8/13/02
Disclaimer- Gundam Wing is not mine. No matter how much I want it.
Have you ever wondered why life is the way it is? I have, I wonder about it all the time. For example, just a week ago, I saw a guy I never thought I'd see again. Nanashi. I met him when I was really young, and a spy for the Alliance. Something about him called me to him, back then I called it love.
I've lived though a war now. I don't believe in love anymore. I always wondered if I was like him now. Now that my family is dead and I don't cry. That's so strange, I don't cry anymore. I've run out of tears. You can't always cry, you know. You won't survive by crying. If you cry, you let your guard down, and someone can just kick you in your gut.
This is what war has taught me. Never let your guard down. After the war, I wandered around, trying to find a meaning for life. I never found it. What I found was a cruel world with no place for girls like me. They say I'm a broken girl, but I'm not. I'm strong now, and no one can touch me.
Or at least, that's what I thought. You see, I saw Nanashi last week, on the giant vid screen in the city. He was a Gundam pilot; can you believe it? I guess he made it to space after all. He was fighting in what we call the 'Eve's War' now. It was Christmas Eve. I guess someone up there decided to give me a gift, and what I gift it was. I felt something, something I've never felt in a long time. It was so brief, but I got to know what it was. I have to find Nanashi. It shouldn't be too hard; I was a spy for the Alliance, then OZ right up to the end of the war. Hopefully a few of my old 'buddies' will give me a hand in finding Nanashi. I have to see him again. I need to know.
I get out off the couch that I sleep on and step onto the hard wood floors. I wish I had carpeting, but I can't afford it. I work at a jewelry store, and it doesn't pay much, but it's a job. Taking off my pajamas, I go to my closet and open it.
God, what have I been doing with my life? There are a few outfits here and there, but nothing that would work for my plan. I need an outfit that can stun Nanashi, and get my buddies to help me. Finally, I find a suitable outfit, way in the back of my closet. It'll do for now. I slip in on and look at myself in the mirror.
I'm fairly pretty, with ice blue eyes and silvery blond hair. One of my old partners described me as an Ice Princess. I guess he's right. Actually, I kind of like the nickname, why? Well, for one thing, ice is so beautiful, yet so deadly.
My hands are not clean from the war. They are stained with the blood of many. Some, I didn't actually kill myself; they were killed due to my spying for the Alliance. Others, I killed with my own hands. Only trust yourself, no matter what others say, for you're the only one who won't stab yourself in the back. I learned that lesson a long time ago.
I pick up my pocketbook and go over to my closet. I know I'll need one thing to convince a few people I'm still a spy- and that's my trusty old gun. Using a nail file, I lift a floorboard and pick up my gun. The only things in the closet are a cross and an old game necklace, both with bullets in them.
The bullets were from Nanashi's gun. He was a little trigger-happy, liked to shoot things. Oh, the stories I could tell. I could write a book, I used to study him. I could call the book "The Life of a Young Gundam Pilot", wouldn't that be something else? Anyway, I guess I put those there to remind me why I quit spying, but right now they just sort of remind me off him, and why I'm doing this.
I have to find Nanashi.
Shi stood in the center of her chamber. She had spent many years deciding on how it would look, and now it was as she saw it today. Purple-gray sheets were draped in the room making it seem similar to the ocean. An oval shaped pool was in the center, and it was how Shi saw how ones she cared about were doing. She had spent much of her time looking at Rabo's container, and wondering if inside that hunk of Gundanium alloy he was thinking about her. A girl could dream, couldn't she? Shi's chamber had no ceiling; the stars and planets soothed her when nothing else could. She heard a rustling behind her, but did not turn to face the mysterious figure.
"Shi." The voice was feminine, and mystical. Shi did not need to be Ze to know who it was.
"Hello Ze." There was a long pause, until Ze finally spoke.
"I am sorry."
"I know."
"Good… That's good."
"Yes, it is." There was another long pause, and Ze spoke again.
"I hope you know what you're doing."
"I do."
"Good. When are going?"
"Soon." Shi was keeping her answers quick, and deprived of emotion.
"Damn it Shi! Why won't you talk to me? It wasn't my fault!" Ze ran in front of Shi, her eyes no longer all-knowing. Now, they were angry, and hurt.
"No. You're right. It wasn't."
"Then why won't you talk to me?"
"I have nothing to say to you Ze. You are the one who is supposed to know everything, remember? That's why you the 'leader'!" Shi said sarcastically. She moved away from Ze, and left her chamber, Ze at her heels.
"Is this what it's about Shi? Gods, Shi! You're the one who didn't want to lead us!" Ze said loudly, not caring if anyone heard.
"That's because I thought you could do a better job then me!"
"Oh, and what do you think now?" Ze was letting her emotions get the best of her, now having no control over them.
"I think, I think-"
"What do you think Shi? Come on, let's hear it."
"I think you knew that I was going to get sent back, like you always know! You always know and I'm sick on it!" Shi's eyes were brimming with tears. 'Why Ze… why, why, why!!'
"I don't always know." was her reply, this time Ze was the quiet one.
"Really Ze? Well, that's not what you told us! You told us you could see the future, and look what you've done so far!"
"I said I was sorry! I'm sorry. For everything… I don't know anymore. I can predict, and analyze, but I'm no better then you Shi."
"Well maybe you should have told us this earlier!" Shi said, still crying, this time they were tears of frustration.
"I hope you get what you want Shi. I hope you're happy with whatever you plan."
"What are you talking about?
"I'm talking about this, this plan of yours! Why now? Why are we helping these people, when before we just moved on?"
"We didn't always 'just move on', we occasionally helped people out!"
"True, but not often!"
Shi paused, then found the right words. "Well, I am moving on. We are all moving on. Times have changed since we were put here."
"What do you have planned?"
"I, I won't tell you." Shi said, stuttering.
"Why not? How have I wronged you Shi?"
Shi was quiet for a while. She said nothing, but Ze dare not say anymore more. While they weren't always the closest of friends, you don't spend your lifetime with someone and be unable to tell that they are trying to find the words to tell you something. While Shi was thinking, Ze sent out a message, and smiled to herself. Finally, Shi found her voice, and answered her question.
"It's not you this time. This time, it's me. I can't do it anymore. While you were down on Earth, playing with lives, I was here, on the Sun. Thinking, and I've realized, how can we do this to these people? How can we toy with their lives, change them just to suit our fancy?"
"What are you trying to say?"
"I'm saying, that this is it. There will be no more interfering for this spirit."
Ze stared at her. "What?"
"I'm going to be human, Ze! I'll be a soul, not just a silly spirit. At least, I'm going to try, I've worked it all out."
Ze looked at her with concern. "Shi-"
"No, Ze. I've decided this. If the rest of you want to go on with this lifestyle, you are all more then welcome to it. Not me, though. Not me anymore."
Laughter rang out from the shadows, and Des stepped into the light of the corridor, this time smiling and laughing with his face and his eyes. "Shi, you silly spirit you! How do you think we would survive without one of our own! We'll do what you do."
"Yes, Shi. You said we are a group, and groups stick together!" This time it was Meilan coming forth from the shadows, and behind her was Trist, her face carrying a trace of a smile, and her eyes laughing gaily.
"Family sticks together as well, sister." Trist said.
"Well, Shi, it seems the decision as been made without you." Ze said, being serious yet joking at the same time.
Shi stared hard at Ze, then finally broke out in laughter and hugged them all, one at a time. "Yes, you all are right. Forgive me, will you?"
From behind her, there came a whisper in her ear, and strong arms circled her waist. "Everyone makes mistakes, love, and it wouldn't be right not to forgive you." Said Rabo.
"Thank you all. We leave in a few minutes."
"Then I will want to view this temple on the Sun, which I called home for so long, once more." Ze said, heading for the temple.
"I'll go with you, Ze." Rabo took her hand, and walked with her.
"As you wish, I could hardly disagree with you."
Des and Ze walked in silence for a while, stopping at areas where fond, or not so fond, memories had occurred. The couple had almost gone through the entire temple, when Des stopped Ze, and lead her out onto the patio. He looked up at the sky for a while, then finally said, "Look at the stars, Ze. Just look at them. "
"I am looking Des…" Ze's voice was quiet and unsure, but her eyes were glued firmly to the sky.
"What do you see?"
"I see other worlds, filled with problems just like our own." At this, Des looked down at Ze, looking shocked.
"You have to stop being so dismal."
"Dismal? Well, what do you see then?"
Des looked back up to the heavens. "I see hope. I see miles and miles of 'the light and the end of the tunnel' in a seemingly never-ending tunnel."
"Oh Des, why can't you just tell me what's wrong?" Ze knew something was wrong; he had not been the same since he had returned to the Sun. She wondered if she had done anything to upset her love, or if it was another matter all together that had upset Des. Whatever it was, he was distraught.
"I have to do something, and I'm afraid to do it." His voice was small, and his eyes sad.
"Don't worry Love, we're a group, remember? We'll stay together, nothing could tear us apart."
"If only it could be that way."
"It is that way!" Ze's voice was sturdy, and her eyes burned with a fire from within her spirt.
"It's not! It's never been that way! The world is cold and unforgiving! That's why I must do what I must do! I must be the light!"
Ze pulled away from Des. "What are you talking about?"
"I have to be the light. I have to… " He let his voice fade into nothing, and he pulled Ze into a warm embrace. They stood like that for a few minutes, like star-crossed lovers sharing their last embrace.
"What do you have to do?" Des' body became rigid and he pushed her away.
"I have to go." He walked back into the temple, Ze at his heels.
"Wait! Des!"
He stopped, and turned around. "Yes?"
"I care about you Des."
His eyes softened, and he pulled Ze once more into an embrace. "As I you, but my feelings for you cannot stop this. I will have to leave."
"I wish I could know what will happen to us." Silent tears fell down her face, and she buried her head in Des' shirt.
"You will, you always do." He patted her hair like she was a little child who needed to be comforted.
"Not always." was the muffled reply from his shirt.
"Well, at least most of the time. Remember this Shi, I do love you, and I'll always be with you."
Ze pushed herself a little bit away from him, and looked at him, puzzled. "What are you talking about, you sound like someone who is about to die!"
"Die, no, but I can't shake this feeling, that you're going to hate me for what I must do."
"I could never hate you. I love you!"
"Not on purpose."
"Des, whatever it is, we will get through it."
"I hope you right; for the sake of the world, I hope you are right." He held Ze for a while again, when footsteps were heard coming towards them.
"Ze? Oh, I hope I'm not interrupting anything." Trist blushed slightly, but kept it down for the most part.
"No, it's all right, but what is it Trist?" Slowly Ze and Des were separating, now he just held his hand around her waist.
"We're leaving now."
"Oh."
"Yes, well, Shi said that you two wouldn't want to be left alone for eternity, so it would be a good idea to get you." Trist said, her eyes twinkling.
"And there is no doubt in my mind that those where her exact words." Ze sighed.
"You'd be correct, as usual."
"Well, come on then. We wouldn't want to be late, Allah forbid that we arrive a few minutes later on Earth." Des inserted.
"'Allah forbid?' Des, I do believe you have been hanging around with Rabo too much." Ze was smiling broadly, like the deep conversation they had just had never happened.
"Someone had to." He managed to smile as well, though his was not nearly as convincing as Ze's. Yet Trist seemed unaware of the strain.
"Well, the last members of the group finally arrive! You're late." Said Shi.
"Yes, but we're fashionably late!" Ze winked, and laughed merrily.
"You never give up, do you?"
"Do the planets orbit the Sun?"
"Ze!" Rabo exclaimed.
"Sorry, it's just it's going to be hard, never seeing this place again." Ze looked around again, as did everyone except Shi.
"Would you have preferred me keeping it a secret?"
"No, this way we can say good-bye." Ze looked Shi straight in the eyes, and Shi gulped. While Ze had said she no longer could see the future, it didn't stop the feeling that Ze could see into her soul.
Mustering up her courage, she looked back and replied, "It's hard to say good-bye to memories."
"It's hard to say good-bye to anything." was Meilan's addition to the conversation.
"Yes, but we have to leave now." Said Shi.
"Then let us leave sister." Trist said, and Meilan nodded.
"Right, let's leave on 1. Start the countdown." Said Rabo.
"5." Trist grabbed Shi's hand.
"4." Shi grabbed Meilan's hand, who in turn grabbed Rabo's.
"3." Rabo grasped Des' hand.
"2." Des grabbed Ze's.
"1!" Ze grabbed Trist's, and a bright light engulfed all six of them. Within seconds, they were all in the middle of a grassy field, somewhere on the planet that is known as Earth. A gentle breeze blew, as no one said anything.
Finally, Shi spoke up. "We did it. We're here, on Earth."
"My, it is different when you're a Gundam." Ze looked around at the scenery.
"Haven't you been to Earth before like this?" questioned Meilan.
"Yes, but it was a long time ago." Was Trist's gentle reply.
"Oh."
"Yes, yes. Well, we have jobs to do."
"Rabo's right, now, let's meet back here every night, okay?" Shi asked everyone, who each nodded his or her head.
"Well, let's go. Oh wait! Sorry, I forgot to mention something."
"What is it Ze?"
"Well, I had a dream, and it sort of had a message." Ze paused.
"Really?" Asked Meilan.
"Yes, it's that the five, the ones who we are all trying to 'right', are separated."
"So?" Shi stared at Ze, wondering why in the world this was so important that they all had to stop right when they were about to start.
"So? Well if they're spread all over Earth and the colonies, I say we meet back every two days."
"Yeah, I think that's better too." Des grunted.
"Does everyone else agree?" Shi asked. The others all nodded. "Ok then, that's the plan. I'll see you all in two days then."
"Goodbye Ze, goodbye everyone." Des kissed Shi on the cheek, before disappearing in a blue light.
Ze was the next to leave, in a white light. "Goodbye everyone, good luck!" In a flash of pure white light, Ze was gone.
"Take care sister. Have fun Meilan." Trist said, closing her eyes. She took longer to disappear, and really just faded into nothing.
"I'll see you soon Love." Rabo kissed Shi on the cheek and took a bird form and flew off.
"Well, we're all that's left here." Shi said when Rabo was out of sight.
"What do you do now?" Meilan asked, turning to Shi.
"Well, you knew Wufei better, could you picture him in your mind?"
"Yes."
"Well, do that, and I'll take care of the rest."
The search for Nanashi has been horrible so far. All of my old 'friends' have left the business with all the Preventers around. I know they're here to protect us, but sometimes I wish that they would butt out sometimes. There's only one place left, and I hope to God that I can get some info there. Can you believe it? Me, praying to God. The girl who doesn't believe in stuff like that. Man, I tell you, Nanashi has always been able to change my mind. Now he's even giving me a religion, and he doesn't even know it. Oh well, here's the shop. I guess I have to go in. One more step, and I'll enter the room that will decide if I'll ever find my Nanashi again.
Trist quickly changed forms to match the shop owner that had occupied the desk that she now stood behind. After leaving the rest of the group, Trist had concentrated on a Miss Midii Une's energy, and found herself in Paris, France. She used some more of her power to find out where the young girl was going, and went there ahead of her, and took over the desk. Trist knew who Midii was looking for. Midii was looking for her old Master, who had many names. Trowa Barton, Triton Bloom, and Nanashi. Trist was happy; she had found the link that Shi had been talking about! This was the girl who could help her do both her missions, while really only doing one! The door chime rang, and Trist regained composure. She would have to make it believable for it to work.
"Hello, welcome madam."
Midii nodded. "Hi, I was looking for Stacey, does she work here still?"
"No, I am sorry, she passed away last year. Perhaps I could be of assistance?"
Midii sighed, "No, really, it's okay."
"Please, Stacey and I were extremely close during the war. There is nothing that she would have know that I would have not."
Trist observed Midii's eyes light up, and she almost smiled smugly. She had hit the nail right on the head with that guess.
"Well, okay then. I'm looking for some information on one of the Gundam pilots."
"Sure," Trist paused, seeing Midii's start to back away. Was she supposed to get proof of something? "Do you have any…?" Trist let the question go uncompleted, hoping the ex-spy would help give her the answer.
"Oh, yeah." Midii looked into her purse and pulled out her old Alliance card. "This good?"
Trist nodded. "Yeah, that's fine." Trist pulled 5 pictures from under the desk that she had conjured up and put them on the desk. "Which one are you looking for?"
Midii pointed at Trowa's headshot. "Him, that's the guy." She paused and whispered under her breath, "Nanashi."
Trist nodded. "His name's Trowa Barton, or at least that's what he goes by. He works part-time as a Preventer, other then that he is a circus performer." Midii nodded.
"Do you know where I could find him? I'd be willing to pay…" Trist looked hard at the woman in front of her.
"What are you planning to do, anyway?"
Midii hesitated. "I- I don't plan to assassinate him. My… My boss wanted some info on this pilot."
"Uh-huh. Sure. Whatever." Trist wrote down something on a scrap of paper and handed it to Midii. "That's his address, at least when he's not on the road, and the number to his video phone."
Midii took the paper and put it in her purse. "Thank you. Good-bye." With that, Midii ran out of the store. Trist turned back to her normal form and smiled. This would be truly too easy. Now all she had to do was work on Trowa, her own master.
All too easy.
TO BE CONTINUED IN GUNDAM SPIRITS- CHAPTER TWO
Hello again- I'm so excited. This is actually the first time I've gotten past the first chapter, major accomplishment. Also, it's a good length! Well, It's been over a month. =P I've been busy with my own personal web-manga. If you wish to see it, check it out http://doublelives.keenspace.com . Warning…. Some yaoi content, but it's all good. ^_~ Lots of Midii in this chapter, all for you at the S&S! Lots of love to you all, because Midii Une (the web-mistress and character) rules. Anyway, school's started as well, so when will the next chapter be up? Hopefully by Christmas….