A/N: Sorry for the delay. I had coursework up to my neck and was in the library far too much to still be considered a non-geek.

To Chairobsesser, thank you, it's not a one shot, I hope not anyway.

Sasha, thank you. There is an in interesting twist coming up.

Ah Sandra, thank you for so much more than the review. You know what I mean.

HnM Skinnys, thanks and I love your pen name. Jealous of it actually lol

This title of this post may seem a bit weird but it's a song by Jason Wade called "You belong to me". Great song, everyone should download it. It inspired the letter in the post. As usual Read and Review

Dear Chuck

I got top marks in my coursework. They said I "was completely connected with Oscar Wilde". I should have been happy but I wasn't. I don't think I know what it means to be happy without you. That sounded so much better in my head. I'm getting at pretending. I think I should talk to Cyrus about getting an acting career because I seem to be getting better at it.

I know you would be able to see through it but guess what you are not here! Sorry I don't mean to be a bitch but it is getting harder with you gone. People say time heals all wounds, well guess what, they are wrong. Time is only making mine worse.

I hate this pain but at the same time I wouldn't take it away because that would mean we had never happened. No matter how much pain I am in at least the pain reminds me that it was real. I hate how much I think about you but I hope you are happy. I wonder if you ever think of me. I want you to be here with me now.

Where are you? Somewhere warm? Maybe in California? Or somewhere fantastic like London? Somewhere foreign like Egypt? Are you partying? Or working? Maybe you are just like me, barely scraping by. Wherever you are, I hope you are safe.

I'm lonely Chuck. And the worst thing about it is that I am surrounded by people every day. I feel like you took half of me with you, probably more. I wish I knew something about where you were, or what you were doing. It would be nice to know you are ok. It's all I wish for in life, is for you to be great, because you deserve that.

As much as it kills me to write this, and as much as the tears are ruining this letter I hope you find someone to love one day, if you haven't already. You still belong to me in my head and my heart but if there is some girl who does make you happy then I am glad.

I hate you so much for leaving me, I hate you for not wanting me, I hate you for not loving me and most of all I hate you because I love you. I know that doesn't make sense but I don't have to make sense. It's not like you are ever coming back. I hope you are somewhere fantastic.

I love you

Blair

Blair sat in her last class of the day doodling. She really didn't care about listening to a lecture on T.S. Elliot. She could live perfectly happy for the rest of her life without every hearing about him but her ears pricked up when she heard the lecturer quote "Humankind cannot stand very much reality." This was so true. She didn't know if she could stand very much reality. She looked back down to her page only to realise she had drawn a C in the middle of the page. She ripped the page out of her book and rolled it into a ball. When she saw everyone else stand up she realised that the class was over. She shut her book and got up.

She walked out of the room and into the courtyard. She smiled at some random person who said hello. She really didn't know who it is but she smiled back, or at least she hoped she did. She clutched her books to her chest, it made her stay upright and not fall down into a heap screaming in agony. Serena met her at the stairs "Hey, how was class?"

"It was fine" Blair's standard answer for everything, fine. Sometimes Serena wondered if she even listened to her. "How was your morning?"

"I had a million things to do. PR is not as fun as it sounds. Casey had me pick up copies, and her dry-cleaning, and coffee. Very savvy"

"Oh I'm jealous!" Blair attempted to make a joke but she was pretty sure it didn't sound at all funny.

"You should be jealous. Wasting all your time on Oscar Wilde, and Jane Austin when you could be spending time with celebrities who think they are just sheer brilliant."

"Yes your right, celebrities are totally better than the great writers of the world" Blair nodded. She knew she should laugh but she wasn't sure how too.

"Right where do fancy for lunch? How about The Russian Tea Rooms? Their chocolate cake is to die for."

"Sounds good, but only a light lunch. I had a big breakfast."

Serena eyed Blair carefully. She was sure she wasn't eating properly but she had no idea how to approach it. Blair seemed so totally broken now. There was only a shell left. She wanted to shake her and tell her to get over him but she was pretty sure Blair wouldn't even react. She just is, she doesn't live, she doesn't laugh, she just exists and it is no way to live a life.

"Ok we'll just have a sandwich, they do all kinds of breads. We'll take the cake to go."

Blair nodded. She passed the crowds in the street but they all seemed to blur into one. They were empty and blank to Blair. She guessed that is what people saw when they looked at her. At least they weren't looking inside her. She was sure that if they did they would be repulsed because she was so broken and the pieces were never going to fit back together again.

Blair knew Serena was talking about something but she couldn't really focus on it. She simply nodded at intervals. It's how she learnt to get by in social situations.

"We could go to Dockers first. I know it is full of sleazy guys but it is the only bar in New York that does that English beer that Nate likes. It will only be for an hour then we can head to Fielding's or somewhere else in Manhattan."

"Manhattan sounds fine" Blair smiled as Serena opened the door for her. She walked out the door now knowing where she was going and what she was doing but at least she was walking.

"Blair I love you, and this is why I am saying this. You need to realise the Chuck is an ass. He's not good for you. Please let him go."

"Why are you bringing him up?"

"Because I know that you still love him and that's why you are like this. You're not you anymore. I need you to get out of this depression and realise you can do so much better. Blair he is not a guy, he never has. I thought he had changed with you but then he left. You were a mess Blair, Nate had to pick you up off the bathroom floor because you had cried so much you threw up and were so weak you couldn't walk. Blair we were so close to putting you in hospital just to get you to eat, or do something other than grieve. No not grieve because at least that would have been something other than the nothingness than consumed you.

"Serena stop, I can't listen to this. I know what I put you and Nate through but I got over it. I'm better now. I'm eating and going to class, I'm better now."

"Blair you can't even say his name, and you need to."

"Why?" Blair shouted angrily "I've gotten along perfectly fine for nearly seven months now without talking about him. Why all of a sudden do we need to talk about him?"

"Because you need to deal with the pain he caused before it eats you up inside."

"I'm doing just fine Serena. I feel no pain." Blair forced out trying to sound convincing "So the matter is closed"

"No it's not Blair. He text me last night."