Disclaimer (since I forgot it before): As I'm sure you all know, I don't own Charmed. In fact, I never have and I never will. Oh well. At least I get to play in their world.
Hold My Hand
A story by Ryeloza
Part Two: Piper
One
In kindergarten, Piper's best friend was a boy named Alan Parkes. They sat next to each other and Piper let Alan use her crayons because his always seemed to break. Her mom bought her the thick kind and they held up better in the pressure of Alan's hand.
Most of the time they'd play together at recess. Piper was used to the roughhousing games of Prue and Andy and felt at ease running around with Alan and the other boys in the class. Some days she'd pick flowers or play with sidewalk chalk instead or Alan would be put in a time out for pushing someone too hard, but they always came together again by the end of the day.
The first day Piper came back to school after her mother died, she sat on the stone wall in the playground and stared at her shoes. If she hadn't been so afraid of getting into trouble, she might have crept away to the playground the second graders used and found Prue. Instead she sat, and only felt a little better when Alan came over and wrapped his arms around her and squeezed.
Piper learned at the tender age of five that nothing lasted forever. People left, life changed and she couldn't stop these things from happening. Eventually she needed new crayons, but she didn't have the courage to protest when Grams bought the thin ones instead of the thick ones. For the rest of the year she and Alan shared broken crayons at their desks.
Two
Piper's first kiss was one she would rather have forgotten. By ninth grade she felt like every other girl in the school had been kissed but her. Even Phoebe, nearly three years her junior, had gotten her first kiss. She'd always gotten along well with boys, but they generally saw her as a pal, not a girlfriend. And after the horrific disaster that had been her speech for class secretary, she'd been certain no boy would ever ask her out.
Her jaw had dropped when Trent Meyers asked her out one rainy Wednesday afternoon. A stuttered agreement later and she suddenly found herself with an escort to the football game on Friday night. For the rest of the week she'd floated on air, dancing around the house and raiding Prue's closet.
The game was miserable. The rain had continued throughout the week and the team performed poorly. But Piper hadn't noticed anything but the pressure of Trent's hand in hers as they sat on the cold, hard bleachers. When the team finally scored—not even a touchdown, just a field goal—Trent had jumped up, taking Piper with him. In his excitement, he grabbed her and kissed her right on the mouth.
Her euphoria didn't last long. Phoebe, who had been angry with her for one reason or another and who always snooped in Prue's diary, crushed her later that night by revealing that Prue had gotten Andy to get Trent to agree to take Piper out. As a favor.
When Trent called the next day, Piper had Grams lie and say she had the stomach flu.
Three
After college, every person she knew had apparently decided to tie the knot. Invitations came in waves, beautiful embossed fonts on flowered backgrounds. Piper kept them all tacked to the cork board in her room in the apartment; a tribute to the joining of so many people. If the marriage failed, she morbidly took down the invitation and ripped it in two, the pieces littering the bottom of her trash can.
With each invitation, of course, came the inevitable.
"Who are you bringing to the wedding?"
"Does your date want the chicken or the fish?"
"Does he dance? The best dates always do."
She abhorred this. The expectation. The pressure. "A wedding will put a guy in the right mindset," one of her friends used to say to her. Piper didn't want to put a guy in that mindset. She just wanted someone who could ease the loneliness that came with the coupling of all of her friends.
Prue's wedding was the worst, of course. A family wedding and an escort was practically a necessity. But Piper wasn't seeing anyone and she didn't see why she had to find someone simply to appease other people. Grams was the only one who agreed, waving the idea off as silly. Of course, she had a date.
It was only after, when Prue had called off the wedding and her sisters had stopped speaking and her world had been turned upside-down by Grams' death, that Piper finally found someone. In the six months they were together, though, she and Jeremy never attended a wedding.
Four
After her mother died and her father left, Piper kept her parents' wedding album next to her bed and looked through the pages every night. Grams used to tisk at this as though she was committing a grievous error by not taking the album away from Piper. Maybe, in the end, Grams was right. Every night Piper gazed at the young, happy people in the photos and every night she became more aware that love couldn't be enough to keep two people together. By the age of ten, she was more jaded about marriage than she had any right to be.
When Leo proposed to her in the bathroom she'd been shocked. But as the surprise faded she was left with the feeling of a panic so pure it flamed inside of her like heartburn. In some sick way she'd long-dreaded a proposal because all she could see were the smiling faces of her parents whose lives had fallen apart. Thus far in hers and Leo's relationship there had been more than enough excuses for why they couldn't or wouldn't be able to make it. If they actually made it to the alter those reasons would be stripped away, and the end of their relationship would be no one's fault but their own.
Piper didn't think she could deal with the inevitable loss; the irrevocable guilt; the pain of failing herself and Leo. Saying no had been a natural extension.
Changing her mind was the most courageous thing she ever did.
Five
In the end, she was never able to fully trust in their love. She didn't doubt herself. She didn't even really doubt Leo. When he'd given up his wings for her, she'd known that he would never leave her again. But she'd always known that love wasn't enough and the years had not been kind to them.
Even after the Angel of Destiny finally returned Leo it was many months before Piper was able to sleep through the night. She would wake in a cold sweat, certain that he wasn't there and breathing heavily in panic until Leo's arms wrapped around her, his words soothing in her ear. Her nightmares waned eventually, but nearly every night her hand unconsciously sought Leo's. She needed the solid reminder of his physical presence for her peace of mind.
Every time a demon hurt him, every time that an Elder dared show his face, every time that loss encroached on their lives her throat constricted and she felt a fresh wave of doubt wash over her. This can't last. This can't last. This can't last.
Despite her disbelief, though, Leo never gave up. With him tethered to the ground, his hand holding hers so she couldn't blow away, they made it to the end. Together.