Well, almost two years have gone by and I am finally posting chapter two...I hope this doesn't keep happening. I really do enjoy writing, I just can't seem to stay motivated.
Well hyper readers, I hope you are still interested in reading this! The song for this chapter is Waste by Seether.
enjoy~!
"Stupid prat! What did he just pour wine into the laundry?!" Merlin grumbled to himself quietly as he scrubbed some particularly stubborn stains from a shirt. He sighed heavily as he tossed the soap and shirt down. "This is hopeless." Merlin glanced around, being sure there was no one around. As he glanced down at the shirt, his eyes briefly glowed gold as the stain disappeared. A triumphant smile on his face, Merlin quickly finished rinsing and hanging the laundry.
"What the hell are you so smug about Merlin?"
Merlin turned, finding Arthur behind him. Merlin's smile faded for only a moment before returning almost a little too bright to be natural. "I finally got those stupid wine stains out of your favorite shirt! Seriously Arthur, what did you do to get it like that?!" He spoke with a slight chuckle.
Arthur was not happy to see the mirth missing from his manservant's eyes, but accepted the smile. "You know, I honestly don't remember. I believe it had something to do with drinking wine!" The prince smiled at his own joke, the words dripping with sarcasm.
Merlin's eyes darkened, but his smile stayed firmly in place. Arthur paused for a moment. What the hell? Why do his eyes look so sad? "Merlin, is there something wrong?"
Merlin's smile seemed to tighten. "Of course not Arthur, what could be wrong?"
"Merlin, if your face gets any more tense, it's going to crack!" Arthur scowled to mask his worry.
The manservant's face fell as he looked to the ground, taking a few deep breaths. Arthur stared, waiting. After a few moments, Merlin looked up, his face back to it's normal goofy grin. "I guess I'm just tired." Merlin let out a weak laugh.
Arthur narrowed his eyes. "If something was wrong, you would tell me, right?"
"What could I possibly have to hide?" Merlin laughed uneasily.
Arthur seemed to let it slide. "Right, well, ready my horse. I'm going out for a ride. And be sure to properly muck out the stables Merlin."
Merlin rolled his eyes, "Yes Sire"
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Merlin slung the blanket and saddle onto Arthur's horse, grumbling to himself. A small frown marring his face.
"I hate seeing you frown Merlin." A cocky, but friendly, voice rang through the stables.
"Well it's kinda hard to smile while doing the prince's dirty work Gwaine." Merlin half chuckled.
Gwaine smirked, "I suppose so. Need any help?"
Merlin shook his head, "No, I just have to muck the stables and clean his filthy room. Nothing I can't handle."
"Well let me know if you change your mind." Gwaine leaned up against the wall. "So what are you going to do after you finish the princess's chores?"
"Probably just go back and relax in my room. Why?" Merlin eyed Gwaine, a soft smile playing on his lips.
"Well I was thinking of heading to the tavern later tonight, and was wondering if you wanted to join me. We haven't had much time ever since I was made a knight." Gwaine pulled a small pout.
Merlin just laughed lightly. "You know, that actually sounds fun. I should be out relatively early tonight, so that shouldn't be a problem."
Gwaine's eyes lit up, "Well then it is settled. Shall I fetch you after dinner then?"
"Sounds like a plan, I'll see you tonight Gwaine." Merlin replied as he led Arthur's horse out.
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Merlin looked around the now clean room. Floors clean? check. Bath drawn? check. Bedclothes laid out? check. Dinner served? check. Everything seemed to be in order as Arthur came back from his late afternoon ride.
"Your bath is drawn sire, and dinner is on the table. I shall be back to fetch the dishes in the morning. Have a good night." Merlin started towards the door, hoping to leave early before Arthur realized what was happening.
"Wait a moment Merlin. Where do you think you are going?" Arthur smirked and crossed his arms. "Off to study again?"
Merlin's eyes lit at the easy excuse. "Yes, that's exactly it. Everything is set for you, so I thought I would get some studying in."
Arthur studied Merlin's face for a moment. "Well that is an obvious lie. So why don't you tell me what you're really off to do?"
Merlin's face fell. "I...I just...uh"
"Merlin, are you ready?" Gwaine popped his head into Arthur's room. "Oh.."
Arthur's eyes flitted from Merlin to Gwaine and back. "I see." Arthur spun on his heel and headed towards his bath. "Have fun I suppose, Merlin."
Merlin's eyes tracked the man as he moved across the room. "Thanks Arthur." he called quietly as he fallowed Gwaine out.
Arthur stripped his clothes off slowly and slipped in the warm bath. It's always amazing that Merlin is able to make this bath warm no matter how long it sits here. The prince sunk into the warm water more, resting his head back and closing his eyes. Even so, I wish he was still here...
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Merlin and Gwaine walked down to the tavern, making a quiet entrance and finding a small table near the back corner. Gwaine bought them both a couple of pints and they sat quietly, watching the drunken fools around them. Merlin downed his drink and simply stared at his glass.
Gwaine watched the other man curiously. "Is something wrong Merlin? You don't seem yourself."
Merlin sighed heavily. "I don't even know anymore." Gwaine looked confused. "The longer I stay here in Camelot, the more difficult everything seems to become. I can't keep this up Gwaine."
"What the hell are you talking about Merlin?" Gwaine reached across the table to rest his hand on Merlin's arm. "What can't you keep up?"
Merlin looked up at the suave man, and Gwaine had to bite back a gasp at the loneliness evident in the man's eyes. "I just wish Lance was back, you know?"
Gwaine huffed. "Merlin, you know you can talk to me, right?"
"Not like I could speak with Lance." Merlin sighed. "There were things that he knew about me that I never had to voice. Things too scary to voice."
"Like what?" Gwaine felt ruffled and jealous. "You know that I am loyal to you right? You can tell me anything, I would never betray you. Hell, the only reason I'm even in Camelot is because of you."
Merlin looked at Gwaine with soft surprise in his eyes. "And what of Arthur?" he whispered.
Gwaine reached a hand out to gently grab Merlin's chin, forcing the other man to look him in the eye. "I trust him because you trust him Merlin. But if anything were to ever come between you two, I will always be on your side.
Merlin sighed softly, pulling his chin from Gwaine's grip. "I understand Gwaine, but things aren't as simple as you'd like to think."
Gwaine pouted a bit, but knew when to stop. He didn't want to push his friend too hard, but he would get to the bottom of this. "How about another drink?"
Merlin shook his head. "No, thanks though. And thanks for inviting me out tonight. Sorry I was such a downer." Merlin stood slowly, pushing the chair back under the table.
Gwaine stood, moving over to Merlin. "Any time I spend with you is a good time. Don't worry Merlin. And remember, if you ever want to talk about anything, I'm here." Gwaine reached out to hug the other man.
Merlin leaned into the embrace gently, before using all his energy to pull away. The warmth and joy he felt from that simple touch was almost too much to let go of. "Goodnight Gwaine. And thanks." Merlin sent the older man a small sweet smile before leaving the tavern. I really do wish I could tell you everything...
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Merlin sat on the ledge of his favorite tower. The darkness masking him from anyone that would bother to look up. The young warlock sighed softly as he pulled a small knife from his satchel. He turned the blade slowly in his hands. "What the hell am I doing?" he wondered aloud. "Mom...Will...I miss home..."
Closing his eyes, Merlin pulled his jacket down on one side to expose his shoulder. The man clenched his jaw as he cut deeply into his skin, letting the endorphins lull him into exquisite numbness.
He scooted back to lean against the wall and let his head fall to one side.
All too soon, the numbness started to wear off, and the chill of the night returned. The hurt of having to hide his true self away from everyone he cared about cut him more painfully than his knife ever could.
A soft sob of loneliness escaped him as he lifted the knife, with shaking hand, back to his shoulder; digging even deeper. He could feel the warm blood rolling down his skin and onto his jacket. "Shit." he swore softly, taking the jacket off completely.
Cutting once more, Merlin let the swirling fuzziness take him.
Thanks for reading, let's just hope it doesn't take another two years to get the next chapter.
Also, sorry for any mistakes. I am currently without beta...
Later everyone!