Waiting for Minako (The Script)
by DDFA (Mark A Page)
EPISODE 02
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Announcer: Last episode of Waiting for Minako....
Ami: Ouch.
Makoto: Jeez.
Ami: That was a big explosion.
Makoto: Yeah, I could feel it from here.
Announcer: Strange things are happening....
Makoto: You're staring at the ground, what are you looking at?
Ami: Oh, it's just an ant.
Makoto: An ant?
Ami: Hai.
Announcer: And some things not so strange....
Ami: Are you calling me silly?
Makoto: Yes, I'm calling you silly. You're allowing your
imagination to run away with you.
Ami: I am not! My imagination is standing right here, next
to me, and neither of us are running.
Announcer: Whilst an evil plan is hatched.
Dir: Sound of a chicken, followed by a popping noise.
Annoucner: What lies in store for Ami and Makoto in this action
packed episode? Well, you're just going to have to
listen aren't you? You can't expect me to tell you
everything.
FX: The sound of a city during the day, with traffic, birds and the
occasional inexplicable explosion.
Announcer: In the dark metropolis of Tokyo, Haruka and Michiru have
taken over the job of our heroines of waiting by the
wall....
Haruka: She's late.
Michiru: Yes, she's late.
Haruka: Very very late.
Michiru: Yes, she's very very late.
Dir: Pause
Michiru: Probably off having an illicit affair with Mamoru-
san....
Haruka: MICHIRU!
Michiru: Teehee.
Godot: Excuse me.
Haruka: EEK!
Michiru: Haruka!
Godot: Oh, I'm so terribly sorry.
Haruka: Who the hell are you?
Godot: The name's Godot.... I heard you were waiting for
somebody, and thought I could give you a few pointers on
the art.
Haruka: Eh?
Michiru: On what? The art of waiting?
Godot: No no no.... The art of making people wait.... I often
use it to get back at all those bastards who have held
me up in my life.... Lemme tell you. There was this
pair....
Haruka: Oh KAMI!
Michiru: Somebody! Stop him before he starts reciting an old
story....
Dir: Sound of a needle being scracthed across a record.
Announcer: Meanwhile, in Hawaii, Ami and Makoto are lying on a
beach in skimpy bathing costumes, taking a long holiday
from waiting by the wall.
Makoto: You're right, you know.... This is so much better than
Tokyo in the mid winter.
Ami: Told you so.... You should always take my advice when
it comes to holidays. I ALWAYS know what I'm talking
about.
Makoto: Pity nobody else does.
Ami: What was that?
Makoto: Oh, nothing.... Nothing.... I was just contemplating
the sky.
Ami: Yes, it's so blue.
Makoto: Very blue, indeed.
Ami: With the tiniest speckles of clouds.
Makoto: Yes. Yes, they are clouds, aren't they.
Ami: Well, of course they are. I ALWAYS know what I'm
talking about.
Makoto: Yes, yes, yes.... You're the smartarse amongst us all.
Ami: What was THAT?
Dir: Pause.
Makoto: You know, I wonder how that pair of lame-ass Outers are
going at waiting in our place?
Ami: Who cares? I'm having a good time.
Dir: Pause
Ami: Ah.... We should have done this a long time ago.
Makoto: We couldn't.... Our paypacket only increased upon the
signing of our last contract.
Ami: Yeah, you're right about that.
Makoto: Best we could afford, when the show started, was a trip
to a hot springs in the mountains.
Ami: How positively quaint.
Makoto: Not to mention hokey....
Ami: I bet the slavering hoardes of hentais out there would
have given an arm and a leg to see those moments....
Makoto: Yeah, they would have.
Ami: Amusing how I always seemed to come out on top in all
the character polls, too....
Makoto: Stop bragging, you blue-haired bint.
Ami: Number one on the Animage character poll, I was.
Makoto: Gawd, here she goes again.
Ami: I knocked that lame-ass Nausicaa flat! Boring Miyazaki
slag.... Gets a role in ONE movie, and everyone wants
her as their daughter. Well, I showed them.
Makoto: And then you were booted from number one. I hear the
fight is now between a firebrand sorceress and and blue-
haired chick with a stock line.
Dir: Pause.
Makoto: "Baka", she says.... I really hate it when catchy
little quotes like that become the in thing.
Dir: Pause.
Makoto: What's wrong with you? You've gone quiet.
Ami: I've just realised....
Makoto: What?
Ami: It's.... It's all over.
Makoto: What ARE you talking about?
Ami: We.... We now only exist in the minds of the dedicated
fans.... Our show is no more....
Makoto: Oh, don't get all moody.... There'll be some great
revival, one day.... Bandai always milks its cash cows
dry, you should know that.
Ami: I.... suppose you're right.
Makoto: Well, I ALWAYS know what I'm talking about.
Dir: Long pause.
Ami: Bitch.
Makoto: Ah ah ah, no claws, thankyou. We're on holiday.
Ami: I'm not so sure this was a good idea, anymore.
Makoto: What is it then? Chopped liver?
Ami: It's.... kinda strange, but I have a strange feeling
this really isn't happening....
Dir: Long pause.
Ami: Like.... this is some kind of diversion.... That we're,
in truth, still back in Tokyo, waiting for Minako-chan.
Dir: Long pause.
Makoto: Now you've got me going....
Ami: Eh?
Makoto: I'm getting kinda freaked out, here.
Ami: What?
Makoto: I've got the same feeling as you.
Ami: No! Don't say that.... It might be TRUE.
Makoto: But it isn't true, is it? I mean, we're here, on a
beach in Hawaii, aren't we?
Dir: Long pause.
Makoto: Well, we ARE, aren't we?
Ami: The sky is so blue.
Makoto: Don't change the subject.
Ami: It looks to me just like the sky in Tokyo....
Makoto: Stop that.... You're scaring me.
Dir: Pause.
Ami: Mako-chan....
Makoto: What?
Ami: I've always wanted to know....
Makoto: What?
Ami: Ever since that episode with Haruka and all that....
Makoto: What? Come on, what?
Dir: Long pause.
Ami: Do you prefer margarine to butter?
Dir: Long pause.
Makoto: AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Dir: Sound of Makoto crying out in frustration, and running around
the beach.
Ami: Do you really have to make so much noise?
Makoto: (In the near-distance) Oh, fer chrissakes! What did you
have to ask me THAT for?
Ami: Well, every fanboy I know wants to know the answer....
Incipient homosexual tendencies. Lack of boyfriend.
Constant harping about previous relationships and all.
I mean, I've been wanting to know for years.
Dir: Sound of tree falling to the ground.
Ami: Wow! I've never seen you do that, before.
Makoto: Gragh!
Dir: Sound of running footsteps approaching, skidding to a stop.
Makoto: I thought it has been made clear, time and time again,
that I am NOT a lesbian. Understand.... I am
heterosexual as the day is long.
Dir: Long pause.
Ami: Ah, so you turn into a lesbian when the sun goes down?
Makoto: Of, fer Chrissakes! I am NOT a lesbian. Geddit?
Dir: Pause.
Makoto: Geddit?
Ami: Got it.
Makoto: Good.
Ami: Repressed homosexual tendencies.... Definitely next on
the list of anime characters to be outed....
Makoto: What did you say?
Ami: Oh, nothing, nothing.
Dir: Pause.
Makoto: You know.... It's strange how there's nobody else on
this beach.
Ami: So?
Makoto: Well, it's such a NICE beach, on such a NICE day....
One would have thought there'd be hundreds of people
here, jostling for position.
Ami: Must be an off day.
Makoto: Some off day. I'm REALLY beginning to wonder where we
are, now....
Ami: Why question such things when nothing is going wrong?
Makoto: I've just got a weird feeling....
Ami: You should NEVER eat the fish on the plane.... How many
times do I have to tell you....
Makoto: No.... It's something else.... Like we're being
watched....
Dir: Sound of hollow wind.
Ami: Must be all those people out there.
Makoto: What people?
Ami: Out there, listening to us.
Dir: Pause.
Makoto: I can't see anyone.
Ami: Of course you can't. This isn't television.
Dir: Pause.
Makoto: I think you've had too much sun.
Ami: You can never have too much sun.... If skin cancer is
your thing.
Makoto: Now I KNOW you've had too much sun.
Ami: Come to think of it, I am feeling a little strange.
Makoto: Do you get the feeling we're being watched?
Dir: Pause.
Ami: Actually, yes, I do.... Kinda kinky, isn't it?
Dir: Pause.
Makoto: You're just hoping it's some desperate pervert, since
you're normally hopeless with men.
Ami: At least I had Urawa-kun.... All you ever did was
whinge and whine about an illusory long lost senpai....
Makoto: Was NOT illusory. He REALLY existed.
Ami: Oh yeah? Prove it.
Makoto: How can I? We're on a beach in the middle of nowhere.
Ami: Hawaii.
Makoto: What?
Ami: We're on a beach in Hawaii.... It's not the middle of
nowhere.... Technically speaking.
Makoto: Are you so sure? Are you so sure that this IS Hawaii?
Ami: Can you prove to me that you really DID have a
boyfriend?
Makoto: No.
Ami: Well, I can't prove that this is Hawaii, either.
Makoto: Then we're really in the middle of nowhere, after
all....
Ami: Stop getting paranoid.
Makoto: I'm NOT getting paranoid.
Ami: Of course you are. If we aren't in Hawaii, where are
we?
Makoto: We could be.... in Antarctica!
Dir: Pause.
Ami: (Shouts) Does this look like Antarctica to you?
Makoto: No.
Ami: Well, by process of elimination, taking into account the
fact that it is almost 100 degrees in the sun, it is
humid and that we are definately NOT freezing our butts
off whilst wearing these oh so SKIMPY swimsuits, you
could, just possibly, conceive that this is not, in the
slightest way possible, Antarctica.
Makoto: It could be out of season....
Ami: I don't really think that would make much difference, do
you?
Makoto: No.... I was just clutching at straws.
Ami: Pretty damn thin straws, if you ask me.
Makoto: Hey, it was a nice idea at the time.
Ami: Look.... This is Hawaii.... No ifs, no buts, okay?
Makoto: Could be far north Queensland.
Ami: WHAT?
Makoto: Gotta be careful in far north Queensland.... They
inbreed them differently, up there....
Ami: What ARE you talking about?
Makoto: Never mind.
Ami: I should think so, too.... And you're thinking of
Tasmania.... On a good day....
Dir: Long pause.
Makoto: I wonder how Haruka and Michiru are going....
Ami: Yes, might be interesting to see....
Dir: Long pause.
Ami: Hello? Mister Announcer?
Announcer: Hmm... What? Oh yes, sorry.... Uhh.... Meanwhile,
back in Tokyo, Haruka and Michiru are placing the body
of Godot behind the wall and out of sight.
Michiru: That's going to smell after a while.
Haruka: Would you have rathered listening to his stories?
Michiru: Better than listening to Setsuna whine about her beloved
Endymion when she's drunk one too many Sapporo
Lagers....
Haruka: Hmph.... Is it any wonder the Philadelphia Experiment
went wrong....
Announcer: And now, due to the amazing process available only to
the Id, we find ourselves on a beach in North
Queensland.
Dir: Banjo music starts in the background, alongside the
splashing of waves on the shore.
Announcer: This has not been confirmed by our operatives, of
course. Ami and Makoto are wandering the beach in the
kind of skimpy swimsuits that would normally be used in
an anime of ecchi standards. Of course, this is not
real, so the vision of the pair wearing them is
occurring entirely within your own mind, like the
perverted, sick little creep that you are.
Dir: Sound of a whip.
Announcer: Ouch! What was that for?
Michiru: You're talking too much.
Announcer: Am not.
Michiru: Are so.
Haruka: Shhhhhh....
Dir: Pause with the sound of the banjo and the waves.
Ami: It's hot.
Makoto: Yes, it is, isn't it.
Ami: Damned hot.
Makoto: You're not wrong there.
Ami: How long has it been since we left our towels?
Makoto: I can't remember.
Ami: Where did we leave our towels?
Makoto: Back in Hawaii, I think.
Ami: That's impossible. We can't have walked from Hawaii to
Northern Queensland.
Makoto: Why?
Ami: Because we would have gotten wet. We would have brought
our towels with us. in that case.
Makoto: As normal, your logic surpasses mine.
Ami: Of course it does. My logic is a product of my vast
intelligence, which exceeds that of the rest of you put
together.
Makoto: And yet, you still fell for Urawa-kun.
Dir: Pause.
Ami: We all have our crosses to bear.
Makoto: That's a pretty big one.
Ami: At least I GOT myself a boyfriend. You just brag about
a lost one.
Makoto: Let's not start down that path, again.
Ami: Sign of desperation.
Makoto: I said....
Ami: Do I foresee the long, lonely years ahead?
Makoto: Look, if you don't shuddup, I'll smash your face through
the back of your head.
Ami: Touchy.
Makoto: Am I just?
Ami: Yup.
Makoto: Urawa.
Ami: Stop it....
Makoto: Urawa Urawa Urawa Urawa Urawa....
Ami: Stop that!
Makoto: You stop bagging me for not having a boyfriend, then.
Ami: Why not? It's fun.
Makoto: Amiiiiiiii.....
Ami: Funny, too.
Makoto: Listen, just one more word from your mouth, and I'll....
Ami: Can I ask you a question?
Makoto: WHAT!?!?
Ami: Why do you always revert to violence to solve your
problems? I do wish you were a tad more creative.
Makoto: Oh. Yeah, right. I should have THOUGHT of that SO much
sooner. Well, I'm SO SORRY that I get a real KICK out
of beating the LIVING CRAP out of people who ANNOY the
SHIT outta me.
Ami: Tut tut tut.... All this stress is not doing you one
bit of good.
Makoto: STRESS? STRESS? WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M STRESSED?
I'M NOT STRESSED. HOW DARE YOU THINK I'M STRESSED!
Dir: Pause as Makoto pants loudly
Ami: You see.... This is what comes from not having a
boyfriend.
Makoto: Gragh!
Ami: Hey! Let go!
Makoto: One instant head ventilation system, coming up....
Ami: Wait, it was just a joke....
Announcer: Hmm.... This could get pretty nasty.... Better drop a
sand dune on top of them.
Dir: Sound of Ami and Makoto crying out as they are smothered by a
sand dune. After a long pause, there are two popping noises,
followed by the pair trying to catch their breath.
Makoto: Okay, Miss Brain, explain the sudden and rapid movement
of this friggin' dune.... They're not supposed to move
that quickly.
Dir: Pause.
Makoto: Ya can't, can ya?
Ami: Give me a few moments to postulate a ridiculous, but due
to current events, mildly possible, theory.
Dir: Sound of heavy machinery.
Makoto: What the hell is that.
Ami: Aha! Now I KNOW this is Queensland.
Makoto: What do you mean?
Ami: Coastal land developers.... That's why the dune was
dumped on top of us. They don't like cheap tourists.
Dir: Long pause.
Makoto: Would you like a hand getting out of this dune?
Ami: Actually, I rather like it here.... It's cooler in the
sand than it is out of it.
Makoto: If I don't get out of it, then I'm gonna become out of
it. Would you mind explaining to me how we managed to
be in Queensland.
Ami: Existentialist angst on the part of the writer?
Makoto: Yes, well, that would be a contributing factor. By the
way, isn't it about time one of us were killed?
Ami: What do you mean?
Makoto: He always kills one of us off, usually in the first
chapter of every story....
Announcer: Meanwhile, in Tokyo, Usagi, sitting on a park bench,
minding her own business, has an arrow shot through her
head.
Dir: Twanging noise, followed by a thud and the sound of Usagi
gurgling before falling to the ground with a thump.
Ami: Why'd you HAVE to remind him?
Makoto: Ah, it's nothing.... He'll just resurrect her later.
Ami: Yeah, to kill her again....
Makoto: By the way, don't you feel rather silly having a
conversation whilst you are up to your neck in sand?
Dir: Long pause.
Ami: The sand....
Makoto: What about it?
Ami: It's awfully white.
Dir: Pause.
Makoto: What about it?
Ami: Don't you think the sand is white?
Makoto: Yes, it's awfully white. What about it?
Ami: I just thought I'd mention it.
Makoto: What is the point?
Ami: Hmm?
Makoto: What is the point?
Ami: What is the point of anything? I really do wonder,
sometimes....
Makoto: Not that! I mean, what was the point of mentioning the
colour of the sand?
Ami: What is the point of anything? I really do wonder,
sometimes....
Dir: Long pause.
Makoto: You didn't take your medication before we left, did you?
Dir: Cut banjoes.
Announcer: Will Ami and Makoto escape the sand dune?
Ami: Probably.
Makoto: Definitely.
Ami: Maybe.
Makoto: With any luck.
Ami: If we have any.
Announcer: Will Minako make an appearance?
Makoto: Well, she hasn't so far.
Ami: Shhh....
Makoto: What?
Announcer: Do we really want to know the answers to these
questions?
Ami: Easy for him to criticise. He's not stuck up to his
neck in a sand dune.
Makoto: What do you expect for someone from the media?
Ami: There are a few people in the media I'd like to bury,
and not just in the sand.
Makoto: When do we get the jellybeans. I want the jellybeans.
Ami: Shhh.... That's a spoiler.
Announcer: Excuse me.
Ami: Oh, sorry.
Makoto: Do carry on.
Announcer: Ahem.... All these questions and more, never to be
answered, in the next exciting chapter of.... WAITING
FOR MINAKO.
Makoto: I bet he's getting paid more than us.
Ami: It's in the contract, dear.
Makoto: I'd like to know who drew up that effing contract.
END OF EPISODE 02
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_________
/ @ \ DDFA (The Right Dishonourable Mark A Page)
/ / ^ ^ \ \ ayanami@internode.on.net
/\
\/ \/
\___________/
/_/ \_\ PU
by DDFA (Mark A Page)
EPISODE 02
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Announcer: Last episode of Waiting for Minako....
Ami: Ouch.
Makoto: Jeez.
Ami: That was a big explosion.
Makoto: Yeah, I could feel it from here.
Announcer: Strange things are happening....
Makoto: You're staring at the ground, what are you looking at?
Ami: Oh, it's just an ant.
Makoto: An ant?
Ami: Hai.
Announcer: And some things not so strange....
Ami: Are you calling me silly?
Makoto: Yes, I'm calling you silly. You're allowing your
imagination to run away with you.
Ami: I am not! My imagination is standing right here, next
to me, and neither of us are running.
Announcer: Whilst an evil plan is hatched.
Dir: Sound of a chicken, followed by a popping noise.
Annoucner: What lies in store for Ami and Makoto in this action
packed episode? Well, you're just going to have to
listen aren't you? You can't expect me to tell you
everything.
FX: The sound of a city during the day, with traffic, birds and the
occasional inexplicable explosion.
Announcer: In the dark metropolis of Tokyo, Haruka and Michiru have
taken over the job of our heroines of waiting by the
wall....
Haruka: She's late.
Michiru: Yes, she's late.
Haruka: Very very late.
Michiru: Yes, she's very very late.
Dir: Pause
Michiru: Probably off having an illicit affair with Mamoru-
san....
Haruka: MICHIRU!
Michiru: Teehee.
Godot: Excuse me.
Haruka: EEK!
Michiru: Haruka!
Godot: Oh, I'm so terribly sorry.
Haruka: Who the hell are you?
Godot: The name's Godot.... I heard you were waiting for
somebody, and thought I could give you a few pointers on
the art.
Haruka: Eh?
Michiru: On what? The art of waiting?
Godot: No no no.... The art of making people wait.... I often
use it to get back at all those bastards who have held
me up in my life.... Lemme tell you. There was this
pair....
Haruka: Oh KAMI!
Michiru: Somebody! Stop him before he starts reciting an old
story....
Dir: Sound of a needle being scracthed across a record.
Announcer: Meanwhile, in Hawaii, Ami and Makoto are lying on a
beach in skimpy bathing costumes, taking a long holiday
from waiting by the wall.
Makoto: You're right, you know.... This is so much better than
Tokyo in the mid winter.
Ami: Told you so.... You should always take my advice when
it comes to holidays. I ALWAYS know what I'm talking
about.
Makoto: Pity nobody else does.
Ami: What was that?
Makoto: Oh, nothing.... Nothing.... I was just contemplating
the sky.
Ami: Yes, it's so blue.
Makoto: Very blue, indeed.
Ami: With the tiniest speckles of clouds.
Makoto: Yes. Yes, they are clouds, aren't they.
Ami: Well, of course they are. I ALWAYS know what I'm
talking about.
Makoto: Yes, yes, yes.... You're the smartarse amongst us all.
Ami: What was THAT?
Dir: Pause.
Makoto: You know, I wonder how that pair of lame-ass Outers are
going at waiting in our place?
Ami: Who cares? I'm having a good time.
Dir: Pause
Ami: Ah.... We should have done this a long time ago.
Makoto: We couldn't.... Our paypacket only increased upon the
signing of our last contract.
Ami: Yeah, you're right about that.
Makoto: Best we could afford, when the show started, was a trip
to a hot springs in the mountains.
Ami: How positively quaint.
Makoto: Not to mention hokey....
Ami: I bet the slavering hoardes of hentais out there would
have given an arm and a leg to see those moments....
Makoto: Yeah, they would have.
Ami: Amusing how I always seemed to come out on top in all
the character polls, too....
Makoto: Stop bragging, you blue-haired bint.
Ami: Number one on the Animage character poll, I was.
Makoto: Gawd, here she goes again.
Ami: I knocked that lame-ass Nausicaa flat! Boring Miyazaki
slag.... Gets a role in ONE movie, and everyone wants
her as their daughter. Well, I showed them.
Makoto: And then you were booted from number one. I hear the
fight is now between a firebrand sorceress and and blue-
haired chick with a stock line.
Dir: Pause.
Makoto: "Baka", she says.... I really hate it when catchy
little quotes like that become the in thing.
Dir: Pause.
Makoto: What's wrong with you? You've gone quiet.
Ami: I've just realised....
Makoto: What?
Ami: It's.... It's all over.
Makoto: What ARE you talking about?
Ami: We.... We now only exist in the minds of the dedicated
fans.... Our show is no more....
Makoto: Oh, don't get all moody.... There'll be some great
revival, one day.... Bandai always milks its cash cows
dry, you should know that.
Ami: I.... suppose you're right.
Makoto: Well, I ALWAYS know what I'm talking about.
Dir: Long pause.
Ami: Bitch.
Makoto: Ah ah ah, no claws, thankyou. We're on holiday.
Ami: I'm not so sure this was a good idea, anymore.
Makoto: What is it then? Chopped liver?
Ami: It's.... kinda strange, but I have a strange feeling
this really isn't happening....
Dir: Long pause.
Ami: Like.... this is some kind of diversion.... That we're,
in truth, still back in Tokyo, waiting for Minako-chan.
Dir: Long pause.
Makoto: Now you've got me going....
Ami: Eh?
Makoto: I'm getting kinda freaked out, here.
Ami: What?
Makoto: I've got the same feeling as you.
Ami: No! Don't say that.... It might be TRUE.
Makoto: But it isn't true, is it? I mean, we're here, on a
beach in Hawaii, aren't we?
Dir: Long pause.
Makoto: Well, we ARE, aren't we?
Ami: The sky is so blue.
Makoto: Don't change the subject.
Ami: It looks to me just like the sky in Tokyo....
Makoto: Stop that.... You're scaring me.
Dir: Pause.
Ami: Mako-chan....
Makoto: What?
Ami: I've always wanted to know....
Makoto: What?
Ami: Ever since that episode with Haruka and all that....
Makoto: What? Come on, what?
Dir: Long pause.
Ami: Do you prefer margarine to butter?
Dir: Long pause.
Makoto: AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Dir: Sound of Makoto crying out in frustration, and running around
the beach.
Ami: Do you really have to make so much noise?
Makoto: (In the near-distance) Oh, fer chrissakes! What did you
have to ask me THAT for?
Ami: Well, every fanboy I know wants to know the answer....
Incipient homosexual tendencies. Lack of boyfriend.
Constant harping about previous relationships and all.
I mean, I've been wanting to know for years.
Dir: Sound of tree falling to the ground.
Ami: Wow! I've never seen you do that, before.
Makoto: Gragh!
Dir: Sound of running footsteps approaching, skidding to a stop.
Makoto: I thought it has been made clear, time and time again,
that I am NOT a lesbian. Understand.... I am
heterosexual as the day is long.
Dir: Long pause.
Ami: Ah, so you turn into a lesbian when the sun goes down?
Makoto: Of, fer Chrissakes! I am NOT a lesbian. Geddit?
Dir: Pause.
Makoto: Geddit?
Ami: Got it.
Makoto: Good.
Ami: Repressed homosexual tendencies.... Definitely next on
the list of anime characters to be outed....
Makoto: What did you say?
Ami: Oh, nothing, nothing.
Dir: Pause.
Makoto: You know.... It's strange how there's nobody else on
this beach.
Ami: So?
Makoto: Well, it's such a NICE beach, on such a NICE day....
One would have thought there'd be hundreds of people
here, jostling for position.
Ami: Must be an off day.
Makoto: Some off day. I'm REALLY beginning to wonder where we
are, now....
Ami: Why question such things when nothing is going wrong?
Makoto: I've just got a weird feeling....
Ami: You should NEVER eat the fish on the plane.... How many
times do I have to tell you....
Makoto: No.... It's something else.... Like we're being
watched....
Dir: Sound of hollow wind.
Ami: Must be all those people out there.
Makoto: What people?
Ami: Out there, listening to us.
Dir: Pause.
Makoto: I can't see anyone.
Ami: Of course you can't. This isn't television.
Dir: Pause.
Makoto: I think you've had too much sun.
Ami: You can never have too much sun.... If skin cancer is
your thing.
Makoto: Now I KNOW you've had too much sun.
Ami: Come to think of it, I am feeling a little strange.
Makoto: Do you get the feeling we're being watched?
Dir: Pause.
Ami: Actually, yes, I do.... Kinda kinky, isn't it?
Dir: Pause.
Makoto: You're just hoping it's some desperate pervert, since
you're normally hopeless with men.
Ami: At least I had Urawa-kun.... All you ever did was
whinge and whine about an illusory long lost senpai....
Makoto: Was NOT illusory. He REALLY existed.
Ami: Oh yeah? Prove it.
Makoto: How can I? We're on a beach in the middle of nowhere.
Ami: Hawaii.
Makoto: What?
Ami: We're on a beach in Hawaii.... It's not the middle of
nowhere.... Technically speaking.
Makoto: Are you so sure? Are you so sure that this IS Hawaii?
Ami: Can you prove to me that you really DID have a
boyfriend?
Makoto: No.
Ami: Well, I can't prove that this is Hawaii, either.
Makoto: Then we're really in the middle of nowhere, after
all....
Ami: Stop getting paranoid.
Makoto: I'm NOT getting paranoid.
Ami: Of course you are. If we aren't in Hawaii, where are
we?
Makoto: We could be.... in Antarctica!
Dir: Pause.
Ami: (Shouts) Does this look like Antarctica to you?
Makoto: No.
Ami: Well, by process of elimination, taking into account the
fact that it is almost 100 degrees in the sun, it is
humid and that we are definately NOT freezing our butts
off whilst wearing these oh so SKIMPY swimsuits, you
could, just possibly, conceive that this is not, in the
slightest way possible, Antarctica.
Makoto: It could be out of season....
Ami: I don't really think that would make much difference, do
you?
Makoto: No.... I was just clutching at straws.
Ami: Pretty damn thin straws, if you ask me.
Makoto: Hey, it was a nice idea at the time.
Ami: Look.... This is Hawaii.... No ifs, no buts, okay?
Makoto: Could be far north Queensland.
Ami: WHAT?
Makoto: Gotta be careful in far north Queensland.... They
inbreed them differently, up there....
Ami: What ARE you talking about?
Makoto: Never mind.
Ami: I should think so, too.... And you're thinking of
Tasmania.... On a good day....
Dir: Long pause.
Makoto: I wonder how Haruka and Michiru are going....
Ami: Yes, might be interesting to see....
Dir: Long pause.
Ami: Hello? Mister Announcer?
Announcer: Hmm... What? Oh yes, sorry.... Uhh.... Meanwhile,
back in Tokyo, Haruka and Michiru are placing the body
of Godot behind the wall and out of sight.
Michiru: That's going to smell after a while.
Haruka: Would you have rathered listening to his stories?
Michiru: Better than listening to Setsuna whine about her beloved
Endymion when she's drunk one too many Sapporo
Lagers....
Haruka: Hmph.... Is it any wonder the Philadelphia Experiment
went wrong....
Announcer: And now, due to the amazing process available only to
the Id, we find ourselves on a beach in North
Queensland.
Dir: Banjo music starts in the background, alongside the
splashing of waves on the shore.
Announcer: This has not been confirmed by our operatives, of
course. Ami and Makoto are wandering the beach in the
kind of skimpy swimsuits that would normally be used in
an anime of ecchi standards. Of course, this is not
real, so the vision of the pair wearing them is
occurring entirely within your own mind, like the
perverted, sick little creep that you are.
Dir: Sound of a whip.
Announcer: Ouch! What was that for?
Michiru: You're talking too much.
Announcer: Am not.
Michiru: Are so.
Haruka: Shhhhhh....
Dir: Pause with the sound of the banjo and the waves.
Ami: It's hot.
Makoto: Yes, it is, isn't it.
Ami: Damned hot.
Makoto: You're not wrong there.
Ami: How long has it been since we left our towels?
Makoto: I can't remember.
Ami: Where did we leave our towels?
Makoto: Back in Hawaii, I think.
Ami: That's impossible. We can't have walked from Hawaii to
Northern Queensland.
Makoto: Why?
Ami: Because we would have gotten wet. We would have brought
our towels with us. in that case.
Makoto: As normal, your logic surpasses mine.
Ami: Of course it does. My logic is a product of my vast
intelligence, which exceeds that of the rest of you put
together.
Makoto: And yet, you still fell for Urawa-kun.
Dir: Pause.
Ami: We all have our crosses to bear.
Makoto: That's a pretty big one.
Ami: At least I GOT myself a boyfriend. You just brag about
a lost one.
Makoto: Let's not start down that path, again.
Ami: Sign of desperation.
Makoto: I said....
Ami: Do I foresee the long, lonely years ahead?
Makoto: Look, if you don't shuddup, I'll smash your face through
the back of your head.
Ami: Touchy.
Makoto: Am I just?
Ami: Yup.
Makoto: Urawa.
Ami: Stop it....
Makoto: Urawa Urawa Urawa Urawa Urawa....
Ami: Stop that!
Makoto: You stop bagging me for not having a boyfriend, then.
Ami: Why not? It's fun.
Makoto: Amiiiiiiii.....
Ami: Funny, too.
Makoto: Listen, just one more word from your mouth, and I'll....
Ami: Can I ask you a question?
Makoto: WHAT!?!?
Ami: Why do you always revert to violence to solve your
problems? I do wish you were a tad more creative.
Makoto: Oh. Yeah, right. I should have THOUGHT of that SO much
sooner. Well, I'm SO SORRY that I get a real KICK out
of beating the LIVING CRAP out of people who ANNOY the
SHIT outta me.
Ami: Tut tut tut.... All this stress is not doing you one
bit of good.
Makoto: STRESS? STRESS? WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M STRESSED?
I'M NOT STRESSED. HOW DARE YOU THINK I'M STRESSED!
Dir: Pause as Makoto pants loudly
Ami: You see.... This is what comes from not having a
boyfriend.
Makoto: Gragh!
Ami: Hey! Let go!
Makoto: One instant head ventilation system, coming up....
Ami: Wait, it was just a joke....
Announcer: Hmm.... This could get pretty nasty.... Better drop a
sand dune on top of them.
Dir: Sound of Ami and Makoto crying out as they are smothered by a
sand dune. After a long pause, there are two popping noises,
followed by the pair trying to catch their breath.
Makoto: Okay, Miss Brain, explain the sudden and rapid movement
of this friggin' dune.... They're not supposed to move
that quickly.
Dir: Pause.
Makoto: Ya can't, can ya?
Ami: Give me a few moments to postulate a ridiculous, but due
to current events, mildly possible, theory.
Dir: Sound of heavy machinery.
Makoto: What the hell is that.
Ami: Aha! Now I KNOW this is Queensland.
Makoto: What do you mean?
Ami: Coastal land developers.... That's why the dune was
dumped on top of us. They don't like cheap tourists.
Dir: Long pause.
Makoto: Would you like a hand getting out of this dune?
Ami: Actually, I rather like it here.... It's cooler in the
sand than it is out of it.
Makoto: If I don't get out of it, then I'm gonna become out of
it. Would you mind explaining to me how we managed to
be in Queensland.
Ami: Existentialist angst on the part of the writer?
Makoto: Yes, well, that would be a contributing factor. By the
way, isn't it about time one of us were killed?
Ami: What do you mean?
Makoto: He always kills one of us off, usually in the first
chapter of every story....
Announcer: Meanwhile, in Tokyo, Usagi, sitting on a park bench,
minding her own business, has an arrow shot through her
head.
Dir: Twanging noise, followed by a thud and the sound of Usagi
gurgling before falling to the ground with a thump.
Ami: Why'd you HAVE to remind him?
Makoto: Ah, it's nothing.... He'll just resurrect her later.
Ami: Yeah, to kill her again....
Makoto: By the way, don't you feel rather silly having a
conversation whilst you are up to your neck in sand?
Dir: Long pause.
Ami: The sand....
Makoto: What about it?
Ami: It's awfully white.
Dir: Pause.
Makoto: What about it?
Ami: Don't you think the sand is white?
Makoto: Yes, it's awfully white. What about it?
Ami: I just thought I'd mention it.
Makoto: What is the point?
Ami: Hmm?
Makoto: What is the point?
Ami: What is the point of anything? I really do wonder,
sometimes....
Makoto: Not that! I mean, what was the point of mentioning the
colour of the sand?
Ami: What is the point of anything? I really do wonder,
sometimes....
Dir: Long pause.
Makoto: You didn't take your medication before we left, did you?
Dir: Cut banjoes.
Announcer: Will Ami and Makoto escape the sand dune?
Ami: Probably.
Makoto: Definitely.
Ami: Maybe.
Makoto: With any luck.
Ami: If we have any.
Announcer: Will Minako make an appearance?
Makoto: Well, she hasn't so far.
Ami: Shhh....
Makoto: What?
Announcer: Do we really want to know the answers to these
questions?
Ami: Easy for him to criticise. He's not stuck up to his
neck in a sand dune.
Makoto: What do you expect for someone from the media?
Ami: There are a few people in the media I'd like to bury,
and not just in the sand.
Makoto: When do we get the jellybeans. I want the jellybeans.
Ami: Shhh.... That's a spoiler.
Announcer: Excuse me.
Ami: Oh, sorry.
Makoto: Do carry on.
Announcer: Ahem.... All these questions and more, never to be
answered, in the next exciting chapter of.... WAITING
FOR MINAKO.
Makoto: I bet he's getting paid more than us.
Ami: It's in the contract, dear.
Makoto: I'd like to know who drew up that effing contract.
END OF EPISODE 02
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