I can see clearly now…
It was over. She was free of him. She slumped onto the sofa and started thinking to herself about their "relationship" over the last year. Through her tears she slowly started to see how blind she was. The truth was, sometimes reflection could be painful no matter how necessary. First she realized that whenever they met it was always his idea and on his terms. Most of the time he'd just apparate to her apartment unannounced, give her a few kisses, and then walk straight to her room with her in tow. She was always just so happy to see him that she never stopped him to say anything to the contrary. The only time they would talk was after the sex. That's when he would profess his "love" for her and she'd feel so warm inside, like nothing could come between them and everything was so perfect. There were other times when she'd urge him to come clean with Ginny. Those conversations never lasted long because he'd either change the subject or distract her with more lovemaking. And now she realized that he never would give her a straight answer when that particular subject came up. Boy was she blind.
In the beginning they were so passionate and uninhibited. He'd tell her that he needed her, how he had always loved her, and they were so right for each other. Of course, she believed him, she had to. She wanted to believe it was true because she had all the same feelings. She loved him too. She couldn't deny that even to herself, but it was her love for him that he depended on and used to manipulate her. She knew that now.
"Merlin, how could I have been so stupid?" she berated herself. Right now she was feeling like her heart weighed an extra twenty pounds.
In the last few months or so their affair got to the point of him apparating into her living room with only one thing on his agenda. They'd go straight to having sex with little to no talking and then when it was over he'd shower, dress and then leave her with that same heavy heart. Every time she'd ask him to stay and every time he'd tell her he couldn't. She knew the answer before he even said it. It never changed. She also knew that it wasn't a matter of "he couldn't", but more the fact that "he wouldn't" and that alone is what hurt the most. She was always left with mixed feelings. First she was forlorn and regretful, then she was insulted and angry, and at last she was left with the feeling of not being good enough. It didn't matter though, she knew she loved him and she always, always forgave him. Tonight she'd given into her own weakness despite her plan and slept with him yet again. She couldn't help it, she was in love with him and no matter how mad she got she still couldn't deny her hope that things would get better. This time when she asked him to stay she sounded a little more desperate than she wanted to, but she already knew the answer. It had become involuntary for him. He almost always knew she would ask and was prepared to shoot her down. He would say it without even thinking about it. Therefore, his answer tonight was all she needed to set things straight for good. She was fed up with it all, despite her love for him. She just didn't think that it would've been this hard.
Now it was time to get going with the process of getting over it. Hermione wasn't the type to sulk and sob for days. She couldn't lie and say that it didn't hurt, it definitely did hurt, but it was a necessary hurt. It was just one of those things in life that everyone is bound to experience. She just had the unfortunate luck to have to have gone through it twice now. This time though, she wasn't willing to revert back to some fourth year little girl and squall over something that she knew now was just not meant to be.
Flashback
"Harry, are you sure we should be doing this?" she asked, "And in Knockturn Alley of all places?" Although the location was sketchy, she knew what she was doing and she had butterflies, big time. She had been waiting for this day for weeks now and was so happy that they finally came to the decision together that they couldn't deny their feelings for each other anymore. The decision to take the next step had been made.
"To be honest, Hermione, no, but that's never stopped me, or you for that matter, before, has it?" he answered with a smirk. Harry's confidence was enough to make her feelings of apprehension fade. In truth, she wasn't sure about anything when it came to Harry and her. All she knew was that her feelings for Harry came easy and natural. Harry finished paying the man at the front desk and immediately began to drag her in the direction of their room. It felt like they were teenagers in danger of being caught, it was all so exciting! "Wait, Harry! Slow down! Merlin, you'd think you were anxious or something!" she said with a grin, teasing him. Then she took off in a run toward the room. If he wanted her that bad, he'd have to catch her.
He quickly caught up to her and jerked her into an alcove, "you're going to have to be a lot faster than that to get away from me," he told her with a devilish grin. At that moment his lips descended onto hers with a feverish passion. The urgency of his kiss surprised her and took her breath away but once she regained her composure she returned the kiss with just as much passion. It wasn't the first time they'd kissed, but it was the first time they'd kissed with a promise of something to come and that knowledge alone was enough to drive them both mad with lust, passion, need, and hunger; it was all there.
Harry started to run his hands up and down Hermione's body. He slowly and firmly slid his hand up her sweater and cupped one of her silk covered breasts. She let out a small breath and closed her eyes. Even through the material she was sensitive enough to appreciate his touch. She started to wonder why she and Harry hadn't ever done this before when Harry started kissing his way down her neck. Her mind went blank when he stopped to suck on the small space between her neck and ear and she began to melt. He was holding her tight and close to him as she raised her arms to put her fists in his raven hair. She always loved his hair. To her it directly reflected his rebellious personality in every way. It made him even more irresistible to her.
Using his hair as leverage she pulled his head away from her neck to get his attention. "Harry," she breathed and tugged again. "Harry, don't you think this would be better if we actually made it to the room? I bet we'd have loads more fun," she teased. She was giggling now and wiggling around trying to get out of his grasp.
He whispered into her ear "That is an absolutely brilliant idea!" With that they headed straight for the room.
Once inside they couldn't keep their hands off of each other. Clothes began to fly every which way. They were kissing each other furiously and stumbling in the general direction of the bed. Finally Harry lifted Hermione and dropped her unceremoniously onto the bed and stood back to look at her. He didn't say anything; he just stood there, eyes glued to her. She watched his eyes as they slowly ran over her body; from her soft shapely legs to her very curvy hips and all the way up to her breasts. She laid still while his eyes took in her every dip and curve.
Him just staring at her like that started to make her feel a little uncomfortable so she went to cover herself with her arms and then suddenly Harry crawled onto the bed, moved her arms away and started kissing his way up her body. She felt the tingling sensations travel throughout as he slowly licked at her knees, his hot breath tickling her skin. His trail of kisses followed up the natural curves of her thighs and hips. He lingered there breathing in the aroma of her anticipation for a few moments and then proceeded to the rounded curve of her lower abdomen. He snaked his hands up her body to massage her breasts as he licked at her bellybutton and planted wet kisses all over her skin.
She was enjoying her bath of kisses, reveling in the sensations, when she put her hands in his hair again and pulled him up to her lips. She was hungry for more of his wanton kisses and was finding it hard to keep her hands off of him. Merlin, it had been so long since she'd had sex, she had almost forgotten what it felt like. Her hands were roaming over his hard back and around to his biceps then up to his chest and nipples. She dipped her head down and began to kiss his collar bone and then his chest. Then as she started to tease his right nipple with her tongue, he did it. He plunged into her without warning and she gasped. She couldn't help thinking to herself that she wasn't quite ready for that yet; she would rather have had a little more foreplay. Then again, they were both aroused and thoroughly excited, maybe he just couldn't hold out any longer. So she pushed the thought out of her head and scolded herself for being such a hopeless romantic.
Harry was slowly probing in and out with his head on her shoulder. She could hear his labored breathing as he started to pick up his pace. It felt so good the feeling of him inside her, so firm, so slick. She was beginning to move up against him and then quite suddenly he pulled out and flipped her over onto her stomach and pulled her to her knees. Harry re-entered her and started to rock in and out with a steady rhythm. Things were again starting to feel wonderful and she felt out his rhythm and rocked with him, seeking her own pleasure when he started to speed up again. He pushed into her harder and faster then he shouted out his release with a long, heavy sigh. He pumped clumsily into her two or three more times and then it was over.
He rolled to the side and flopped down next to her breathing heavily, eyes closed. She lowered herself onto the bed, turned over, and remained silent. She didn't know what to say or if she should say anything at all. "What was that, was that it?" she thought to herself. "Maybe he was just overly excited and couldn't contain himself. Hopefully it's not always going to be this way." she continued thinking. She was silently staring at a water stain on the ceiling when she felt him stir. She looked over at him and noticed he was sitting up. "What are you doing?" she asked. Surely he wasn't done. Hopefully.
"I'm going to take a shower, why?" he answered lightly. Inside she sighed deeply and couldn't help but feel let down no matter what she told herself.
"I don't know. I wasn't ready to stop yet." She got to her knees and scooted over to him. Maybe she could get him back into the mood. She ran her hands up and over his shoulders firmly and then down his front to massage his chest. She was laying kisses all over his back and neck when he suddenly stood.
"Hermione, I've got to get going…Ginny will start to wonder where I am."
"Oh, come on. We've got time, besides; we were having so much fun, why stop now. Come on, stay a little longer." she said playfully. Surely he wasn't going to leave her wanting.
Despite her playfulness he rose from the bed and walked toward the bathroom. He turned and looked back at her from the shower door looking absolutely sexy. "I wish I could, darling, but I really do have to go home."
"Oh, ok." she sighed. "I guess that really was it," she said to herself disappointed.
Harry finished his shower and within another twenty minutes was on his way home. He left Hermione there to pull herself back together alone.
End flashback
"Ok, pull yourself together, Hermione," she said to herself. The memory of their first time together wasn't such a fond memory anymore. She thought to herself that she really should have seen what kind of person Harry was judging from they way that night went. She certainly could have saved herself a lot of heartache, literally, but as the saying goes, hind sight is 20/20. Things were starting to become much clearer to her the more she thought about it. Even on the first night they shared, if she could call it that, he couldn't have been more inconsiderate. Now she couldn't understand how she stayed with him for so long. Hermione shook her head and tried to clear her thoughts. There was no use dwelling on the past. She needed a nice, hot, relaxing shower, plenty of sleep and most of all, work. If anything could take her mind off of her turmoil it would be her work. In the morning she'd focus on pulling herself back together. She could start over fresh.
After her shower she decided to clean the bed sheets. There would be no way in hell she'd ever get any rest if she continued to sleep on sheets that smelled like him. So, after a quick scourgify she sat on the edge of her clean bed and took a deep cleansing breath. "Goodbye Harry." she said to herself. Let the healing process begin.