The door closed behind Steve with a loud clunk. He glanced around him at the small space and breathed a sigh of relief. He'd nearly forgotten what it was like to be in a safe, quiet space. Images from the day assaulted his thoughts. Aliens? Spaceships that could eat buildings in Manhattan? His notebook could do without those specific memories. He'd seen enough today to last more than his lifetime.
He turned, threw the locks on the door and stumbled toward the tiny but neat bedroom. Stark had made the arrangements. Well, he knew Pepper had actually made the arrangements. He had a sneaking suspicion that Tony wouldn't have a clue how to set up a hotel reservation. The man needed to be thankful he had Pepper. Steve may not always like Howard's son, but he had to admit that Tony did have great taste in women. Steve knew Howard would be proud of that particular trait in the boy. Man. Whatever Tony Stark was. He'd tumble that around in his mind later. When he wasn't so exhausted.
Steve glanced down at what remained of his uniform. Torn, tattered and smelling of a variety of things he didn't wish to think about, he knew that he was going to need a shower and probably get a new suit. This one seemed damaged beyond repair. He'd have to catch Agent Coulson and… his thoughts cut off abruptly. There was no more Coulson. He swallowed back the grief. He hadn't known Coulson long, but he knew the man was unique. They'd lost a good one today. Steve had seen it too often and he had hoped that in this new, enlightened century, he would have never had to see it again. Coulson's loss burned more personal guilt into Steve's mind. If he'd been there….if he'd seen this earlier. He'd known something was wrong with Loki's actions. They just weren't right.
"You carry the weight of the world on your shoulders Captain Rogers. It's not something you need to bear."
Peggy's words, spoken to him over half a century ago, echoed through his mind. She'd touched his arm when she said it, her grip warm and comforting. Steve closed his eyes and let himself sink into the memory. "It was never supposed to be just me. There was supposed to be an army. I'm not enough. I need to be enough." "That's Colonel Phillips talking. Not Dr. Erskine. He always felt you were enough. It was why he chose you." He looked into her eyes and wondered if he was enough for Peggy. He didn't think so. She deserved…more. "If I'd paid more attention, Erskine might have lived." "You can't hold yourself personally responsible for every death around you Steve." Her lips wrapped around his name like a prayer and he reveled in the sound of it. "Dr. Erskine wouldn't have wanted that for you either."
With a groan, Steve dropped his shield on the couch in the living area and blinked his suspiciously burning eyes. He could blame the ash and dust everywhere but his heart carried the truth. The serum had changed everything about his life – including his memories. Where other people had memories that faded into black and white over time, his never became tattered around the edges like well-worn photographs. He could remember each moment, each heartbeat, as if it had just happened. The scent of her hair. The sounds in the background. Nothing tainted his memories. It was both a blessing and a curse.
He peeled off what was left of his uniform and stepped into the bathroom. He'd feel this tomorrow. And the next day. It had been a while since he'd been this beaten and abused. In some way, it felt good. It reminded him that he was still a human. After today, he'd hold that particular fact in much higher regard.
He turned on the water. A quick shower and then he planned to be rabidly anti-social for the next 48 hours at least.
After the hot shower had washed away the dirt and stains of battle, Steve discovered that Pepper's efficiency had also extended to wardrobe and food needs. With a whisper of thanks to no one in particular, he pulled on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt before dropping onto the bed. He'd have to send her a note. People had lost the personal touch with this new email.
Though he sought rest, his body wasn't ready. Still primed to fight, everything around him remained tense, on alert. Sounds sent his mind racing to new battle strategies and everything in his body him was wide awake with pain. Eyes closed, he tried to will his muscles to stop screaming at him. His joints ached. His bones throbbed. He felt every single one of his years from the top of his head to the bottoms of his feet. Picturing Tony's free fall from space once again in his mind, Steve shivered. If his super soldier body was feeling this, he couldn't imagine what Stark was dealing with tonight. For once Steve had no desire to pick up someone else's burden for them. Tony was going to have a mess to sort through when the dust settled around that one.
Steve sighed, consciously working on relaxing each muscle group and let his eyes close. A memory popped to the front of his mind, unbidden but not unwelcome.
He heard her before he saw her. Those heels were famous around the post. No matter how much rain, muck or dirt she had to step through, Agent Peggy Carter always wore her heels with pride. Now the snapping clicks echoed through the abandoned building that they'd converted to the med group. The sound was fast, rushed. Urgent. Steve glanced up over the doctor's shoulder and saw the flash of a beautiful panicked face at the corner of the curtain before her features smoothed into their typical cool, collected strength. "Captain Rogers," she began. Was she out of breath or did he imagine it? She brushed a wayward hair back into her perfect waves and shot him a trembling smile. "I heard a rumor that you ruined Corporal Dugan's chance for a…" she trailed off and looked at the ceiling, a slight flush to her cheeks "'good and proper Hydra ass whipping' with your antics this evening. He's quite put out." Her eyes strayed to Steve's bicep, where the doctor was wrapping a heavy bandage. Her lips trembled a bit and her gaze sharpened as she took in Steve's face. A question formed on her lips but before she could utter the words, the doctor dropped a wad of bloodied bandages into a pan next to him and fixed a hard glare at Steve.
"Rest. At least tonight. I know you heal quickly, but you won't heal properly if you don't give it time." His voice was hard, but Peggy knew it wasn't anger. It was frustration. The doctor had shared with her many times that he wished he could help Steve – or even understand Steve – more than he did. His medical knowledge seemed to mean very little when treating America's beloved hero. Steve nodded. "I understand." Peggy noticed a slight tremble in his hands and his color wasn't quite right. She stepped forward as the doctor turned to leave.
"I trust you'll see to it that he rests, Agent Carter." The doctor looked over his glasses at her like a father looking at a wayward child. "Yes, of course." She nodded and waited until the curtain had swung closed behind the doctor to step forward. "Steve?" She put a hand on his knee, concern etched across her face. "I'm alright." His smile was wobbly and Peggy noticed he avoided her gaze. "The bullet got lodged in my bicep." At this, he waggled his eyebrows in her direction. "Tough muscles. They can catch bullets too." Peggy tilted her head to the side, not rising to the joke. Her dark brown eyes searched Steve's face for what he wasn't telling her. He inhaled deeply and his blue eyes finally made contact with her stare. "Anesthesia doesn't work on me. I mean it might but they'd have to use so much…" his voice trailed off and he looked away again. "The other guys need it more." This was Captain America. Always ready to put others before himself. Steve Rogers, on the other hand, didn't want anyone to notice that trait about him. She saw another slight tremor run through his hands and he clasped them together in front of himself, staring hard at the floor. Peggy swallowed back the concern, her brain fighting not to imagine what he'd gone through while the doctor had removed the bullet. The thought made spots appear before her eyes. "Are you…"
"I'm fine, Peggy." His voice was settled, strong. And then he looked at her. "I promise." Peggy's mouth opened and closed, not sure what she should say next. The questions echoed through her mind. Was he really okay? Would he tell her if he wasn't? She stepped closer until she was standing between his legs, their faces close enough to feel each other's breath. Her eyes searched his unblinking gaze, looking for the answers to her unasked questions. She saw the corner of his mouth lift in the hint of a smile. The air was electric between them. It was maddening for Peggy's control. She inhaled the scent of him and closed her eyes, reveling in the heat of him. This stolen moment with him would play over and over in her mind for days. Years. And she intended to remember every aspect of it.
At the time, Steve had swallowed hard and asked if she was needed elsewhere. In his mind, he'd hoped she had nowhere else to be but with him. Like a movie scene gone terribly wrong, he'd seen the second the words washed over her. She had received it as a reprimand. She'd stepped over boundaries that she and Steve both knew existed for a reason. As he watched, she safely settled back within her walls. He hadn't expected his words to shatter the moment. Instead of freeing her from restrictions like he'd hoped, he'd caused her to step back into her safe zone, away from the temptation of him.
This time though, as Steve rolled the memory through his mind, he rewrote it, shaped it, and moved it to fill the aching hole in his memory.
He could smell the sweet floral scent of the shampoo she used. He lifted his uninjured arm and slid his fingertips along her jaw until his fingers settled in the silky strands of her hair. He moved in close enough to inhale the scent of her lipstick and he wanted nothing more than to taste it. He paused, a hair's breadth from her lips, giving her the chance to pull back. Instead, she leaned forward and brushed his lips with her own. Soft. Slightly sticky from the lipstick. She tasted like cherry and something else he couldn't place. She whimpered as he moved his lips against hers, soft and gentle. He cherished each second of her skin against his. He felt her hands trail up his thighs and settle above his waist, warm on his lower back as she stepped closer into his embrace. He could feel her nails scratch lightly at his skin through his t-shirt and he knew that he never wanted this moment to stop. Her hair brushed his cheek, a silky tickle that sharpened the edges of his senses and made the moment more real for him. Just when he was ready to reach up and push the stray hair behind her ear, Peggy opened her mouth under his and he promptly forgot everything he ever knew. There was nothing but this. Her. She pulled away, her breath heavy and her heart racing as she looked into his eyes. Her lipstick was a smear of red imperfection and Steve fought down the urge to shout with the delight of it. He'd done that. He couldn't stop his smile and he didn't even try. He knew that his smile matched her own. Sloppy. Streaked. Happy. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her against him so that each of her breaths pressed them tighter together. Suddenly brave, he leaned down and brushed another soft kiss against her before whispering, "You have a mission tonight Agent Carter…" His words lifted goose bumps across her skin and she shivered, sending Steve's heart rate to new levels. "Oh really Captain? Do tell." Her words were barely a breath, whispered in a low, rich voice just for him. He felt the intimacy of this moment and with it, everything that was his Peggy tore through his veins in a rush. "You're supposed to watch me. Make sure I rest. Doctor's orders." He smiled against her lips as the laughter bubbled up within her and spilled over to him. "Are you asking me to play doctor with you Captain Rogers?" She pulled back and shot him a seductive smirk that took his breath away. For a moment he forgot that he even had the ability to speak. Thoughts flashed through his mind faster than he could control them and his face flushed a deep crimson as he stammered through some semblance of language.
"I don't….I wouldn't…I mean…" In a heartbeat he'd turned from Captain America back into the scrawny young man from Brooklyn. Peggy's Steve.
She laughed out loud and laced her fingers through his. "Come on then. I think I have some ideas of what we can do without straining your injury." She chuckled before the next words left her mouth. "Or your morals." His face heated once more at her words and she turned to leave, tugging on his hand to follow her. He seemed reluctant to move and she shot a look over her shoulder. "Don't worry Steve. I have no intention of defiling a national treasure." She smiled. "Not this evening at least."
He felt like someone had shaken up a bottle of Coca-Cola and released it under his skin. Fiery tingles popped and exploded all over his body and he wondered if this was the super serum or if it was the high Bucky had always told him about. As he followed the most gorgeous creature he'd ever known, he realized it didn't matter. Peggy Carter was the best thing that had ever happened to him.
And in his sleep, Steve Rogers sighed, settled in, and finally relaxed into a deep, healing rest.