Gintoki actually felt like crying, sure the wedding had been beautiful and all, but he was still- as a matter of fact- married to the Mayora... They did try to run away, nearly made it too... But it just so happened that Gintoki tried to go left and Hijikata right- and with their hands still stuck together that proved to be difficult, and saying no helped nobody... And to make matters worse- he could not remove his wedding ring... They tried for hours, prying, using butter, mayonnaise, oil and everythig they could to get the blasted thing off, but to no avail... Nothing helped, well, at least they didn't kiss... Or they did, just not directly... Remembering it still pissed him the fuck off...
After some stupid ass card-looking amanto caught them after their failed escape, they were put by the altar and nearly tied down. The mayora fiddled with his pockets and Gintoki was willing himself to just die right there... But no, even when they said no to being together forever, the mechanic voice who apparently also was qualified to be a priest- still made them valid wife and husband, or husband and husband... Then suddenly, right after the "you can now kiss the bride" Hijikata had smashed their faces together... Gintoki had been too shocked to process anything, but when he did come back to his senses he was furious... "Really!? You really went there you fucking mayora!?" he tried to scream, the key word being tried- for it just so happened that a piece of tape was firmly stuck to his lips, sealing them together...
"Damn that mayora, going all Ranma 1/2 on me that asshole..." Gintoki muttered under his breath, shaking his head in frustration. Then after Gintoki had ripped the tape off and they had nearly killed eachother again- the damn amanto had grabbed their arms and forced the damn rings on their fingers. And now they wouldn't come off...
Of course he had strangled Kagura when he came back home, and she had been overjoyed when she saw the ring... But Gintoki had only been feeling sick, ever since he left the mayora he had been nauseaous and dizzy and it sucked ass... He felt cold... Not just his skin but inside of him too... And then he had to go through the hell of telling Kagura who exactly it was he had ended up marrying and of course adding how much he hated every second of it and how he was plannng on filing for a divorce...
Kagura hadn't been too happy about hearing the last part, and the brat even had the audacity to laugh when she realized he was married to the mayora... She even commented on how well they fit eachother! Hah, not in a million years! Gintoki shivered in disgust, but somehow he found his cheeks to redden. Oh fuck... Was he getting sick? was it lack of sugar? or maybe- dare he think it? too much sugar!? dehydration? Cancer? The flu!?
Gintoki sat down, rubbing his face in his hands, the entire situation was tiring to say the least... Especially when the Mayora kept popping up wherever he went! He was always there nowadays, and even dared to accuse Gintoki of stalking him! Hah, he should get his ugly ass off of his high-horse already!
Gintoki sighed, closing his eyes. He still felt sick, like he was about to throw up, and with the way business was going nowadays, he couldn't afford an appointment to the doctor... Shinpachi worriedly placed a glass of water and some aspirin on the table in front of him, and Gintoki managed a small but grateful smile. "I feel like i'm dying!" Gintoki groaned dramatically, falling back on the couch. He clutched his chest, he felt... Empty... Uncomplete... Probably the stupid ring messing with hs head. He even tried to go to otose with it, but Catherine tried to chop his hand off... Tama wanted to use a lazerbeam and the crazy old fart wanted to test some robot thing on it... "Yeah, no thank you... Gin-san values his life!" he thought bitterly, chewing on his lower lips while picking his nose with his pinky.
Now even though none of what had happened made any sense at all, Gintoki decided to roll with it since this is a fanfiction and what the author says/writes- automatically becomes law. Crazy fangirls...
Hijikata wasn't faring any better, Kondo had forced the info out of him, and had tried very hard to compose himself so that he wouldn't choke on his coffee... Well, that plan ended up in a massive failure and the damn gorilla actually nearly drowned... Death by coffee, because why not!? And Sougo had also tried to be "helpful" and said he'd use a saw to cut the ring off, but instead of carefully going for the ring like he had promised- he ended up aiming for Hijikata's head, who nearly ended up with his head rolling on the floor. Sougo had been very dissapointed...
Yamazaki wasn't of any use either, he had congratulated him and even bought cake layered with extra mayo to celebrate... Damn Yamazaki... Cake was good though... But that's besides the point... Hijikata was pissed, and feeling unwell... Maybe the stress of it all had given him ulcers or something? He felt like throwing up, and eating became a drag, and even smoking seemed like too much work, which ended up in his entire faction falling into a panicked frenzy where everyone ran around screaming about the end of the world... Even Sougo was frightened, so much in fact that he tried to stuff ten cigarettes down the vice-Chief's throat...
So Hijikata had spent the past few days coped up in his room with Paperwork-san, it was very relaxing... Though he would rather be out on patrol and protect the citizens... But every time he was out for anything he would run into the natural perm... And the guy actually seemed happy to see him at times, though he might not realize so himself...
Hijikata stretched, sighing in contentment as his joints crackled and popped into place. He felt stiff from sitting on his ass for too long, and so he found himself outside with a cigarette bewteen his lips and a bottle of mayo in his pocket. Kondo had made him switch to the "no-fat" one... It tasted good and all, but it just wasn't the same... Hijikata blew out a cloud of smoke, watching as it floated up towards the sky before disappearing into the evening light...
Surprisingly he didn't meet Gintoki this time... And he let out a sigh of relief, but his finger gently rubbed the golden band around his finger and he frowned, feeling worse than before... Maybe that damned Yorozuya did something to him? He spit out the stump of his cigarette, stomping on the embers. He had gone through two packs that day... Sougo had even dared call him a chimney... He should just commit seppuku already...
Hijikata sighs, letting his gaze wander along the streets. Nothing suspicious to report, save for some losers playin pachinko by the alley... Hijikata rolls his eyes, as much as he would like to tell them off, they probably hadn't been there for long, and no complaints had been filed yet... Speaking of complaints- he should probably speak with the perm about their impending divorce... Hijikata glared at the ring, how did he end up forced into a marriage anyway? He had been patrolling the streets when the card-like amanto bastards pulled him into some room or something... It had all gone down so quickly he barely remembered it all... And with Gintoki of all people!? How that happened- he didn't even want to know...
Hijikata sighed, making his way back towards the barracks. He would need an attourney for this shit... Though Gintoki once took the role of one, he wouldn't really trust the guy with something that important. The guy had this weird tendency to do weird shit when you'd least expect it... What if he suddenly decided to trick somebody into giving him all their stuff? Even though that would imply that the sugar freak was nothing more than a thief, and it's pretty well known that Gintoki is no thief, but it does sound like something he'd do... If not their stuff, then at least their food or something...
Hijikata fumbled with his packet of cigarette's, he lit up another one, sighing in relief as the constant nausea he had been feeling these days settled down a little... If he didn't know any better he'd say that Sougo had probably poisoned him or something like that... But if that was the case, he would have been dead by now... Sougo doesn't exactly beat around the bush when it comes to shit like this... Hijikata just wished he would have used that motivation to actually do his work... But he had learned the hard way that Sougo is an unpredictable person, he does his work when he feels like it and most of the time he lazes around with the Natural perm by the Dango shop...
Hijikata lets his mind wander, something he doesn't do very often, but he has to admit that it's good sometimes at least... He still keeps a keen eye on what's happening around him though, assassination attempts and troublemakers aren't exactly new... Or what if he ran into Katsura? He'd have to be alert for that too, seeing as the guy was an expert at running away... Hijikata begrudgingly notes that he's about to enter Kabukichou, the chance of meeting Gintoki just went up by 95%... Hijikata was tempted to just turn around and go back then and there, but he still had to get back to the barracks, and the fastest way was through Kabukichou... Sadly... Hijikata glances up at Gintoki's window when he passes by, glad to see that there's nobody home... Goddamn yorozuya... If he hadn't entered that stupid café, they wouldn't even be in this situation.
Hijikata stares down at his ring again, taking a huge drag out of his cigarette. The ash fell like gray snow, and immediately blended in with the dirt... Hijikata glares at the damn thing, lifting his hand to try and pull it off again. But he let it fall to his side instead... He had tried countless times already, trying again wouldn't help anybody... The only way would be to either chop off his own finger or go to the managment of that stupid café and have them remove it... The first option didn't seem too tempting... So, managment it is...
Hijikata sighs, continuing his journey back to the barracks, Edo is surpisingly quiet tonight... Which is a little strange... Somebody bumps into his shoulder, and Hijikata turned around to snap at the guy who did it, but then he noticed the small golden band around his finger, the same type of ring that he was wearing himself... Next to the guy was a petite girl, wearing the same ring... Hijikata clicked his tongue, quickly turning to get away from them... Fucking group date café... he couldn't even work without being reminded of his forced relationship... Like hell he's be the husband of the Yorozuya freak...
No matter what anybody at the barracks says, or what the yorozuya kids say- that marriage would have to go, nothing good could come of it... Hijikata actually manages to imagine them living together and just the thought gives the worst kind of shivers, he grimaces. Definately not an enjoyable thought... Isn't there any way at all to get out of it? Without realizing it- Hijikata's legs has taken him completely off route and he found himself in front of the goddamned Café that basically fucked his life sideways... Hijikata snorts and enters the building, stomping right up to a young woman sitting by the front desk of the entrance. She smiled kindly as Hijikata slams his hands on the desk in front of her, she doesn't seem fazed in the least "Hello! What can i help you with?" she chirped, which only seemed to darken Hijikata's mood.
"I'll tell you how you can help- i want this fucking thing off!" he hissed at her, holding up his hand for her to look at the ring. Her eyes widened and she was clearly shocked by this "Are you not happy with our service?" she questioned, her brows furrowing, Hijikata snorted "Hell yeah i'm unhappy! I was on patrol when you guys pulled me into this dark room and forced me into a marriage with the guy on top of my blacklist!" he growled, tapping his fingers impatiently. The woman yet again seemed surprised by this "Well yes, even though we treated you a bit rough- you were the most compatible with our guest- or at least it appears so... We've never had an unhappy couple before, so if you could please just give this a chance?" she really seemed like she wanted to make the relationship work, but that was probably just because of the bad feedback- he was the first afterall...
"I refuse... I want you to get this thing off of me or so i swear to god i will get a warrant to tear this place down..." he threatened, earning a frightened look in return "I'm sorry, i'll have to call the manager if you keep this up sir..." she tried, but her eyes were wide in panic "Call the manager because of a complaint? You people forced me into a marriage i didn't ask for! Me and that Yorozuya freak being compatible does not change the fact that it was all done by force!" Hijikata hissed, but realizing that though he was right, he was about to step over a line he couldn't return from- so he pulled his card out of his pocket and slammed it onto her desk, turning to leave "When you're ready to fix this shit give me a call... And if you don't call by the end o fthe week, then i'll be back to warn you again... This is an offense!" he bellowed before finally exiting the café, leaving the poor receptionist to quake in fear.
Gintoki flicked the little piece of snot away from his pinky, he had just finished watching Ketsuno Ana, not that he could hear much of what she was saying considering he felt worse and worse every passing minute. Probably the stupid Mayora's fault, and Kagura's for that matter... She had bought him a few cartons of strawberry milk, a parfait and a jump to console him, but after finishing his parfait, he hadn't really touched anything else, which made the kids worry even more.. How had Kagura been able to afford all that anyway? She had better not be selling his stuff on the streets again or he'd break her neck...
He turned on the couch, letting out a long and slightly exhaggerated groan of pain. He felt like shit and nothing he ate, drank or did could change that... And when he felt like that without knowing why- it obviously made him quite irritable... He had even snapped at Shinpachi for closing the door too loudly when he got back from shopping the other day... Gintoki had ofcourse apologized later, but Shinpachi had still made sure to be careful after that...
The kids were currently out for a walk with Sadaharu, the mutt had been whining and complaining all day, and it had eventually led to Gintoki practically screaming at nothing, and the Kids had taken the hint... Though Kagura looked extremely depressed, Sadaharu had tried to make up by licking his hand and Shinpachi had stared at him with a look of disapproval, which looked even more intense because of his glasses... That look terrefied even Gintoki to a certain extent, so he had apologized to them all and went back to sleep. But when he was awake again- the kids hadn't returned yet... And it was getting dark too- now he wasn't too worried about them being kidnapped or anything- because they were both strong, nobody could deny that... Or at least Kagura was, Shinpachi only had his glasses to protect him as carrying swords was illegal if you're not a member of the shinsengumi...
Gintoki would rather die than to see Shinpachi become one of those dogs!
Even just the thought left a bitter taste in his mouth, eugh... Now he had managed to remind himself of Hijikata- fan-fucking-tastic... His mood darkened again and he growled into the pillow he was resting his head on. He'd need a lawyer, and that would require money he didn't have- except... If he took the job as a lawyer again, he could defend himself against Hijikata's advances if there ever were some... Like the Mayora would want to steal his stuff hah, he could try... Though Gin knew the mayora wouldn't settle for his stuff, no he would most likely have thrown his poor ass in jail... Or maybe not? Because if he did, then the kids would be in his custody...
Gintoki actually laughs at this thought, his mood lightening again. He could just imagine it- the kids causing all sorts of trouble with Hijikata trying to soothe them... They'd eat all of the Shinsengumi's food, and Sadaharu would probably pee everywhere, and maybe even bite Gorilla's head off... Gintoki's smile fell, because while they were going to be doing all of those things he would be sitting in jail without seeing his precious kids grow up... That thought was depressing in many ways, Gintoki snorted "As if they'd let me go to jail in the first place... They would probably make some crazy attempt at breaking me out within the first hour, and then they'd mess up in some way and the three of them would all be stuck in jail together... And then Shinpachi would say something sappy like "At least we're all together!" or something sappy like that...
Well, Gintoki supposed he didn't completely oppose to that idea... At least he'd have them by his side to watch them grow instead of having the Mayora try to convert them... Gintoki shook his head- sitting up on the couch. Perhaps he'd go meet them today... Take them somewhere to eat or something... He was getting hungry and the money he had gotten for fixing a roof that day was enough to buy them at least a decent meal... Though eating at home would be cheaper. But they couldn't leave Shinpachi to the cooking everyday now could they?