Tony didn't pressure James into anything with his standing invitation and James was grateful for that. He could still come down to the workshop without meeting anyone's expectations and even though he knew that Tony wanted to take a look at the arm he never said so. And so in a very broad sense the deathly machine Hydra had put on him had led to the currently best thing in his life: spending time in the workshop.

Steve seemed to think that it was just another way to evade people, which wasn't untrue, but James was spending time with Tony, even though nearly no one else made it down to the workshop. Either way, Steve kept throwing glances at him and while James could understand that he was worried, for his long lost best friend at least, he wished Steve wouldn't act like he was broken.

Sure, he knew that he was a mess, the nightmares and panic attacks and jumpiness was proof enough of that, but he didn't feel broken. He had been through a lot, intellectually he knew that, but he was still not really processing all things that happened, let alone making his peace with them, and while that made it probably okay to worry about him, it didn't justify Steve's desperate need for him to be okay.

James had tried to tell Steve that once, that he wouldn't fall apart or back into Winter Soldier mode, even if Steve left for an hour, his wellbeing was not tethered to Steve's presence, but Steve didn't seem to trust him at all.

Since James spend most of the time down in the workshop, Steve had visited more often, but he didn't seem to be comfortable down there and so James finally had some time away from him and his judging glances.

James knew that it was probably unfair to think so badly of Steve, he wanted nothing more than to help after all, but his help felt stifling to James, and he couldn't help the thought that Steve just wanted the Bucky from before the fall back, and that was something he couldn't give to him. He couldn't even take the guy's name, there was no way in hell he would ever act like him again. Steve had told him stories of all the things Bucky used to enjoy and while it all seemed like a really pleasant story it was nothing more than that for James.

Whenever Steve told one of his stories he looked so hopeful at James, hopeful that he would remember, that it would bring certain traits back, and James didn't have the courage to tell Steve that he did remember everything. He just couldn't be that guy anymore. He knew that Steve still hoped that he would go back to being the Bucky from before when his memories came back and James was afraid of what it would do to Steve if he realized that his Bucky was lost.

While James couldn't act or behave like before the fall, it changed nothing about the fact that he loved Steve like his brother and he just couldn't crush his hopes so thoroughly like that. There even was a small part of him that feared that if Steve realized that he wouldn't get his Bucky back, that James then no longer had a place in the tower or in Steve's life. James did his best to silence that part, Steve had a bigger heart than that, but the doubt was always there, especially when Steve began talking about Bucky again.

So James not only had to find out how to live his life now, he also had to balance it with Steve's wished and hopes and it was quickly draining him to the point where he didn't want to do anything but hide in his room. There were only very few things James wholeheartedly enjoyed and the workshop happened to be one of these things.

James enjoyed spending time in the workshop to no end. He was never alone down there, Tony usually a steady presence without invading James private little bubble. Even if Tony wasn't there, the bots still were, and James found them strangely endearing.

There were days where James hardly could stand human company, where even the sight of another human being set him off, and this night was one of those.

James woke up with a strangled cry and he didn't immediately know where he was. The light in his room slowly came on and he realized that he was in the tower, safe and sound and far away from Hydra. James took some deliberate deep breaths but the shaking wouldn't stop and the lingering fear didn't fade.

He got up, unsure what to do with himself and he realized that he just wanted to go down to the workshop. He felt safe there and he needed that sense of security right now. So James walked out of his room and nearly into Clint. The shaking instantly got worse and he felt trapped, though Clint had already taken a step back.

"Hey, are you okay? You don't look so good," Clint asked, obviously concerned. James swayed on the spot, legs not stable enough to carry him and Clint's hand shot out to steady him.

James lost a bit of time after that because the next thing he knew, Clint was on his back on the floor, bleeding from a head wound and knife pressed to his throat.

"Hey, hey, you're in the tower, with the Avengers. Steve found you, your name is James and just yesterday you kicked Natasha's ass during sparring, remember that?" Clint was babbling and James blinked a few times to clear his head.

When he realized that it was indeed Clint underneath him and not some Hydra agent, he scrambled away from him, knife still gripped tightly, but nonetheless shaking. "Sorry," he rasped while Clint slowly got up.

"No man, it's fine," Clint said and pressed a hand over the wound on his temple. "A few months ago Bruce tried to touch me after a nightmare and I hit him. The Hulk was not amused, I can tell you. I should have known better, really."

James was still unsteady on his legs and Clint's hand shot out again, but this time he didn't make the contact. "Do you need something? Should I get someone?" he asked, concern still obvious in his voice. James shook his head, unable to find his voice again. "Okay. You were on your way to somewhere right? Why don't you just continue?" Clint asked him and James really wanted nothing more than to leave right now but his guilt won out for the moment.

He pointed to Clint's head unsure what to do about the wound, because he really didn't want to touch someone right now. But Clint made it easy for him, when he shook his head. "Nah man, it's fine. I'll patch it up myself, now worries."

James knew it wasn't right to leave Clint like this, still bleeding and probably bruising, but he wanted nothing more than to be away from him and so James just nodded in his direction and then practically fled. He didn't even stop for the elevator, running straight for the stairs.

Only when he approached the workshop did he slow down. He realized that he had no clue if Tony was there or if he was allowed in the workshop if he wasn't, but he had to try. James entered the code Tony had given him with his invitation and to his immense relief the door opened.

The music that engulfed him instantly did a lot to his mind; it chased the lingering doubt of where he was away but simultaneously it was too much, he would never hear anyone approach, he would be vulnerable. That thought froze him in the doorway and he suddenly didn't know if he wanted to leave or enter the workshop. He was still caught in this dilemma when the music abruptly stopped.

"James?" he heard someone ask and that brought him back to the here and now. Tony was looking intently at him and James cringed under the scrutiny. The shaking had started again, or maybe it never really stopped, he didn't know, and Tony seemed worried now by the prolonged silence.

"Okay, James, why don't you come over here and sit down?" Tony asked and when the hell had he come so close? James flinched away from him, in desperate need of more space and thankfully Tony stepped back as well. "Okay, space for you, got it." James still wasn't able to respond to anything but Tony seemed fine with that.

"Come on, James, let's sit down." He walked over to the couch and James followed him, feeling like he was on autopilot. He sat down on the couch while Tony was rummaging around in a cupboard before he came back with a blanket that he handed James. He took it reflexively but didn't know what to do with it. Tony seemed to realize that because he gently took it from him again and carefully put it around his shoulders. James startled badly when the weight settled down on his shoulders but he instantly pulled it tighter around him.

"You need anything else?" Tony asked James who managed to shake his head. "Good. I'll be right over there," he said and pointed at a disassembled Iron Man suit, "and if you need anything you can ask. You remember Dummy and You? I can keep them away from you if you want that," he offered but James shook his head again. He couldn't stand human contact right now but the bots were calming to him with their clicking and chirping and he needed that right now.

"You want them to come over?" Tony asked and James desperately nodded. "Alright, we can do that. Dummy can probably make you a tea. Well, it'll be something to drink. Probably. Maybe. You can supervise him. Or Jarvis. Jarvis should probably supervise them."

James huffed a little laugh at that. He wasn't sure if Tony was being deliberately ridiculous or if he just was like that, he didn't know him well enough for that yet, but it gave this whole situation a sense of reality. Tony shot him a quick smile at his reaction and then said: "I'll look for them and send them over. You just stay put and if you need anything else speak up. Or, you know, make a noise or something."

James settled deeper into the couch, curled up in one corner, legs brought up and blanket covering everything. Tony went back to his work, though he didn't start the music again and James was grateful for that. Dummy and You came over a second later and they whirred and clicked at him until he extracted his left arm form the blanket.

The bots had a strange fascination with the metal arm but James was happy to indulge them. They were a lot like over excited children and whenever James watched Tony take something new apart, he knew exactly where the bots got that from.

James had been confused that Tony wasn't all over his arm himself but by now he had realized that Tony was giving him time, that he would be excited as soon as James allowed him to be, and it did wonders for James sense of self.

The bots were a different matter though and they carefully turned his arm this and that way, moved his fingers and tried to lift the plates, though they were very careful with that. James closed his eyes, letting the bots do what they wanted and concentrated on the sensations of their touch.

He must have fallen asleep at one point because when he opened his eyes again Tony was gone, a second blanked over his lap and Dummy rested his head on the palm of his metal hand. You had his head on James's shoulder, a constant presence and James wondered how he slept through all of that.

James slowly extracted himself, but the bots immediately noticed his movements and began to whir and click excitedly. James smiled at them, feeling much better than he had before and he gently patted their heads. He got up and quickly folded the blankets and put them back on the couch "Jarvis, what time is it?" he quietly asked with a little glance to the ceiling.

"It's 8:08 in the morning, Mister Barnes," came the prompt reply and James looked up in surprise. "I slept for over 5 hours?"

"It would appear so," Jarvis answered.

James had never slept undisturbed by nightmares for so long. He was caught off guard by the sense of security the workshop obviously gave him and he felt the sudden need to thank Tony for providing this space for him. "Where's Tony, Jarvis?" he asked the Ai.

"Sir is currently asleep. He went to bed two hours after you arrived. I would ask you to let him sleep, Mister Barnes."

"Of course. Is anyone in the kitchen?"

James wasn't sure if he could stand Steve right now, he was still so smothering and always asked about his night and wanted to know details, but he was hungry and definitely needed food.

"Mister Barton is currently making breakfast."

Shit, James had forgotten about Clint. He left the workshop in a hurry and went up to the kitchen. Clint was sitting at the table, bowl of cereal in front of him and currently drinking directly from the coffee pot. He turned around to James when he heard him and James stopped dead in his tracks.

Clint looked horrible. The left side of his face was swollen, and black and purple. Clint could barely look out of his left eye and he had a tape over the bridge of his nose. The cut on his temple was held together by butterfly bandages even though James was pretty sure it needed stitches.

"Shit," James breathed. He hadn't thought the damage would be that bad but it looked like he had hit Clint with his metal arm. He could be lucky if Clint didn't have a concussion on top of everything else.

"Aw, come on, it's not so bad," Clint told him but he couldn't even smile without flinching slightly.

"I am so fucking sorry," James said and Clint waved him off.

"Like I said. I once hit Bruce. Tony wasn't pleased with the damage."

"I hurt you," James said, not even acknowledging what Clint had said.

"You had a nightmare and probably a flashback. I usually know better than to touch someone in that situation. It's partly my fault."

"Did you check for a concussion?" James weakly asked him and Clint laughed.

"I don't think it would make a difference."

That was really not an answer James wanted to hear and he put his face into his hands. "Clint," he mumbled and Clint clasped his shoulder.

"Come on, buddy. It's not so bad. I'll live. It's all fine."

"Did you put at least ice on it?" James asked him and Clint shrugged.

"Maybe? Possibly?"

Before James could say anything else Natasha came into the kitchen and only spared a glance for Clint. "Poke a Hulk again? I didn't hear him roar."

"Nope," Clint said cheerfully and popped the p. "Poked a James instead. Almost as good, though he lacks the property damage."

"Huh," was Natasha's only response while she looked into the fridge.

"I didn't mean to!" James protested when Natasha emerged from the fridge, small smile playing around her lips and yoghurt in her hand.

"Maybe it knocked some common sense into him. I wouldn't take it so hard, James," she said and Clint flicked a soaked piece of cereal at her.

"Hey!"

Natasha graciously evaded the projectile and looked disdainfully at it when it hit the floor with a wet splash. "You're disgusting, Clint," she mildly said.

"And you're evil," Clint happily shot back and went on eating. Natasha smiled fondly at him, then nodded at James and vanished again. James stared after her and then turned back to Clint.

"Shouldn't she be more concerned?" he inquired and Clint shrugged.

"It's not the first time I've looked like this and it won't be the last. It also won't be the last time it's my own fault." James wanted to protest again but Clint interrupted him. "Let it go, man. Shit happens. It'll heal. It'll probably happen again. I don't hold it against you and neither should you."

With that he stood up, brought his bowl to the sink and walked out of the room, but not without asking: "You up for a sparring later?"

James wanted to tell him exactly what he was thinking about that but suddenly Natasha's voice came out of the hallway. "You're concussed, you idiot!"

Clint turned around, eyes wide. "Christ, Tasha. Give a guy a heart attack, why don't you. Jesus Christ." He mumbled something else while walking away but James couldn't understand him anymore. He stared a bit longer at the place where Clint had vanished and finally shook his head. These people were all insane.

Since that night the blankets stayed on the couch and after a month where he mostly slept down in the workshop James didn't even bother with folding them up anymore.

Tony wasn't always there but Jarvis never denied him access and the bots never left him alone for long. Eventually James had learned to sleep in his own room, though the workshop always remained a special place of comfort for him.

Since he usually spend his nights in the workshop it only felt natural to him to also come down, or stay there depending on his night, to the shop during the day and Tony was there more often than not when James did that.

He still had his job at SI, it was still his company after all, and he also had to attend press conferences and Avengers' meetings not to forget the occasional missions. To James it seemed like Tony spend all his remaining free time in the workshop. As far as James could tell he was mostly improving the gear of his team or the suit and only occasionally invented new things for SI.

James had heard a lot about Pepper and Rhodey since he started to visit the workshop, had been there when they had called even, but he hadn't met them yet. In the beginning he had suspected that Tony kept them from him, wanting to keep them safe and far away from the murderous assassin, but by now James knew better than to believe that. And after he had listened to the phone calls he concluded that both had been too busy to come by.

James learned that Rhodey was a Lieutenant Colonel in the army, deployed in Afghanistan, or any other country that needed help. Since he was also War Machine he had a lot of additional formal relations with the government. James suspected it would be some time before he would meet him.

Pepper Potts seemed busy as well. James had only heard one phone call between them and Pepper seemed like a fierce woman, and he couldn't wait to meet her.

Other than that, there were nearly no notable interactions with the team, at least not in the workshop. Steve came down sometimes, but that was always to look after James and since Tony and Steve had this strange truce thing going on ever since Steve had demanded that he take James' arm off there wasn't that much friendly interaction between those two.

Bruce was the other one who made it down occasionally and then it was usually to consult Tony for one of his experiments. James didn't understand it, because as far as he could see Tony was one of the most caring people he had ever seen and additionally to that he was also funny and easy to talk with.

On the days when James couldn't stand company, his dark days as Tony started to call them, Tony didn't try to talk to him, and he even kept the music to an acceptable level, which was so considerate that James sometimes couldn't believe it. When James was in a better mood he kept the music going or kept a running commentary, which James couldn't always follow. It made it very easy to spend time in the workshop. He had tried to thank Tony for that once, but Tony would have none of it, however James noticed the pleased little smile that played around his mouth. Whenever he was down there, James usually used the time to catch up on all the stuff he had been missing. He had been in the midst of quite a few important events but he could barely remember them and it was something different reading about it and their consequences. When he wasn't doing that he tried to learn as much about today's technology as he could. He sometimes was even comfortable enough to ask Tony to explain something to him, which he usually did without much complain.

As time passed on, Steve finally backed off. He was still obviously worried, but he had toned it down to a manageable level and James was grateful for it. He was still not talking much, neither to the others in the tower nor to his therapist, but he was getting better at that. Tony was probably part of that small improvement because he didn't expect James to really talk to him, he was satisfied with sarcastic little remarks to his babbling, or the occasional question, and that James could provide. Since Tony never uttered expectations regarding James and his behaviour, he felt a lot more freely to do as he wanted down in the workshop than he felt in any other part of the tower.

Steve still eyed the arm warily every now and then and James knew enough about Tony now to know that he was dying to get his hands on the arm but it still took another month and some motion problems before he was ready to let Tony take a look at it. Maintenance on the arm was always connected to pain and disregard for the rest of James' body and while he knew that Tony would never be like the Hydra scientists, there was still some lingering fear.

James had tried to put off the repair as long as he could, but when he shattered his favourite mug because the hand wouldn't close properly around it he knew that it was time to let Tony at least take a look on the arm.

James didn't tell Steve and instead went down to the workshop himself, approaching it with more caution than he normally would and despite the fact that Tony was obviously tinkering on something delicate and fully engrossed in his work, he noticed immediately.

"Something wrong, Robocop?" he asked while he welded something together. James had tried to make Tony stop calling him that but it hadn't worked and by now he just accepted it, though he was pretty sure there was a reference he didn't get behind that nickname.

"You're busy…I'll come by later," James answered Tony, but he knew that he wouldn't have the courage to come back today. He had agonized about coming to Tony for help for the better part of the day and he was sure he wouldn't be able to do it again. It was either now or when his arm fully broke down so he really had no other option.

At the tone of his voice Tony turned around to him, tools still in his hands. "What's wrong?" he asked and James suddenly had his full attention.

That was actually one of the things James liked most about coming to the workshop and Tony. Tony had enough attention for his work and James, and probably another hundred things, but whenever he noticed that something was off, either with his tech or with James, his attention focused on that one thing. It was intense and James had seen the others react to that in a bad way, but he found he liked it. For him it meant that in that moment nothing was more important than him, this version of himself, and he cherished those moments.

While Steve was also able to shift his complete focus on James it always felt like there was an ulterior motive, because Steve still looked for traces of Bucky in him, things that James couldn't give him. Tony didn't have any hang ups about that, James was just James for him, and there was nothing else he wanted. At least not that he had shown to James. So yes, many people felt uneasy under such intense focus but James liked it.

It was just a bit offsetting that Tony knew exactly how to interpret his voice, that he knew by the way James had entered the workshop that something was not right. James didn't know what to do with the fact that Tony apparently knew him so well and so he decided to not dwell on that now. He could think about that later. Now he had to concentrate on his arm.

"It's nothing, really, I just can't," James said and then raised his arm to show Tony that he couldn't fully close his hand.

Tony was up in an instance, coming towards him quickly and James found it difficult to breathe. He could feel the panic creep in and he pressed the metal arm to his body, angling it away from Tony, who immediately slowed down.

"Okay, moving too quickly, got that," he told James and stood in the middle of the workshop, not moving towards James anymore. "Can I take a look at it? Is that okay? I promise to keep the tools away for now."

James took deep breaths, reminding himself that this was not Hydra, there was no need to be afraid or to mistrust Tony, and then he nodded. Tony covered the rest of the distance at a more reasonable pace this time and when he was in front of James he extended his hands in question. Right. This was James' decision. No one would force him to do this. It was hard to remember that sometimes but Tony's behaviour gave him the reassurance he needed to extend his arm again.

Tony carefully ran his hands over the smooth surface, getting a feel for it, and then he gingerly turned it around, bend the wrist and fingers in different ways, all with the utmost care. It reminded James a lot of the way the bots handled his hand. "Show me again what doesn't work?" he finally asked and James tried to close his hand again, only to have it stop halfway through. Tony still had his hands on his arm and he moved them a bit closer to the wrist when he asked James to do it again. This time Tony seemed to feel something underneath the metal because he nodded to himself.

"Feels like something in your wrist is stuck. It's probably a cable or a gear that won't turn properly. I have to open it up to get to it."

There was no demand in his voice, it was entirely up to James if he wanted to do this or not, and James felt himself smile. "Okay. Do you have time now?" he asked Tony who smiled in return.

"I always have time for something as gorgeous as this," he told James with a wink and James smile grew wider. Tony always had a way to make him comfortable, even if James didn't feel alright or had a bad day, and this was just another way to do that for him. Sure, it was flirting, James wasn't stupid, but it didn't mean anything, he knew that as well. Tony flirted with everyone, it seemed like that was just who he was, and even if that wasn't the case, James would never be so presuming to think it was about him.

He knew that he looked alright; he had ditched the long hair and the shaggy look and since he regularly ate and slept he had lost his haunted look. But there was still the metal arm and the tons of scars he had around it and as soon as anyone got to know what he had done, no one would look at him twice. James knew that, and while it stung badly on his bad days, it mostly was okay. Besides, he had lost his charming ways long before the fall and he knew that he couldn't charm anyone anymore. Still, it was nice that Tony sometimes turned his flirting towards him, even if it meant nothing.

Tony tugged him towards one of his workbenches, after he silently asked James if that would be okay, and James went willingly. He sat down on a bench after Tony thoughtfully pushed the chair he usually worked in to the side. James watched Tony walk around in the workshop, gathering tools he thought he would need and he laid them all out on the table.

"Do you want me to explain what I'm doing?" he offered James while he searched for something in the chaos he just created. James was fairly certain that this wouldn't be anything like Hydra but he could never predict his flashbacks and someone talking to him wouldn't hurt anyone.

"If that's alright with you," James said, while Tony finally found the tool he was looking for and settled down beside him.

"'Course it is," he answered and James could see that he was already thinking about the upcoming work. James had to give him some credit for being so calm, because he knew that Tony had waited to get his hands on the arm since James had arrived at the tower. But because James had waited so long to let anyone take a look at it, it felt like it was something he did for himself now and not for somebody else, and it made him feel really good.

As soon as Tony came close to the arm he started a running commentary on what exactly it was he was doing, along with some explanation as to how the arm worked. James didn't even have a basic understanding of the inner workings of his arm, since no one took the time to explain it to him, if it got damaged he had to rely on his handlers to repair it, and Tony was giving James a piece he hadn't known was missing.

The arm always made him dependent on someone, the Hydra agents in charge had always made it abundantly clear that even if he managed to escape, or even would want to, he had to come back eventually just to get maintenance on the arm. The person who had designed it surely wasn't thinking about endurance because while the arm could take some heavy hits, it always needed repairing afterwards and on the rare occasions James got to spend some time out of cryo-freeze for a longer mission it broke down pretty quickly. He had wondered, that it had held up so well until now, but he hadn't done anything taxing with it, so that probably explained it.

But now, with Tony explaining everything, and even showing him how some basic functions worked, he could take care of the arm himself, as long as it wasn't seriously damaged. James knew that he would need some lessons as to how to repair it correctly but so far everything seemed fairly manageable to him and it gave him another bit of freedom from Hydra, James hadn't known he was still missing.

Tony took his time with the arm, and when James asked him to check it completely, and not only the wrist so he could get his motion back, he seemed more than happy to do it.

Though James essentially allowed Tony to do what he wanted with the arm, he limited himself to checking it over for obvious degeneration and when he couldn't find anything else he didn't linger.

"That's it. Apart from that little hiccup in the wrist the arm looks fine to me. Not good, I could most definitely do better, I mean how much do you even feel with that, but no more damage."

"What do you mean you could do better?" James asked while Tony closed the arm up again.

"What do you feel with this?" Tony asked him instead of giving an answer and James shrugged.

"Pressure. Pain if it's really bad and near to the shoulder. Intense heat and cold, though mostly because it messes with my movement."

"I can definitely do better. I'm talking touch here. Texture. Heat and cold in a more normal range. Pain if you want."

James stared nonplussed at Tony because he hadn't expected that. Improvements sure, but not to this extend.

"I brushed up on my prosthetics knowledge. Not saying I can give it to you next week but I will be able to come up with a prototype by the end of the month. If you let me scan you, because I'm missing the inner workings of your joint."

"Scan how?" James warily asked because he would not climb into a machine.

"Jarvis can do it. Right now, right here. If you want, that is."

"Did Steve put you up to this? To make me a new arm so he can finally get rid of this one?"

"What? No!" Tony sounded genuinely hurt but James refused to feel bad. Steve had tried to use Tony once before, so it wasn't so far-fetched.

"I just thought it would be nice for you to feel more with this one. I don't even have to make you a new one. I could probably tweak this one as much as I like but that would be more difficult. You'd have to be here all the time, not that you're here all the time anyway, but it would take me some time to get it done and you would have to be attached to the arm the whole time and it could hurt, not sure how delicate everything is. But I could just give you a new inner arm so to speak if that is what you want."

James was still glaring at Tony, unsure if he could believe him and Tony raised his hands in surrender.

"Or I just could back off now and leave you be, got it. Didn't mean to upset you. There's no need to go Winter Soldier on me."

That startled James out of his glare but before he could say anything Natasha strolled into the workshop. She took in the situation in a second and carefully moved next to Tony in a very protective gesture.

"James, I need you to calm down."

James was confused, because he felt calm and it must have shown on his face because Tony nudged Natasha in the hip. "I don't need you to protect me. I don't think he meant to look like that."

Natasha looked down at James before she looked at Tony. "Maybe he needs me to protect you," she said and Tony quickly turned back around to James.

"Right," he breathed and slowly scooted away from James.

"What's going on?" James asked because he really had no clue what was happening right now.

"James, you sometimes go a little Winter Soldier on us," Tony explained from the other end of the bench.

"What?"

"It mostly happens when you're sparring or on your bad days," Natasha calmly said and she didn't move away from him. "You seem to…get lost a bit and then you get this look and it's deathly and a bit dead actually and then we know we temporarily lost you to your programming."

"Why did you never tell me that? I didn't realize I was doing that," he admitted and felt a new wave of horror wash over him. What if he hurt someone while he was in that state? He wouldn't even realize it.

"It's been getting better. And you never seem to realize that you got lost so we talked to your therapist and she said she would mention it. I guess she didn't."

"You're right, she didn't! Why didn't I realize I was losing time?"

Before Natasha could answer Tony interrupted. "What do you remember from this right now?"

"You explained to me what you could do with the arm, or a new arm, and I still wasn't sure if Steve set you up to this and suddenly you backed away and Natasha came in."

Natasha looked at Tony for confirmation and Tony frowned.

"What? Is that not right? Did something happen?"

"No. No," Tony quickly reassured him. "That is exactly what happened."

Natasha thoughtfully turned back around to James. "Yesterday when we sparred. What happened after I kicked the knife out of your hand?"

"I put you into a headlock until you kicked me hard where no man should ever be kicked. I let go of you, and you immediately aimed for my head. I dodged, swept your feet out from under you but you managed to turn it into a roll. You went for my head again, I caught your hand, twisted it behind your body and sat on you to incapacitate you. You tried to free yourself, kicked me in the ribs in the process and then you tapped out."

"Huh," Natasha said and sat down between Tony and James. "That is correct. Those were exactly the moves that happened after."

"So I'm not missing time?" James carefully asked, still a bit worried. He still vividly remembered the night he attacked Clint and if that was something that happened more often than he had realized, he wasn't sure locking himself up in his room wouldn't be the best solution for this.

"Doesn't seem like it. What were you thinking while you fought?" Tony asked him.

"Not much. Natasha is so quick; I usually don't have time to think much. It's just reacting and instinct."

"I tapped out because I feared you would break my arm," Natasha interjected and she sounded honestly regretful.

"I wouldn't! I just applied enough pressure to make you realize that you wouldn't come out of this. I would never hurt you. Or anyone in this tower. Not deliberately," he added with thoughts to Clint.

Natasha looked thoughtful when she searched his eyes. "You really are in control, aren't you?"

"I always thought so. You were the ones who made me think I could snap at any moment. Especially Steve. In the beginning he made me feel like I would immediately fall back into old behaviour if he wasn't around to remind me that I'm not the Soldier anymore."

"But you are," Natasha said and she didn't sound cruel or even mean. "You are the Soldier. You integrated that part into yourself. I should have noticed that sooner."

"So what you're saying is that there is no danger from Robocop here," Tony wanted to know and Natasha nodded.

"I mean, I can't be sure, but it would make a lot of sense. He never attacked us. He just got all serious and intense."

"That's who I am," James sighed because he knew that he wasn't a lot of fun to be around.

"Steve made it sound like you should be a bit different."

James tensed up at that. "Steve can't see that I'm not his Bucky anymore. I'm not the carefree, cocky guy he told you about. I don't think I ever will be again. If you'll excuse me now," he said and stood up, carefully avoiding looking at them, not wanting to see the disappointment that he couldn't live up to the stories in their eyes. Or worse yet, the pity that came with that realization.

Before he could get far Tony snatched his hand. "I like you fine the way you are," he lowly said and James couldn't find a trace of untruthfulness in him.

Next to Tony Natasha nodded. "He's right. We like you the way you are. We were just always a little worried, because we believed that the Soldier could take over any moment. It made the most sense, because you're not the most talkative and we didn't know what to think. We only had Steve's stories to go by."

James felt a weight fall off his shoulder and he relaxed a bit in Tony's grip. "I'm not… I know that I'm not doing fine, but I'm good enough. If you can believe my therapist, I am handling things pretty well but a lot of things are still incredibly difficult for me. Like socializing. Or loosen up enough to joke with you. I'm not comfortable doing that yet."

"And that's fine. You went through hell; you shouldn't be expected to come out unchanged," Tony said and Natasha nodded her agreement.

"We just had no reference. You keep private, James, the only place you really go to is here and Tony doesn't talk about your visits. So we were worried when you seemed to behave differently. But if we know that this is you, and that you are fine, things are different."

"How are things different now?" James inquired, because he could not see what that revelation would change. The team wouldn't suddenly like him just because of that. Maybe they would try to understand but it wouldn't immediately change a lot, if anything at all.

"If this is you, being fully in control, there's no reason to keep you holed up here in the tower. You can probably go on missions with us," Natasha told him and James looked up, startled.

"I can what?" he asked, because he needed to verify that he had heard her right.

"Steve didn't take you on missions so far because he was afraid you would fall back on the Soldier. He didn't trust you and we just took his judgment for granted."

"Just because I won't fall back on the Soldier doesn't mean you can trust me. I still did all this stuff. Killed all these people. It doesn't change a thing."

"It changes a lot of things, James. I trust you," Tony honestly said and James was caught off guard again. "I let you come down here all the time, don't I. You have a code for the door. How many people have one, do you think?"

"I figured the team would have it as well."

"Nope," Tony said and Natasha sighed. It obviously was an ongoing topic between these two. "The Captain has one because Jarvis gave it to him when I was on a work binge and wouldn't come out to eat. I didn't change it but I also didn't decide to give it to him. Pepper has one, as does Rhodey. The rest of the team, not so much."

"I didn't know that," James admitted

"Now you do. And now that we know you're not very likely to kill us during a mission, we'd be pleased to take you with us. We could always need the back up."

"We'd have to train more, so that we know how you tick in a combat situation but I don't see why you should stay here when we go out," Natasha added.

"What about Steve? I'm not sure he'll believe that I won't regress to the Soldier with the way I still am."

"What do you mean?" Tony asked him and he sounded genuinely curious.

"He wants his Bucky back. The guy I was before I fell from the train. Maybe even the guy I was before I went into war. I don't think he realized yet that that won't happen."

"But you're here," Tony said, confused, but Natasha nodded like she understood exactly what he was saying.

"Steve's a bit hung up on that idea, that much is true. But if we explain it to him, I think he'll understand."

"I'm not so sure," James mumbled but he didn't speak up. "Maybe someone should talk to him?" he eventually said when no one bothered to say anything else.

"Maybe you should. I came down here to ask Tony something actually, so maybe you could do it now," Natasha told him and James shoulders slumped. He really didn't want to confront Steve with this. But one look at Tony, who nodded encouragingly, told him that he would have no choice but to do this now.

"Fine. You're terrible people. If he flips out, I'll blame you."

Natasha nodded like she didn't expect anything else but Tony seemed a bit hesitant now. "You can always come right back down, you know that, right?" he asked James, who nodded slightly.

"Yeah. Not sure about the arm though," he admitted, because he didn't want Tony to think that him coming back down meant he agreed to that.

"No problem. Not sure you should get a new arm to be honest," Tony said and while James looked quizzically at him, Natasha groaned.

"Why is that?" James asked carefully, because Natasha's reaction told him that maybe he didn't want to know the answer.

"You're gorgeous enough as it is," Tony finally said with a big grin and a wink in James direction and Natasha groaned again.

James fought the small smile that played around his mouth and shot back with "I bet you say that to all the people with metal arms."

"Only the ones who make me laugh," Tony didn't hesitate to respond but then Natasha clasped Tony's arm.

"Please don't. I don't need to see you flirt. I was at your birthday party, remember. I saw enough of that."

"I was dying there," Tony exclaimed, "that shouldn't even count."

James watched those two bicker while they walked away to Tony's workbench and when they didn't turn back around to him, he finally sucked it up and walked out of the workshop to search for Steve.