Keeping her eyes closed, Maria inhaled deeply as she slowly drifted awake the next morning. She took advantage of the feeling that a good night's sleep gave her, dwelling on the soft material of her pillow beneath her ear. Very slowly, she opened her eyes and allowed them to adjust to the brightness of the room. As soon as she could see clearly, her eyes focused on something that was laid out in front of her. Frowning in confusion, she straightened up and realized that it was a single red rose. Definitely surprised, she took it between her fingers, and buried her nose in the petals, letting her lungs fill with the delicate scent. As her nose made contact with the flower, she felt the tiniest sensation of humidity. She looked closer and could see minute drops on the petals. Looking down on her sheets, she noticed a small card, and she sat up on her bed, rubbing her eyes as she opened it.
"Raindrops on roses...'"
One rose, one tender thought of you.
As soon as she had read the few words, she felt a wide smile spread across her face. There was no mistakes, she had recognized Georg's neat, masculine handwriting. Just as she tried to make sense of the reason of the gift, she remembered that he had probably left for Vienna a long time ago and she felt her heart sink a little in her chest. With a loving yet a sad sigh, she brushed her fingertips over the card and got up, picking an outfit and started to dress.
When she had found herself with Georg, Max and Hede in the parlour the previous evening after dinner, she had quickly excused herself, feeling a little down. She hadn't wanted her weird mood to be passed onto the others, and she had suddenly felt completely exhausted. With a small yawn, she had gotten up on her feet and had kissed Georg goodnight, ignoring Max's provocative comment, and had reluctantly wished him a nice trip.
What could Georg possibly be doing? she wondered. Probably some business she couldn't comprehend. Still, Maria didn't understand why he had told her just hours before leaving. She knew her fiancé was a busy man, and that he had his plate full most of the time. But she would always associate Georg's trips to Vienna with the Baroness, and subconsciously she couldn't help but feel alarmed. But that wouldn't make any sense at all! He had no reason to see her.
Anyway, it was nothing, as she had told herself over and over again since the previous night. Just two small days. He would be back before she had noticed his absence, and she had a mountain of wedding plans awaiting her.
Having donned a dark green mid-length skirt and a white blouse, she cast one last glance at the card and the rose that were laid on her bedside table before leaving her room and tumbling down the stairs. She made a mental note to ask Frau Schmidt to give her a vase so she could keep the rose near her. It was such a delicate and intimate gift, she couldn't help but blush when she thought about him stepping into her room to leave the rose next to her. Unfortunately, she was a deep sleeper so she couldn't have heard him. Yet, she couldn't help but lightly brushed her fingertips on her right cheek, trying to feel the ghost of a kiss he could have left there. Gosh, she could be so ridiculously romantic sometimes.
As she came down the marble stairs, she made her way to the dining room and caught the sound of Hede's voice from the other side of the door.
"Those damned things! Frau Schmidt, please, take a seat and have some coffee, and stop moving them around! Why would you be so stressed over such insignificant things? Take some time to yourself."
"I'm sorry, Fräulein von Trapp, but these are the Captain's orders. He insisted that they were brought into the dining room before Fräulein Maria awakes," came the strained voice of an agitated Frau Schmidt.
What could be brought to the dining room on Georg's orders, and for her? She curiously put her hand on the handle as she wondered if he had ordered more apple strudels. He looked like he was in the mood for surprises this morning.
Maria pushed the door open and gasped at the sight in front of her, the surprise causing her jaw to drop and her eyes to widen.
Roses. That was all Maria could see. Enormous vases full of red roses everywhere, on the table, on the dresser, on the furniture near the large opened windows.
"Looks like Sleeping Beauty has awakened," Hede said with a smirk. "Prince Charming has left these awfully bulky things for you. I can't even smell the scent of my own coffee," she added as she brought the cup to her lips.
"Good morning, Fräulein Maria. Do you like them this way?" inquired Frau Schmidt from across the room.
Maria tore her eyes away from the flowers and closed her opened mouth, looking at the housekeeper.
"They are perfect, Frau Schmidt," Maria breathed. "Please don't change a thing."
The woman smiled. "I'm glad you like them," she said as she exited the room.
"Uh, Frau Schmidt?" Maria called back.
"Yes, Fräulein?"
"Would you mind bringing a small vase into my room?" she asked shyly. Maria definitely couldn't wrap her brain around the idea that she could ask the staff whatever she wanted, and she certainly didn't want to look like she was treating them with less respect than she used to.
"I'll have one brought immediately," the older woman answered with a smile. "But don't you want to change room? Are you very sure you want to keep the one you had when you were the governess? It wouldn't take much time to move your things to the guest wing, you know, the rooms are wider and more comfortable..."
"We've already been through this and yes, I'm very sure," Maria cut in gently. "I don't mind staying where I actually am, I really enjoy my room. Don't worry about that anymore."
"Alright. I'll have the vase brought then."
"Thank you for your kindness, Frau Schmidt," Maria thanked the housekeeper as she closed the door behind her.
Like in a strange dream, Maria ambled to her seat, watching all the roses that were around her. The room was filled with their scent, and Maria felt like she was floating on a happy cloud.
One rose, one tender thought of you... She recalled as she tried to count every rose, but quickly gave up as they just were too many of them.
She was deeply touched by Georg's gesture and she couldn't understand when he had found the time to do this, and to order all the flowers. What mattered was the intention and the result, and it was a success; her heart swelled with love for the man who was her fiancé.
"You look like you've been knocked on the head." Hede commented as Maria sat, her head still spinning from right to left as she was immersed in the sea of roses. "Are you alright?"
"Mhhh?" Maria turned her head to Hede, putting away her thoughts. "Yes, marvellous." She smiled.
"Love... It just isn't for me," said Hede. "Georg has become overly sweet since he's met you. But not less stupid."
"Why are you two so hard on each other?" Maria asked, rolling her eyes as she sipped on her tea.
"I guess that's how we - von Trapps, - express our love for each other," Hede said. "Georg can be incredibly arrogant..."
"I may have noticed," said Maria sardonically, thinking back on her first encounters with Georg.
"And I guess he needs to be put back in his place sometimes," Hede continued. "So I volunteered to do the task," added Hede dramatically.
"How kind of you," Maria said with a smirk.
If Maria thought she couldn't have more fun than watching Max and Georg having a conversation, then she was wrong. Georg and Hede were much more fun; they were always arguing. Hede was teasing, and Georg was using his dark humour, and it was all so fun to watch. Hede was one of the funniest persons Maria had ever met: she was so witty and she used her charm perfectly, she was a breath of fresh air during the hard time the engagements were sometimes giving her. Although Hede could get annoyed, just like the day before when her brother had been out of sight, this was mostly for personal reasons and affecting her pride.
They both were very proud people; something that must have been running through the von Trapp's blood. But Maria was so grateful and relieved to have Hede by her side. As a chaperone, she was doing her work - there was no doubt about that, Maria thought slightly disappointed. But as a future sister in law, she was great. She brought Maria all the help, comfort and confidence she needed when she felt like she couldn't do it.
"What are our plans for today?" said Hede with a yawn.
"I thought we should start opening the first answers we've received for the wedding ceremony, but I'm not up to it anymore," Maria said, suddenly not in the mood to face refusals from people she didn't know who would judge her relationship based on stupid gossip - Georg had warned her this could happen. "Instead," she said as she gazed dreamily at the vase in front of her, "I'd like to take care of the flowers."
"Of course," Hede grinned, "you are as hopelessly sweet as my brother. Ugh. So much sugar could make me sick."
Maria chuckled. "Have you seen the children? It surprises me that I haven't seen any of them this morning." Maria suddenly realized.
"Yes, they are singing with Max outside. They were up way before you were, but apparently, Georg had insisted that we let you sleep in this morning."
How thoughtful of him, Maria thought. He really wanted to put her at ease, and she appreciated that.
"Dear Max, Georg has hardly left the house that he already starts to try turning the poor little ones into singing stars," said Maria with a laugh.
"Who could blame him? They are very talented after all."
"Yes, they are," Maria confirmed as she finished her tea.
After lunch, Maria, Hede and Max found themselves on the terrace, enjoying a pink lemonade just like Max liked. It was a really warm day as the sun shone brightly.
"Would you like another one, Maria?" Max asked.
"Yes, please," she breathed gratefully as she felt her pale skin burning under the heat.
"Hede?" Max asked as he gestured the bottle in his hand.
"Please," she said as she extended her empty glass. "After all this time, you still drink this. I thought you would have moved on to drinking alcohol even after lunch." She chuckled.
"They are some habits that are not to be changed," he answered happily.
"How long have you two known each other?" Maria inquired, curious.
They both lifted their eyes from their respective glass and exchanged an odd look, but it quickly disappeared and they turned their head to Maria.
"We've been..."
"We've met..."
Max closed his mouth to let Hede speak.
"I think we've known each other since Max and Georg are friends. That might have been –gosh - nearly twenty years ago?" Hede sought Max's eyes in disbelief.
"Yes, something like that," Max mumbled as he brought his glass to his lips.
There was a sudden silence and Maria felt like her question had been an attack, though she couldn't understand why. But the weird atmosphere was interrupted when Maria heard a scream coming from inside the house, and she recognized Gretl's angry, high pitched voice.
"I'd better check on that now," said Maria anxiously as she got to her feet and started to head to the house.
"I'll see you in the drawing room in an hour," Hede suddenly called back. "So we can finish with the flowers."
All Maria did was throwing a thumb up in a hurry, as she made her way to the foyer as quickly as she could.
"And I am telling you that you won't be the one to choose, Gretl! Why are you so frustrated over such a basic matter?" Louisa huffed.
Maria had just pushed the door opened and discover six von Trapps all over the place: Brigitta lying on her belly and reading a book, Liesl trying to comfort a crying Gretl on the couch, Louisa with a pen and a notebook in her hands, seated on a chair, and Kurt and Marta playing cards on the floor.
"What is going on?" Maria asked. "Gretl, your scream scared me! I thought you were hurt." Maria said and flew to the couch so she could take the little one in her arms, looking thankfully at Liesl for trying to solve the situation.
"We were just having some time to ourselves," said Louisa, "and Gretl started the argument about the dress again." She rolled her eyes. "She said she might be the one to choose and I told her she wasn't. That's it."
"Why did you start crying then?" Maria asked Gretl and looked around. "And where is Friedrich?" She suddenly noticed that the teenager was the only one missing.
"He told her she was stupid and it made her very upset," interrupted Kurt, still very focused on his card game. "She screamed, he went out, and that's the end of the story."
Maria sighed deeply, rubbing her eyes as she was trying to figure out how to handle the situation. At this exact moment, she felt tired. Extremely tired.
"Children, listen," she started as they all turned their eyes to her. "I love you all very dearly, and I appreciate that you are getting... involved in the preparations. But I believe that it's only been a source of dispute. So try not to get too upset about it, alright? Louisa is right, Gretl. You won't be choosing the dress, I will pick it up myself, but I can get you something you like for your own dress," Maria said softly and kissed the top of the girl's head.
"But I want you to look like a fairy princess!" Gretl exclaimed as she wiped away the tears from her chubby cheeks.
"You will like it, I promise." Maria smiled at her. "Now, no more arguing over the dress. Is that understood?"
"Yes, Fräulein Maria!" They all answered.
Maria put Gretl back on the couch, got up and left the room, heading to the grand staircase in search of Frederich.
It wasn't like him, to act so impulsively. And she had noticed his change of behaviour, though she hadn't been able to explain it. Reaching the boys' room, she took a deep breath and knocked on the door.
No answer.
"Friedrich?" she called. "Can I come in, please? It's Fräulein Maria."
She heard a muffled sound and took it as a yes, so she pushed the door opened.
Friedrich was lying on the bed on his back, staring absently at the ceiling. When Maria made her way to him, he sat up on his bed and she was sure she saw him quickly wiping a tear away.
Gathering her skirt, she sat down next to him and watched him in silence. He was staring in front of him, carefully avoiding her gaze, his eyes glassy and unmoving.
"So," she started, unsure what to say. In these moments, she wished Georg could be with her. "Is there anything you'd like to tell me? I've noticed you haven't been yourself, lately." She spoke softly.
"It's nothing," he said quietly, his eyes still glued to whatever was in front of him. "I just don't like it when they talk about the dress. I find it pointless," he added, but Maria knew he wasn't being completely honest.
"Mhhh," she hummed sceptically. "Are you sure that's all?"
The boy sighed deeply, and joined his hands in his lap.
"I don't want you to be upset, Fräulein Maria," Friedrich said. "But..." He stopped in midsentence, still stubbornly avoiding her eyes.
"But?" She questioned gently, encouraging him to continue.
"But I can't help but think of my mother when they talk about the wedding," he said, looking miserable. He finally lifted his head and brought his eyes to hers, and she could see he was fighting his tears back. "Everything reminds me of her these days. I miss her more than I care to admit."
Maria's heart sank in her chest, watching this boy, still grieving, trying to hold back feelings that had to eventually come out.
"I would never be upset if you talked about her, Friedrich. And I am never, ever going to replace her. Ever. I will become your mother on Earth, but you mustn't forget that she is always there, watching you from above. She would be so proud of you."
"I'm not sure she would be," said Friedrich.
Maria's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Why would you say such things?"
"She wouldn't be proud to see her son crying. Boys don't cry. That's being weak. Father never cries." His voice was shaking.
Maria felt a pang of sadness and anger well in her chest, and automatically opened her arms and pulled him into an embrace, and he started to cry, sniffing like a child.
"Boys can cry, sweetheart," she said softly as she put her hand in his hair, caressing it and holding him tight. "Never be afraid to show your feelings. Your tears show your strength, not your weakness. They show you are human." She breathed as she felt him nod in her arms.
They stayed like that for some time, Maria soothing him the best way she could, and finally, his sobs faded away and it became silent.
"What if... what if I never stopped to be sad, what if when I'm grown, I end up like Father?"
"What do you mean?" She asked as she let him go, and looked him in the eye.
"Father just... he just isn't the same. He's changed since you've arrived in our lives, but sometimes, I remember him with Mother and it's not... the same. They looked so happy," he finished in a sigh.
"I see," Maria said quietly, indeed remembering the few photographs the older girls had shared with her.
"I suppose that's why we never liked the Baroness much," he shrugged. "He was not happy with her. We could see it."
And what about me? Maria wanted to ask, but just couldn't.
"Well," she tried to say casually, her throat tightening. "Your Father has been through a lot, these past years, and he is only starting to heal now. Just like you." She said with a sad smile. "You both need time to move on."
"I don't want to forget her!" he protested.
"Forgetting is one thing, accepting is another," she answered calmly, and his shoulder relaxed. "Once you have accepted, you will feel better. It will take time, but you'll figure it out yourself," Maria said as she put her hand above his. "As for your father, marrying me doesn't mean he has forgotten her. He never will. So don't worry about it."
His pained blue eyes deeply looked into hers.
"I hope so," he said. "Thank you, Fräulein."
Later that day, Maria and Hede were having tea in the drawing room.
"I think we are done with the flowers," said Hede happily. "It's good that you are simple, and only like red roses and edelweiss. If Georg had married that horrid Baroness Schraeder, she would have made this a thousand times more complicated - and expensive," she added with a grimace.
"It would have been something else, that's for sure, but I'm sure everyone would have liked it better," Maria said with a sad smile as she put her teacup down.
Since she had seen Friedrich, she had felt terrible. It had saddened her so much that he had been torturing himself lately and hadn't wanted to talk about it. And there was something else, but she couldn't bring herself to face.
"Don't be ridiculous." Hede waved her hand in dismissal. "Georg is madly in love with you, and who cares what people think, may I ask? They are all boring. You shouldn't focus on trying to fit the mould, Maria. You are perfect for Georg."
Maria blushed as Hede finished her sentence. "It's not that I'm trying to fit the mould, but well..." She sighed. "I believe that I want to prove them all that I am dignified and more than a poor, silly girl he has taken advantage of. Because it's not what happened."
"I know, but you know how aristocrats are. I hate them all."
"But you are an aristocrat, Hede," Maria stated with a smile.
"I am not!" Hede retorted, outraged. "Oh, well, you are right." She admitted and she saw Maria raising an eyebrow. "But I only like the money."
"Something you have in common with Max, I suppose," Maria remarked as she folded her hands on her lap. "By the way, will you be staying with him to look after the children while we are on our honeymoon?"
Hede chocked on her tea, and before Maria could get up and give her a hand, she was laughing hysterically, causing the liquid in her cup to dangerously flicker.
"What is so funny?" Maria frowned.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Maria," Hede started as she wiped away a tear of laughter. "But the idea is so comical."
"Why is that?" She asked, sincerely confused.
Hede's laughter faded away as quickly as it came, and she started to shift awkwardly in her chair and Maria's hand flew to her mouth. The look on Hede's face. It had spoken for itself. And the awkward moment on the terrace at the beginning of the afternoon. It all made sense!
"You two have... you were..." She stammered, unable to find the right words.
"Erhm, yes, we used to... see each other." And Maria noticed that Georg and Hede were exactly the same when they were embarrassed.
"See each other?" she asked, her eyes wide. And just like the realization hit her, she, herself, burst into laughter.
"Are you alright?"
"Yes, I'm sorry, but you're right, it is just so comical."
She knew she should be shocked, but the idea that Hede and Max had once been a couple was beyond imagination. The two of them together... it must have driven Georg crazy!
"Tell me," Maria said, recomposing herself, "how did Georg take it?"
"Georg?" Hede asked as if Maria had said the most senseless thing ever. "He never knew, of course!"
"How is that possible?" Maria asked in disbelief.
"Has Georg ever told you how he had met Max?" Hede sighed as she put her teacup down as well.
"Not really. As they were in the navy together, I assumed they met there."
"They did, as a matter of fact. But I met Max before he did, when I was twenty-two, and Georg was only nineteen, still training for the navy. As you know, or probably not, Max is a year younger than me. At the time, we lived in Vienna with our parents, and things were... tensed, to say the least. Georg had just met Agathe, and I was still not married. You could imagine my parents' dismay: their twenty-two year-old daughter, an artist, unmarried, while Georg had a bright future before him and had gotten himself the daughter of a British Countess! They were not to be married, not yet, but Georg talked about her in such a way... it could make a girl dream. Anyway. Back to Max," she said as she shook her head and tried to suppress a shudder.
"There was that night, I got really upset. My mother had really pushed it too far. She had told me that I was smearing the von Trapp name, that I was nothing but a failure, that I should be ashamed of myself... I, of course, didn't sit there and lower my eyes, so I left the house and slammed the door behind me. I was really mad at her." She took a deep breath before continuing, "I went to that bar where I knew most of my friends went. I quickly found a bunch of them, and I got roaring drunk. I don't remember much of that evening, in fact," she added thoughtfully.
"But what does Max have to do with that?" Maria asked, her mind still unclear.
"Patience, patience," Hede answered with a small smile.
"The next day, I woke up with the worst headache I've ever had, but I was not home. I was at one of my friend's house, lying miserably on the couch, but it was a friend who hadn't been with us the night before. When I asked her how I got there, she told me that a gentleman had rung in the middle of the night, dragging me in the sorriest state ever, and said that I had told him to take me there. He had handed her a card with his name and the phone number of the hotel he was staying at. You guessed it, of course, it was Max."
"What happened next?" Maria was drinking Hede's words, captivated by the story.
"I obviously said that I could never call! How embarrassing!" Hede laughed softly. "But my friend changed my mind: after all, he had been kind enough to take me there, and I had probably told him a bunch of things I would probably regret, so I could at least have the decency to call, thank him and apologize. So I did. But our phone call lasted longer than what I had planned, and we met up at a café later in the afternoon - he had ordered a lemonade, he always did. I had been really talkative, that evening, and I had said a fair amount of nonsense. So, we had a proper conversation. He was as charming as one can be, and I felt like he didn't judge me, it was refreshing. He was different. It felt like an adventure."
"We saw each other a couple of times after that. We weren't talking a lot about my family -apparently, I had only told him that I hated my mother on that fateful night, but that's all. We had some shared interests: the arts -poetry and painting for me, music for him, but we both were free spirits. And that's what mattered."
"After a while, it was clear that we were more than friends. I hadn't told anybody, except for the friend who had picked me the night we met, about him. We had some fun. It lasted for two months. But he needed to go back to sea - he was in the navy, but of course, I never mentioned Georg - and I needed to pursue my dreams and to prove myself as an artist. So we parted, I went to Italy and France, and we never spoke again. Until the day I realized he and my brother had become friends, one night Georg came home with him after a mission at sea! So we met up at a garden in Vienna, we put things straight, and we agreed that it was okay to be friends and that Georg didn't need to know about it. That's the story," Hede finished, with a theatrical wave of her hand.
"Wow," Maria declared. "That sounds incredible. I won't tell Georg, but didn't he notice that something was going on when he "introduced" you to Max?"
"It wasn't even two years after Max and I little adventure, and Georg had just proposed to Agathe. To be honest, he was on a cloud, not paying attention to anything but her. I don't think it ever crossed his mind, he only had eyes for Agathe, or when she wasn't with him, he talked about her endlessly."
"How was she?" Maria abruptly changed the subject.
"Agathe?" Hede asked, surprised by the question. "She was really beautiful, but I'm not sure that's what you want to hear. She was classic, the daughter of a well-reputed family, and she was everything you could expect from that kind of family: impeccable, with good manners. But she was a very sweet, very calm girl. I think she could give Georg the peace his restless mind never had. They completed each other, in a way. And oh, how happy they looked!" She exclaimed blissfully. "I'd rarely seen such happy people together. Even though it was painful to see Georg's new state of mind when she died, I could understand him. He had lost a great deal."
"He must have." Maria said quietly, as she absently took a sip of her cold tea.
Turning around for the hundredth time, Maria let out a breath of frustration. She had been unable to sleep for the past hour, and she had just been turning over and over again, flipping her sheets upside down. Sleep wouldn't find her, she was too restless.
"'One rose, one tender thought of you.'"
"Georg has become overly sweet since he's met you."
"Georg is madly in love with you."
"You are perfect for Georg."
"I would have taken you to bed much sooner!"
"Father just... he just isn't the same."
"They looked so happy."
"She could give Georg the peace his restless mind never had."
"They completed each other."
"How happy they looked!"
"There is some, uh, business I need to attend to."
"He will get over it soon enough. Men do, you know."
She sat up straight on her bed, gasping loudly. The jumble of words in her head was too loud: Georg's laugh echoed, Friedrich's tears poured down, the Baroness was looking pityingly at her...
Shaking her head strongly, as if to clear all the images and the words, she rubbed her eyes, and got on her feet as she flicked on the light before donning her robe and slippers. Her eyes caught sight of the rose freshly put in a vase, and she couldn't stop a sad sigh from escaping her lips. She needed Georg.
Quietly, she went down the stairs and took left when she reached the foyer, praying that the door wasn't locked. And she was lucky, because it wasn't. She pushed it opened and entered the dark room that was Georg's study.
Immediately, she was filled by his scent, and she allowed herself to close her eyes, inhaling as much as she could the intoxicatingly scent. Needing to feel him, to be near him.
After what seemed like an eternity, she turned on the light and made her way to the big, imposing mahogany desk. She went around it and let herself sink in the gigantic leather chair, tightening her robe around herself, letting herself impregnate his scent, once again.
When she opened her eyes, she lowered her eyes to the perfectly cleaned desk. There was nothing but neat pile of paper works, though one paper at the top of a pile caught her attention, because it was not typewritten, but written in Georg's handwriting and her eyes had already read the first lines. Despite knowing that it was not a good thing to do, she almost grabbed the letter and started to read it avidly.
My dearest, darling Agathe,
I don't even know how to start this.
I have met somebody, my love. She is young, and beautiful.
Since the day she has arrived, she has had the children under her thumb. They care a great deal about her, and she loves them as much as they should be loved. You should see Marta and Gretl with her: they look up to her with so much love. You would have felt content and relieved, I believe.
Brigitta likes her very much. She says she understands her love for books and knowledge, and that's important to her.
Kurt is glad that she's there, too. She tries to treat him like a big boy, and he appreciates that. He loves eating apple strudels just as much as you used to. I always ask the cook to make them the way you loved them.
Louisa... she's opened up to her. I'm sure she is attached to her more than she says. She has more inherited from me in her way to show her feelings, I'm afraid, but oh, she has your eyes. The same green/grey colour than yours. And she's going to be as tall as you were. Also, she has your hair, though she made herself a fringe when she wanted the previous governess to stop braiding her hair. I don't know if that worked, though. She looks so much like you, she is so beautiful.
Friedrich, our big boy. He loves her very dearly, I even suspect he had a crush on her, at the beginning. He has your hair as well, but you know that; he has turned out really handsome. You must know, he is acting like a strong man, now, but I'm afraid he is hiding his feelings too much. I wish you were here, so you could tell me what to do.
Our Liesl, goodness... She is not the sweet little girl you used to know anymore. She's a woman, now. Almost seventeen! I can't believe it either. Seventeen years ago, we welcomed our first treasure into the world. You would be so proud of what she had become. Of what they've all become.
Sometimes, Marta and Gretl ask me about you. It's hard for me to talk about it, but now, I understand it's important for them. So I try my best to answer their questions. It's not easy.
I've almost messed everything up with the children, I almost abandoned them. But I couldn't look at them without thinking of you. It was too hard, you were everywhere, I could see you in everything I did. I could hear you in Liesl's laughter. I could see your excitement in Brigitta's smile when she solved a problem she'd spent hours on. Your greediness for sweets in Kurt's eyes. Your sweetness in Marta's small voice. I could see you, every day, and I couldn't face the fact that I would never see you again.
There have been terribly long nights. I would turn around in our bed, trying to catch a glimpse of your scent, trying to remember every single detail about you, in spite of myself, because I also wanted to forget you. To lock you away. Soon enough, I realized it was a mistake, but I didn't try to fix it.
Sometimes, I feel terribly guilty, because I feel like I'm giving up on you by marrying someone else. And I'm scared, because I don't know what to expect from myself. I've loved every single moment with you. You gave so much sense to my life, you brought me so much. But I'm moving on now. It's time.
Please, forgive me, my darling.
I hope you are alright.
Yours,
Georg.
There was no air left in Maria's lungs. Just a heavy silence, and its stillness hurt her head. She couldn't think. She couldn't move.
At this moment, she felt so disconnected from Georg, from everything she thought they shared. She couldn't make sense of anything she'd just read. It was something he'd never shared with her, his memories of his late wife, and she knew she should have felt alarmed. She felt so far away from that man.
The air around her became incredibly thick. It was so hard to breathe. So hard to understand. So hard to realize.
Tears started to form in her eyes, and she did her best to safely keep them there, unshed. Never to be seen.
Would she ever be fully loved?
Author's note: There you go!
I hope some of you got the Darling Lili reference! (It was almost copying but well, I've always loved that moment of the movie.)
Feel free to review! And thanks to the guest reviewers, whom I can't thank personally.
Thank you to INeverExplainAnything, as always, for helping me out.