Now

The moment she is alone, Emma heads straight to Hook's apartment, knowing that he is the only person in the town who she can trust to take care of her, when all she wants to do is run away, curl up and die. He is no longer staying at Granny's; he has his own place now where the couple spend the majority of their time together.

When she arrives, Emma hammers at the door but no one answers. Tears start to stream down her face. She is terrified of being alone right now. She doesn't feel like herself and has no control over her erratic emotions. She could do anything. Shaking, the Sherriff opens the door with her spare key and stumbles inside. She trips ungracefully over everything in her path until she reaches the bedroom, a place she associates with peace and quiet. Emma collapses onto the bed, sobbing hysterically.

She is supposed to be the saviour of this town, but she doesn't know where to start. Any saving she has done so far has been guesswork, and even then she has always had help. She is a sorry excuse for a Sherriff, for a saviour, for a mother and for a girlfriend. No wonder Hook wasn't home, why would he want to see her?

The poisonous thoughts whirl around her head, never ceasing. She doesn't know how long she lies there for, consumed by self-hatred. She begins to feel the need for pain, because physical pain is so much easier to deal with than this overwhelming emotion that causes her to feel like she's drowning. Emma knows her pirate must keep a razor in his home somewhere, but she hesitates. She doesn't want to disappoint him by ruining her body even further. He deserves so much more than some broken saviour who thinks slicing her skin open will somehow make her stronger, or a better version of herself.

Then she can't wait anymore. The urge is too strong. Emma sits up on the bed, kicking off her shoes and stripping off her jacket at the same time. She takes off all of her clothes and shoves them hastily into the wardrobe, slamming it shut with shaking hands. It's hard to focus on her surroundings; all she can think about is the pounding of her heart and the need for release.

She ransacks the bathroom, searching every shelf of every cupboard until she finds a clean and unused razor. Emma switches on the shower and while it's warming up, she breaks the plastic away from the tiny blades. Once they're free she steps into the shower. She doesn't even look at her hip, just swipes the blade across it, gasping at the sting. She does it again, and again. She loses count, although it wasn't that many as there was only so much space on her hip. As the water continues to run she looks down to see blood everywhere. It covers her entire leg and the bottom of the shower. Emma chokes back a sob. It doesn't even hurt.

"Swan?"

Emma almost slips in shock. Standing in the doorway is Killian, looking like he's just seen a ghost. She whimpers, regret filling her. Regret for letting him see this, regret for hurting him. She feels no regret for the pain she has caused herself. She sees his eyes meet the blade in her hand and watches as realisation floods his features. Without care for himself, he steps into the shower fully clothed and takes the blade from her hand.

"No," Emma murmurs, her voice cracking, "I'm not done."

"Aye, Swan." He says softly, nodding. "You are."

She shakes her head as she watches him throw the blade away. He doesn't understand- she needs it back. "Not enough pain… I can't feel it Killian. It doesn't even hurt."

Hook comes back to her and takes her face into his hands, hushing her. "You're hurt enough." He holds her there in the shower while she cries.

When she finally calms down he takes a towel and dries her off, careful not to hurt her anymore. He changes out of his own wet clothes while Emma bandages up her wounds. She won't let him near them, embarrassed of her weakness and he doesn't have the heart to fight her while she is in this state. When they are both cleaned up, he takes her by the hand and leads her to the bed. He lifts up the duvet so she can climb in and tucks it in around her.

He softly runs his hand through her hair. "I love you and I am here for you. You can trust me."

"I know that Killian, I just…" She shakes her head, "I need to find-"

"No, love. You need to sleep." He insists and watches as she finally closes her eyes, exhausted.

Review?