*Merlin's POV*

Merlin did not like the dress Guinevere had picked out for him.

Gwen had arrived, slightly baffled as to why Gaius had knocked on the door of her home so early, before she was due to go to the Lady Morgana's chambers reporting for duty, requesting she accompanied him and brought the smallest dress she owned to fit a scrawny Merlin. Though obviously he didn't mention the part about it being Merlin.

So here he was, swishing the soft woolen fabric around his legs a little. It felt ever so odd, and his legs felt... naked. But what else could he do, except wear it? Girls rarely wore breeches, so it was unlikely he'd be able to throw on a pair.

Merlin tiptoed over to his door, and pushed his head around it. Gwen and Gaius sat on the old man's workbench, both raising their heads. Gwen smiled kindly.

"It suits you."

He felt unsure how to reply to that, so tried to appear pleased.

"So, Gaius... why did - Emilie, is it? - need a dress?"

Gaius coughed. "She tore her other one, I believe."

Gwen studied Merlin with some sympathy, but there was clear confusion and curiosity in those brown eyes. She stood up. "Well, Lady Morgana will be expecting me, I'm late as it is."

Though as she reached the door and pushed it open, Morgana was already outside, delicately-boned fingers curled to a loose fist as she prepared to knock upon the wood. The two exchanged words, and Morgana entered, mentioning something about sleeping potions. Merlin was paralyzed in shock, quite unable to move.

What was she doing here?

And to make things even worse (today really did seem to be running a certain theme), Gaius only had to go and make up the most humiliating excuse as to why Merlin was there.

She was laughing at him, he was sure of it, if only about his supposed infection.

And when Morgana had gone, he once again slumped to the floor.

"Thank you Gaius. Really." His voice dripped sarcasm.

Gaius chuckled to himself, but he then turned serious. "What are we going to do with you, Merlin? I've never heard of anything like this happening, in all the books I've read and in all the years I've lived."

"What? Never?" Merlin squeaked. "I can't stay like this! Arthur needs me."

"Well, you still have your magic, don't you?"

"That's not the point!"

Gaius sighed. "I can only assume, Merlin, that if you did not do this to yourself-"

"Why on earth would I?!" Merlin was outraged at the suggestion.

"- then someone must have enchanted you."

Merlin thought about this. It had to be the only reason, right? He couldn't think of any others. Finally he nodded.

Gaius studied the surly girl before him. He wasn't sure what to suggest, but he had to cheer Merlin up a bit. "You'll just have to spend the day like you are, but I'll read through some volumes and see what I can find."

This didn't cheer Merlin up, but he acquiesced.

Merlin had wandered outside at the suggestion of Gaius (suggestion may have been a bit far-fetched, since he'd resorted to chasing Merlin away with a broom, yelling "away with you, you miserable young whippersnapper! I have no wish to listen to you moan any longer!")

He'd also heard rumours that Arthur was furious, and had stormed downstairs at breakfast with his trousers inside out and his shirt tucked into his underwear, yelling death-threats to his servant, to the amusement of his father and Morgana, and several other courtiers. Apparently, he couldn't dress himself... and that had made Merlin smile.

Merlin had sneaked into the grounds where the knights were practicing throwing spears at some unfortunate serving boy with a shield strapped to his back, that was not, fortunately, Merlin today. That was another good thing.

So maybe today wouldn't be so bad?

Well. That was yet to be decided. His luck wasn't too great, so it would be unsafe to declare such a thing just yet.

The boy fell onto his backside in a cloud of dust, and Arthur erupted into laughter. Really, he was such a damn ignorant dollop-head of a prince, to use one of Merlin's favourite personal insults. "Don't laugh at him," He said loudly without thinking.

Suddenly several pairs of eyes were on Merlin. Arthur's expression was pompous, as usual, and looked surprised at the fact someone had dared question his methods. Then his eyes alighted upon a quivering Merlin.

"I dare you to- wait, it was...you?"

There was no one else around, other than the knights, and it was not any of them.

Arthur strode forward, and swallowed. Merlin waited for the slap around the head, staring up at the prince with wide eyes.

"I beg your pardon... I did not mean to offend you."

What?

"It- it's fine, I just thought it was unkind," Merlin stammered, then realized he was a girl and Arthur would not punish him. "You should be nicer to your servants, you know. It's rude, and unthoughtful, and big-headed, and maybe one day they'll do something in revenge."

Arthur smiled. "Interesting. Can I inquire as to your name?"

What was his name? "Emilie."

"I see. That's a really lovely name, you know," Arthur murmured. "Your parents are lucky to have produced such a fine daughter, Emilie, and doubtlessly you have many young men trailing after you."

This wasn't happening, was it? There was no way this was happening.

"No, I... I do not.." How annoyingly girlish he sounded.

"Well then, I will see you again, sweet Emilie. You can guarantee that. Not many girls dare question me."

This was happening.

Merlin couldn't say anything. He was speechless for once in his life.

Arthur turned and strode away, with what could only be described as an attempted swagger, but he only looked ridiculous.

But never mind that, Arthur had actually complimented him. And not only that, he appeared infatuated.

Hide, Merlin thought. And then he won't find me.

"Emilie, my love! Where are you?"

Merlin's plan had not worked. So now he was running for his life, from Arthur - who seemed intent on finding Merlin and having 'his way' with him, as he'd mentioned on their second encounter.

At first Merlin hadn't actually known what Arthur meant, so just stared at the prince innocently, but then hands started wandering and with a horrified squeak, Merlin had fled with a heavy blush on his cheeks.

Is this what men are actually like? He wondered to himself, crouching behind a sack of potatoes. He couldn't believe that it was him that Arthur had chosen to berate himself with. Of all the people, on all the days, it had to be him on this one.

This day was turning out to be the worst, not to mention the most embarrassing, of Merlin's life.

Suddenly things got a lot darker, and Arthur's head appeared above him, grinning like a madman. "Come, sweet dear thing. I can show you what it feels like to be loved."

Merlin mentally threw up at the images. "No! Leave me alone, you pig-headed idiot!"

"Come now, a lovely thing like you shouldn't use words like that!"

Merlin glared up at him. The prince reached down and picked up Merlin's infuriatingly delicate form, threw him over his shoulder, and carried him towards a deserted area behind the stables. "All I ask is a kiss, if you won't satisfy me otherwise," He said with a pout, once he'd set Merlin down on two feet.

"No!"

"Hmm. You have been raised well to refuse such things, but really, darling, you don't have to be scared."

And he leaned in, then pressed his lips against Merlin's.

Merlin was horrified, to say the least. They were too big, squishy, and... wet. And rough. And, frankly, Arthur's breath was terrible. Kissing a horse would have been more romantic.

Then Arthur smiled and withdrew, stroking Merlin's cheek. "I'm sure you'll come back begging me for more, and I will not be one to assault a young girl. I just had to give you a taste of what things can be like. And goodness knows what my father would say," He mumbled - mostly to himself, it seemed.

At that, Merlin snapped. "Assault?! You've stalked me, molested me, and submitted me to the most slobbery kiss I've ever received! And if THAT isn't assault, I don't know what is!"

Arthur started at him a moment, (taken aback?), but then laughed, only finding the young girl's outburst amusing. "You like it really, you just don't want to admit it. I am the prince, after all, who doesn't like affection from one such as myself?"

And before Merlin could slap him, he turned and walked away.

Merlin silently fumed. Revenge would be his, that was as certain as the sun would set.

What would be a befitting punishment for Arthur?

Then Merlin had the most wicked idea, and he grinned. "We'll see who has the last laugh here, Arthur."

Merlin practically skipped back to Gaius' chambers (really now, this girlish stuff was beginning to infect him), the old man not paying much attention when Merlin offered a "hello," only replying with a grunt, his head bent over a huge dusty book. Men, Merlin found himself thinking.

He wandered into his room, removing the fake floorboard from under his bed and extracting his own spell book. Flicking through the pages, to his astonishment, he found a spell describing exactly what he wished to happen.

He briefly wondered what kind of person wrote this, then memorized the words and crept upstairs, to the great hall. He pressed his ear against the door, listening - Arthur was in there, discussing some sort of border patrols with his father.

Merlin barely contained his own little wiggle of excitement. This was going to be hilarious. Hurriedly, he spoke the words of the spell, making sure to keep quiet, and waited.

Suddenly, Arthur seemed to choke, and he went silent. Merlin imagined his face turning red.

The King's voice could be heard. "Arthur? What...?"

"I'm sorry father, I... I must go to my room!"

Merlin leapt back, and the huge oaken doors were thrown open, revealing a certain Prince Arthur bent double, running for what seemed his life up the stairs. He passed Morgana, who looked startled at first, but quickly turned and followed him up the stairs with an expression of intense curiosity.

Merlin sniggered to himself.

*One hour later*

Gaius returned from his trip to the prince's bedroom, causing Merlin to look up eagerly from his spot on the bench, legs curled underneath his not-so-annoying-at-the-moment-as-it-kept-him-warm dress. "Did you find out what was wrong with Arthur?" Merlin tried to keep the smug tone from his voice, but only partly succeeded.

Gaius observed Merlin with suspicion. "The prince is suffering from what appears to be a... constant erection... Nothing I have suggested appears to have worked, which is highly unusual, Merlin. I don't suppose you have any idea how that could have happened?"

Merlin coughed to disguise the giggle that escaped his lips. "No, no. None at all."

Gaius sighed. "How long will it last, Merlin?"

Merlin looked nonchalant. "I have no idea what you're on about... but, hypothetically, if I were the disgruntled sorcerer(ess?) that cast it, I'd leave him like that forever. Hypothetically, of course."

"Merlin!"

"Alright, it'll only last for another... hmm... 5 hours. By that time, hopefully all of Camelot will know, and be laughing at him."

"You're incorrigible, Merlin..."

"Mmmph."