Wow, thank you guys all so, so much for your legendarily awesome reviews! I'm so glad you enjoyed the first chapter and hopefully this update leaves you feeling happy as well… Enjoy!

CHAPTER 2 – THE HONEYMOON

Future Ted (VO): Kids, choosing where to go for your honeymoon can be tough. But choosing where to go for your honeymoon with Barney is 10 times worse.

(Scene: The bar. 4 DAYS BEFORE THE WEDDING. Barney, Robin, Ted and Lily are at the booth.)

Robin: Do you know that we're getting married in 4 days, and we still have no clue as where to go for our honeymoon?

Barney: (smiles) I'm glad you asked. (gets up and presents them with a large chart of the world map) I give you The Honeymoon Map Of The World, a geographical and statistical map guaranteed to help you pick the best spot for you to get laid with your new bride.

(Robin, Ted and Lily trade glances)

Barney: Let's start, everyone repeat after me in a loud yet clear yet still not taking over my voice, (ends up saying it alone) Malaysia! (points to the map)

Ted: Okay, first of all, that is not where Malaysia is.

Barney: Yes it is.

Ted: No, it's not.

Barney: Yes, it is.

Ted: No, it's not.

Barney: Ted, can you just be cool, once? Just once? Can you just once be cool? Please!

(Pause)

Ted: Okay. Proceed.

Barney: (quietly) Thank you. (Pause—hyper again) Malaysia! A few facts about Malaysia: (staring at the 'camera' and stating facts) According to Wikipedia, Malaysia is multi-cultural and multi-ethnic, and has had one of the best economic records in Asia. Plus, their Airlines are totally safe to fly on. (winks at the 'camera')

Lily: Why don't you guys go to Belize (pronounced Be-leeze)? I hear it's great.

Robin: Belize. Huh, that actually sounds amazing. It's exotic, it's new…

Barney: (snorts) Belize!

Lily: Yes, Belize.

Barney: (snorts again) Belize!

Lily: Yes, Barney! Belize!

Barney: No, I'm saying please. (half-chuckles like he does when he says what his "job" is)

Robin: I think we'll have a great time there.

Barney: Uh, doubt it. (sniffs)

Robin: Why?

Barney: For one, it's not on the HMW!

Ted: (looking confused) Homework?

Barney: (taps the chart) Honeymoon Map of the World! You can never be cool! (to Robin) Look, Robin, I love you. But we are not going to Belize for our honeymoon.

...

FRIDAY
5 DAYS AFTER THE WEDDING

(Scene: The bar. Lily is getting fries from the bar when Barney, with a tan and cornrows hair-style, walks up to her.)

Barney: Belize was amazing!

(Lily kicks him in the crotch, and he squints)

(Robin enters, also with a tan and a new hair-style)

Robin: Lily! Hi!

Lily: You guys are back! (hugs Robin) Someone kicked your new husband in the crotch.

Barney: (squinting in pain) She—she kicked your husband in the—(Lily steps closer, scaring him off) I mean, I didn't really see the big, black man who did it.

Lily: So? Tell me everything!

(The three of them sit at the booth)

Robin: Oh my god, we had a great time. 5 days of the beach, spa treatments every couple o' hours and oh my god, we had this one drink—

Lily: (interrupts) Yeah, okay, sounds fascinating but start with the cornrows, please! (stares at Barney's hair)

(Robin and Barney look at each other, and chuckle)

Robin: Ohh. Well, that's umm actually…a funny story.

BELIZE

(Scene: Robin and Barney are walking into their hotel-suite.)

Robin: For the last time, Barney, no we are not trying that sex-thing you read about!

Barney: And for the first time admitting this, Robin, I did not read about it—I saw it in video, and by the looks and sounds of the woman-slash-women involved, it's guaranteed to make you 60% hornier.

(Robin looks at him from across the room and smiles)

Robin: We're on our honeymoon, you realize that?

Barney: (smiles back) Yeah, baby.

Robin: You want a piece of this? (points to her body)

Barney: Just a piece? I was kinda hoping for the whole—

(Back to present-time at the bar with Lily.)

Lily: (interrupts) Wait, do I wanna hear this?!

Robin: (shakes head) No! … (at the same time) … Barney: Yes.

Barney: I mean… (pause) Yes.

Robin: So anyway, after Barney and I came down from our suite, we decided to have a drink.

(Back to Belize hotel. Robin and Barney are sitting at a bar and their drinks are handed to them.)

Robin: Okay, what is this again?

Barney: Some Belizian special drink. I don't even think this has alcohol in it. (snorts)

Robin: Alright, let's do this.

(They both raise their drinks)

Barney: To an unforgettable week.

Robin: And a legen-waitforit—(Barney gulps his entire drink) Okay, we're not waiting for it. (gulps her entire drink as well)

(They both empty their drinks)

Robin: Oh my god, what was that?!

Barney: See, I told you! Totally nonalcoholic!

57 SECONDS LATER

(Barney and Robin are laughing hysterically and uncontrollably, clearly drunk already)

Robin: Wait, wait! "Dary"! I forgot to say "dary"! Legendary!

Barney: So let's get married, Robin.

Robin: Oh my god we should totally get married!

Barney: Totally!

Robin: When we come back from our honeymoon, we are definitely getting married!

Barney: Definitely!

Robin: Wait… (seems confused for a second)

Barney: What?

(Robin turns around and throws up)

Barney: Another round for Mr. and Mrs. Stinson! Wooo!

Robin: Wait, no, Barney. I don't think I can do this. (laughs) I mean, I am so drunk. And we are married now. We need to make good, responsible decisions.

Barney: Let's take off our clothes and send pictures to Marshall!

Robin: YES!

(Barney takes his phone out while Robin starts to undress)

(Back to present, at the bar with Lily.)

Lily: Yeah, thank you for that, by the way. I am officially scarred to life.

(Marshall walks into the bar)

Marshall: Hey guys! (stands awkwardly in front of them at the table) Look, Lily, it's the Stinsons! (chuckles awkwardly)

Lily: (puts a hand on him) You don't have to be so creepy about it, sweetie.

(They laugh, and Robin and Barney hug him.)

Robin: Marshall! So good to see you!

Marshall: (smiling at Robin) So good to see you too, Robin. (to Barney) And you brought Allen Iverson with you!

Barney: Oh well ha-ha-ha, joke's on you 'cause this actually…feels pretty good. (runs his hand over his hair)

Lily: They were just telling me how it happened. (to Robin) So, you guys got massively drunk after trying weird sex things. How did we get to the hair?

Robin: (nods) So we got massively drunk after trying weird sex things…

(Back to Belize bar. Robin and Barney are putting their clothes on in the bathrooms.)

Robin: We should head back to our room now, Barney.

Barney: What? Night's not legendary yet!

Robin: We are drunk out of our minds. Night's not gonna get more legendary than that. Everyone out in that bar saw us completely naked, took photos and a few of them touched themselves while taking photos. It's time to call the night off.

Barney: Robin, we are on our honeymoon. That means I'm the man now, and I get to make all of our marital decisions. And I say we don't call the night off just yet.

Robin: Damn-it, that makes perfect sense when you're drunk.

Barney: Now let's get back out there.

(They leave the bathrooms and find themselves at the beach filled with plenty of young people and loud music.)

Robin: How did we get here?

Barney: Skinny-dipping!

Robin: Skinny-dipping!

(They start to get undressed while running into the water, and Barney stumbling into other people getting tanned.)

(Back to present time with Lily and Marshall at the bar. Ted walks in.)

Ted: You guys are back!

(He hugs Barney and Robin, and takes a seat at the booth next to the gang)

Lily: I am never gonna hear the end of that damn story.

Ted: (to Barney, laughing) Oh my god, what happened to you over there?

(Back to Belize bar. Robin and Barney are drinking.)

Robin (VO): So we got massively drunk…

(Scene of Robin and Barney in their hotel room, Robin pointing at her body.)

Robin (VO): …after trying weird sex things…

(Scene of Robin and Barney at the beach.)

Robin (VO): …and decided not to go back to our honeymoon suite until the night was pretty legendary.

(Robin and Barney are in the water, with their drinks in their hands, laughing.)

Robin (VO): Then the lifeguard saw us and forced us out of the water because some of us were doing illegal and frowned-upon things.

(Barney offers his drink to a little 6 year-old girl, whose mother is teaching how to swim. The mother, horrified, screams at him in another language, and Barney freaks out and throws his drink in the water, then dives.)

Robin (VO): They also wouldn't let us check back into our room because some of us were also doing illegal and frowned-upon things.

(Scene of Robin and Barney at the reception-counter where Barney tries to steal from the vending machine.)

Robin (VO): So after they kicked us out of our rooms, out of the beach and basically out of everywhere, we had to hitchhike our way to some other place where no one had seen us naked.

(Scene of Robin and Barney in a pick-up truck with two big men.)

Robin: Thank you so much for giving us a ride, guys. We really appreciate it.

Robin (VO): But since we didn't have any money since they wouldn't let us get back all of our stuff from our room, we had to make a deal with them.

Man: (staring at Barney's hair) His hair.

(Scene of the man giving Barney a haircut at the back of the truck.)

(Back to present time at the bar with the gang.)

Ted: (laughing) You sold your hair?

Barney: Hey, look, it's fine, alright? They promised they'll give it back.

Robin: For 3 thousand dollars!

Barney: They gave us a deal, Robin, okay?

Robin: (to Lily and Mashall) So what about you guys? You're leaving tomorrow? That's so sad.

Lily: I know; I still have a lot of packing to do but I am so glad you cut your "legendary" honeymoon short so we can see you before we leave.

Barney: I can't believe you guys are going for a whole year.

Robin: That's not gonna feel as long as it felt hitchhiking in the middle of nowhere.

Barney: (sighs) Oh thank god.

Robin: (turns to Ted, smiling) And you? How's the lucky lady that was able to keep you from going to Chicago?

Ted: She's…amazing. I mean, she's not Belize-amazing, but so far she's pretty good.

(Robin and Barney trade glances, smiling)

Robin: Belize was pretty amazing.

Barney: (smiling back) It was.

(They kiss.)

Future Ted (VO): Kids, you can never tell how great your honeymoon's gonna be. There are the types of honeymoons that are crazy and insane and as your uncle Barney would say, "legendary". Then there's the type of honeymoon that is just as memorable, in its own special way.

...

2020
THURSDAY—TED AND TRACEY'S WEDDING DAY

(Ted and Tracey are running up to the counter at an airport, Tracey still in her wedding dress and Ted in his suit.)

(They are laughing uncontrollably)

Ted: Hi.

Receptionist: Hello, sir.

Ted: Um, I need tickets please.

Receptionist: Where to?

Ted: Umm…yeah, see, I don't know. Whatever you want, doesn't matter.

(Ted and Tracey laugh)

Receptionist: I'm…gonna need a location, sir.

Tracey: Oh, see, we're on our honeymoon so…it doesn't really matter where we go. We just wanna go somewhere.

Receptionist: Umm…congratulations?

Tracey: (smiles) Aw, thank you!

Receptionist: But I still need a location.

Ted: Okay, wait. (to Tracey) Honey, just pick a place. Any place.

Tracey: Wait, we'll just let the kids decide. (turns around to face her little kids Penny and Luke) Honey, where do you wanna go for the weekend?

Penny: Disney World!

Tracey: It looks like we're going to Disney World for our honeymoon.

(Ted and Tracey share a quick kiss, and Ted takes his wallet out)

Ted: Four tickets, please. (smiles)

So that was chapter 2! Sorry there wasn't much of Mother/Ted, there will be more focus on that next time for sure. I had realized that there was no Robin/Barney at all in my first chapter so I wanted to just give them this one chapter before I move on with the story. Tell me what you guys think; hope you enjoyed this!