"Nope, no one on the third floor has seen him, either. I don't think he's here guys," Carisi radios in.
"Agreed. I'll check the second floor one more time. Rollins, you still looking for potential witnesses in the lobby?"
There was silence for a moment.
"Rollins?"
"She's probably speaking with someone."
"We haven't heard from her in a while," Nick says slowly, trying to keep the panic rising in his chest at bay.
"Yeah, because we stationed her in the lobby questioning everyone who comes in and out of this school. I'm sure she's fine, Amaro."
"Rollins?" Nick tries again, and once again, receives no answer.
"Look, I'm all finished up here. I'll go check on her while you recheck the second floor."
He wants to argue and say that he'll be the one to make sure that Amanda is alright, but he knows that she's likely just speaking to students, and that she's already angry with him. If he were to go find her, she would figure out that it was more or less a welfare check, and it would only piss her off more. And in this particular instance, she would probably be in the right.
A few minutes passed and Nick was absolutely certain that their perp was neither on the second floor and nor had anyone on the floor seen him. And considering how Fin and Olivia hadn't called him, he probably wasn't hiding at the location they went to check, either. Damn it, where was this guy?
"Alright, he's definitely not here. I'm coming back down. Did either of you two find anyone who claims to have seen him?"
Silence.
"Rollins? Carisi?"
"Amaro, I need you to stay calm. The paramedics are on their way, and-
"What the fuck happened? Is Amanda okay? Is she shot? What happened?" he yells into his radio, already racing down the stairs. He would've heard a gunshot, wouldn't he? He shouldn't have left her alone; he shouldn't even have let her come down to the scene. This morning when she came into work being so obviously sick he should have-
"No, no, she's not shot. It's kind of ironic, actually-
"Spit it out, Carisi."
"He tried to take her hostage. According to an eye witness, our guy came in with a gun and put it against Amanda's head, threatened to kill her if she said a word. He was rushing her out the exit when she apparently passed out. When she went down, he must have thought the gun went off and he killed her, because then he bolted. Half the NYPD are now trying to chase him down."
"She passed out? Is she awake now? How long has it been?"
"She's awake now, if not very disoriented. Apparently was out for a couple of minutes. Where are you?"
"Right here," Nick breathes, in person and not over radio, and immediately kneels down next to Amanda. He looks her over, shuddering at how sickly pale her skin is and the glassy look in her eyes.
"I'll uh, I'll step outside and call Liv to tell her that Rollins is awake now," Carisi says a little awkwardly, knowing enough about the bond between Amaro and Rollins to recognize the need to give them some privacy.
Nick moves the back of his hand to Amanda's forehead, and inhales sharply in response to the abnormal amount of heat radiating from her body. How the hell hadn't he thought to check if she had a fever earlier?
" 'S'not your fault. It's mine," she manages to mumble, recognizing the guilt on her boyfriend's face through the hazy fog of her mind. Good god, talking is hard, everything is hard, and her eyelids feel so heavy…
"No, no, no. Amanda, keep your eyes open. Stay with me, okay?"
"I'm so tired," she moans very dramatically, and maybe if Nick's heart wasn't still pounding against the walls of chest so unbelievably quickly, he would've chuckled a little bit.
"I know, I know. You can sleep a little later when we're at the hospital, but for right now, I need you to stay awake."
"I'm not dying."
"Amanda-
"Fine, fine. I'm awake."
"Good. Do you remember what happened?"
"Mhmm. I was waiting for you and Carisi to finish up and come back downstairs when all of the sudden I felt really dizzy. I was going to go sit down when all of the sudden he was there, and he had a gun to my head. He was making me come with him but my vision was starting to go all blurry, and then he yelled at me to hurry up, and then everything went black. Next thing I know, I'm on the floor and Carisi is cursing in Italian."
"Okay, good. Maybe you didn't hit your head too hard. And do you also remember this morning when I asked you if you were alright and told me that you just had a headache?"
"Nick-
They're interrupted by the EMTs arriving before Amanda can try to perform any damage control, and Nick does his best to slide into his "just a concerned coworker" persona as her vitals are taken and she's asked question after question about any symptoms that she may or may not be experiencing.
"Sounds like the flu, but temp is on the high side and you could have a concussion, so we're going to take you in to be monitored for a few hours."
"Figured it was the flu," Amanda mutters bitterly, but then immediately feels bad for saying so in front of Nick.
"Didn't figure that you should mention that to me?" he asks quietly.
The ride to the hospital is silent and tense until Amanda starts gagging. Nick helps her to sit up just in time for her to puke on his shoes. She tries to apologize, before being cut off by the need to be sick again.
"Shh, shh, it's alright," he soothes her as she retches, his anger at her taking a backseat to his more pressing concern for her wellbeing. He abandons the idea of trying to be covert about their relationship, opting to comfort her however "obviously" as he sees fit. If two EMTs figure out that he and Amanda are in love with each other, then really, what's the harm in that? He highly doubts one of them will decide to call the NYPD because they care that much about suspected fraternization and police regulations.
"I'll buy you new shoes," Amanda offers once she's done throwing up, her face flushed with embarrassment.
"No you won't," Nick answers firmly, guiding her to lay back down.
"No, I will. I promise."
"I think you misunderstand me, Amanda. I know that you would, but I'm telling you not to. I couldn't care less about my shoes right now."
"But-
"Hush. You're sick. I'm worried about you."
He expects more protests, probably some sass, possibly even a slap on the arm, but what he really doesn't expect is for her to burst into tears. Any remaining anger he is harboring towards her is immediately forgotten. She is not a crier.
"Hey, hey, hey. What's wrong? Really, I don't fucking care about my shoes, Amanda."
She says nothing, but doesn't protest when Nick pulls her close to him.
"Amanda," he murmurs, "tell me what's wrong, please."
He feels her shaking her head against his chest and he pleads with her to tell him what's bothering her once more.
"I'm fine. Don't worry about it," she sniffles.
"Don't worry about it? Detective Rollins, have we met before?"
"My mom."
"Hmmm?"
"I'm just… thinking about something my mom said to me over the phone last night."
Before he can inquire further, they arrive at the hospital and despite her protests that "it really isn't necessary," Amanda is taken away from him to be admitted for testing. He's told he'll get to see her again in under an hour, and sighs, sinking into a chair in the waiting room. This all could have been avoided if he had just-
"Nick? We've got the guy in custody. How's Amanda?"
"They think she'll be alright. They just want to make sure it's the flu and that she doesn't have a concussion from when she fell. Is everyone else okay? Nobody got hurt?"
"Everyone is fine," Olivia assures him, "It wasn't that hard to talk him down. He was panicked- thought he had killed Rollins, which may have very well been a part of his plan, just later on down the line. He was going to hold her hostage to try to get huge media attention and for us to bend to his will. You know, Rollins having the flu may have very well saved her life."
"You know what else would have done that? Her not coming into work today because she has the flu."
"Point taken, but you know Rollins."
"Yeah," he sighs, "I do."
"Are you okay? Carisi mentioned that you seemed really shaken up."
"I thought she had been shot," he says simply, and Olivia does not press him any further.
Amanda somehow charms her way out of having to stay at the hospital for longer than two hours, because of course she does, and Nick is a little skeptical regarding if that's really what is for the best, but all he really wants to do is to be alone with her so she can hold her, so he doesn't fight her on it.
What he does fight her on is her insistence that she can walk up the stairs to her apartment without assistance. Of course she can't do it, but of course she thinks that she can. She gets up about half a flight of stairs before he sees her start to wobble a little bit, and for him, that's enough probable cause to pick her up and carry her the rest of the day. It mildly pisses her off, but at that point, she's too tired to give him any real trouble for it. He smiles at the sight of her struggling to keep her eyes open in his arms.
"You can sleep now, if you'd like."
"Soon. Wanna talk first."
"Wait… you want to talk?"
"Oh stop it," she groans as he gently places her down on her bed, "I just wanted to apologize for… today. I should've told you how badly I was feeling. I thought about telling you, I just…"
"You just what?"
"I know this is going to sound incredibly backwards considering I ended up having to take a trip to the hospital, but I didn't want to worry you. Obviously that didn't work out, but I didn't want to be… a burden."
"A burden? Amanda, why would you ever think that you would be a burden? I love you. You know that, right?"
"Yes, of course I know that."
"Okay. Then why-
"My mother said that I should stop burdening you with me and my issues," she blurts out, and Nick is a silent, his jaw dropped, for a good moment.
"Amanda, that's-
"She said that you already have two kids and I'm such a mess that I'm practically a third one."
"Your mother is wrong. You are not a burden, do you hear me?"
"…Maybe," Amanda says quickly, turning over so that she's facing away from her boyfriend. She soon feels him slide into bed beside her, an arm of his looping around her body.
"Amanda. I love you. You are a not a burden to me and never will be. Everyone has their crap that they're working through, okay? No one is perfect. Lord knows I'm not. When Carisi radioed me that something was wrong I was terrified, because you mean more to me than words can express. If you hadn't… If something had happened to you.. I-I don't know what I would do. So please hear me when I say that your mother is wrong and is just trying to make you feel bad about yourself. Please, please, never hesitate to come to me when something's wrong ever again, okay?"
"I-I didn't mean to scare you," she says quietly, trying desperately to hold back the tears beginning to pool in her eyes.
"I know, I know," he reassures her, "I know that you didn't mean to do me any harm. But forget about me, Amanda, what about you? What if hadn't thought that he had accidentally shot you, and had taken you hostage when you're this sick?"
"I don't even want to think about that."
"Neither do I, but it could have happened. So please just promise me that you'll be honest about it the next you're sick?"
"I promise, Nick. Again, I am so sorry."
"Shh, you're safe with me now, all is forgiven. And let me tell you again, you are not a burden, you are a gift. Even though you might not believe that yet, I'm going to keep telling you that."
"I don't deserve you."
"You do, actually. We can and will talk about this more later, but you need to sleep. I'll make you soup when you wake up and then we can watch whatever trashy reality tv you want to. Does that sound good?"
"That sounds great. I love you, Nick."
"I love you, too. Sleep well, Amanda."
Nick knows that Amanda's issues with her sense of worth, or her troubles with opening up won't magically disappear because he tells her how much he loves her. He knows it'll take time, work, and hopefully the decision to cut her mother out of her life. He knows that they'll probably have fights stemming from her not wanting to lean on him emotionally, and he knows that he'll get frustrated with her.
But he also knows that he loves her, and that she's safe, and that he'll gladly stand by her throughout all of their inevitable ups and downs.
That's just what you do when you've got someone as special as Amanda.