Sorry about the delay in posting this. I was banned from the site for a few days so even though I was ready, it wouldn't let me update. I think someone reported one of my stories for having a non-G rated summary. Anyway, the story If I Lose You has been taken down but I shall rework and then repost it. I'm a little crushed that it's gone but hey, what's a girl to do?

Anyway, thank you to those who reviewed chapter one. This one is slightly longer and picks up when Helen is asking Nikola for Druitt's location. It's a bit... dubious and rather dark, even for these two so I'm interested in feedback. Second part is when she is in Cambodia with Druitt.

xx

"Nikola!" she barked, her eyes harsh as she glared at him across her desk.

Nikola pulled a face, he couldn't help it. Druitt still had it in him to run him through with his fist if he so chose and Nikola knew, should the homicidal maniac do so, he'd not fare nearly so well. Last time it had damn near killed him, leaving him in a state of semi consciousness for weeks. It had taken nearly two months for him to be able to stand properly and move about and that was with the aid of the two tree stump vampires that had managed to survive. It had been a pitiful existence to say the least and now, without tree stumps or the ability to heal it was not a desirable future.

But the look in her eye was just as frightening. It spoke of running him through with even less pleasant things. That was the one upside with old Johnny, when he wanted to kill you it was quick. With Helen? Well, that would be a whole different kind of torture.

Perhaps he could talk her out of going?

"Cambodia?" he said uncertainly, the word just barely making it out.

A small smile of victory appeared on her lips at the word before she was glaring at him again. If only he hadn't kissed her, he thought angrily. Then she'd not be half as mad.

Quickly she sorted through a few pieces of paper on her desk, checked something on her computer screen and turned, making to walk around the desk, past Nikola and to the door.

But Nikola wasn't going to let her get away that easily. Reaching out, he grabbed her arm, swinging her to face him. Her eyes flashed dangerously and Nikola had to fight the urge to swallow.

"You can't go," he said, knowing the words were futile. "John... He's..."

"I'm going Nikola," she spat, trying to jerk free but he held fast.

"What? So he can kill you or break your heart again?"

The words were out before he even knew it and her eyes went wide. Never had they spoken about John or what he did, not candidly and he was already regretting it. His mind flashed through a hundred different excuses, things he could say, should say to make it better but none of them would come out.

Helen was just staring at him, eyes wide and unfocused. Her mouth was a little slack with surprise and once again Nikola was overcome with the urge to kiss her. The only reason he didn't was because he too was frozen with shock.

Then her eyes darted to his lips, as if reading his mind and he snapped out of it, lurching forward until their lips met sloppily. She kissed him back for all of a second, lighting Nikola's entire being on fire before she pulled back with a tiny squeak, shoving him away. This time Nikola moved, stumbling back a step as his cheeks began to burn.

What was it with him today? Every time he saw her it was like he was a school boy again, sneaking glances at the hot girl who for some unknown reason was actually talking to him. And he couldn't help but kiss her. It was an urge he'd been fighting for years, one he only occasionally gave into but today it seemed everything was worse than before.

Perhaps it was the past few weeks, he reasoned. Perhaps it was because he'd spent proper time with her, just talking and drinking and working and... being. It was something they'd had much of a chance to do for a great many years and Nikola now couldn't figure out why he'd gone so long without it.

"How dare you," she breathed, breaking him from his embarrassed reverie. Her eyes flashed once more and he watched as she tensed, prepared to bring an arm up to strike him.

He caught her hand just in time, lowering it gently before opening his mouth and preparing to make an apology he didn't really want to give.

"How dare you," she said again, her voice rising as she cut him off. "Is this just a game to you? Is that why you don't want me to go save John? He sick Nikola, he needs our help and he is the only one who can explain why Adam is still alive! I cannot believe you are once again letting your male pride get in the way of doing the right thing. I am not yours, not in any way shape or form and never, ever will be!"

With the last word she jerked free and turned, striding towards the door. Nikola was hot on her tail, embarrassment quickly turning into anger, red hot anger at her words.

She was just about to reach the door when he caught her, grabbing her shoulder and roughly shoving her against the wall right next to the door. She yelped once more, fear flashing through those beautiful blue eyes of hers but Nikola was beyond caring.

"Is that what you think of me?" he spat, pinning her to the wall with his body weight. "Do you really think I'm only here to get into your pants? That I only want this?"

He emphasised the last word by dragging one hand down to her chest, squeezing her breast roughly through the fabric of her top.

She gasped but he didn't give her a chance to think let alone respond.

"Is it really all about sex?" he snarled, thrusting his hips against hers. "Is it Helen? Is it?"

She opened her mouth to respond, pushing against him but Nikola was too far gone to let her go.

"No!" he bellowed, shoving her back once again. "Tell me Helen! Tell me, is that all you think of me? Because if it is then I may as well live up to your expectations."

Breathing furiously he glared at her, not budging an inch as her eyes watered slightly. He could practically smell her fear and it sent a disturbing pulse of pleasure through him. Let her feel fear, the fear he felt every time she told him to scram. The fear she instilled in him every single time she walked away from him. He'd spent his life loving her in the only way she'd ever let him and he was sick of it. Sick of the fear that he would actually let her know how he felt.

"N-Niko."

It was barely more than a whisper but it was enough, cutting through the anger and hatred that had been bubbling away for decades to the heart that still was and always would be her's.

"Oh God," he breathed with a sob, tears coming to his eyes. "Oh God Helen..."

She swallowed, her body all but collapsing against the wall beneath his.

"I'm so sorry," he murmured, moving to step away but tentative hands caught him by the waist, halting his movement abruptly.

"Oh Nikola," she breathed, blue eyes watering. Shame coursed through Nikola's body once more but as her hands tightened ever so slightly in the fabric of his jacket he was rooted to the spot.

"I'm so sorry," he said again, voice dropping low as he watched her trembling lips. How could he have hurt her like that? He was never violent, not like this, not with her.

"Don't be," she whispered, pulling him back so that their bodies were once again pressed together. "It's me who should be apologising."

"Hele-."

And then she was kissing him, soft and sweet and delectable. He tasted salt on his tongue as he kissed her back and it took a moment for him to realise that they were his tears, not hers.

She kept kissing him, her lips moving slowly and Nikola tried to let himself melt into it. But it wasn't working. Even with her willingly kissing him, his mind wouldn't let him enjoy it. All he could think of was the way he'd grabbed and threatened her.

"Stop thinking," Helen whispered against his lips. "You didn't hurt me. I hurt you."

The words were almost like a release, not taking away all of the guilt but allowing him to use her kiss as a way to tell her how sorry he was. Stepping into her, he tenderly cupped her cheek with one hand as the other travelled to the back of her neck. He kept the kiss sweet and innocent, refusing to allow her many attempts to deepen it. That's not what he wanted, not now.

Eventually she growled, nipping his lip in frustration.

He continued to fight against it but when her tongue slipped past his lips it was all he could do to hold back a groan.

"Helen," he said warningly, pulling back to gulp down air.

"Give me something to come home to," she replied urgently, pressing her body against his.

Her voice was like an aphrodisiac and he was soon kissing her hungrily, hands clutching at all of her as he tried to soak in and memorise every single noise she was making.

It was like heaven. Messy, sloppy and desperate heaven. She was clutching him so tightly, her body making her demands known and Nikola was in absolute ecstasy. Thousands of descriptive words swam through his mind but none of it was enough. She was more than he ever imagined, making his heart pound.

Grabbing her by the waist, Nikola held her as close as he could while walking backwards, not stopping until he bumped into something wooden and solid. Still refusing to break the kiss, he spun her around, pressing her into it as one hand slipped down under her arse. She moaned into his mouth in response, shuffling until they were leaning back and shoving away anything that could possibly stop her from sitting on the edge of the desk. Papers flew and something heavy fell to the ground but Helen refused to let Nikola go and check, her lips demanding his full attention as her lower body gyrated against him.

"Niko," she breathed, her voice high and thready and everything he'd ever dreamt of eliciting from her. Then reality seemed to crash down around him with what was left of his heart. This was what he wanted in every way possible but it just wasn't. This was desperation. This was anger and confusion and fear. This wasn't worshiping the love of his life until she could feel exactly how deeply he cared for her, this was quick and dirty. This was fucking, not loving.

He pulled back abruptly, fighting her strong grip they tried to keep him close as her denim clad crotch rubbed against his now flagging erection.

"Helen," he said softly, holding her back.

"Don't do this Nikola," she moaned quietly, voice breaking ever so slightly. "Please."

The words hurt him, hearing the plain need in her voice did things to his body he'd never been able to dampen and he contemplated giving in. What would the harm be? At least then he'd know her body.

But he didn't fighting the urge and closing his eyes so he didn't have to see the hurt in hers as he pulled back.

"Not now Nikola," she whispered, head dropping to his shoulder and he felt tears soak through his thin dress shirt. "Why do you have to develop a conscious now?"

Because I love you.

He wanted to say the words so badly it hurt but nothing could make the words come out.

"Why?" she said again, this time more forcefully. She pushed him away, glaring up at him before slipping off the edge of the desk. "You bastard. Why?"

She shoved him roughly backwards, making to walk around him but Nikola reached out, grabbing her hand.

"Helen please," he tried. "I just want to he-."

He was cut off with a resounding slap that did more to his heart than the cheek it landed on.

"No Nikola, you wanted to screw me," she spat angrily. "And then you thought the better of it. Don't pretend it was anything different."

With that she jerked free and stormed out of the room, slamming her office door in her wake.

He looked so peaceful, just lying there with his features relaxed. And she was so tired, her body weak with fatigue. She didn't think about it, didn't even contemplate what it would truly mean to lie in John's arms once more, she just did it. His arm was heavy as it came down around her and his hands clutched at her weakly. A small bead of fear danced up her spine but then he sighed against the back of her neck and she relaxed. His hands, while a source of great misery were comforting against her and Helen allowed herself to close her eyes.

She was still alert, her mind whizzing away and completely aware of who exactly lay behind her but the human contact was comforting. It was what she needed and even though she couldn't describe why, it almost brought tears to her eyes.

Thinking back to her departure from the Sanctuary, her heart sank a bit. She'd been so cruel to Nikola even though she'd understood completely where he was coming from. Sleeping with him would have been a terrible idea.

They'd have done far more harm than good. It had just been the adrenaline racing through her body, the same thing that accounted for the shake in her hands and the still rapid beat of her heart. She was just keyed up was all. Though why, all these hours later she was still suffering the effects of her fight was a little confusing. The ache in her bones was explainable and some of her cuts had already started to heal but she was still shaking ever so slightly despite her best efforts.

Pushing away the thought, Helen let herself relax. John's warm weight was comforting and soon she found herself drifting off. Not completely, never completely but her body was relaxed.

But again her mind wandered to Nikola, to the feel of his hands against her body. There was no denying it, his arms were the ones she needed.

And so she let herself pretend that the too heavy arms were not John's but instead that of the man she's been so cruel to barely a few hours ago. Perhaps she'd find a way to make it up to him...

If he let her, that is...

May I just say, making the moment Helen chose to lie in Druitt's arms a Teslen moment was... hard. I give myself a pat on the back for at least attempting it. Even if it is crap.