A/N: Thank you SO MUCH to the reviewers. I want to sincerely apologize for the extreme delay in posting this. I was working on finishing up ABY, but besides that I really don't have an excuse. This chapter seems extremely rushed to me, and to be honest, I really wasn't quite 'feeling it'. It most definitely isn't my best work, though hopefully you enjoy it.
Drunks, Lovers, Sinners and Saints
Chapter Two
There wasn't much else I could do except wait. It was ten o'clock on a Saturday morning and I was in a place that I usually wasn't. I was seated at my computer desk, listening to music and checking out numerous different websites. My mind was passing through so many thoughts and I was desperately trying to distract myself. I couldn't count the amount of times I'd told myself deep breaths, deep breaths.
Waking up this morning was difficult. I cried. It hadn't really fully sunk in until today. My Saturdays were free, and all that I had known to be true for the last four months was no more. The empty feeling and the fact that I had no where important to be made me want to run back to him. It made my heart tinge and I wanted to apologize. I wasn't sure exactly what I would be sorry for, but I thought that everything would go back to normal. But was normal really what I wanted anymore? Was normal any good for me? I had made my decision for a reason, a reason that I was trying to forget because I couldn't bare to be alone. I wanted someone to need me, to want me, and I was trying to find some kind of acceptance. I guess thats what made it so easy for me to like Nate.
Now that I thought about it, I couldn't say there was much for me to like. He was a celebrity, and I had to admit that he wasn't hard on the eyes. But thats all I knew about him. I knew his music, what the tabloids wrote, and the few stories I'd heard from Miley. I knew his name was Nathaniel James Told and there was very little else. But that would all change today. My Saturday had been cleared, and then filled with plans again. These plans were different from any Saturday I'd had in such a long time. I wasn't sure I could deal with such a change. I wasn't sure that I wouldn't miss what was so familiar. However, I knew that this was a Saturday where I'd be learning a lot, and maybe I'd find a better way to spend these hours.
The plans were set for later today at one. Hannah and Lola were going to meet Shane and Nate at the mall, and then there was the possibility of hanging out at the beach or Rico's if things went well. Of course we were all going in disguises, which I thought was a little weird. I was Lilly, disguised as Lola, who was going to be disguised anyways. I wasn't sure how Miley expected me to cover up my purple wig though. I'd have to search my closet for a hat and a pair of large sunglasses. On top of that, time was ticking away and I hadn't even begun to get ready yet. So instead of sitting around stirring my straw in my drink and reading internet articles, I pushed myself away from the desk.
My shower didn't take long, at the very most twenty minutes. Thankfully though, it wasn't necessary for me to actually do my hair since it was going to be under a wig. So the wig went on, a nice long, dark purple one. This was really going to be hard to cover up. I walked to my closet, opening it and looking through the hangers for an outfit. I figured I could just pick something from the "Lilly" closet because I didn't want to stand out today anyways. I pulled out a pair of dark wash skinny jeans and paired them with with a basic white, fitted tshirt. I grabbed a black Silverstein zip up hoodie off a hanger and then got dressed. Pretty average if I must say so myself. With a little extra time to spare, I twisted my wig up into a clip, making the purple a lot less noticeable, and placed a simple hat over top.
My cell phone rang next to me just as I was sliding my socks onto my feet and I spared it just a glance. It was Miley, so immediately I answered.
"Hi," I droned out, holding the cellular device between my ear and my shoulder. I stood up, looping a belt through my jeans and waiting for her response.
"Are you ready, its nearly one?" She asked. She seemed a little too peppy to just be hanging out with Shane and Nate. She'd met them before so I wasn't sure exactly why she was just sooo ecstatic.
"Uh, yeah," Monotone again. Forgive me for not bouncing off the walls here.
"Okay! So, I'm going to be leaving in a couple minutes then, since your ready. Jackson's going to drop us off, okay?"
"Sure," I raised an eyebrow. Seriously, if either of us was excited it should have at least been me. I hadn't met them before, and they were pretty major celebrities. Almost nearing Hannah Montana status.
"Okay, so I was thinkinggg...." She drawled out. I could just tell she had that mischievous smile on her face. The one where she was plotting something up. Yeah, that one that I didn't like. I could only groan in response, waiting for what she would inevitably tell me.
"Since you and Matt broke up, I was thinking I could so set you up with S-"
"Mileyyy, No." I cut her off before I could even hear who. I think a week after a break up is much too soon to be playing the field. I mean really, come on. You've gotta give it some time. Even if our break up had been mutual, like Miley believed, a week still wasn't long enough. Four months wasn't a long time, that much I knew, but that didn't make me feel any less horrible. It didn't make our last words hurt any less. He had still meant the world to me for that short amount of time, and even if I could never take him back or forgive him, I still didn't want to move on quite yet.
"Lillyy! Come on, I-"
"Uh, Noooo!" Click. I hung up before she could try and talk me into it. She never would be able to, but that didn't mean I actually wanted to hear her try. I placed my cell phone back down on my desk and turned to my vanity to scrounge for a pair of large sunglasses. I found them in my second drawer within seconds. And then my phone went off again. Ugh.
"Miley, No. Okay?" I asked, picking it up and sliding the glasses over my eyes.
"Lilly...?" His voice cracked. I froze instantly. I felt my breath shudder as I breathed and my heart stopped. My eyes snapped shut and I tried not to cry as I listened to the silence on the other line.
"Lilly, please, you have to forg-" And I slipped the phone shut. My legs gave way and I ended up falling into my comfy black computer chair. I pulled my legs up to my chest and hugged them loosely. I opened my eyes, watching the ceiling carefully so that none of my tears would leak out and ruin my makeup. He was just a stupid boy.
He was a stupid boy who had gone and broken my heart. As much as I hated to admit it, it was so very true. I had liked him a lot. I couldn't say I'd loved him because I'd never had that experience. I'd never loved someone in the romantic sense, but if anyone came close, it was him. What hurt the absolute most was that I felt so conned, so cheated, as if none of this was really real. He'd played me, and he'd won to some extent. He hadn't gotten quite the prize he was looking for, but I knew for sure that I was the looser in this game. Deep breaths Lilly, Deep breaths. Pull it together.
In just moments any sense of calm, or happiness was gone. I wasn't looking forward to the mall today, and I didn't want to see Nate or Shane. Those very few words, just the sound of his voice had me falling apart. I desperately wanted to break down. I had cried this morning, yes, but I honestly had never had the break up depression. I think in all of this I was more angry than I was upset. I had told him I had never wanted to speak with him again, that I never wanted to see him for the rest of my life. But those are pretty big statements to make about someone you've dated for four months and had been friends with since freshman year. However, as much as I wanted that breakdown, I knew I needed to pull it together. Miley was already on her way and I didn't want her to know. I didn't want her to know about all the secrets I'd been keeping from her. Most of all, I didn't want her to know that I wasn't okay.
"Lilly!" My mom's voice called up the steps, "Miley's here!" I pulled a deep breath into my lungs and steadied myself on my feet. I dabbed around my eyes and checked in the vanity mirror quickly to make sure that all my makeup was still in place. Sliding the sunglasses back onto my eyes I opened my door and left all the bad feelings behind.
The steps creaked as I jogged down them with as much fake excitement as I could muster. Miley was downstairs picking at her nails all decked out in her Hannah attire. She had her blond wig up in a low side ponytail and the hood of her sweater covering her head. She too had on a pair of jeans, and these cute little red flats on her feet. She looked up when she heard me coming and smiled, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning against the wall of my hallway.
"What?" I asked. It sounded somewhat rude I guess, but she was my best friend so she wouldn't take it that way. I eyed her as she did the same to me, raising my eyebrow. "Um, right." I added, looking away from her and riffling through the coat closet for my shoes. It took me a few moments to find them, but once I did, I slapped them onto the ground and slid both my feet into them. They were loose DC skater shoes, so I didn't really find the need to tie them up properly. The car honked outside and then the two of us ushered out of my house pretty quickly. We both skipped up the driveway, hopping into Jackson's car, Miley in the front and me in the back of course, and then were off to the mall.
If it were up to me, we had gotten to the mall much too soon. Not just in the literal sense because it wasn't even one o'clock yet, but I still had this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. I guess it was bound to stay there. Its not like it was really going to go away any time soon considering it had only been one week. One week was just enough to let it fully sink in for me. One week was just enough for the anger to fade and leave me with this awful- I didn't even know what it was exactly, but it was horrible.
"So as I was saying before you rudely hung up on me," Miley smiled, nudging me as we got out of the car and walked across the parking lot. I could only roll my eyes at her persistence. I couldn't see how she could think that I would really want this.
"No," I responded bluntly. I opened the entrance door to the mall and allowed her to enter first.
"But you could-"
"No,"
"But he's really-"
"No,"
"And I already-"
"I said no, okay?!" I almost yelled, turning to her. I tried desperately not to attract attention to us, but she really wouldn't give it up. A couple of people were eying us, but I tried to play it off. Miley was wide eyed, giving me a 'what the hell' look. She was backed up away from me just a bit, her head cocked to the side a touch.
"Aright," She almost spat, "Relax. I was just trying to set you up, okay? No harm."
"I just broke up with Matt," We continued to walk and the people around us set their gazes else where, "I don't want another boyfriend." I glanced over at Miley and she seemed to have gone back to normal, thankfully. I didn't mean to get mad at her, I really didn't, but I couldn't help it. All of the banter had just thrown me back into a memory I didn't really want to remember and I couldn't help it. But before I had to justify myself any further, I felt the vibration in my back pocket. One new message. I quickly clicked it open, Immediately seeing Nate's name at the top. Did you just walk past us? My eyebrows furrowed as I read the message. Slowly, I looked over my shoulder and then back at the message. Miley watched me carefully, trying to read the message without me knowing. Buzz. One new message. I clicked that open too. Yeah, thats you, because you just looked over here. One eyebrow became raised from its position, and then I felt the tap on my shoulder.
I whipped around, coming face to face with a stranger. Slowly, I took a slight step back to get a better look at him. Miley was already busy giving a hug to the other boy standing there. In my mind I knew that this must've been Nate and Shane, but I really didn't see it. They were so well disguised. But then again, I couldn't really be expected to pick them out of a crowd because I had never met them before.
"Wow, it's been forever, hasn't it?" His smooth voice came out. Without hesitation, a smile spread across my face. It was definitely him.
"Oh, of course. Ages," He smiled too at the distant memory. That was before Hannah pounced on him, squeezing him into a tight hug. His eyes lost mine and he turned to her, hugging her back. Through the awkward moment, I managed to catch Shane's gaze and we both gave each other a wave and an awkward smile. After the quick greeting, we all began on some sort of adventure for today which consisted of walking the mall for now.
We walked past several stores, walking in sometimes for a few moments to check out a couple things. We never stayed long though. We mostly just walked around and talked, or rather Shane and Miley talked. Me and Nate just walked side by side, adding in a few remarks to the other two's conversation. I tried desperately not to notice the amount of times Nate was subtly bumping into me, but my mind had a counter of its own. I was at twelve now, just so you know, and ever time he did, I could only try and hide my smile. We shared a few small looks, but for talking all week long, we really didn't have a lot to say now.
Do you ever get that feeling of an instant connection? When your just drawn to someone? Thats the feeling that nagged at me when I thought about Nate. I had known him just one week and already I felt so comfortable. Well, maybe the comfort was missing right now, but that was mostly because I was worried about making an awful impression. See, thats another thing. I barely knew him and yet I was so concerned about what he thought about me. But while I may have been nervous, I also felt extremely at ease. Like I could do anything or say anything and he'd still be here.
"Oooh!" I heard Miley squeal. I watched her as she leaned up against the glass of the store window. It was a pet shop. She smiled as she brought her finger up, tracing along the glass as a little kitten pounced around trying to catch her. "Lets go in here," She spoke, a wide grin on her face. She grabbed Shane's hand since he was the closest, trying to drag him in. He, of course, obliged.
"I'm actually going to grab a drink over there," Nate spoke loudly, trying to gain the attention of Miley and Shane as they bounded into the store. He sighed, knowing that neither of them had even bothered to try and hear him. "You coming?" He smiled, nudging me. I smiled back too, barely nodding as we walked off towards the 'store' a few feet away.
"So you're awfully quite today," He smiled, leaning against the counter. A man came over to the register and Nate mumbled off his order: an extra large strawberry smoothie, which was ironically my favourite. He waited for an answer from me as the blender went off in the background.
"Eh," I mumbled, standing next to him, "Alright. What would you like to talk about?"
"Hmm," He was thinking, mockingly of course, until his smoothie came. His face lit up into a smile and he paid the man at the counter before taking a huge sip. He took a rather large, satisfying breath, and then offered the straw to me.
"This is so good," He said, "Want some?" I just shook my head.
"No thanks."
"Come on, you gotta try it," He raised his eyebrows and jutted his lower lip out.
"I have. Its my favourite," I confessed.
"Then have some," He insisted again, pushing the drink closer to me.
"No thanks, really," I smiled politely, "I'm a bit of a germ freak. I don't share drinks."
"Alright," He smiled. I watched him carefully as he turned back around to face the counter. I wasn't sure why we were still standing here if he already had his smoothie. "Can I get another one of these?!" He yelled to the man, who was almost in the back of the shop. The man looked over, deciphering the message and then nodding at Nate's request.
"No Nate," I groaned, "Don't."
"And why not?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Because don't," I sighed, "You don't need to get me one, really."
"Too late," He smiled as the blender came on, signifying that my smoothie was already being made. I didn't want him to spend his money on me, and I felt awful about him having to do it, but in some ways, I did like it. I wasn't used to this. I wasn't used to people being so.. nice? Was that really the word. I knew him for a week and he had already offered up his money to pay for a six dollar smoothie just because I was a germ freak and wouldn't have a sip of his. It made my heart squeeze just a little bit. Maybe I would let Miley set me up with him. It would save me from having to do the work myself. Besides, the way that it sounded when we were bickering before, she had already clued him in on it. I smiled- But it didn't last long.
I could smell it easily- it was so recognizable to me. My eyes snapped shut, trying to place greater emphasis on the scent floating through the air. My breath came out heavy and my hands balled up into fists. It took a lot of restraint to keep me from going back, and I didn't want this to ruin it. I didn't want him to ruin it. I didn't want this to really be happening.
He was strolling through the door with ease. His arm was wrapped around the shoulders of a dainty brunette girl. Her hand reached up to play with the fingers of the arm draped over her. They walked step in step, all of their other friends following along beside them. They were laughing up a storm when I was sure there wasn't even something funny. I knew all too well what they were doing. I didn't have to be right up close, staring him in the eyes to tell that he was baked.
I heard the slam behind me and I whipped around to find the smoothie. My hands tightly gripped the counter as I tried desperately to get a hold of myself. Deep breaths, Lilly, you can do this. I focused carefully on the air filling and leaving my lungs, attempting not to overhead any parts of their conversation.
"Hey man," One of the friends I unfortunately knew as Greg spoke. He tried to finish his sentence but he couldn't stop laughing. He too was stoned, of course.
"Yeah, Greg?" Matt asked, rather loopy. His head lolled to the side casually to give Greg a quick look.
"Maaaaaan," Greg laughed again, "Where's Lillaayyyyy?"
"Your still with her?" The brunette snapped, looking up at Matt, livid. He merely laughed, shaking his head and pulling her tighter into his body.
"'Course not, Amanda," He assured her. So this was Amanda?, "Fuckkkk her." He drawled out. His left foot crossed over his right foot slightly and he stumbled momentarily before catching himself again.
"Hit it?" Another friend, Paul, commented, raising an eyebrow.
"Come on man," Matt could barely answer, "Its me. Total fuck and chuck. Easyyyy lay." I couldn't listen to any more before the tears started welling up in my eyes. I heard myself sniffle and I immediately yelled at myself. Nate didn't know, and I didn't want him to know. The minute I opened my eyes, I saw the smoothie man staring me down and Nate giving me a very concerned look.
"Lola," He tilted his head. I felt his hand reach out to touch my shoulder and instinctively I drew away from him. I didn't want to be touched, and I especially didn't want to be here.
"Lola, are you oka-"
"Um," I cut him off, my voice surely cracking, "Um, I need to go, okay?" My eyes were carefully examining the floor and I felt the first tear make its way down my cheek. Automatically, my hand reached up and wiped it away. I kept convincing myself that Nate wouldn't have a clue, but I'm sure that I was at least tipping him off that something was wrong.
"Lola, what's wrong?" He dipped his head trying to meet my eyes, but of course I looked away. I don't think it even really mattered that I was wearing huge sunglasses. He knew, and I knew that he knew I wasn't alright.
"I can't be here right now," Was the only excuse I made before I left him standing at the smoothie place. I spared him a glance over my shoulder and I kept that picture in my mind. His eyes were watching me walk away, so confused. His mouth was moving slightly as if he were trying to make sense of it all to himself, because clearly I was insane. But when I left that day, I thought that I had needed to get out of there, to go home and be by myself for a while. What I didn't realize, and wouldn't realize until it was too late, was that all I needed had been standing right there beside me with an extra large strawberry smoothie in hand.
A/N: And that was chapter two. Hopefully the event which caused Lilly and Matt's breakup has become somewhat clearer. Also, the writing style is different than in chapter one, I hope thats alright. Everything will be in Lilly's POV for the most part. Anyone have any suggestions for future chapters? I have a basic story line, but I also wouldn't mind your input. Question: What do you think of Nate's name? Nathaniel James Told. I chose Told as his last name because it reminded me of a singer named Shane Told, and since Shane happens to be Nate's friend in this story, well, yeah you get it.
ALSO: I'm currently I'm currently starting to work on a new story (I know, I shouldn't with DLSS still unfinished- and hardly started). I'm unsure of the title. As of now, it's either going to be Targeted, Midnight Attack, Every Waking Moment, or Prey, Unless I come up with a really awesome name, (Since these ones kind of fall short of the impact I wanted). The pairing will be chosen by the Poll at the top of my profile. As for a summary, this is the most I can give you right now, "I'm terrified to open my eyes, to find something there next to me. But more than that, I'm afraid to open my eyes and see nothing. To see nothing and know that something so invisible and unreal can have this kind of control over me." -PM or Review and tell me what you think of it, or if you have any awesome titles to share.
Review Please!