Day 01 - 12/23/2015

Part 02

Let's talk about Jaden.

Jaden is a street kid. He doesn't know his own last name, hence his Tumblr name: JadenSomething. We talked a lot about his past and my past, both being equivalently interested in the others so much different life. For me his life sounds like an adventure, for him it meant sleeping in trash bags and eating leftovers of other people. My life insists of being either enclosed at school or home doing nothing but homework while he dreams of having a family, a big house and education.
We're from different worlds, but we have a solid agreement on important things in life. That's what counts.

He is better now, having found that job in a strip club although he is only sixteen. I asked once how he managed to do that, but he never answered the question. I guess the message got lost on Tumblr; it happens sometimes. He isn't stripping though, no, he is 'the boy for everything'. That means he's mopping up the floor or repairing the toilets or buying cigarettes for the girls who are working there. He told me that the kiosk guy loves him as he is coming by almost every day, buying up to ten packs of cigarettes at once.

I sit down on a bench once more, typing up a response to Jaden. Our messages are short as of late, the long nights of writing back and forth are over. A thought forms up inside me: Could I stay a night over at his place?

I am not sure where he lives, I remember him saying it was close to the club. The thought of meeting him in real life makes me anxious but at the same time warm. He posted a pic of him once on Tumblr but deleted it shortly afterwards. I am not sure if anyone besides me has ever seen it. He's a cute guy. But I have no idea if he's gay. Probably not.

I'll risk it. I hit enter to make a new paragraph for my question: 'Hey, I know this comes super suddenly, but could I stay at your place for one night?' I hit send and get up.

What was the name of the club again? Something with snake. The Dark Snake? Or The Black Snake? Either way, I know where it is, I googled it once. I never went into that corner of the city, it's near the central station, in the bad quarter. Dad warned me about it. I frown and walk faster. Stupid thought. Just because Dad said it was 'bad' it doesn't mean it is.

Now and then I refresh my Tumblr, waiting for a reply from Jaden. He's still working, but it must be a slow night, because he had time to answer before 2 am, the time when he's done. Chances are, he will answer again soon.

Someone's texting me via Whatsapp, it's Ishizu.

Ishizu: Rishid told me (11:21 PM)
Ishizu: where are you? you're going home? (11:21 PM)

She hasn't responded to my messages but this now is more urgent.

Marik: No, I am not. (11:22 PM)

I don't add more, leaving it to take effect like it is. How will Ishizu react? She ran away from home just a few hours ago; will she now advise me to do the opposite?

Ishizu: good (11:23 PM)

I grin. This is why I feel closer to her than to Rishid.

She writes more, I feel the vibration in my pocket but decide to walk a bit more. The central station must be here somewhere. I stop a woman and ask her, she points to one direction. There are still a lot of people busy despite most of the stores being closed. I pass a liquor store with a buzzing 24/7 sign and wide open doors with a large group of guys inside.

My phone vibrates more. I stop and take a look.

Rishid: Where are you now? (11:31 PM)

Dammit.

Marik: I am not coming home tonight. Sorry, Rishid (11:31 PM)

Two of three kids out the house at the same time. I can't remember this happening before, except for vacations or similar. Even then, we were together with Dad all the time. Only once, Ishizu was allowed to sleep over at a girls house but it was embarrassing because Dad called her like every hour. I check my chat with Ishizu.

Ishizu: hope he'll freak out tonight, then clear up and realize we're right! (11:23 PM)
Ishizu: Seto's home, he's heading to bed (11:25 PM)
Ishizu: but I'm still writing (11:25 PM)
Ishizu: not going to sleep until you found somewhere you can sleep (11:25 PM)
Ishizu: please don't go clubbing all night. better get some rest if you can (11:25 PM)
Ishizu: or do whatever the heck you want, I'm not Dad! (11:26 PM)

I laugh. Meanwhile Rishid texted me back but I'm answering Ishizu first.

Marik: Seto is his name eh? Long, tall and handsome? :P (11:33 PM)
Marik: I'm staying at a friend you know the one (11:33 PM)
Marik: Jaden (11:33 PM)
Marik: just want to scare Dad off, I'll be back in the morning I guess (11:33 PM)

I have no idea if Jaden can take me but I don't want to worry her. I switch over to the chat with Rishid:

Rishid: He's mad. (11:33 PM)

Awesome. See? Ishizu gets me. And I don't get Rishid. Not sure if I ever got him.

Marik: He is always mad. (11:34 PM)

I finally get moving again. The temperature has dropped. I am fine for now but the question is for how long. I could get through the night I think. I wouldn't go clubbing - not that anyone would let me in a nightclub with my sweet sixteen years - but could walk like this forever. I love walking. And running. Comes as natural to me like flying to a caged bird.

There's a strange group of people on an open plaza. Lots of them are sitting on the ground, some are walking strangely. It reminds me of zombie movies, to be honest. Slow movements and filthy clothes. People who have to get through them avoid as much contact as they can. Drug junkies, that's who those zombies are. Some are begging when people pass them, but most are just occupied with themselves.

Behind that plaza there's a busy street and right behind that is the central station with the big clock on top. Quarter to midnight.

Alright, I'm in the right district of the city. Let's check if Jaden wrote.

He did! 'Just for one night, ain't? that should be possible. you know the adress?'
After that he continued our normal conversation.

Yes! I can stay. I'm thrilled! It's the first time for me to be at somebody else's place over night. In addition, at somebody as cool as Jaden. Plus, in the dangerous part of the town. Plus, I get to teach Dad a lesson! Make him understand that I don't need him. That I am grown up. That he cannot keep me locked up forever.

I write back, Jaden answers quickly. We drop our main conversation stream and concentrate on getting me to him. The club's name is 'The White Snake' and it should be just around the corner. Jaden doesn't come off as surprised in his messages nor does he ask why I need a place to sleep. I pass the zombies on the plaza and try the next street. I don't dare to ask anyone. Everybody seems to be either very guarded or a drug addict.

When I finally see The White Snake I'm a bit - shocked is a too strong word. I'm amazed, I guess. The whole long street is just an accumulation of strip clubs and bars. Lots of people outside, many of them drunk, many laughing or fighting. The neon signs are all flickering with the same message, music is streaming from every club, the air smells thick.

I cross the road, following the neon sign of the bar. The big letters change colors while the snake above them stays white. Its tongue flashes on and off, trying to create the illusion of hissing. The building is thicker on the first floor. The four levels above look plain in contrast to the first. The last level is the smallest.

Two guards stand before red wide curtains, two big men dressed in dark clothing. One is talking while the other smokes a cigarette and listens. Uh, I don't believe they will let me in. You need to be either eighteen or twenty-one to get in, I guess. I walk past the entrance, checking messages. The club is right at the corner of the street, connected to a silent crossing. There are people on those streets too, but since it seems to be a residential neighborhood, it is much quieter.

'yeah, just walk behind the club to the backyard. I get you' Jaden writes.

Behind it? I turn into the street. As I walk along the wall I see a small passage between the buildings, which brings me the weird sight of two half-naked women sitting on plastic chairs and smoking next to an open door. One has long black hair, the other short and brown. Both wear long, unbuttoned coats over their thongs and bras. Above them, a hard light is flickering. Next to them is the fire escape, strangely it is flipped open so you can access it from the ground.
The yard is not big, it barely contains space for the three cars crammed together on the parking spots. The women don't seem to notice me and eagerly suck on their death stumps. I still don't dare to get too close so I just linger around and message Jaden:

'I'm there. get me puhleeeze!'

He doesn't answer. He might be on his way. Hopefully.
Suddenly I remember that I haven't ever met him face to face and get nervous. Dammit, he was good-looking on that pic, wasn't he? Dark hair, slim body, cute smile.

Just as I start visualize what he will say and what I should answer - the most common daydreaming topic in my life: planning for conversations that will either never happen or never happen in that way I imagined them - he steps out. He's dressed in jeans too big for him and a plain grey shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, hands and eyes on his smartphone. A smile appears on his lips, then he looks up.

He grins, I grin back. I can't help it as usual, but this time it is sincere. His pace increases as he comes towards me. We lock eyes, he puts his phone away and lifts one arm. "Marik!" he greets me as our bodies touch in a hug. "Nice to meet you." His voice is deeper than I imagined.

"Nice to meet you too, Jaden," I answer, putting one arm around him as well. Just as the bro etiquette requires, we pat each other's backs for a few times, then pull away.

"Thanks for letting me stay." I'm still smiling.

"No problem, friend." Brown, untamed hair over dark eyes and that cute smile. He looks just like on that picture, if not better. My heart is beating faster but I try not to let it show.

He turns and gesticulates me to follow. "I have to work til 2 am and now I took a small break, so I don't have much time but I'll show you where you can sleep."

"Thanks Jaden," I reply, feeling a burden fall from my heart. I didn't notice it was there until it was gone. That weight of worries that is hidden somewhere inside your chest, to which only heavy sighs can bring temporary relief.

We pass the two women who throw curious glances at us. I deliberately say women, not girls. Here outside under the unfavorable light, which throws long shadows on every wrinkle, the women look old. They aren't older than my brother though, but they are clearly not girls anymore. The short haired woman nods at Jaden and flicks her cigarette to the ground. "Have a friend, Jaden?" she asks with a playful tone in her voice.

Jaden chuckles as response, then pushes me through the entrance. I catch a glance at the other woman, the long haired one; she is thin, underweight even. I shudder inwardly as I notice her collar bone standing out so prominently.

Inside, various smells welcome me. I had not taken notice of the cigarette smell outside, but now I do. There is more; sweet perfume, sweat, food and a few more. Muffled music comes through from another room. The light is hitting me hard from above, it is brighter inside here than daylight. A long mirror with more lights above it shows my reflection blinking at myself. There's a big table with Chinese food boxes on it and there is a coat stand with stripper clothes. A lot of them. And a lot of them more inside opened locker boxes and on chairs and a few on the shelf before the mirror.
You know how strip club dressing rooms look in movies, right? They always have red wallpapered walls and a red carpet. This one has an ugly color. I'd call it puke #12. The floor does have a carpet though. A nice, dark blue one. One foot before the mirror it stops for wooden boards.
A girl sits in front of the mirror, brushing her hair. She glances at Jaden, then at me. She clearly does not mind me seeing her naked breasts, nipples pointing towards us. Why would she, it's her job to show strangers her body. But I am taken aback. Even though her body is not the target of my sexuality, it is still a naked body and I can't help but to stare at her.

"Come, this way." Jaden tugs at my jacket. I really like his voice.

"Who's that?" the girl asks.

"Pshh, we were never here!" Jaden winks at her and she smiles.

We leave the room through a different door. The smell and lighting change rapidly. It's dark and the stink of cigarettes is gone. Perfume and sweat still linger here though. Five doors numbered from one to five are on the other side of the room, accompanied by dim lighting. Above them a metal sign, 'private rooms' written on it in a cursive font. I can barely read it. On the left side are two heavy, red curtains. I cannot distinguish anything through the small slit between them. On the right side there are stairs and Jaden is heading towards them. I follow him.

"Thank you so much," I say, as we climb upstairs.

"Is fine," he laughs and I notice the accent. Instead of saying 'it's fine' as it would be grammatically correct, he talks like a stereotypical black guy - which he isn't, obviously. Am I racist? Maybe it's the environment that makes him talk like that.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

I stare at his butt. "I'm fine," I say absentmindedly, then correct myself. "I mean, as far as the situation goes."

"And the situation would be...?" He stretches the last word.

"Running away from home," I say. The next second I regret saying it. But actually, it's not the words that feel wrong in the presence of Jaden. It's the act of running away from home itself. Just thinking about it while looking at him makes me feel ill.

Jaden looks over his shoulder, halting his next step for a moment. "Oh." We reach the second floor and Jaden continues going up to the third floor. Is this where he lives? Above the strip club? "Why would you do that? What happened?" he asks.

Yeah, why did I do that actually? It seems pointless now. In six hours I will have to get up again and go home. Nothing will have changed. I feel stupid.
I'm glad that my real life meeting with Jaden went that well. You never know how it will turn out. You can be best friends with someone over a chat, but awkward once you see them for real. But with him, it all seems easy. He really is a cool guy.

That's why I feel that I can be honest with him, without putting to much thought into my sentences before I sound them out. So I just start to explain him what happened from start to finish: My sister's alleged pregnancy. Dad, yelling and slapping her. Her, running away from home to her boyfriend. Me, being outside for a few hours but getting busted. My father calling me. Rishid not understanding me or Ishizu.

After I finish, I feel even more stupid. Compared to Jaden's life, those are first world problems. Yeah, it's not fair that Dad doesn't let us out much. But there's no need in running away from your family because of that. Dad isn't all that bad. He can be the most wonderful father most of the times. Unless we don't agree with him. But that how it's in all families, right? You fight and you forgive.

We reached the top floor. The walls have the same pukey color here. But it smells clean, because all the windows are open.

Jaden pulls out a key ring out of his pockets and opens the only door in the chilly hall. It is dark inside, but I can see a lot of boxes, trash bags, lamps, dead neon signs, tables and chairs all cramped together in the room. Jaden doesn't take the effort to lighten up the room but walks through the mess to another door, locking it up with a different key. He hasn't said a word yet to my story and I fear that this is were our worlds collide.
How can I dare to talk about running away from an almost perfect home, while he had to fight his way out of the streets since his mom practically dumped him in the trash when he was twelve? He had been in foster care then, he told me once. The first family was alright, but never really cared for him and left him by himself. He was taken to a second one then, and then to a third one. The third one was a family of drug addicts. He ran away from them, if I recall right and stayed out of the focus of foster care ever since.

Jaden pushes the door open and we go inside. "So you'll stay for just one night, right?" He is smiling again, putting up a friendly face for me. I wonder what his true feelings about me are now.

His room is small. And cold. The window is not open, but the room is just as cold as the hall outside. There's not much to see here; there's a bed on one side of the wall, reaching up to the middle of the room, a bookshelf, a desk and a chair, a big box with clothes in it and a carpet. Dark blue, just like the one down in the dressing room of the girls. Brown curtains, right and left of the window. A washbasin in the corner. Several posters of comic book characters and movies hang on the wall above his bed.
I keep my jacket on and step to the bookshelf. "Yeah. Just that one night." I turn to him. "I'm gone in the morning."

"I'm glad to help," he says, throwing the keys on the bed. I frown. There are several thick blankets on his bed. Is his heater broken?

I turn back to the books. The shelf is bigger than me and there is a decent amount of books and comics in it. They seem to be placed in a logical order. "So, did you start reading Deadpool yet?" I pick a random comic out of the shelf and remember the spot it has been.
'Deadpool' is a comic character who got his very own movie, coming in February. Jaden is not much into Marvel, but he thought that this character looked like fun and he wanted to get into his comics before watching the movie.

"Hah, no. I always forget about that." Jaden laughs. He takes a seat on his bed and watches me as I turn pages in the Batman comic. "What's the make-up for?" he finally asks, hiding his laugh in a snort.

I put the book away into the right spot and huff. "It's just a bit," I mutter, unsure what to say. He meant the coal around my eyes, not the subtle make up powder, I guess, but guys never know the difference and call all those things 'make-up'. I never wear it on other occasions. Never wear my earrings either. They noticed in school that I have my ears pierced and tease me sometimes for it. But only when I take the train fifteen minutes far away from my home I can be who I am. A little bit gay. A little bit myself.

Once, Jaden caught me writing something about guys on Tumblr. He reblogged it too. But he didn't comment anything homophobic on it, so I guess he hasn't got anything against gays. But you never know. I better just not mention it.

Jaden lets himself fall backwards. "Ugh, I'm so tired. Still need to go out-" he interrupts himself. I turn to him and see a bit of his stomach revealed. Isn't he cold?

"Go outside?" I move to the bed and sit next to him. The posters catch my eyes. It's Harley Quinn, hugging - or rather snuggling Poison Ivy, both barely dressed. The poster next to that is a naked girl from the playboy magazine. Dammit. Jaden is straight. What a disappointment.

"Hm, yeah." He gets up again and grins. "So? What do you think of my little home? Fleek, ain't? Basic too, I guess, but hey I came a long way up here."

"So much fleek, very comfy" I say, feeling the corners of my mouths rising. His smile is super addictive. "Yeah, came up a long way up here to the fifth floor," I add.
But honestly? His room is super small. Our guest bathroom is bigger! My room is full of stupid things I never use and he barely manages to fill up half his book shelf despite being such a big reader.

He laughs. "Ahh, Marik! I knew we would hit off instantly!"

I grin more. Hit off instantly. Yeah, if only you were gay. "Why is it so cold here though?" I ask.

He shrugs. "Eh, the heater is an asshole sometimes."

"I couldn't sleep in here when it's so cold."

"Ah, I sleep downstairs when it doesn't work."

"Downstairs?"

He sits back down next to me, putting enough space between us, since we're guys and guys aren't allowed to be physically close ever. "Yeah. Akefia let's me sleep in their place."

"Oh, that's nice of him." Why won't he let someone repair the heater tho?

Jaden nods. "I feel lucky, you know. Having a place for myself, having work. I feel super lucky to have met Akefia."

'Akefia' is the owner of the strip club, Jaden has mentioned him sometimes. So he lives in this building too. I still wonder why that guy would let Jaden live and work here. He must be a good guy I guess. Giving a homeless kid a chance. But isn't it illegal tho?

I'm still smiling at Jaden, when he perks up and snaps his fingers. "Alright, Marik. So I need to go back down and you," he gets up, "you can just go to sleep." He steps to the heater behind the bed and turns it on. "Should be warm soon." It begins to rattle quietly. Wait, I thought it was broken?

"And you'll sleep downstairs?" I ask.

He nods. "Just gimme two of those and I'll be fine." He reaches and grabs two blankets, rolling them up on his arm.

"Thanks," I say again, probably for the third or fourth time. But I'm truly thankful.

"Stop it," Jaden grins and moves his hand to a short wave. "Good night, you golden bird thing." He refers to my apparently overly complicated Tumblr URL. It's an inside joke between us.

I grin and roll my eyes. "Good night, Jaden something."

He moves to the door. "I'm gonna be awake at uh, probably nine or ten," he muses, "or rather at eleven."

Oh. I look up.

"When d'you need to go?" he asks.

"Um." I think about it. There's no school tomorrow, thanks to Christmas break. I wanted to get up early so I'd be there before Dad wakes up. Somehow I assume that this will make him less angry. But you know what? I don't care if he gets angrier. I'm gonna take my time. So I nod to Jaden and say: "Yeah, nine or eleven, sounds all fine to me. Just wake me up when you're up."

"Alright, good night." He leaves the room, closing the door behind himself.

"Good night," I mutter, then listen to his steps until I cannot hear them anymore.

I let myself fall backwards and sigh. There's dust hanging from the ceiling. I can see some on the lamp too. But it's not my room, I have no right to complain. I get up and step to the window. The fire escape reaches up to here and goes even further. But wait, isn't this the last floor? Ah, it goes up to the roof for whatever reason.

The heater has stopped rattling. It is warmer already, after all it is a small room. I turn it down a bit, then undress myself. I wonder if I can borrow some kind of pajamas from Jaden, I'm not someone who likes to sleep half-naked. I leave my jacket, sweater and pants on the chair, my earrings on the table and put my boots next to the door. There's a big hoodie and some oversized jogging pants in the clothing box, which I put on.

I turn the heater down more, turn off the lights, then climb under the remaining five layers of blankets. Jaden does not seem to have the usual thick comforter one would expect to find on every bed in this state, even tho it's freaking December. Then it dawns on me. He probably hasn't had enough money to buy that yet. He has to pay for rent and food and whatnot first then think of buying everything else. I feel like a big baby and hide under the blankets. Tomorrow I'll just return to my secured home with our heated floor in the living room and the ice maker and weather display in our double-door refrigerator in the kitchen while my friend lives with a off-and-on broken heater and a cardboard box for his wardrobe.

I forgot to text Ishizu. But I already told her I was secure. It must be half past twelve, she's surely sleeping already. When I listen closely, I can sense the beat from the music downstairs. The heater isn't as quiet as I assumed, I can hear a weak hissing noise coming from it. Light from outside comes through my window. Right, I'm in the big city. I get up to close the curtains. I watch people and cars still passing by. The neon signs are still blinking in and out of beat with each other. The sky looks grey and sad.

Just as I grab both curtains, right and left, I hear someone walking on the fire escape. The metal clinks and moves slightly. Does the person climb up or down? Surely up, cause who would -

I'm wrong.

He's thin. Immensely bright, long hair hides his brown eyes. The coat is too big. Between his lips, the stump of a cigarette. He stares irritated into my eyes, as if he wasn't expecting someone standing there. Or maybe not me. Yeah right, he surely knows all the neighbors in this building, so he must know Jaden is living alone. He stops at my window, takes the little rest of tobacco and paper out of his mouth and flicks it over the railing, breaking our eye contact. I feel the sudden impulse to wave, because for some reason I don't want him to stop looking at me. I lift my hand and wave awkwardly, but he doesn't seem to have noticed and continues going downstairs much quicker than I would've dared on those shaky steps.

I press my face against the window's glass, trying to see where he's going but I can't. The fire escape has stopped shaking and I cannot hear him anymore either, but maybe that's because he's too far away. Or does he live directly under Jaden? But that's where Akefia lives, I thought. Did he just climbed out of the window to get to the roof to smoke? It seems like everyone here just loves smoking. But why not go downstairs? Ah, the roof is closer. That must be it.

Whatever. It's late. I should sleep. But it's weird, I suddenly feel excited. Stirred up. That guy was hot. He had this... I don't know, vibe around him. I wonder what's the thing with his hair. Did he bleach it? I try to remember if his eyebrows were dark but I barely could see his eyes under that big fringe.

I close the curtains, fish my phone out of my jacket and get under the covers again. Ishizu wrote about an hour ago, wishing me goodnight and expressing her relief that I am safe with a bunch of emojis. I send some text and emojis back, mute my phone then put it next to the pillow and close my eyes.

I have some trouble falling asleep, since I'm in a stranger's bed and room. I miss my clock, the regular ticking sound above me, the feeling of my blanket around my shoulders, the smell of my vanilla candle on my nightstand. I haven't even washed my make-up off my face or brushed my teeth. I guess it's alright for just that one night. Maybe Jaden has a spare toothbrush. I'm gonna ask him tomorrow morning.