Yeah right… It's more likely that Sora's a clingy little moron."

"Hey! You're the one who called me precious!"

"At least I didn't-"

"Knock it off!" Kairi interrupted. "You don't have to get so defensive about it, jeeze! Remember, guys, that isn't us! Clearly Goofy made a terrible navigation mistake. Let's not argue over little things; we need to figure out how to get to our real home."

"But Donald and Goofy are long gone by now," said Sora realistically. "We can send them a message in a bottle, but that method takes months."

"And who knows if it'd even work on this world?" added Riku.

"All I know is that we have to get away from this school before people start noticing that we have twins running around," Sora peeked out of the janitor's closet. "The other Sora already saw me, but he's an idiot and I don't think anyone will take him seriously."

"But where can we go?" asked Kairi.

"I dunno," Sora shrugged. "Anywhere but here."

Wow… Writing their doppelgangers like that made me die a little inside. I would also like to formally apologize to Sora, Riku, and Kairi for completely desecrating their personalities. It was for the point of parody, but I still may lose sleep over it.

Also, just to make this clear: I'm not bashing yaoi, only the clichés and stereotypes that account for such a high percentage of stories that have yaoi in them. I like yaoi when it's well-written, I just hate the way it's portrayed sometimes.