Disclaimer: Any and all Twilight themes, characters, etc. belong to Stephenie Meyer.

AN: I've had this sitting around for about two years now, and decided I might as well post it. It's in addition to my one shot, Welcome, written long before Breaking Dawn, so my vamp Bella is quite different from Stephenie's vamp Bella. Anyways, review, let me know how you like it.

I looked around my room, still wholly unfamiliar to me, and heaved a sigh as I sat on my queen-sized bed. Scattered fragments of memory constantly bombarded me and left me feeling scared and confused and when I tried to speak to Alice – or any of my vampires for that matter – they immediately changed the subject or feigned some just-remembered important task and darted away before I could say another word. Worst of all was Edward. Ever since my 'awakening' he had been avoiding me and I didn't know why. My thoughts tormented me: Have I changed? Does he not want me anymore now that I am just like him? Or worse…had he found someone else?

A knock on the door shook me out of my reverie and I looked up just as Alice came skipping in. "Are you hungry, Bella?"

A wisp of a smile lifted the corners of my lips and I nodded, "Ravenous, as you well know…but I can't, Alice…" I lowered my head, ashamed.

I felt her arms wrap around my shoulder as she sat next to me, "Bella, I know how blood makes you sick but you need it. Now that you're one of us, blood is a necessity. Without it you will die."

I felt myself gag at the mere thought and quickly shut my eyes and nodded, "I'll try again…for you, Alice."

"Good. Even if you throw half of it up, you'll still have some inside of you and that's all that matters. Especially so soon after the transformation."

Alice took my hand in hers. "He'll come around, Bella. He loves you. He's just mourning."

I bowed my head; let my hair fall down like a curtain around my face to hide the sadness that was written on my features. "But why, Alice? Why is he mourning? He has me; I'm right here."

"He's mourning the loss of your humanity."

"Well I'm not and he shouldn't either," I said fiercely.

But that wasn't true. I did miss some aspects of my lost humanity. I missed being able to eat the food I cooked. I missed feeling the sun's heat and even winter's cold breath.

The elements didn't faze me now.

"Things will get better. Believe me," Alice whispered soothingly. She got up and headed for the door, then turned back to look at me with a smile. "If I were you I would hurry to the waterfall."

I leaned forward, my full attention on the pixie-like young woman before me. "He's—"

"Yes, but he won't be there for long, so you'd better hurry, Bella."

I jumped up to give Alice a hug and hurried out of the house. This 'speed' thing was one of the hardest things for me to get used to. Not only was I still a danger to myself in the clumsy department but I constantly found myself bouncing off of trees if I didn't pay enough attention to what was before me while running. Emmett, however, seemed to find the me-sized dents left on the trunks uproariously funny.

I ran through the dark foliage of the trees and made it to the trail leading to the Falls in record time.

I slowed to a walk, making my way along the curving trail, trying to make as little noise as possible, and stopped when the trees ended.

There before me, sparkling like an angel in the sun, stood the love of my existence, Edward. His back was to me and he was gazing silently at the roaring waterfall.

His beauty still dazed me – more so now than ever – and I let out a soft sigh.

It was enough. I saw him stiffen and he slowly turned towards me. Even with the distance between us I saw the raw sadness and pain in his eyes. He averted his gaze and turned aside. I saw he was about to walk away and my cold heart twisted inside of me.

"Don't you dare walk away from me, Edward," I whispered.

Even with the thunder of the falls muting most everything I knew he heard me for he froze in place.

I stepped out of the shadows of the trees, into the sunlight and walked slowly towards him, mist from the falls hitting softly against my skin.

I saw his internal struggle clearly. He wanted to leave, his muscles were straining, his fists clenched.

Reaching out to him, I lay my hand on his arm and he jerked away from my touch. I pulled back, hurt more than I cared to admit, and bowed my head to hide my face.

"What did I do, Edward?" I asked brokenly; if I could cry, I would be bawling. "Why do you hate me?"

I felt more than saw him stagger back a step, as if he'd been slapped, eyes widening in surprise. I looked up at him, my lower lip trembling with unshed tears.

Looking into my eyes, something in him broke and I saw the hardness in his face crumble. He hesitated a fraction of a second before wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close against him.

"My Bella," he whispered against my hair, his voice breaking. "Silly Bella. I don't hate you. I could never hate you…"

I tried to resist, but I didn't have it in me, I didn't want to; it felt so good to finally be back in his arms.

"Then why—"

"Don't you understand?" he asked, pulling back to look into my face. "You were never supposed to be this, Bella. You were never supposed to be a – a monster…" he closed his eyes and shook his head when he saw I was going to protest.

"I swore it, Bella," he continued, opening eyes dark with hunger and so many other emotions. "I swore I would protect you—and I failed. I failed and you were killed."

I shook my head, my eyes wide, finally seeing everything clearly. He didn't hate me. He hated himself. Every time he looked at me, he saw his failure and the price of his failure was my death.

"Oh Edward," I said softly, "no. No, this wasn't your fault." He tried to look away but I didn't let him. "Edward, you've got to admit, the odds were against you." Edward frowned, confused. "One can't fight Fate, and my time was up the day Taylor's car slid in the school parking lot."

"Bella, your time was up the first day you walked into Biology class."

I smiled. "Either way, we both agree that my time was up. There was no way you would be able to watch over me every second of every day for the rest of my natural life, even with all of your family to help."

His brows furrowed, trying to find a point to argue on and not finding any. "I should have tried harder," he said at last.

"Any harder and we could have been connected at the hip."

He narrowed his eyes, clearly not seeing the humor. I sighed.

"I'm just saying, you did what you could, Edward, and I love you for it. No one has ever tried so hard to keep someone alive. But, regardless of Fate, I myself wanted to be like you." Edward rolled his eyes, and sighed. He was listening, that was all I wanted. With time would come acceptance. "And, if Fate hadn't come along when it did, I would have found a way to be with you."

"I would have done anything to be with you, Edward." He looked into my eyes and I stared right back, willing him to understand. "Anything."

His eyes widened a fraction and he opened his mouth, only to close it again, speechless, as he took in the meaning behind my words.

I took the opportunity presented by his distraction and pulled his head down to me; I pressed my lips to his in a soft, insistent kiss, trying to convey just how much I loved and needed him in that simple touch. It took him a second, but he finally responded.

And that was when I felt it. In the middle of our kiss I felt when he finally accepted what had happened, I felt him finally forgive himself. A great gratitude poured forth, for the fact that we would be together forever, and that came not just from me, but from him as well.

The weeks since my 'awakening', all of the worrying and anxiety melted and I found hope again. I found hope and happiness and the endless future suddenly seemed bright.

Edward pulled away and there was a wild excitement in his eyes matching that of my own.

"Let's go home," I said urgently, pulling him back towards the trees.

He resisted, laughing and shook his head. "Not yet. First things first: I have to teach you to hunt. And then…" he ran the back of his hand gently across my collarbone, sending heat waves rolling throughout my body, and smiled my favorite crooked smile, "and then, well, you know what they say… 'Business before pleasure.'"