Episode #2: A new beginning; Dir en grey origins: Osaka-jo Hall!
As I went to my hotel room in Tokyo everything that been happened in between their departure until I got to there…felt so much like a dream, endless emotional stirring dream. Nothing to extravagant was the place I was staying at just a simple one bed room with a great view of Tokyo skyline but I couldn't help but remember the members' expressions about those carefully selected words so long ago that I Had read to them. Kyo's eye once more looking down on me…even he didn't mean to do it. I couldn't help remember those judging eyes that people held against me as a child and as I grew up. He'll never-do such a thing such as falling in love with foreigner. I close my eyes as I faced the window reflective surface of the glass plane and crunched my fists together until my hands turned briskly white. So close to this dream yet it still isn't in my hands…dreams are something that can't held by clasping hands. It will slowly fade away like the memories I can longer remember…into a nightmare that I can never over come shall once more consume me. I felt my emotions boiling up inside me again. Pulling away from the window I looked at the clothes in my suitcase not at all satisfied spread out on the bed before me.
Osaka is hot is kind of place, bustling with fast moving people, who love food more than any other city in Japan. I hate really hot sunny places-but at least it wasn't tropical Okinawa, then my skin would turn even browner! But Osaka still has too many people like elsewhere cities in Japan but the good thing is I could check out the places I mentioned in the story that I wrote about Osaka. Like takoyaki, the fair's wheel, the birthplace of ramen, coastal areas leading towards Koichi, not to mention it being the second largest city in all of Japan. One thing was for certain that I was taking my camera for sure; I'll put the photos I take transportable billboard wall that I've started to plan out in my head. Maybe dune buggies ride? I've always wanted to do some extreme cart'n! No I don't think I'll have time for that…damn. But it would fun to see the guys playing around like they used to but those days are long gone. After finishing everything necessary for my departure I felt it was not healthy for me to stay inside.
Frustrated at my nervousness I decided to walk the streets of Tokyo and take some snaps to distract me. I felt odd walking amongst so many Japanese; everyone else had fair white porcelain skin and straight black hair unless they were in the whole fashion movement of gyaru or b-style. But it didn't matter because I was here on a mission to finish the gift I plan to give to Dir en Grey, Japan and the world who inspired me such goals and dreams. Well also because Kyo is Japanese born Kyoto native and he doesn't like being amongst his own people. But then again I was the same way with my home country.
I walked by many top brands on shops flooded with countless young people; Shibuya 109,Shibuya 109 Men, Ginza, Harajuku, Shinjuku, Marui One. I found myself taking lots of pictures walking up and down the hills cutting into downtown Tokyo. Like the one I've often post on my tumblr. Let my emotions get blurred by these fast moving images against the camera lens. Then I stopped to a male clothing shop inside Shibuya 109 Men. I thought about it for a moment for too-for all I could see were young men flocking to and fro. Should I get an outfit to blend in with the band? After all it's not too hard for me to be a guy for me after all…I was an average body type; not much cleavage at all practically flat chested and as for an ass I rather not even mention it existing but I did have an extremely flat stomach and hips that most girls would want. I ended up buying some really cool scrappy jeans which were a faded black, belt with belt buckle of the Aztec calendar, military combat boots, jean chains which was thicker like a dog's restraining collar, gladiator sun glasses that I've seen many rock stars wearing lately, leather shirt with a high collar and cuffs that covered my hands very similar to Kyo's as well as Die's jacket. Very dir en grey-urban goth styled look such a fan I laughed at the consciousness of the fact.
Before I knew I found myself walking through Tokyo's streets late night; time just flew by and thoughts just kept going back to Kyo and his expression like the train that encircle themselves on their circular track. His expression is something I could never really understand so clearly just kept drawing me further into the darkness of his pupils. Ah yes which reminds me Osaka is part of the Kansai district. Kyo speaks sometimes in kansai when referring to his inner self, along with Shinya; Die-san also born in Mie Prefecture speaks Kansai. Maybe this is a good time to learn.
I found myself hunger less even if it was dinner- so I stopped to the many food stalls in Tokyo-sushi was a simple choice but then again there was miso ramen. Too nervous I suppose, sigh, this always happen when Dir en Grey was staying in the very city as me. It happened countless times when they came to perform. I knew that I wouldn't be eating well for a little while until I get accustomed to the feeling of being here in Japan and so far away from home. The home I left to peruse this dream-once more the thoughts of doubt plagued me. Better go back to the hotel, I thought after finishing a quite tasteless yet cheap meal but the good thing about this not being my home is I could carelessly walk about the streets. But nonetheless I went straight to my hotel to check in for the night. Quickly packing my things neatly toward the door so when I woke up to catch the train departing for Osaka; I didn't have to run around the room like a headless chicken which my mom always referred me to when I was getting myself ready.
Soon I was lying in bed with the sheet all the way pulled up to under my chin whispering thoughts came in like smooth richness of Kyo's voice: What will happen in Osaka? Is something I truly didn't know? Are you ready to face the challenges that your new self imposes on your former self? That I didn't know how I would handle myself either if the situations came up. But whatever happened happens and I'll try my best to continue to move forward toward this dream. And I closed my tired eyes and fell asleep.
I was in Osaka early after taking the 7'o clock train. There was one of the staff members waiting for with Shinya standing next to the personnel, who happened to be female again, she looked at me curiously; I guess because of my attire I usually got those looks from my parents who half the time didn't like the way I dressed.
Shinya: The others have yet to come…
Kyoko: Everyone has different pace in doing things.
Lady: There not exactly on tour just yet. But they have interviews. It seems your online version of your story has gotten a lot of fame already. Rumors have it to where it shall be film adaptation. What do you think of that?
Kyoko: Nothing much I didn't expect nothing less… I had lots of comments of it before.
Don't know any movie producers. But I hope the creators of final fantasy will be willing to help me bring this story to life…I don't trust directors who sometimes take a story for their own personal gains.
Shinya: Why is that?
Kyoko: Because there is no human that comes close in representing yourselves then yourself. Plus you guys can interact a lot more by voice acting and moving in the movie as yourself with a computer generated characters based off your own physic.
Shinya: I see more of us to make it seem more a part of our own campaign.
Lady: You've had a lot of time to think of this.
Kyoko: Time more or less yes-studying for college doesn't always work with you most of the time against you.
Shinya: So what did you study for in college?
Kyoko: East Asian studies to teaching English here in Japan…I changed my mind and became a travel agent instead. But I wanted to accomplish this first.
Shinya: Is there a deeper reason to that?
Kyoko: I've always wanted to help people because I didn't live a neighborhood that you consider pleasant but I managed to live my life somehow in one piece plus there is someone I really wanted to help. A mentor… an- the last time I attempted to do such a thing it back fired horrible it's a miracle I'm still alive to say it…
Shinya: (nods)
Kyo: If the person doesn't care. The person isn't worth living for now is it? People don't change for others they only change for themselves.
Kyoko: o; (Ah~! Kyo got here so quickly and softly it startled me!)...yeah...I-I suppose your right only one with experience in that would know how well…the meaning of those words. (Now I have to think of something to do to calm this rapid beating heart of mine at the excitement of his arrival.)
Die: Mor!- is that you Murakami-san?
Kyo: Egh-hai. …. (Nodding my head grazing my gaze past Die-kun.)
Die: You look so different. (Wow she looks more stunning, her slim physic really shows beneath those layers of cloths, even without her exposing so much smooth delicate skin.)
Kyoko: As if I need heard that somewhere before-(To me this meant weird. Which is the most common response I usually got most of my life among boys?)
Die: No-no you look great! ^^;;;;;;;;; (When did her aura darken so suddenly?)
Kaoru: Ohayo gozaimasu, (bows) Murakami-san I'm glad you made it safely to Osaka.
Kyoko: I still can't believe that it all started here, in Osaka, the birthplace of Shinya-san, and Dir en grey. You guys also first played here in Osaka-jo hall, what a long way your dream as a band has come—(visions of their first live came flooding back to me.)
Kyo: (looks at me for a second or two) (coughs due to smoking habit) we should get going before anyone recognizes us, where's the van?
Lady: It should be pulling up soon.
I walked away from the band for a minute and started take pictures that would be inspiring for me in the changes that I would soon be making in the story. Before I knew it I was lost in world behind a lens. Until the I felt someone grab me faintly, I pulled instantly away a reflex I couldn't yet fix-the fact that someone touched me made my body's muscle tense up quickly, even from my toes but even so I moved to face them quickly on the balls of my feet. It was Kyo, shaken slightly by my sudden offense body language which relaxed suddenly at it faded away but he noticed me body still didn't relent. The lady in the distance called out but I didn't hear her I was too busy staring at Kyo then startled by my actions I quickly placed my camera away even if it was around my neck and hid my hands into the pocket of my jacket and hid under my jacket for awhile. Even if I had not said reaction pertaining this incident that was obscured by my shyness he spoke to me still as we walked back unexpectedly.
Kyo: Your introverted aren't you I thought there aren't many people like that in the world?
Kyoko: Yeah...but I have my reasons to be; America isn't like Japan. You just can't go walking out on the streets at night, you have drug dealers as neighbors, drive by shootings, street car races, the sound of the train in the distance at night, music at birthday parties blaring so late that you wonder if you ever get any sleep. On top of that you also have to watch out for the neighbors who also steal from under your nose, drown by the flood waters of the river if the levees break or by some chemical plant explosion since they all line up on one street that intersects my old house or even waiting by the bus in downtown where people smoke in your face without care, people hitting on each other that shouldn't, violence-insane people, poor and the disabled. I've seen it all minus a death or rape. Also I've never really let people touch me unless their friends or a reason to that I allow for it. Plus I also blame it on my weak health since I was premature I was forced to stay three months under nurse care at the hospital so maybe that when my expression of love toward others doesn't exactly involve much physical contact….(I suddenly realized why did I do such a stupid thing as to tell the man I secretly love what my life is like as if it were interesting as bestselling book or movie?) /;;;;
Kyo: Quite a past I can see, and yet you're so young-what exactly is your age? You look 20. (He looked at me curiously.)
Kyoko: O/\o?! Hmph...it's not polite to ask a lady her age but then again people always said I looked so young, so that you won't get a wrong answer 25.
Die: Sugoi! Seriously! I thought it was only Shinya who has that ability! ^^ Ha ha ha-
Kaoru: No it's because he eats healthier then you plus drink more than you should. Idiot.
Die: Actually we drink about the same; its Toshiya we should be worried about!
Kaoru: Then leave to genetics then…
Die: I bet you have a boyfriend! For someone is so refreshingly cute! (^/^)**
Kyoko: Egh? , Iie-i don't have one haven't found one worth yet or one to actual seemed to have the potential to be one.
Kyo:...
Others: Really you never dated anyone?!
Kyoko: I changed my opinion on men over the years; plus there are other personal reasons that hindered me as well…but I never said I didn't date anyone for making matters clearer.
Lady: I'm sorry to interrupt your conversation but we need to make way toward the van.
Slowly the van pulled up of the side of the cub in downtown Osaka. The sliding door slide open and quickly the members and I went inside and off we drove to a location I had yet to know. It reminded when I used to ride with my brothers and two of their friends.
Guys: Fuck, shoot over, your thigh is touching mine, well someone needs to get their ass out my face (more mumbling and movement of human bodies and items.) Okay we're good you can start the van!
Lady: Miss Murakami I hope you don't mind the incontinence of sitting on one of the members.
Kyoko: O/o; (Etch!)- Not-not all-ll that much. (Awe man come one! This way to close for comfort! Like the time in high school where I had to sit on a kohai's lap due to over crowdedness all over again!) 0/\0
Die: Ha ha ha! She so light, like a feather, that just too cute! Why are you so tense, relax its going to be awhile before reach Osaka-jo just lean back and tell us more about yourself-your still such a mystery to us! (And brushed the hair I had over my shoulder unto my back sending chills down my spine.)
Kaoru: Leave her alone Die-san, it's a natural for a girl to be embarrassed don't try to force her to do things. She already at high level of discomfort by your needless comments. (He looked at the rear view mirror to check up on Kyo, who was fully leaning on the side door of the van very comfortably possibly sleeping with his bags at his feet.)
Shinya: Are you sure you'll be fine; your lips look awfully pale. We can try to make room or I'll sit on Die-san lap I've done it before if you're too uncomfortable.
Kyoko: 0/\\\0; No-no I'm fine it shall take a second or too get used to it. (I'm not a big fan of physical contact; just breathe and you'll be fine.)
Kyo: Ohi! When you get to a stoplight pull over, we'll try to rearrange ourselves better; I don't think it's safe for her to sit like that (suddenly realizing that he was watching me from the rear view mirror which was hard to tell with his shades on.)
Lady: You're right do as he says.
Kyoko: *_* (silence)
The van soon pulls over and we get rearranged again; this time Kyo sat between both me and the staff member. All the while I kept my body as close to the window as possible, the thought of touching him unnecessarily drove me mad. I tried to push myself to relax by looking out the window but I couldn't help but be drawn by Kyo's simple body movements. I felt like telling myself he just a normal person like anybody else yet my other side of me kept screaming! This man, he's beautiful misunderstood creature, you love him, and you know he's special, why are you lying to yourself! Somehow I managed to push my annoying thoughts away. Silence maintained itself the whole way to Osaka –jo. Unless you accounted for the pit stop; they asked me if I wanted anything I told them no; because my bag was practically swimming with sweet flavored snacks and that's something they didn't need to know.
The guys came back with drinks and whatever snacks they liked; Kyo brought back a bottle of water and oolong tea. Like a small bird I watched them settle down again, including, where Kyo placed his newly bought items right across from me to the cup holder to the left side; I felt my body instinctively shrink back into the seat. And once more we drove off to Osaka- jo which was a little more ways from the convince store.
Before you know it I was following them alongside the clacking of their boots of the backstage hall ways, the jiggling of their keys and jean chains, the rustling of their clothes against the bags they carried. While it was I besides the camera man who trailed behind Kyo, who was last in getting off from the van; my feet where so quite that Kyo kept turning slightly to make sure I wasn't lost often flipping his bangs in the process which sent my heart racing and goose bumps across my skin. But to his surprise I kept pace with him with own bags that were heavier yet I didn't let him know it. The members spilt on hallway's intersection filled with room to its sides. Shinya, Die, Kaoru and Toshiya where all in the main room watching the footage of the last time in Osaka-jo. The staff came rushing in taking their bags filled with clothes I suppose for the time going to be spent on the tour. On the table laid their drinks, and other beverages (mainly alcohol) they instantly began preparing their bodies for the night of live, which was tomorrow, with special exercises. Meanwhile they took my bags along with Kyo's bags into this other separate room. The lady started to unpack my things and was completely baffled by how my articles of my clothing were bishonen (guy) she could have sworn it was one of the member's clothes. But I told her otherwise I told her my female attire was sent directly to the hotel room.
Kyo wasn't even paying attention to her or me for that matter; he simply plopped himself into a cold leather skinned sofa in the room just for himself. Closed his eyes and breathed slowly almost into a full relaxation. He wore a red leather jacket, with a thin cotton white shirt expose some of his smooth skin, a pure black jeans, with his chain wallet, keys, bandana, and hat attached to it (removed before he sat down, more like dropped down) his eyes were covered in dark sunglasses like I mentioned earlier, on his wrist lay the metal bracelet he wore since the beginning of his career with some other piece of jewelry like a necklace and rings and a nice pair of black boots with black ankle socks protruding slightly. The lady left after unpacking everything. I on the other hand still rearranged my things according to my liking on the small low table in the center of the room. Soon Kyo felt asleep for a little bit to the sound of the music he liked playing on his I-pod. While I was kneeling on the floor began to rearrange all my paper work in trying to make a proper work station so when Kyo was ready to beginning I won't be wasting his time but it was also a miracle that I didn't even get a paper cut in the process! It wasn't long before the manager came in happily greeting me.
Manager: Murakami! So glad for you could join us! I must say you must be excited dear girl! Not every day a fan like you gets to spend in what I believe to be months with their idol band for months. I also hear that there could be a possible movie adaptation! If so I hope to hear you thoughts or plan on making this reality. I can only image the popularity and exposure for the campaign and donations shall be.
Kyoko: ^/^; To be honest I don't really care much for the fame but I think it's an opportunities to reach to a larger audience. Not only for me but for Dir en grey's ideal as well even if the music isn't taken into liking. But that's not my main concern I have to concentrate incorporating the members more in the dialogue and their thoughts or acts be something they themselves would do. So without further ado I truly wish to get started.
Suddenly Kyo eyes opened, narrowing them at the door, the manager had long since left, and I was busy looking at the photos I got online and comparing what I had. Jolted from his relaxed position into a focused one and removed the I-pod from the scene and took interesting at what I was doing. Unknowing spoke again.
Kyo: Are you professional photographer as well as an author?
Kyoko: Egh, no I just do it for visual references and as a hobby.
Kyo: So these photos of Osaka? (He said place his finger just above the photo on display on my I-pad.
Kyoko: There for Shinya's chapter….
Kyo: So what exactly do you need me for? (Straightened up and dropped him into sitting position on the floor meeting me at eye level.)
Kyoko: (I felt my face harden at the sound of his voice at the harsh spoken yet honest question.) I want you to give me your honest opinion about you in the first chapter, how described in your future reference since the first chapter was mainly in the past, what do you think of the you I created from what I knew thought of what you would be like in thought or speech etc.
After talking about it for some time Kyo's hand suddenly came over mine and he began to scroll the screen down to the text on my open laptop for I was referring to in chapter but he soon looked away suddenly realize the original text was English and the notes I made where in Japanese so it was a jumbled mess only I could understand. He cleared his throat and quickly pulled back and turned the laptop back to face me. My face, I suppose was frozen stiff, for my mind kept reply his movement towards me over and over again. For him afterwards he excused himself for the impulse it was due to editing in music recording that he was used to doing on the laptop of their songs that he did so. I embarrassingly, laughed nervously, which really something I regretted afterwards. I instantly pulled my hands back in my lap under the table. I told him that it was all I need to ask about of him since the rest of the text was of the other members that the follow after the first chapter; and would be needed change certain words here and there for Kyoko, one the main characters. He eyed how I always kept my hands out of sight for that moment afterwards but his darkened brown gaze softened and he thought nothing of it and he went about his business. For example changing a few articles of his clothing which I didn't notice until I lifted my head from the screen as I type furiously away making the corrections.
Then he coming back from standing near the mirror stationed along the wall of the room near his clothing rack. He gazed at my clothes for a minute and saw how well in similarity it was to Dir en grey's style and gracefully skimmed his fingers over the different mediums of clothing I had. Noticing that my fingers had stopped producing the distinctive noise of keys being pressed he walked back to the leather sofa to the position he was in except he bent down to one of the bags left at his disposal; grabbed a bottle of medication possibility for his allergies but otherwise I didn't know what it could be he took two pills from it placed the bottle back with jiggle rush of his bracelet. Grabbed the bottle of water from earlier and drank them quickly. And once more he attuned to himself in preparation for the stage being set up. I simply got up from the room setting my I-pad and laptop on hibernation and left the room-I almost detested myself for some reason I couldn't place. But before leaving I took my camera and a note pad with me. Closing the door but even as I exhaled heavily and closed my eyes held the image of him so peaceful burned on the inside of my eye lids.
But I soon was startled by Kaoru who had approached me and the door. He smiled warmly, and as if there was anything I wanted to eat I told him no and gazed at the floor next to his feet. I simply pulled out a box of Pocky from my pants pocket and slid out a slick stick held in my mouth like a cig. And mumbled speech came flowing out of my mouth, "this shall hold till the night is over and we arrive at the hotel." I was lying though-I was just so nervous being around the man I loved to even eat straight much less think clearly. But my bad eating habits started way further back then this so it probably why I'm still underweight. I finished the stick held by my mouth is seconds. He nodded and walked back to where the others were. And I walked past the room where they where I saw their expressions carefully. Pulling the camera's lenses over my eyes I felt safer almost something like see something so beautiful yet you can't bring yourself to touch because you're afraid it might break instantly in your hands such a snowflake or vase. So even with them being a few feet from me I snapped the photos of their natural human bodies in their purest forms living a life like all humans do. Suddenly Die-san approached me while I finally pulled away the lens from my eyes. He stood there watching me and stared to speak.
Die: You seem so distant when you have that camera over your pretty face; it's like you live in a different world. What do you see? I'm the getting the feeling you're a daydreamer. Why isn't that this pretty little fairy doesn't remain in the real world with a hidden face?
Kyoko: Because once this fairy did live in the world. But the world she saw before was an ever so cruel world only seen by those who constantly suffer everlasting pain. Life is lived through pain-happiness is always short lived like the season of spring when the fairies come out to play. I have my reasons why I hide my face- none of which is your concern. My business is my business if you can understand that.
Instantly I rushed past him with a brisk walk, hiding my burning face of pain resurfacing of the past, with the collar of my leather jacket and held down the hall toward the window. Fuck! Why must I be so cold to someone who actually taken an interest in me? Is because I was never used to kind of attention as a child? Is it because I feel in reality repulsed instead of flatter at this man's words because it isn't from the one I desired most? Am I the only one who feels this way? Am I was to be this kind of person both ugly and beautiful? I slammed my fist in the window, hurting my hand. And I turn around and my back slid until I seated myself to the floor. Setting my things down on the floor I put my hand over my face-why why must this pain follow me always? Shouldn't I feel happy? I sat there for a few minutes trying to gather my bearings and finishing the box of Pocky that I had.
I got up and quickly got my things and walked over to the stairwell down to the stage.
None of the member had seen the preparations yet underway. So I took the time to take pictures of the venture from all angles I was practically feeding off the energies that would soon be felt tomorrow night. After that I left the complex and took photos of Osaka and how I saw it fitting for the story. I don't remember how many photos I took or tourist attractions I saw that day from my list but it was soon night fall and cool sea salty breeze calm rolling in. I came around the corner just making my way back into the secret entrance in Osaka-jo when two bishojo girls came up to me smiling and laughing. i froze memories of my bullying days came flooding back the notion of being made of fun was inevitable but of course they weren't but my mind always played stupid games such as those. The girls came closer and stopped to talk for me a bit.
"Are you lost?"
"What why did you ask him that without asking if he's foreign?"
"Maybe he's kuro gyaru?"
I answered almost emotionless which could have been read as the bad boy type, "sorry for the misunderstanding but I'm fine and I also happen to female."
The girls faces lighted up with shock, "gomensai" sorry- we thought you were a very well dressed male.
I smiled amusingly in a sarcastic way "it keeps me safe from bad guys who like to take advantage of foreigner girls who get put in the sex slave trade. Plus I hope to me a male fashion designer some day it one those dreams I have stored away somewhere."
The girls laughed and replied in exciting voice," wow you're so cool to be bold enough to do such a thing. We really sorry about the misunderstanding. We wish the best in your career. Mind if we take a photo it seems that we won't be able to get a glimpse of Dir en grey tonight with all the guards."
I laughed, if only they knew, maybe taking a photo with me now will me something you girls will never forget, "sure it always a complement to take photo with such kawaii gals."
Something I have yet to be...kawaii which Daisuke kept using on me.
Quick photos were taken and a rushed goodbye I was left alone again on the street corner. Psh, I knew my idea of dressing like a man would pay off. Plus I managed to save the girls' time in not pleading with the guards. Who they wanted to see I would never know. The guards quickly let me pass by I was inside the building again and the workers where done with the stage and the rest would be left for tomorrow. Climbing up the stairs again and standing there was lady who escorted me earlier in the day.
Lady: We were afraid you gotten yourself lost. Since you left in just such a quick manner.
Kyoko: _; (Somehow I find her annoying.) Ah yes, I just wanted to do some site seeing before speaking with Terachi-san tomorrow. My apologies…
Lady: I hope you are enjoying Osaka very well.
Kyoko: Yes indeed, Terachi-san must be so proud of his home town. Did he leave home to see his parents for the night?
Lady: We he did see his mother awhile ago when you stepped out but he has returned just in time for the departure for the hotel.
Kyoko: I must then get my things to speed up the process in getting there then. (Why do I feel annoyed by this woman? Was it because she asked so much needless questions?) Anyway I pushed out my bad side and left get to the remainder of my things. To only find all the members starting at my clothes. Squeezing past them from the space in the doorway I scrambled to my things back into my bag before actually paying attention to the hustle and bustle the room; in which Kyo was nowhere to be seen.
Toshiya: I still can't believe a girl would have this much male attire in her wardrobe? How many brothers do you think she has anyway?
Shinya: Well there must be some very good reason for why she wears what she wears and we shouldn't judge her based on that.
Kaoru: I think it makes her all the more interesting if you don't mind having a girl who's more than just ordinary.
Die: I think it makes her all the sexier! Imagine her ******************************************. (Laughed) (Too perverted to be repeated also because my ears are bleeding.)
Kyoko: (What in the fuck this guy just say?!) (Cough) Excuse me.
The guys stopped talking at once and turned to face me and my small slender face against such a greater male stature.
Die: Ah~!, Kyoko-chan didn't happen to see you pass by I suppose you heard what I said just now.
Kyoko: Does matter if I hear it or not the reason why I wear what I wear will not change the outcome. And don't call me –chan I don't recalling giving you such permission for the sake of the work place.
Die: O/O I'm sorry…I didn't mean to offend you. (Why is she so cute when she's angry?)
Others: X/\x;
Kyoko: I've always liked guy wear it more comfortable you guys don't have much pressures when being in a women's body. Plus it mainly due to you all that I like such clothes. Visual kei is a major influence on my life.
Shinya: See what I didn't tell you, she had a perfectly good reason!
Kaoru: But the closer I look it at it resembles more of Kyo-chan style than anything else but I'm guessing you also have a habit of buying sweaters or long sleeved to cover your hands.
Toshiya: Why do you cover your hands?
Die: Why there such beautiful slender hands?!
Kyoko: O_o?! (Beautiful? slender? Are you fucking with me?) Egh~….
Kyo: Because maybe she just like to have her hands covered the same way you like to submit girls to your will by needlessly flattering them to death so you could bed them.
Kyoko: X/\x?! (Say what?) A-actually, the reason why is that my hands are always covered because their always cold, due to my weight gain problem that I have so I don't like have people see how horribly skinny I look.
Die: How is that you say that about yourself, you're perfect the way you are!
Kyoko: /; I-I I don't have to push myself further in explain in how people simply have different opinions in how they see themselves and how other to them.
Kaoru: Yes, that's very true. please forgive Daisuke-san he's just-a little carried away by his love for women.
Shinya: Yes please don't mind him. We didn't mean to offend you in any manner.
Toshiya: We're also sorry for intruding on your belongings. It's just we didn't know who they belong to until we saw the name tag—
Kyoko: Just forget about it.
And I pretended in caring more about packing my belongings when I was secretly looking at Kyo in search of an expression but he was busying putting his things away and had his earphones re-plugged into his one of his ears. When the manager came in saying the van would be starting up soon. Before I left I looked once more at the clothing I had on the rack; was it really such a good idea to wear this? Or am I just hiding- the hiding the fact that I was still insecure about my own body? Was the truth hiding within the lie? Isn't because of it I got into male fashion? With that being said I grabbed the pair of leather gloves and slipped them on my hands and left the room with Kyo trailing me behind me until the sound of our union clashing of boots soon came to pace with my walking speed. And before we knew it we became the leaders of the pack.
Kyo spoke to me, "your hands are not always cold-there just luke warm. Plus if Daisuke-kun looks past the look of your hands I think that you too can look past it. If that's something you want to change..."
Kyoko: Ah~…, yeah I know it just most of the time they are...also I like how they feel when their covered. I really don't have an eating problem. This is what most girls' think I have to do to be this fit.
Kyo: (He gave a brief amused smile and nodded.) Here you look thirsty. (And he handed me a water new water bottle from his bag.)
I hesitated for a minute but I took it. Our hands touched and somehow the warmth of his hand seeped through the leather. I looking at the water and went ahead and opened it. But all the while I felt someone's piercing gaze burning into my back. But it soon stopped after some murmurs in the back and noise of body movements. It was only natural for hands to brush against one person to another in exchange of things…don't think of it other than that my mind rambled at the sudden passage of heat.
Coolness had really taken over the clear navy blue sky in Osaka which was also cloudless; the wind blew harder rushing all of us into the safety of the van back into the same positions as we had arrived. All the while I looked out the window watching the city light glistening in the distance being blurred by the speed of the movement made by the van. But it was long after that I still felt the nausea come flooding back for being so close to Kyo and annoyed by the watchful stare of Die-kun as I glanced at him and from time to time through the rearview mirror. As well as Kyo wondering if he has fallen asleep but it was impossible to tell with his shades covering his eyes again. Will it always been this way between us? This distance…like oceans that once separated us? I felt the waves of sleepiness come over me while listening to the distant soft hum of the van as it drove down the highways toward the hotel in downtown. But the brightness of the city lights awoke me into the reality that I still wasn't close enough yet to an actual mattress. My head hurt terribly for not eating right and the water I drank didn't fill the vastness in my stomach. The Manager then turn his head from the passenger seat and call down to the back saying that we were at the last exist and should be at the hotel entrance in ten minutes. The guys in the back moaned, and began hustle themselves to get ready to leave quickly from the van. Kyo suddenly after keeping so still moved slightly as not to hit either one of us on the sides of him. It was long before everyone was feeling that I felt the desired to leave this enclosed space!
Before we knew it the van squeaked to a halt in front of the grand hotel, all lighted up from the inside hurting my eyes from being in the dark so long. The manager stepped out pulled open the door and once more everyone rushed out of the van. The lady and the manager when ahead out of all of us to check in everyone while we waited in the lobby; Kaoru, Kyo, Toshiya, Die and Shinya sat down in the seats available while I gaze around the place with my camera at hand and took very few photos. Almost the whole time they were quiet until both the manager and lady looked at me wearily and I knew a problem had popped up. They came closer to me along with the other members ready to go up to their rooms.
Lady: They happened to run out of rooms on the floor the members are staying.
Kyoko: And-…
Manager: Some of you are going to have to share a room with Miss Murakami.
Kyoko: O/\o;;;;;;;;;;;;;
Lady: But of course we're not for sure just yet we have to see once we arrive on the floor.
Kyoko: X/\X; (You can be serious! I may end up sharing a room with one of them! But it not like I've not to sharing a room with a male before but they were not even my brothers close to complete strangers and on top of that full grown men!)
Kaoru: Don't worry, we'll manage it amongst ourselves; you and the manager can go on up.
So there I was slowly walking to my doom up the stairs into the hall way where the elevator was. The silence in the elevator was killing me not to mention being so close to them in such an enclosed space! Finally the ding rang out and everyone got off and Kaoru began to call out room numbers and the beds available in the rooms some of them already had occupants, who where male. Soon out of the blue a staff member came out with a carrier with my bags which he offered to carry them for me.
Kaoru: Andou and myself shall be taking this room, Toshiya and the driver shall be in this room, Niimura and Murakami you guys shall be the last room on the left, and Shinya and the manager shall be on the room straight across.
Die: Wait, why does, Niimura get to sleep with Murakami?!
Kaoru: It alpha order of last name and even if we used her real last name it still be the same so quit your whining and get into the room its late as is it and tomorrow is the day we start the tour.
Shinya: Please try you best to get the most restful sleep out of this arrangement, Murakami-chan. (And he closed the door behind him quietly.)
Toshiya: Hey at least you're not stuck with the driver, who snores, but hey someone's got to do otherwise where not going to go anywhere! (And he left somewhat irritated by that fact.)
Die tried to fight his way to where I was standing and I stood there and gave a glare that had him shrinking back. I really didn't have time for him to be fighting over me, someone who I carried no feelings for, yet I really didn't want to share room with Kyo but my body was all ready straining. Yet I tiredly turned away from him to walk down the hall where Kyo had stopped. Die-san didn't object this time, he simply watched me go, and he too even enter the room.
Kyo stood at the door way with his bags, he look at me directly and spoke in serious soft tone, "Would you like shower first; I'll stay out here until you're finished."
I only could manage to bring my eyes to his mouth, I nodded, pulling my bags with me and I closed the door quickly behind me. The desire to simple trash my things all across the floor and scream a blood curling scream was so great and tightly balled in my chest yet I didn't instead I parked my luggage near the sofa facing the TV against the wall to my right. I took the bed nearest to the window. I took a look at my sleeping clothes, they weren't girly nor was it cute it was something simple a plain colored t-shirt bigger then it need to be and soft baggy sleeping pants I got for Christmas once.
I locked myself in the bathroom, turned on the hot water knob all the way and waited for the steam of heat to fog up the bathroom mirror. Before I stepped into the shower I saw my distorted self in the mirror; this is person that I don't want anyone to see this feeble girl who doesn't know how to love again. I hate my former self because it didn't get me anywhere and yet I hate this self because it isn't exactly who I want to be. Then who am I truly? I guess I'm nothing more but a web of lies. And with that I entered the shower and did what was needed as quickly as possible. Clothed once more I looked at myself again, this time wiping away the mirror so it was clear again; I could still see the little girl inside me somewhere crying. I sighed, my stomach growled louder, I dried off my hair and put whatever products that was similar to the ones I used back at home; and then I stopped for a second as I grabbed the bottle of perfume-should I spray it? The smell will linger here, what if it bothers him and his allergies? Then the courageous part of me and the one who didn't care about others spoke loudly in my mind, "Just spray it, he wouldn't care about it, he had girlfriends before, besides he think of you maybe if catches the scent."
Before I couldn't think twice because my body simply took over in habit and sprayed lightly the scent on me. I sneezed, it always happens when I sprayed it. I wondered what he would think of my chosen perfume scent mixed with natural body ordor.
I walked toward the door with my black socks and turned to make sure the bathroom was immaculate. I opened it put away all my dirty clothes that could be put away, and saw the cord of my hair dryer sticking out-should I dry my hair? I never did like showing people who my hair looked wet because the results afterwards weren't always pleasant. Before I knew I pulled it into the outlet on my side of the room next to my bed. I walked over to the door to let Kyo in but to my surprise he wasn't there and his things were on the inside of the door now. He must have left outside to smoke I thought; well at least it gave time to blow dry. By the time I was finished blowing drying the room service already bring me my dinner and yet Kyo still hadn't came back; maybe he just wanted me to fall asleep before he did his business but I didn't know for sure. For minutes I realized I have done nothing for ten whole minutes waiting. Why was I waiting it was already so late at night. Then I remembered Kyo didn't eat anything either so I order him some dinner which was set on the coffee table near the sofa. I stayed up a little longer on the sofa watching the download of photos onto my laptop but before I knew I was fast asleep with my knees pulled up to my chest wrapped with a soft fuzzy jacket with kumamimi (bear ears), that really was feminine then all the outfits I wore so far.
I guess had fallen asleep was having some sort of dream that I was having; because I swear in this dream: Kyo had come back to move his stuff towards his bed. Eating his food that I left for him in little matter of time and took about 25-30 minutes shower which is what most guys take unless you have long hair. He came out, with another light colored shirt which was grey and soft pants just like mine with black socks. He stood at the door way for awhile, he looked at my bed it and very much surprised to see it was empty, then he look toward his right instinctively and there I was asleep in a fetal like position and since I was small I didn't give the notion that I was there. What seemed like a sincere smile spread across his face, he walked over quietly put my laptop on hibernation, closed it pushing it further across the table so that he wouldn't knock it over, and removed the jacket I used as a blanket. He stood there for a few seconds then he leaned of his slim built frame over me sliding one arm around my back, going under my arm pit to connect with the other hand that went under my knees and lifted me easily off the sofa toward my bed. Managing somehow to push my head closer to his chest, the crisp clean smells came of him along with deep spiced scented cologne like forest set ablaze with the orange, gold, and reds of autumn. My eyes fluttered open at last in the dream and I lifted my head my nose touched under his chin, he shifted my weight again, this time the arm that was under my arm was now around me instead of under and he gripped me tightly yet not enough to where it hurt. He hushed with back to sleep, murmuring something I couldn't quite catch nor understand; all I felt was warmth of his words and body as I stayed in his arms. But in the entire dream was so short…and this feeling of sudden yearning awoke me. I snapped open my eyes, the warmth I felt were from the blankets and bed sheets that surrounded me and the sunlight pouring in from the curtains. I scrunched my nose at the dust particles dancing about in the warming light. I slowly sat up, pushed my hair back, and rubbed my eyes yet I kept my hands over my face and thought; why did I dream such a dream like that one? He would never dare touch someone as repulsively average as me. Yet he did it so carefully as if you would a newborn, am I really that defenseless? Is that how people see me? Always looking down upon me? Furious at something that could be considered true I threw back my sheets and looked at the room. It was just exactly what my dream said it looked like, the tray of food I had left of the table was empty thrown in the trash, my laptop was turn on hibernation it seems and further on the end, bathroom door was left open and Kyo's luggage was moved closer to the bed but the real Kyo was nowhere to be seen. Did my dream really happen—before I could think there was a light knock at the door.
I dropped my body unto the floor, crawled for a few steps, and then got up and walked toward the door; it happened to be Shinya fully dressed at the door.
Shinya: Ah, Kyoko-chan did I wake you up?
Kyoko: Ah! Uhm, no really no you didn't. Ohayo gozaimasu is what I should say first. So, I see Kyo left early. (The reminiscence of the dream kept following back into my mind the scent of his body still clung to me like perfume.)
Shinya: Yes, everyone had more interviews this morning. Kyo said it was best not to wake you, he said you stayed up pretty late despite what I asked of you yesterday.
Kyoko: Egh, b-but I didn't mean to disobey your thoughtfulness it's just I'm not use to this time shift just yet and I'm a little home sick. Plus I only stayed up to downloaded the photo of Osaka I took yesterday to go back in the story and make some corrections and to post in my blog. (And with that I rubbed at my eyes; even though I still feel tired and felt a coming headache. I did my best to look alert.) (Cough) Please come sit down have some tea or coffee by the means of room service as I make myself more presentable.
And I moved out of the door way.
Kyoko: Excuse the mess. (And I went straight toward making the bed which was still warm with body heat. Pulling out my suitcase that I slid under the bed and rolled it toward the bathroom.)
Shinya on the other hand sat on Kyo's made bed and made the phone call for room services, "What would like to eat?" he said covering the speaker on the phone. "Brown sugar oatmeal, two pieces white bread toast with peanut butter or with strawberry jam and a mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows."
And with that I closed the door behind me along with my three bags filled with stuff. One was clothes and makeup (surprisingly), another was stuff for the campaign project, and the other was stuff that made me feel like home which wasn't much. Kneeling on the bathroom floor I looked at second clothing suitcase which contained a mix style of Japanese fashion. I looked at a Liza Liz outfit, in a non outstanding gyaru fashion, maybe its best that I did dress in what that corresponds to my gender. So I picked a long sleeve knit in off white, it had two butterfly knots in the front and one in the back that connect the overall suspender stall of the skirt, was brown with white lacing down in the front and small bows going across the hem, with off white lace leggings of flowers, bare skin is something I didn't like show off too much. Over it I had a white and brown grey fur poncho of the neck line and rim of it as well with a dark chocolate and velveteen red bow, knee high boots also velvet red with brown grey fur on top and soft ribbon lacing up the boot. My purse was the matching outfit purse, which was little basket with straw woven and lace covered the sides and the top was covered in the same brown grey fur and it also had a white fur bow. I put on the basic gyaru makeup, after I washed my face and teeth, and combed my hair; which was primer, bb cream, spot corrector, fake eyelashes, eyeliner, brow liner, matching color scheme eye shadow. Then I looked at my hair-hmmm I'll curl it today. So I pulled out my curling iron and weighted for it to heat up and fixed my hair into nekomimi (cat ears) which still to this day very popular. After I curled my hair I took the same bottle of perfume yesterday and once more remember the earth spiced scent that off Kyo's body in my dream.
I stepped out the bathroom, pulling my luggage once more of the room. Shinya glanced up from the morning paper, with the food I ordered straight across from me; he was practically stunned by my transformation. He couldn't help but smile and laughter escaped his lips.
Shinya: You absolute look like a little red riding hood except with an odd twist, a chocolate series twist. Kyo's was right this morning in saying you're really into sweets! But it really does bring innocence to your aura.
Kyoko: Ah, thank you (bow) I just picked it out so suddenly I never really thought of it. (Great so if I'm the little red riding hood then Die or Kyo must be the big bad wolf! Suddenly I regretted my swing fashion transition.)
Putting the rest of things aside I sat down toward the table to join Shinya in eating breakfast by the time I look at the clock it was 9:30.
Kyoko: So, when should the drive be back to pick us up or are we taking the train. (I said stirring my oatmeal.) (And I took a bite out my strawberry and peanut butter toast.)
Shinya: I thought it would be nice for us to take the train maybe you can take more photos along the way; you really seem into nature, more so now that you look like a mori (forest) girl. ^/^;
Kyoko: That's fine; I like that idea. (If only I knew the consequences that would happen later on today.)
Shinya: You actually eat pretty well; I thought you look too depressed this morning to that eat anything hearty as this!
Kyoko: I'm full of surprises; take them as they come if you like.
Shinya: (smiles) (She really is beautiful when acts herself truthfully.)
I didn't take long in eating my breakfast we were at the Osaka train station fifteen minutes before our actual train we needed to get on and the whole while I took photos and talked about his chapter and what he thought of it.
It wasn't long into the conversation that I had girls come by and complement of my outfit and asked if me and Terachi-san were dating. I simple pleasantly and confidently that we weren't and that he was just a great friend who was going to escort me to my new work place. The girls apologized and went on their way. We got on the train and I snapped more photos of Osaka. The time I spent with Shinya was pleasant and peaceful but the thought of Kyo in my dream kept flooding back immersing itself more into my memories and the scenery of the fast moving train I was startled to here the stop on the train being called and Shinya ushering me to the door.
My time with Shinya had ended, Kaoru's turn would soon come, and then others then back to Kyo again. Tonight was also the first live on the Tour! I soon would become something greater than just a fan maybe even possibly a friend and member of the band I love so much. Maybe I should stop having these doubts and just run into the darkness like Kyo has done. But will I find on the other side I don't know? When I thought that thought I was soon standing in front of Osaka-jo once more.