Talking in the Dark Seems to Open Your Heart
"I know you must say no to everyone" Closing the laptop's lid exasperatedly, Tai Kamiya slumped against the blue cushioned pillow behind him.
"How's that?" In more of an argumentative tone that intended, Matt Ishida shuffled the square aside and crossed his arms away.
"Because you'd have let someone love you by now" Tanned fingers separated and gestured power to his childishly abrupt answer. But upon the most powerful of words, words ceased or at least, softened.
"Love?"
Tai knew it was only a dating site. Tai knew love didn't really matter. He wasn't little anymore – he knew it was like still believing in Santa Clause. He wasn't stupid; but apparently his mouth and heart, were: "Love"
"Love? I doubt anyone's ever really loved me; romantically, I mean" Matt stroked the fabric of his baggy T-shirt, the one he only sleeps in, the one he wouldn't be seen dead in by anyone. Anyone, but his goofy friend; Best friend;
Secret love – there's that word again.
Like the brunette, he held no delusions for the word. Because that's all it is really; because the feelings that arise, the feelings that make him hop with joy yet cry with sorrow, feelings like these, they couldn't be described with a word. Just a word and only a four letter one at that.
An affectionate punch in the arm from Tai awoke Matt from his reverie, and these words:
"I love you, Matt" The brunette grinned, which depleted any hope from Matt's mind that he was being sincere.
"Shut up" He played back, yanking the leaned-on pillow and smothering it over a face which was, in his opinion, beautiful.
Retreating, Tai abandoned his post and dashed under the duvet, his back bumped horizontally in an unorthodox manner. Blonde hair kept defensive posture, patient, before seeing messy anyway hair, even messier, slide warily above its trench; pillowcase, his makeshift white flag.
Such a warm sight this side of the window pane, but not far beyond the other side of the glass:
Teardrop raindrops caught by mini snow mountains, red wine sky stained the landscape a diluted rosé, like the wounds of all the fallen snowmen.
Light extinguished, just after four. They'd talk all night again.
"Come closer" Tai swallowed his courage back down, knowing he'd need as much as he could muster.
Pale face paused uncharacteristically. "Is that alright?"
"I'm cold – just come here" Bed sheets ripped open impatiently, Tai covered his tracks with a lie.
Their legs were covered entirely, but they still touched. Matt appeared rigid, but only due to his thoughts and love. And love.
Lips parted, but only air. Then, once more, he tried: "You know, we'll be apart soon; it saddens me to think this way, but a part of me knows it's a waste, us being friends any longer – like, we're delaying the inevitable or something"
Caramel eyes swam around their knees for words. Words are futile in the end; obsolete; but it's all he had. "I kind of see what you mean" But that was all.
"Like we're going nowhere" Matt finished, nudging away, building his wall.
"Not exactly – I always go to the happiest places with you" And Tai bulldozed it over once more.
"I do want to not separate" They were closer again.
"You'll meet loads of new friends" Away from closer again.
"But none like you" Closer again.
"What's special about me?" Away again.
The darkness disguised tears well. It did its job.
"Even when I'd broken my ankle and the hospital food was crap, even when it was raining and I was seven and I thought my hands would glue onto the park swing chains, even when my house was burgled, and even when I thought my brown eyes actually turned blue when I was; you were there, and because of that, those were the best of times"
"Thanks, Tai" It was polite. He was hiding his love well; too well.
Darker shoulders shrugged pleasantly, and both sets slid further down.
Matt wondered there in the darkness how sometimes he could feel really close on nights like these, like if he just tip-toed closer to saying how he really felt, how the darkness might just grant his wish, how four in the morning might see his lips touch Tai's.
For in the darkness, and in the 4AM-ness of it all, there're no distractions, no rushing around, just what it all boils down to. For what it all boils down to is love, and being in the dark with Tai, and being in the dark with Tai 10,000 miles away; they're the same, really.
"You'll be on my mind forever"
But that beautiful boy, those beautiful freckles, beautiful eyes and ears; beautiful chest rising only now and again, beautifully soft breath breathing calm; they were already gone – already asleep.
Lying in the dark, he's close, side-by-side. Hiding his feelings; nearly becoming a feeling inside the other. But it's only now, only while the night lasts.
A smile from Matt, then he fell where Tai had.
Pale, angelic face asleep.
Morning lights.
Tanned, ordinary face awake;
"I'll be there when you need me"
And he'd continue to wait.