Ch. 1 Longing for What Was

Months had gone by and the emptiness Christine felt still remained. The hole in her heart only seemed to be growing each and every minuet. She hadn't been back to the Opera Populair since before her wedding.

The thought depressed her to the core.

Her wedding trip had only been somewhat enjoyable. Visiting places she had never seen before, places with no emotional memories, had served to be quite fun. With each new place, she felt like layers of her life had been peeled off her, but upon returning to Paris the memories of hurting Erik came flooding back and she couldn't helped but be consumed. Raoul was oblivious to her depression for the most part. It seemed that he had only planned to spend their wedding trip in one place.

The bedroom.

He didn't care to see the sights, he didn't care to go here or there, and he certainly didn't care about taking his lovely wife to any romantic spots. All he wanted to do was make love. At first Christine had found the act to be very enjoyable. The feeling of his skin on hers, his lips going places she had never imagined, and their limbs intertwining in pure ecstasy, it was something she knew she could get used to.

Although she had at first not completely understood the feelings of desire, but now that she had, all she could do was wonder how Erik would be in bed. Christine couldn't help but imagine him doing things to her that Raoul probably wouldn't dare. Things she knew she would never object to. She fantasized about how it would feel to have him touch her like a husband touches his wife and kiss her like a man kisses the woman he loves. She dreamed about the passion they held for each other and the love it could possibly create. She knew that it was a sin and in the eyes of God she had already committed adultery.

Yes… making love with Raoul had proved to be quite enjoyable at first, but now it just annoyed her. Christine preferred to not spend all her free time on her back or she preferred to not spend all her free time on her back with a man she didn't want on top of her.

She hated herself at times. She was bitter and reclusive, but her heart or at least that part of it that counted just didn't care. She truly did love Raoul with more feeling that she actually considered herself capable of.

But the fact remained that she still longed for another.

"Darling?... What is the matter with you?" Raoul's voice broke through her thoughts.

Christine, taken out of her trance, looked over at Raoul startled. He looked so perfect… sitting looking over some business papers. His hair was tied back and his blue eyes sparkled brilliantly. Wearing his trousers and his shirt sleeves. He really was the picture of perfection.

"Oh- what? I guess I was just thinking"

Raoul chuckled heartedly, pushing the papers aside. "Thinking rather intensely?"

"I suppose." Christine replied as her knee started to shake.

"You seem sad." Raoul said suddenly. "You've been this way since you left the opera."

Christine smiled at the concern that filled Raoul's voice. It hurt that he cared so much.

"I am still adjusting, that is all." She told him, looking out the window.

"To life without Erik?" Raoul asked.

He eyed her carefully and Christine was careful not to display too much emotion. The last thing she needed was Raoul knowing something that would break his heart. If anything, she didn't want Raoul to be hurt by how she was feeling. It wasn't not his fault, none of it was.

"Yes… to life without Erik and to life without the opera." Christine said agreeing.

Raoul smiled. "I can't blame you for missing him, I just can't understand why." Raoul replied, twirling the pen that occupied the space in his hand.

He knew that the masked man known as Erik would always be in his wife's heart, but at the time he thought he could oversee it. He figured that over time, Christine would let him go and she would one day be one hundred percent his. Since their marriage five months prior, it seemed that the lady he loved had become more drawn into herself. Often, he would find her sitting staring absent mindedly, looking to be deep in thought.

If he knew what his wife was always thinking, he would have died on the spot.

Christine took in a deep breath then let it out. She looked over at Raoul sympathetically. He didn't understand Erik's hold on her and now… it appeared he never would.

"He was the only person I could truly count on. Someone who helped me because they actually believed in me. He helped me when no one else felt the need to." Christine replied, thinking back on some of her conversations with the Angel of Music. She glanced over at Raoul. "I guess I just feel obligated to him."

Raoul stood up from where he had been sitting and walked over to stand behind his wife. He placed his hands on her shoulders and slowly began rubbing them. Christine couldn't help but close her eyes at the feeling. It was very nice. The tension from her thoughts had proved to be hard on her young body.

"You are quite tense!" Raoul exclaimed.

"Well… I haven't been getting much sleep!" Christine teased.

Raoul chuckled softly. "I suppose I am to blame for that."

She smiled and again, stared fixedly out of the window. Raoul leaned down and kissed he tenderly on the cheek.

"Christine, you know there isn't anything I wouldn't give you." Raoul whispered in her ear. "All you need to do is ask."

Christine felt her heart rise. She looked up at her husband of five months and felt like crying.

"Raoul, I don't need anything. I just wish to visit my family." Christine told him.

"Christine, I am your family." Raoul replied sadly.

"I want to see Meg and Madam Giry." Christine told him.

Raoul nodded. "Your wish is my command." He said. "I'll order the carriage to be brought up front."

Christine jumped into Raoul's arms with enthusiasm, her smile had not been so large and bright in so long, Raoul noted. If allowing her to be somewhere he would rather her not be made her happy, then so be it. Anything was worth her smiling like she was.

"Thank you Raoul. Oh, I have to go and get ready." Christine squealed as she gave him a tiny peck on the cheek.

Raoul smiled as he watched his wife run with excitement, out of the room.

OOOO

Deciding what to wear had never been a difficult thing for Christine, but today it was proving to be impossible. She knew why she cared so much and it appeared that her nerves had gone into overdrive and she couldn't shake that funny feeling in the pit of her stomach.

She had become so nervous that her fingers had gone numb.

After ten or so dresses, Christine finally decided on one. The color of blood red made her skin appear even paler than it already was. The cut was tasteful, coming off her shoulders to reveal a bit of cleavage. The short sleeves added to the look of curious beauty that the dress possessed. Her make up was light but her hair was wild. Her curls framed her face and made her look like a lady of sensuality.

The way Erik had preferred.

Christine had rather liked the dress when she bought it. It held a look of peculiarity that had stricken a nerve in Christine. The other thing that Christine had liked was that it was perfect for the months when the only type of weather was unbefitting for longer sleeved outfits. Christine was one that preferred to be comfortable, although the corset was doing little to help.

After making sure that she was completely presentable, she made her way down to the carriage Raoul had readied for her. It was only a fifteen minuet ride to the Opera Populair from the Château de Changy, but in those fifteen minuets so many thoughts ran through Christine's mind.

She was beyond thrilled to see Meg and Madam Giry, it had been ages since she had seen them last. That had been Phillip's doing. He had objected to them being at the wedding and of course, she had no say in the matter. She understood what it was that Phillip didn't like about her, she had not come from a noble family, she had been the Prima Donna in an opera house, and she was at the tender ripe old age of seventeen. Yes… she understood what it was that he didn't like about her, she just couldn't understand why he wouldn't get over it. Besides…there was nothing he could do about it now.

Then there was Erik. She couldn't say exactly what it was that she felt for the man, mainly because she didn't know herself. But from the moment she had said "I Do", she thought about Erik at almost every waking moment she could. She wondered what it was that he was doing…had he remained at the opera? Had he died within the cellars? Had he moved on to look ahead at a life without her?

So many questions plagued Christine's mind, but she wanted to know only one thing. Was he still in love with her?

At times she knew she didn't deserve to know.

Christine looked out the window to see the Opera Populair come into view. The closer she came to it, the larger it appeared to be. Feeling at bit lightheaded, Christine took in deep breaths. Being calm would probably do her well.

A/N Here is chapter 1. I hope that who ever reads this chapter will review because it will give me tons of motivation to pop out more chapters. This story might take me awhile, but believe me when I say that I will finish it. Thanks to the people who reviewed the prologue. I was so happy to hear that some of yall liked it. If any of you read When Fate Intervines, I plan to get the next chapter out sometime this week.

Thanks a lot,

Stephanie