We have nothing to say.

Disclaimer: no.

Chapter two:

Shimo: You might be right. You do read a lot of 'em. (Hears maniacal laughter coming from bush and many whimpers coming from unknown source. Shimo is getting fed up with this.) ARG! Fuck this! (Gets out from under table despite horrid thing called sunlight and marches over to the bush. She grabs it by the root and pulls with scary vampire strength to find...)

Ed: Oh thank GOD! I'm saved!

Envy: Shut the fuck up Chibi. I'm not done yet.

Roy: (Sitting back with bag of popcorn and large soda smiling at the free show.)

Ed: Don't just sit there... HELP ME!

Roy: Help yourself. I'm not passing this up. (Pulls out video camera.) I'm gonna be richer than the Furher once this gets out on the internet. Now let's see who's gonna be more popular!

Shimo: (squeals with delight.) OMG! Ohmygodohmygodogmygod! HOW CUTE! (Akai peaks over shoulder.) I love black cats! And she has kittens! I feel an Al coming on!

Akai: (squee noises) KAWAII! (Sits next to Roy and steals popcorn) I love this show!
Roy: hey! My popcorn!
Akai: nuh uh! ( Starts fighting with Roy)
Ed: um... hello? Is anyone gonna HELP ME!
Akai: why? This is awesome, Roy is entertained, Envy's having fun, and I don't think Shimo will stop this anytime soon.
Envy: heh, sorry, chibi-san, looks like you're out of luck.

Shimo: (walks up behind Akai with stealth) What won't I stop anytime soon and who's out of luck? (Sees familiar palm-tree homunculus with a very distressed Ed underneath with his arms tied behind his back. Shimo's eye twitches.)

Roy: Why does her eye twitching bother me so?

Envy: And why is MY Edo staring at her like that?

Ed: (To Shimo) I will worship you and follow you to the end of the world if you get this green fucker offa me. (widens eyes)

Shimo: (To Akai) I know you like this, but don't you see something WRONG with that paring?

Ed: So that means you'll help me?

Envy: (Puts gag in Ed's mouth) Shut it Chibi-san. She can't help you if she's dead.

Akai: (shocked) wrong? WRONG! the only thing I see wrong is that it's not night time and there not in some black and red velvet bed! that and Ed's not having fun too, he should be honored to be under Envy! Envy's so damn hot!
Envy: why thank you.( )
Akai: 'c mon, Shimo-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! you know you love it!

Shimo: (x.x;;) Okay, firstly: ED IS BEING VIOLATED! It's a direct hit to his human/anime rights.

Ed: No idea what you're talking about but if it gets HIM offa me... (continues to try and push Envy away. Roy is still trying to get his stolen popcorn back.)

Shimo: And I refuse to sit and/or stand around and allow Envy to molest MY chibi.

Envy: (so shocked he froze in place) Grrrrrrrr... (glares at Shimo) What did you say Vampie Girl?

Akai: but violation is what makes it cool! (ignoring the 'flamer' and holding tighter to the popcorn) and who ever said Ed was your chibi? ill have to fix that! (pulls out a black marker) IT'S SHARPIE TIME!

Envy: do what now?

Ed: do what now?

Roy: gimme my popcorn!

Akai: excuse me, Envy-san. ( unceremoniously grabs Envy by shirt and throws him about three feet away)

Envy: hey! that hurt, you ass!

Ed: am I saved? ( hopeful)

Akai: (ignoring the ass comment) my dear friend, you are NEVER saved. (sits on Ed and pulls off sharpie cap. starts to write on Ed's forehead) property...of...Envy...protected...with...anti-shimo...technology... and...there! all done! (puts cap back on, gets up waves a hand) there you go, Envy. undeniable proof that Ed belongs to you.

Envy: sweet! (jumps back on Ed)

Ed: DAMNIT!

Shimo: Do what you want. But I ain't gonna give up. (glares at Envy who is slightly disturbed by glowing red eyes)

Ed: Hehe... suck it up Envy, you know she scares you.

Envy: (through clenched teeth) Shut it Chibi. (to Shimo) By the way... I was wondering who brought you back?

Shimo: O.O... No idea what you're talking about. And don't get any crazy ideas about trying to find out Akai!

Akai: like I really care? you're a vampire and that is cool. I really couldn't care less who turned you. really, Shimo, what do you take me for, a vampire stalker? please. (happy face) I only stalk bishies! like Ed, Envy, and Roy here.

Ed: bish-what now?

Envy: see, Roy? I TOLD you I was a bishie! (still sitting on Ed, by the way)

Roy: ARE YOU KIDDING! Envy a BISHIE! there is no way he's a bishie! Especially compared to me!

Akai: ( rolls eyes) Arrogant, much?

Shimo: That's the way Roy is. He's always been an arrogant bastard. Right Roy?

Roy: Yup... wait... what'd you call me?

Shimo: See? He even admitted it. Alrighty, fine. You win Bishie-stalker. I'll just sit back and allow you and Envy to do what you please to poor Edo.

Ed: I thought you were helping me!

Shimo: I was... but even vampires have their limits. I don't wanna lose a friend since I lost all of 'em when I was turned.

Ed: SO FUCKING WHAT?

Shimo: (growling) Looky here Pipsqueak... get turned and see how you like it.

Ed: (After being called Pipsqueak, he got so angry he threw Envy off.)

Envy: ...

Ed: I'M NOT A PIPSQUEAK!

Shimo: (silent)

Akai: (scream) ayah! Look what you did! You threw envy into a tree! BAD CHIBI-SAN! (pulls out a squirt gun and shoots Ed) BAD, BAD CHIBI-SAN! Hurting your master like that...! And right when Shimo gave in too!
Ed: AAGH! Water! It BURNS!
Roy: how does water burn?
Akai: actually, it's not really water. Looks like it, but it's not.
Roy: what is it?
Akai: (whispers into Roy's ear)
Roy:...HA HA HA HA HA HA! HOLY CRAP THAT'S AWSOME! HA HA HA HA! (rolling on floor laughing)
Ed: What? WHAT! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT STUFF!
Akai: see for your self. (pulls out mirror)
Envy: (laughing so hard, he's crying) Oh that's rich!
Ed: WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO ME!
Akai: isn't it obvious? 1) Gave you neko ears and tail. 2) made you more chibi-squee. 3) Made you wear a dress. (super happy right now) I love my experiments, especially when they work.

Shimo: Wow.

Envy: You still didn't answer my question. I asked who changed you.

Shimo: none of your fucking business.

Envy: C'mon. As much as I hate it, I'll hurt him if you don't tell me.

Shimo: ... No you won't.

Envy: (kicked ground when his plan was discovered) Damn.

Ed: If someone is out there... please help me... I'll do anything... Please?

Roy: (Still trying to get popcorn back)

Envy: (to Akai) you have the power here. Make her talk. I wanna know. Otherwise, I'll be thinking about her instead of my Chibi-san and what I was planning on doing to him.

Akai: no! Don't do that! Think of Ed! THINK OF ED! Need...yaoi...moments...gahh! (Runs to Shimo) PLEASE! JUST TELL HIM! DONT MAKE THE YAOI-NESS GO AWAY! IF I DONT GET MY DAYLIY DOSE OF YAOI-NESS, ILL KILL! KILL I SAY! YOU DONT WANT ME TO KILL DO YOU!

Shimo: No. I won't say a thing. I'm just gonna be a bitch and keep my mouth shut. That, or I'll just use some kind of diversion from the question.

Ed: Why are you doing this to me? What did I ever do to you? I have a brother I need to look after.

Shimo: Al's a suit of armor. He's tough and he knows it. He'll be fine without you.

Envy: Harsh.

Shimo: Shut it Palm Tree.

Envy: WHAT THE FUCK IS IT WITH EVERYBODY CALLING ME A FUCKING PALM TREE!

Ed: Please... just tell them... please... think of Al...?

Roy: I want my popcorn!

Akai: BACK OFF, FIRE BOY! DONT MAKE ME RAIN DANCE!

Roy: (gasp) you WOULDNT!

Akai: (glare) watch me.

Roy: (TT) ill be good, I promise. (TT)

Akai: I DONT TRUST YOU! (starts running around yelling "HOI YOI YOI YOI" repeatedly)

Roy: (getting rained on) noooooooo! not the rain! NOW IM USELESS! NOOOOOOO!

Akai: feh. (eats last of popcorn)

Roy: (sniff)...useless...(sniff)

Shimo: And thus becomes the Fall of Troy... uh, I mean ROY.

A/N: That's all we have now. Chapter three will be up when we post it. Expect several things... Ed doing a dance, Envy being beat to a pulp by brain natives and more harassment for Shimo about her past. Will she really be the reason poor Edo will hurt the next day? REVIEWS PLEASE!