A/N: Somewhere along the way, this turned into less of a "Hattori has one scene and then we get to the bucketloads of angst" and more of a "Hattori tells the whole damn thing because he's awesome, also the fic just multiplied by about twenty thousand words" kind of story. I'm not apologizing.

Only This

by Shimegami-chan

Chapter 2

Days turned into weeks and the patient's condition continued to worsen as January droned on. Days after break ended and the new school semester began, Hattori Heiji was still in Tokyo, living part-time at the hospital and part-time at the Kudo residence, where he shamelessly borrowed his rival's clothes. It got a rise out of Conan, which was really more movement than the boy had been exerting lately, and it was for that reason that Heiji continued to do it. If Ran noticed, she didn't say, though once or twice she'd entered the room when Heiji's back was to her and stopped in mid-movement, struck dumb.

During the third week of the strange illness, another visitor appeared unannounced at the Kudo household one night, a curly-haired redhead carrying just one suitcase. Heiji was alerted to her footsteps before she ever reached the front door, and was in the porch waiting before her key turned in the lock. "Hey there."

Yukiko almost screamed, having expected the house to be empty, but recognized Heiji despite the shadows dancing across his face. "Oh-you're Shin-chan's friend, the Osaka boy..."

"Hattori Heiji," he supplied, as amused as ever by the nickname for her son as he closed the door behind her. "Kudo's been letting me stay here awhile. I couldn't afford to come and go from Osaka every day."

"Right, of course," she breathed. "How's Shin-chan doing? The Professor called me last night..."

"So, you know what's wrong with Kudo, then." That was a relief. Heiji breathed more easily now that the responsibility of breaking the news to her would not fall on his shoulders.

Shinichi's mother nodded unhappily and stepped out of her shoes and into a pair of slippers. "Professor Agasa thought Yuusaku and I should know what was really going on...it looks like he and that girl know more about the situation than the doctors. I took the next flight, but Yuusaku couldn't get away from work just yet."

"I'm sure Kudo understands."

She laughed. "He does - their relationship is strange like that. Would you like some tea...Heiji-kun, was it?"

"Sure." It was well past three already, and Heiji hadn't been sleeping well since Kudo had placed the burden of the secret on him. It was a relief to be in the company of someone who understood who Kudo was and made no pretences about the dangerous situation he was in.

"I'm glad someone was here, actually," Yukiko told him as she made the tea, almost echoing Heiji's own thoughts. "I don't like travelling alone, and Shin-chan always warns me when I'm home not to turn on too many lights or walk around in the front rooms of the house. He's paranoid that someone will be suspicious and come in thinking he's here."

Not so far off the mark, Heiji thought, recalling the story of how Kudo's house had been searched by the Black Organization after his supposed death. He himself had been staying in the guest bedroom and only turning on the lights in the library, eating convenience store obentou in the mornings and hospital food at night. It never hurt to be too careful.

"Heiji-kun," Yukiko said in a guarded voice, "what do you think is going to happen to Shinichi?"

He noticed, of course, that she called her son by his full name, and he tried to look extremely interested in the teacup. "Kudo's a brave guy, and Agasa and that 'Neechan are working hard on the antidote. If anyone could make it through this, it's him."

Yukiko smiled sadly, her eyes also averted. "I hope so."

The next morning Yukiko shook Heiji awake early in the morning, wearing a ridiculously convincing disguise and nearly scaring him out of his wits. He knew firsthand her excellent makeup skills, of course, since she'd once used them to make him pass for Kudo, and also knew that she had appeared in the guise of being Conan's mother before, but it was still shocking to wake up to find the stern face of "Edogawa Fumiyo" hovering above him. She had short black hair and plump cheeks, and wore oversized winged glasses and dark lipstick. The only indication that she was still the woman he'd met last night was her voice, which sang out "Good morning, Heiji-kun!" as he gaped at her.

"You're...Kudo's mother...?"

"Well, obviously!" Yukiko said brightly, looking pleased at his reaction. She winked at him. "Guess I've still got it!" She then sauntered out of the room, leaving Heiji staring after. Throwing aside the comforter, he stumbled out of bed and into the hallway, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

Now I know why that guy always acted like he was terrorized by her. Thank God I slept in my clothes last night, Heiji thought dryly as he raided Kudo's closet for a clean outfit. Picking out a black turtleneck and pants, the young detective ran a comb through his hair, put his ball cap on and went downstairs to meet Yukiko, who was already waiting in the porch. "You're an early riser," he noticed. "It must have taken quite a while to get into that disguise."

"I couldn't sleep," she said softly, hugging her purse to her padded coat. Heiji locked the door behind them. "I'm worried about what's going to happen to Shin-chan."

Heiji didn't know what to say. He remained silent as they climbed into the taxi and drove to the hospital, and then he took Yukiko directly to Conan's room, poking his head in to ensure the boy was awake. Fortunately, Ran had begun to sleep at her house again, after much coaxing from her young charge. Heiji lifted a hand in greeting. "Yo, Kudo. I brought your mom."

"Shin-chan!" Yukiko flew into the room and gathered him into a hug. "Oh, my poor baby, are you all right? Are they hurting you?"

"Kaasan," Conan said through gritted teeth. "you don't have to pretend I'm a kid. It's only Hattori here."

"That's a natural reaction for a mother to have when her son is ill!" Yukiko said defensively. "And you look so helpless! Look at all these tubes and wires...it's terrible!"

Heiji held back a laugh while Conan crossed his arms over his chest. "Do you really think I want or need to be told that? Geez. Why are you here, anyway? I'm doing fine, you know."

Yukiko's face fell. "No, you're not, Shin-chan. Don't lie to me."

The two of them stared at each other for a moment, and Heiji slowly backed out of the room. Finally Conan removed his glasses and held them in both hands, his thick bangs obscuring his eyes. "The Professor told you, then."

"He said that you...might not have much time left." Yukiko replied shakily. "That it was getting worse, and more quickly than before."

Heiji pulled the door shut with a soft click and stood with his back to it, sliding down until he was seated on the cold tile floor, his head tilted back to lean against the metal. "Damn it, Kudo..."

Crumpling his hat in his hands, Heiji punched the tiles, barely aware of the pain that shot up from his knuckles as he did so. "Damn!" he said again, breathing hard. "Why did it have to turn out like this...?"

Time began to fly for those locked in the vicious eat/sleep/hospital cycle, not only for Heiji who had been settled into his routine for quite some time but also for Ran and "Fumiyo," who rarely intersected but rather changed shifts like workers at the end and beginning of a day. Yukiko arrived early in the morning with Heiji and returned to Agasa's or the Kudo house at night, while Ran attended school in the daytime and spent her evenings with Conan. Heiji tried to be there when the others were not, because he preferred to speak frankly with Kudo when his could - and "Edogawa Fumiyo" creeped the hell out of him. Instead, he sat with his young companion and read Holmes aloud, because listening to Kudo recite the book along with him from memory provided them both with a great source of entertainment.

Heiji often had to get out as well when Ran was present, because of the weight of what his friend had asked him to do when things were too far gone was always on his mind. On those nights, he wandered Beika City, observing everything but not really seeing, and sometimes called Kazuha, who was far from the best support choice but essentially all he had. She was furious with him for not coming back to Osaka, and had been down to see him three separate times since Conan had been hospitalized. But no amount of cajoling could bring him home and Heiji, of course, could not tell her why. Kazuha couldn't know that "Kudo" was ill because it would immediately get back to Ran, and she was having trouble accepting that he and "the kid" had gotten so close that Heiji had to sit by his bedside twenty-four-seven. After Yukiko had arrived and taken over watching Conan in the daytime, Kazuha had seized the opportunity to demand that Heiji come back, and the result had been a vicious fight.

The teenage detective was starting to make himself sick with stress, but he dutifully continued the cycle, very aware that with Agasa and Haibara so busy and his mother in a state of frenzied emotions most of the time, Kudo needed a friend by his side who actually understood him. Mechanically he would rise each morning on the barest amount of sleep, usually in response to Yukiko's more-and-more despondent wake-up calls, eat breakfast with her, steal Kudo's clothes or otherwise devise plans to amuse his friend, take a taxi to the hospital, and spend the rest of the day there, hoping for a change for the better. Or no change at all - as long as it wasn't getting worse. Sometimes he went on ahead by himself while Kudo's mother put on her disguise, and sometimes he even rose before her and let her sleep late, aware that she too was becoming thinner and more morose by the day.

On one of those particular Thursday mornings, Heiji was alone on "brat-sitting duty" (as Mouri Kogorou put it, never knowing the serious danger his ward actually happened to be in), half-dozing with a cup of black coffee in his hands when a new visitor appeared unannounced. This person was quite stealthy and caught Heiji completely unawares (Yukiko taunted later that the baby-sitter was barely more conscious than the baby-sittee) when he strode into the room, near-noiselessly, stared at the small figure on the bed and said simply in Kudo Shinichi's voice, "Damn."

Heiji, who had been tipping the chair back on two legs, actually fell out of his seat completely at the unexpected appearance of his friend. "Jesus! How the hell-?"

Kudo - he was Kudo, wasn't he! Heiji craned his neck to make sure Conan was still in the hospital bed - was standing just inside the door, his fists clenched, wearing an unfamiliar black school uniform and a grim expression. At the sound of Heiji's chair hitting the floor with a sharp crack, he jumped, as though just noticing that the other boy was in the room. "Damn," Kudo repeated, softly. There wouldn't have been any question about the voice, either, if the inflection hadn't been just the slightest bit off.

Heiji shot to his feet, the coffee puddling around his trainers. "Tell me I'm imagining things. You can't be dead yet."

Kudo regarded Heiji at first with slight shock, and then an unreadable expression slipped over his face. "Ah, my bad. I got the wrong room-"

He turned to leave, but Heiji caught his wrist. "Wait-"

"Sorry!" Kudo slipped out of the detective's hold as though his hand were made of smoke.

He can't seriously be a ghost! I don't believe in that kind of crap! I think... Desperately he called the boy's name again. "Kudo, stop!"

The boy froze with his back to Heiji, and blearily the detective realized that something was indeed off. The voice was right, the face was right, but something about Kudo was strange...his hair seemed a bit more unruly than it had the last time Heiji had seen Kudo in his true body, and something about his eyes when he finally turned back around seemed to be just slightly...wrong. "I think you've got the wrong person."

Heiji was tired, Heiji was stressed, but at the heart of it all he was still a detective, and suddenly a dozen puzzle pieces came together. "No...you're not him, but you're here for him, aren't you? You look just like him. Even your voice..."

The visitor shrugged. "Don't know who you mean, sorry. My name's not Kudo."

"That's some weird coincidence, then." Heiji studied the other boy's face, but unwilling to let the visitor go until he had a good look.

"Hah," croaked a third voice, weak and tired, from the bed. "It's you. I'd know you anywhere. Going to leave without even saying hello?"

Inclining his head to peer over Heiji's shoulder, the boy regarded Conan with renewed interest. "I wanted to keep it between us. Didn't realize Osaka would be here this early."

Heiji scowled.

"What are you doing here?" Conan asked.

A frown snuck past the boy's blank expression. "I heard you were...incapacitated. It's going around the Second Division, and you know how I love gossip, but I had to make sure for myself. After all, they don't know the things I do."

Heiji fiercely wished his companions would stop talking in riddles as though he were not present, but the last clue caused everything to fall into place. There were, of course, very few people who knew Kudo's true identity, and of those six, there was only one he hadn't been in contact with in the past few weeks. Picking the chair back up, Heiji sat and regarded one and then the other with a raised eyebrow. "Should I leave so you can talk privately?"

"That depends," Kaitou Kid said coolly, still in that voice. "I didn't plan to stay long, and I didn't want to say much."

"You shouldn't. If Kudo's mother or 'Neechan show up and see you here, you're in deep. You could have picked a more tactful disguise."

"Jesus," the uniformed boy swore again, "would you rather I'd have come in as Kudo himself?"

"Never mind that," Conan said tiredly. "Just say what you came here to say; Hattori's right, my mother's been overreacting a bit."

"You can't blame her," Kid said, surprisingly defensive. "I'm no detective, but I'm not stupid, either. I've been in and out of here watching you, too, and you haven't convinced me yet that you're going to be a-OK."

Heiji snorted. "If you've been in here before, why didn't you already talk to him?"

"Figure it out yourself," Kid snapped. Conan suddenly sat up straight, quite alert, and looked the thief over suspiciously.

Heiji shrugged. "Testy, testy."

Shifting himself further into a comfortable position, Conan rested his sweaty forehead against the heel of his hand. "Guys, come on, stop it. I don't need you fighting here. Please."

Mollified, Kid and Heiji both nodded. The newcomer pulled up a chair beside the teenage detective and managed to look apologetic, though how genuine it was coming from a thief Heiji couldn't be sure. "Sorry. I'm a little antsy about all this. Let's start over: Osaka, nice to see you. I was dressed up as that twit Hakuba at the time, but we got along nicely last time we met, so shall we try that again?"

"Sure," Heiji replied, still suspicious (who knew what tricks that guy had stuffed under his uniform?) but willing to gloss over the details for Kudo's sake.

"So you know what's happening to me," Conan said bluntly. "Glad we could drop some of the pretences at least."

"I don't know all of it." The troubled expression Kid wore looked out of place on his young visage. "Just what I got from a bit of spying on your Professor friend and the scientist girl."

"Are you here to taunt me?"

"No!" Kid's expression twisted and he looked away, out the window. "I can't believe you'd even think that. Detectives! This isn't about justice or revenge or gloating, for chrissake's! You're the only guy that ever got close to catching me, you know, I thought I owed you this much at least."

Heiji regarded Kid with newfound respect. He'd heard the thief was honourable to an extent, what with returning most of what he stole, but he wouldn't have expected the guy to visit his dying nemesis in the hospital. The fact that Kid was here and speaking so plainly (provided he could be trusted, but Kudo seemed to welcome his presence) meant he genuinely felt some remorse for their bleak situation.

Apparently, Kid's words had even startled Conan himself. "Kid..."

"That's what I came here for," the thief said roughly, and his poker face seemed to slip for just a nanosecond. "To tell you that I hope you make it, so you and I can meet again someday. You're damn good at what you do, even if it means prying and being uncouth...but every hero needs a nemesis."

"And I suppose you're the hero?" Conan asked tiredly, but he wore a vague smile.

"I'll leave that for you to decide. Time to go, kiddo; I'd hate for your mom to have a coronary. Even I've got a conscience, you know." He stood and stretched like a cat, aware of both pairs of eyes trained expectantly on him.

"Kid," Conan whispered, so softly Heiji saw him speak rather than heard him, but the magician paused nevertheless and looked at the boy-detective. "I...well..."

The teenager coughed once and spoke in Conan's voice, but with a much higher intonation than the child preferred to use. "'I admired you all along, Kaitou Kid-sama. I never wanted to turn you in.' Is that what you wanted to say?"

Heiji rolled his eyes; the thief either didn't know Kudo as well as he claimed to, or he was trying to get a rise out of the detective. Conan merely looked at Kid through alert, serious eyes. "Don't be stupid, I could never admire what you do. But I think if we weren't what we are, we might have gotten along."

"If he wasn't my enemy, he could have been my friend," Kid recited. "Yeah, wishful thinkin' on my part, but I figure everyone admires a gentleman sometimes, even if he's a criminal. Where would Ganimard be without Lupin? You're Doyle and I'm LeBlanc. We're both making history, Kudo, and thieves have always needed to be counterbalanced by detectives." He paused. "I'm just glad one of 'em is you."

With that, Kid offered Heiji a congenial nod and raised his hands into the air, snapping his fingers with a brilliant flash of light. Jets of purple smoke shot out of the sleeves of his jacket (I was right about that stupid uniform, Heiji thought) and filled the room until the Osakan boy managed to stumble to the window and throw it open, coughing madly - the smoke smelled like lavender.

When the air cleared, Kid was - of course - gone. Heiji stuck his head out into the cold February morning, but there was no sign of the magician's hang-glider in the sky or his teenage disguise on the ground. Not a big loss, considering the reason he came. I'd never have guessed they were on decent terms from what Kudo's said about the guy. "Gone without a trace, but no surprise there. That guy...and he damn near gave me a heart-attack when he came in, without even making a showy entrance. Why do you suppose he disguised himself to look like you?" Heiji turned around, noticing with a muffled laugh that the bed, the walls and even Conan himself were covered in hand-made crepe paper flowers, all the colours of the rainbow.

"He didn't," Conan said absent-mindedly as he brushed a lime green rose out of his hair, picking up a small card with Kid's motif on it that lay amidst the brightly-coloured decorations. The cartoonish head of the thief wore a frown instead of his usual cocky grin. "It was a gift, and one I never would have expected."

He swallowed thickly and avoided Heiji's eyes. "I just wish I knew if it was supposed to be a get well soon...or a nice knowing you."

-to be continued...