Magnetize

I'm not sure if this will be the last chapter. I still have a lot going on in my head.

EXOxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoEXO

TMU.

Short for Tokyo Metropolitan University. Here I was, on my first day of school. It was the fifth of April and high school seemed to be a thousand years away.

As I stood at the entrance of the Minami-Osawa campus, I couldn't contain my excitement. I was practically dizzy with it. My five minute walk from the station did not dampen my enthusiasm as I was almost skipping down the street.

I stood there, just looking around, feeling the soft breeze on my face, while students of all shapes, sizes and ages milled around me. The buzzing noise of their chatter overwhelmed me, but in a good way. I was soaking in happiness every minute that I stood there. The campus grounds were filled with greeneries. It was the perfect combination of an urban scenic haven for environment lovers like me!

To say that I loved the grandeur and vastness of the campus was the understatement of the year.

Releasing a heavy breath, I began walking forward.

My first stop was the Information gallery where I could check the schedules of my classes. There were clusters of students, all freshmen like me, I bet, who were looking at the gigantic bulletin boards posted there. I patiently waited until there was enough room for me to squeeze in and checked the board for my basic classes. I consulted my college form. Yep, everything looked good and had the correct schedule on it.

Alrighty! I went to my first class for the day.

Xxx

Since it was the first day of class, we only had two classes that lasted until after lunch time. After quickly eating a bento in the nearby cafeteria, I walked to the student dorms. I still had not completely unpacked. I went in the small room, sitting on my bed. There was another bed on the far edge of the room. It was for my roommate Gorou, another freshman like me. We had met the previous days past, had chatted a little while we unpacked our things. He seemed to be a nice likable guy. But please, don't get me wrong. Just because I was gay didn't mean I would get an erection for the guy I was sharing my room with.

I never felt any attraction towards Gorou. He was a short skinny kid who was desperately in need of a growth spurt. I mean, he was even tinier than Kuroko, that little mousy blue haired Shadow of Seirin high. Gorou was only probably five four in height, a sprinkle of freckles dotting his whole face. I hoped he was not the type of kid who suffered from suicidal tendencies because of getting bullied in his youth.

Hmm, so far he sounded normal. And as excited as I was to be starting college.

So anyway, I began putting my clothes in my drawers, getting them from inside my luggage bags. I spent an hour or so sorting through my stuff until Gorou came in and greeted me politely. He also began arranging his things. Being the talkative guy that I was, I engaged him in a small friendly talk, which he returned happily. He was naturally a quiet guy but his disposition was cheerful so everytime he opened his mouth he was smiling. In a sense, I was thankful he was my roommate. Honestly I think I would have a harder time hiding my weird habits if I ended up being holed up with an attractive guy. If I lost it and jumped my roommate because seriously, I was eighteen years old, gay and a virgin, I didn't think anyone would cut me some slack. I didn't want to stay in my room feeling uncomfortable all the time. So it was a good thing Gorou was harmless.

Yeah, if you ask me, this sexual abstinence I had been imposing on myself since I learned I swung for the other "team" was beginning to take its toll upon me. But hey, what could I do? I couldn't just approach a guy back in my high school to have sexual experiments with him. A lot of people knew me from being the point guard of Shuutoku. It was as if I could flaunt my sexual preference at that time.

Part of it was the fear, of course. I didn't want people to judge me. I didn't want to lose face in my team. I think those were very valid reasons why I was still a virgin, a "cock virgin" until now. And like I said, I had never tried heterosexual sex. It seemed too much trouble for all its worth.

Anyway, back to Gorou. The kid seemed kind. It was a good thing he was my roommate.

Xxx

After three days I was finally called by the coach to start training for the basketball club. Being used to all the hard work, I didn't seem daunted by the rigorous practice sessions. I was pretty confident of my skills. And I think some of them became even impressed with my Hawk's Eye ability. The coach even singled me out in one of our team meetings and said he expected to utilize my talent to the fullest capacity.

Wow.

Okay. It felt pretty good. To know that the coach recognized talent, no matter how new you were to the team. I also saw some of the guys nod their head at me respectfully. For a freshmen like me, getting my senpai's approval meant more than everything else.

My career was safe. I was still going to be a basketball player until I finished college. I still wasn't sure if I wanted to pursue a career in this sport after school, like maybe play for the FIBA World Cup or the Olympics. But I knew I was happy playing basketball. If it had to end because sometime in my future I had to wake up and get a real adult job in a corporate world, and I had to remove my jersey uniform for good, I think I could handle it. I was a very practical person. I played basketball because it made me happy and because it was possible for me to do so. If time came that I couldn't play anymore, I was sure I'd be fine with it.

So I needed to enjoy it while it lasted.

Xxx

After two weeks of my repeated routine, going to classes in the morning until four pm, then heading straight to the gym for basketball practice, I felt the first signs of exhaustion. That night I crashed on my bed, sweaty basketball jersey and all, groaning low against my pillow. Gorou was seated on his study table. He eyed me for a second, nodded in greeting and went back to studying.

At times like this, I missed having someone who loved basketball as passionately as I did. I wanted to bitch around, complain and whine that my body was one sore spot. But what could I do? Gorou and I had nothing in common. The kid probably had not done any jogging since his last PE class in second year high school.

Yeah, at a time like this, I fucking missed my best bud Midorima.

Actually, in the past two weeks, I knew I had been missing him so much, but then I didn't want to sound like the complete desperate besotted fool who couldn't be apart from him for a few weeks without sobbing my heart out. We did exchange two text messages in the span of those two weeks. One was asking how the other was doing and the other one was to just say "Gambatte kudasai" to each other. And I could proudly tell you that he was the one who texted first.

But now.

I reached for my cellphone from my bag, flipped it open and browsed through all my contacts. When I got to Shin-chan's name, my thumb hovered above the Call button. Should I call him? Well, yeah, nowhere it said in the Rules of the Universe for Normal Straight People that I couldn't call my best guy friend to bitch about my current life. It wasn't like I would cry and ask him to pat my head because I was missing him so much.

But, should I? Would it do me any good?

I glanced at Gorou. I didn't know if I would look casual or pathetic over the phone upon hearing Shin-chan's voice that Gorou would start suspecting I tended to have this ridiculously soft expression on my face whenever I talked to the perennial love of my life.

Naaah. I couldn't make the call there, while Gorou could hear me. I needed privacy.

Dragging my feet to the floor, I locked myself up inside our small shared bathroom. I pushed the toilet cover down and sat on top, finally pushing the call button. I was chanting inside my head, Please go to voicemail. Please go to voicemail. Please go to voicemail.

Then I would just leave a short friendly message and hopefully it would be Midorima who'd call me back. I was on the fifth ring and I was waiting for the voicemail to kick in when suddenly the line was picked up and a gruff "Moshi moshi" cut into my ear.

Was there ever a time in the world that Shin-chan didn't sound angry about something?

"Hey!" I squeaked lamely.

There was a pregnant pause on the other line. I figured Shin-chan must not have looked at his caller ID that was why he snapped at me. He was probably looking at it now.

"Takao," he breathed, more softly this time.

"Hey, bud, how's it going?"

"I'm uhhh – at the library."

I dropped my head on my other hand. Library meant he was spending his time studying. Which meant it was not a good time to disturb him. "Oh, okay. That's cool. I'll um… probably catch you some time later, huh?"

"Why are you calling?" he asked in a monotone.

Geeze, here it was. I really didn't know myself. "Nothing, just wanted to check how you're doing. How's practice in Todai?" I was referring to the abbreviation of Tokyo University or Tokyo daigaku, hence Todai.

I could imagine him doing his mannerism of pushing his glasses up his nose as he answered me, "Everything is well. We don't have practice every day."

"Aahh… Well, yes, I mean you're taking up Medicine, dude. Your major is not a joke so you should still take some time to rest and study."

I pictured him shrugging. "I think so, too."

After that I didn't know what to say next. We just exchanged sounds of breathing for ten seconds or so and I had never felt more awkward in my entire life.

"Takao – "

"Hey, Shin-chan –"

"What?" he asked.

"No no no… You go ahead."

Shit. I was always the easy talker between the two of us. And now I could not even form a straight sentence.

Shin-chan said, "Is something wrong?"

I sat ramrod straight on the toilet, rubbing my sweaty palm on the smooth fabric of my jersey shorts. "No! Uhhh – it's nothing. It's just that I – " I let out a heavy sigh. Maybe I could be honest without giving away my feelings too much. We were good friends, after all. "It's really nothing, dude. It's just that, it's not the same, you know? Here. With the other guys. I mean, everyone's cool, they're a bunch of good people. But it's not really – the same. With you and the guys back in Shuutoku. I – I kinda miss you, man."

There.

I finally said it.

But I managed to say it with the "straightest" voice that I could muster. Like one guy telling another guy. Straight guys. Maybe like brothers.

He did pause. I didn't hear anything from his line for about five seconds' tops. I looked at my screen to check if the line was still on. Yes, it was.

He cleared his throat on the other end. "New environment really takes a while getting used to."

I nodded, half disappointed at his answer and half relieved. What? As if I was expecting him to say he missed me back! But at least he didn't seem all too surprised about my stupid remark. "Yeah, dude, I know. So – uhhh – I gotta go. I just wanted to check on you a little. It's good to hear from you, bud. You take care, Shin-chan, okay?"

"Yes. You,too."

"Aye aye. So. Ja ne."

"See you."

And that was the end of our terribly awkward conversation.

I propped my elbow on my thigh and leaned my forehead on my fist, suddenly feeling pathetic. Did I sound too gay? Did I?

I sure hoped I didn't sound like a needy female heroine in one of those soap dramas my mom loved to watch. Coz that would really be the day for me! Ugh.

Xxx

I tried to remove the thoughts of that stupid phone call to Shin-chan from my head the next day. Every time I started thinking about it I began despising myself. I made a vow that I would never ever ever call Shin-chan again if I was feeling down. My vulnerability clearly showed and in the future I might blurt out some more stupid things that I would regret.

I went to basketball practice as usual, trying to forget the fatigue eating at me. Hey, I was not the only one. I could imagine that the kind of training we had was also difficult for everybody else. The last time TMU won the championship trophy in the collegiate matches was six years ago, so the schools was putting pressure on the club to do well this year. Hence, the back breaking training sessions.

I could admit that the guys in my club were okay. Not as okay as in Shuutoku, but they were cool. I could tell a lot of them really admired my talents, though of course petty jealousies couldn't be helped. I could sense it from a couple of guys or three. Since they were more senior than me, and it looked like I would be getting a longer time on the court than them, it was not hard to imagine that some of the third years and fourth years were wary around me.

But like I said. It was all good. No one acted like a dick head so it didn't matter.

We showered after practice and as a group left the gym, carrying all our heavy gym bags.

Everyone was engaged in small chats and I was piping up with my comment or two, when suddenly one member, Hideki, our power forward, whistled low and pointed. "Whoa, look at that! That guy is in a Todai uniform!"

I twisted my head to look. As did the rest of the group.

My eyes nearly fell off their sockets. Standing there in all his stoic glory, with his hands in his pocket, his back ramrod straight, was the green eyed love of my life, complete with his own gym bag, clad in full regalia of his Todai basketball jacket and sweat pants.

I stopped on my tracks, my breath freezing in my chest. It was him! It was really Shin-chan, standing a few feet away from our gym.

I forgot about my teammates. Smiling like a moron, I ran towards him. "Hey, Shin-chan! Shin-chan!"

Slowly, those green eyes turned towards me. Damn, I missed those eyes. They were the loveliest in color. His face as usual was emotionless. He didn't look ecstatic as I was, but he was calm enough for me to note that this was a moment that he was most comfortable in.

I tried to catch my breath as I stopped in front of him. "Hey, man. What brought you here?"

The "mannerism" again. "Our practice ended early because our coach had to go to an emergency faculty meeting. My homework's done and I had time to kill so…"

"Uhh, okay…" I replied, biting my lower lip to keep myself from smiling even wider. Damn, couldn't I have been more transparent than this?

Shin-chan shrugged. "I'm hungry."

"Yeah, sure. Let's go to the Mnami-Osawa station. There's a mall there. It's only five minutes from here."

"Okay."

A loud clearing of throat disrupted us. I winced. I totally forgot my whole team standing behind us. I looked back and found the lot of them frowning at Midorima. "Hey, guys, this is Midorima. He's my high school buddy. Midorima, the guys. Say hi!"

Midorima simply stared at the group of thirteen boys watching us.

"I didn't know you were chummy with Todai," said Kaito, our big center, only taller than Shin-chan by one inch. He said it cooly, friendly even but I could detect a hint of sarcasm.

"This guy has been my best bud since high school, dude, " I shot back, as friendly as I could, too.

"He's one of the Generation of Miracles, right?" another boy asked.

I grinned at the one who spoke, Nobu, another point guard like me, though he wasn't in the starting lineup. "Wow. You know them?"

Nobu grinned back. "Been a fan since junior high. I always thought to ask you about him but I kept on forgetting."

This time I chuckled whole heartedly. "Well, yeah, given the hellish sessions we go through I wouldn't be surprised if we would forget to breathe sometimes."

A few guys snickered at my joke. But the others still looked cautiously at Midorima, who seemed unaffected by their perusal. He stood, as indifferent as he could be, not showing any sign of reaction towards the TMU basketball team.

I straightened, having enough of the staring contest, and waved a hand to my teammates. "See you tomorrow at practice. We'll be going now. Let's go, man," I told the quiet green haired giant and we fell into steps beside each other.

As we passed by the school grounds I sort of gave him a tour of TMU. I had just been there for a couple of weeks but I felt familiar with the place. Shin-chan merely nodded as I gave out descriptions of the university, directions to the classrooms and cafeteria etc. He quietly listened as I rattled off. I felt happier than I ever was since I came here, happier even than when I went to my first day of training in basketball. Something about Shin-chan's presence, the peace and quiet he exuded whenever he listened to my babbles, everything about him soothed me, comforted me.

And I think in a way, since he was so used to me talking all the time, he was also becoming more comfortable with the sounds my voice created, especially since he was in unfamiliar territory.

I loved him.

I faced the reality of it head on. And sometimes it hurt too much to be walking beside him when I couldn't even show him how I felt.

Uhmm… provided he didn't punch me first.

But yeah, I, Takao Kazunari, the unfortunate gay half of our once almost unbeatable duo in Shuutoku, was head over heels in love with the densest most eccentric guy who ever held a basketball ball.

Maybe one day I would be able to tell him. One day. When I was prepared enough to let him go completely.

Xxx

Sorry. I think this'll take longer. Hehe. I'm enjoying writing this so far.