Here's chapter 1 for The Story of Death please review with criticism.
Chapter 1
On a small planet in the northern edge of the universe sits a series of country's born out of war each named after an element of life or something related to one. Sits a village in the largest of them a village surrounded in forest. In this village there are warriors who wild both energy and weapon, who curse those for the power that they were unwillingly give, by those who would curse them. In this village the people gather in an arena were one such person stands facing an opponent from one of the many famous clans inhabiting it. He stares at his opponent Neji Hyuga who continues to taunt him for being in his mind weak and a failure who will never defy his 'fate'.
Feed up with both the taunting about fate, and for calling him a failure he draws upon and energy inside of him. The beast awakens inside his mind behind a sealed cage a red fox with nine tails tipped white. As it reluctantly gives an ounce of its strength it notices something else melding with it. A purple-black colored energy coming together with its own red. Back with the boy the audience sees and for most of them become frightened of the power he's using as it radiates off him, others are confused about what's going on. But one is impressed that person is the Sandaime Hokage: Hiruzen Sarutobi, he is amazed that the boy Naruto Uzumaki could control the beast, the Kyuubi on Kitsune to such an extent.
Back down in the arena Naruto has started to gain an upper hand keeping Neji on his toes as he is constantly moving throwing kunai and shuriken at high speeds. In the end Naruto is running low on throw able weapons, so he disappears from Neji's Byakugan the famed doujutsu of the Hyuuga clan. When he reappears he in the air and roundhouse kicks Neji in the face causing him to slide back a meter or two being unprepared Neji is attacked ferociously by Naruto unable to dodge and fully block most of his attacks. In the end one of his kicks connects with Neji's chin sending him reeling back, as he tries to get his footing back but Naruto has not stopped his assault and Neji's body cant take the strain and finally collapses back first. Naruto just stares down at him still radiating off him "Do you know why you lost?" he says.
"Because it was my fate-" Before Neji could finish Naruto punches his face effectively shutting him up.
"There is no such thing as fate, fate is only an excuse for those who are too scared to do anything about them selves." Naruto starts to say, "I should know, for if I was what every thought I was then I would be dead by now, or be feared like that Gaara person is." "So don't talk to me about fate." He then looks at the proctor who nods his head in a silent agreement.
"You know," he says talking to Neji "Even a caged bird can learn to open the cage with its beak and become free." "The winner of the first round of the Chunin Exams third task is Naruto Uzumaki!" he yells to the very silent audience. Soon Hinata Hyuuga cousin to Neji starts to clap being the first before some of the others start to do the same. The Hyuuga elders and most of the main branch decide to leave, as their only representative has been defeated. Hiashi Hyuuga Uncle to Neji and father to Hinata, and Hinabi the younger one, gets up to leave as well but to finally tell Neji something that should have been told to him a long time ago. Naruto rushes to the waiting area with the other competitors.
"Who knew you would be so troublesome." Says a monotone voice just as Naruto arrives.
"What did you say something Shikamaru?" Says Naruto being as Kakashi like as he can. Speaking of whom he gets a strange feeling as he continues to stall to get Sasuke to the exam, that someone did something cool at that moment but just shrugged it off.
"Next match will be Sasuke Uchiha vs. Gaara!" yells the proctor as everyone waits in anticipation for the match that most f the people here came to see. But that soon turns to disappointment when Sasuke does not show. A few minutes later the Hokage stands up.
"It has been decided that if Sasuke does not get here before the end of the last match he will be disqualified from the exams!" The Hokage yells. And so the next match between Shino Aburame and Kankuro was called but Kankuro gave up before the start of the match even began. His sister Tamari on the other hand heads down, as Shikamaru decides not to do it. Only for Naruto to shove him over the railing he lands flat on his back and so the fight between the two started. Well kind of Tamari fought, while Shikamaru ran and hid behind the trees on the far side shooting his shadow out to try and get her trapped it eventually worked but he gave up in the end saying that he was almost out of chakra for the technique, and Tamari was declared the winner but to be angry that she won from a forfeit and not from beating the hell out of him. As the Hokage was about to stand up declaring that Gaara had won, two figures land on the ground in a swirl of leaves "I hope were not late." Said Kakashi in his usual almost uncaring way.
"A second later and he would have been disqualified, he's only lucky that the Hokage allowed for his match to be moved to the last spot." Said the proctor with that Gaara came down in a swirl of sand having become impatient from his waiting. And so the match started and immediately Gaara had the advantage of range against Sasuke who only has a few ranged techniques.
"Sensei I think should forfeit right now!" Yells Naruto as runs up the stairs to were he landed when the fight began.
"Now, now Naruto there is nothing to worry about everything is under control."
"Look I may not like Sasuke but he is a teammate and I also know that if he continues to fight Gaara, Gaara will kill him, he thinks that killing people is the reason he exists." He says remembering what he said to himself and Shikamaru when he attempted to kill Lee in the hospital.
"Don't worry Sasuke is more like me than you know, by the way how was your match with Neji?" He asks just as Rock Lee and Maito Gai arrive the former wrapped in bandages, holding onto a crutch.
"I won of course." Stated Naruto but before he could continue Gai got what Kakashi meant.
"You didn't teach him that did you?" He asks knowing the answer
"Yes I did."
"Teach Sasuke-kun what?" asked Sakura who wanted to hear more about her precious Sasuke. With that said a strange sound echoes through the stadium as they see Sasuke on the stadium wall holding in his hand a ball of lighting.
"The Chidori (Thousand Birds) is a technique that I created myself similar to that of my Raikiri (Lightning Edge), but weaker in strength." "So far he can use it twice a day even when he has used other techniques, he has also promised to never use the technique against a comrade." But before Gai could protest on how irresponsible that is Sasuke rushes down the wall and at Gaara who had encased himself in a dense ball of sand. As Sasuke gets ever closer Gaara large spikes come out of the sphere some of them making cuts on Sasuke but he had manages to both dodge them all to a point and he was able to make slight contact with Gaara. In side the sphere Gaara feels something warm on his chest. He screams at the top of his lungs when he comes to relies that it's his blood, for the first time in his life he is bleeding. And as Sasuke retracts his arm a long arm shoots out of the sphere making Sasuke move out of its way, the arm itself was a golden color with blue markings, but when it retracts the only thing inside the sphere was Gaara's eye now turned into a gold color the pupil being a four-pointed star with four dots around it, Sasuke gets chills going up from fear when seeing this. Up in the stands Kankrou, Tamari, and Baki their Jounin sensei all fear that he will both ruin the plan or kill everyone here at this moment. Orochimaru who has no gotten worried about his plan failing send the signal and starts the invasion early. It was only noticed when bth the Hokage's box exploded and many of the civilians started to fall asleep from a Genjutsu the Jounin, Chunin and some of the Genin noticed it and dispelled it, Kakashi after deflecting a soundnin he turns to see who is still up seeing only Shikamaru asleep but surprised that Naruto isn't. Down in the stadium Sasuke follows Gaara without orders as he's taken by his brother and sister. "Sakura wake up Shikamaru, and you and Naruto are to follow Sasuke as back up against Gaara and his siblings."
"Bu-"
"Sakura as of now we are at war you have your orders now go." Interrupted Kakashi so Sakura wakes up Shikmaru though not from the Genjustu but from actually falling asleep "Good now that this," he said before summoning a small brown pug "Pakkun here will trak them down for you." And with that they leave following Sasuke. About ten minutes after leaving Shikamaru leaves the group to distract nine soundnins that followed them. They had meet Konkrou on their way where Shino, who was also following them, decided to finght hinm so they can get to Gaara. When they got to the battle site they saw Sasuke in his cursed mark state and Gaara having given into his demon enough to have half of his body covered in the sand skin, giving him a single animal ear and half of his teeth have become sharpened. As Gaara attacks Sasuke going in for the kill Sakura gets in the way with kunai in hand, this actually stops Gaara's assault momentarly as he is surprised that someone would willingly sacrifice them self for another. In anger he unleashes the attack on Sakura pinning her to a tree while knocking her unconscious. Naruto getting furious after Gaara has a full cloak around him makes the hand sign and summons a small number of Shadow clones allowing him to stick an explosive tag on him causing half of the body to start falling off, afterwards he creates an uncountable number of Kage Bushins (Shadow Clones) had attacks him with the Uzumaki Naruto Nisen Rendan (Uzumaki Naruto 2,000 Hit Combo) but before he can go anyfurthar Gaara unleashes the beast the Ichibi. The demon takes the form of a large tanuki, Naruto knowing he will need the Boss of the Toad summons gather up some of the Kyuubi's chakra only to pull on the purple black colored one, like the last time but to a larger extent. A purple mist envelops Naruto swirling around like a mini vortex when it dissipates a new figure stands in its place.
'What the hell did Naruto become?' Thought Sasuke surprised at the figure now floating in front of him. The figure has a pair of bone wings and bone claws, two chained up book, a green hour glass, and a green colored amulet, a purple cloak with a hoodcovering his face in darkness, red glowing pupil less eyes, and nine blood red tails with bone white tips coming out the base of his spine. As it hold one of its hands into the air as more mist form, when it grabs the mist it solidifies into a scythe. The scythe it self is also made from bones with skulls on the inside of the blade with glowing green eyes. It flies up to the Ichibi and with three swings of its scythe two upwards and one horizontal both of the Ichibi's arm fall off along with a deep cut along its neck all with out actually touching it. It then grabs Gaara but the head and rips him off the Ichibi's forehead effectively sealing the Ichibi back in, and then proceeds to ram Gaara into the ground leaving him their going off in the direction of the village. As Temari tries to take her bother away both are captured by Konoha Shinobi, and are taken into custody.
The village is in a state of disarray many Shinobi from all three villages are lying dead on the ground, on top of roof tops and inside buildings, on the roof of the Hokage's box stands a purple barrier made by Orochimaru's Sound Four to that none can interfere with his battle against Sarutobi as of now he has used the Edo Tensei to revive the First and Second Hokages, the area where the battle has taken place now has a large rock wall and a miniature forest inside it, the Third is going through hand signs after creating three Kage Bushins when the figure crashes through the wall beheading the two kages, and unlike before where all their injuries were healed they dropped dead on the gound the paper like substance that made their bodies disappeared and revealed the bodies of Kin Tsuchi, and Zaku Abumi members of the same Sound nin squad who lost their preliminaries round battles in the Chunin Exam. The figure goes up to Orochimaru and like with the Ichibi lops off both of this arms. This has two effects one Sarutobi does not finish his jutsu and Orochimaru is forced to retreat. The purple mist form around the figure but before anyone can do anything more the mist shoots up into the sky and disappears leaving Naruto behind and unconscious.