"I anticipate with 93.5 percent certainty that my desired outcome will occur after six instances of impromptu combat simulations. Five, if I allow him a blow that forms a colorful contusion on my face."

"Yer' gonna let him hit you in the face?" Kaylee giggled. "Ya' sure have a funny sense on how to get a guy's attention, Riv."

River frowned. "Yes, by standard societal norms, I suppose you are correct," she relented. "However, Jayne does not fall into standard societal norms nor do I. I have researched that many successful relationships are built on experiences, habits, or beliefs that are held in common by both partners. Jayne and I do not share anything in our upbringing that could even be considered remotely similar. Our mannerisms and hobbies are very distinctive from each other. I have concluded that the basis of any romantic relationship between Jayne and myself should be based upon our superior combat skills. "

Kaylee laughed silently at her friend but wondered if the girl weren't overthinkin' it a bit. Jayne was a simple man. He liked food, guns and sex. River was taken the phrase 'fighting for attention' a bit too literal.

"Have you even tried dressin' yerself up real nice, maybe buy a sexy lil' dress?"

"Yes, I have," River beamed. "I plan to introduce sexually provocative clothing into the equation after the facial contusion. I have calculated that Jayne's motivation to fight may be diminished by his guilt in injuring me. His genetically predisposed protectiveness toward a female should combine with the increased attraction from my overtly feminine appearance to produce the desired state of receptivity to my sexual advances."

"I don't know," Kaylee giggled again. "Yer' gonna let him punch ya' in the face, then dress up sexy and try to attack him when he ain't expectin' it?"

"Precisely," River nodded enthusiastically.

"I'm pretty gorram sure that wouldn't work for any man I ever known," Kaylee responded. "But, fer Jayne? Well, I suppose ya' got yerself a mighty fine plan there," she laughed. "But can I offer ya' one piece of advice?"

"Oh, yes, please," River encouraged.

"Sandalwood perfume." Kaylee stated. "Jayne once told me the smell of it drove him nuts."

"Of course! I had neglected to factor in olfactory stimulation. With this additional stimuli, I now calculate only requiring four sessions. Wonderful advice."

"And try to whisper in his ear a lot," Kaylee added.

River frowned. "Why?"

"Just do it," Kaylee laughed. "I promise it will work."

"What should I whisper?"

"Don't matter."

"Thank you, Kaylee. You have offered more than satisfactory input. You are a good friend." River hugged Kaylee tightly. "Now, can you help me figure how to mitigate Captain Daddy's reaction to Jayne and my new romantic relationship?"

"Well that is goin' take some thinkin' on," she smirked. "Better grab that bottle over there. We got ourselves some tricky figurin' and, I don't know 'bout you, but I do my bet figurin' with a bit of a buzz on."

"Interesting. Perhaps, I should also factor alcoholic inebriation into my strategy," River questioned grimly.

"Now you're cookin' with gas! You really are a genius girl, Riv," she patted her friend's shoulder. "Now pour us a drink, will ya'?"