Thanks for that amazing response. I hope to not disappoint. Enjoy.
2. The fighter in me
I enjoy a good breakfast, I used to cook my own breakfast back at home in New York but now I'm sentenced to eat the same superficial thing every morning at the hotel's little restaurant and I don't like it, it makes me feel less awake than what I'm used to feel.
I have to stop referring to New York as home but I miss my kitchen though.
Jones is the first person I see as I enter the hospital and she doesn't look happy, I already feel bad for her interns and I only know Rachel. Now, where could she be? Maybe she can make today a little better, she only needs to talk and probably smile, I don't ask for much.
"Are you stalking me?" I chuckle at the sound of her voice and when I meet her eyes I can see the genuine roguery swimming in her beautiful and wide eyes.
"Are you stalking me?" she huffs as we both enter the elevator. "I understand if you are, I'm gorgeous so I wouldn't blame you" I wink and her huff this time is louder. She looks indignantly adorable and I love to get a rise out of her.
"I'm not doing this with you" she hugs the charts closer to her chest as I focus to look straight to the closed doors.
"We're riding an elevator"
"You're flirting" she clarifies for me as if I don't already know. "And I'm not doing that with you"
"Did you know that Seattle is one of the coldest cities I've ever visited?" I hear her huffing but I don't look back as I ignore her huffing. "I'd love to know what it has to offer though. I know there are ferry boats and I have a thing for ferry boats. But coming from New York I have big expectations. Now I have one more reason to stay around and I wasn't looking for more reasons"
"I'm not going out with you" she pointedly says as I stop talking and this time I do turn around to face her.
"I wasn't asking you to go out with me" she rolls her eyes so hard but it doesn't matter because the smile on her lips is just as effective. The doors slide open and two more doctors join us inside. I manage to make small conversation with one of them even though my mind is on Rachel and how I can practically feel her eyes burning a hole in the back of my head.
The next time the doors slide open Rachel is about to get out with the rest of the people but I hold her wrist and barely manage to make her stay before the doors slide close again.
"What are you…"
"Would you like to?" I cut her off. I'm being careful to keep my hands to myself now, deep on my robe pockets as she leans back on the elevator wall.
"What exactly?" she bites her lower lip as her eyes dance from my eyes to my lips over and over again.
"Would you like to go out with me?" I ask softer now and I barely manage to put my hands on her hips before my back hits the wall and her lips are crushing with mine. It takes one second for my mind to catch up with my body and I'm kissing her back just as fervently. She feels better than I remember, she kisses better than I remember and the little groan that emits right from her throat sounds a thousand times better than I remember.
I suck on her fleshy bottom lip, squeezing her hips a bit tighter to pull her closer to me as her hands pull my hair downwards and as we pull back I feel her teeth sliding softly on my lower lip before she lets it go with a pop.
"You're my teacher and my boss, so I can't go out with you" she whispers against my lips and in response I kiss her again, slower this time.
"I'm your boss' boss" I smirk and she combs her fingers through my short hair once before stepping back.
"You see? So we can't do this, this is wrong" she points between our bodies and I grab her hand in the air before pulling her flush against me and kissing her one more time. This might become my new favorite thing to do in an elevator or anywhere really.
"Stop" she breathes out, her hands on my chest and her forehead resting against mine. The doors slide open before I can't say anything and she jumps back at once, almost tripping on the charts that have fallen on the floor. Dr. Sylvester walks inside and she makes sure to send a glare at my direction as Rachel runs out of the elevator in a hurry. I don't look up from my phone until I reach my floor.
I join Abrahams for rounds this morning in the hopes to avoid making Rachel feel any more embarrassment, although I know that I need to apology for my inappropriate behavior because I know what she's talking about and I know what she wants to avoid. She wants to feel accomplished, she wants to prove herself and she won't be able to do that if she's with me or at least she thinks that she won't be able to prove that if she's dating me, an attending.
Soon I'm paged and I find a rape victim that needs to get into the OR as soon as possible and that's exactly the order I give the interns around me. Rachel is on the case, this is her patient and as I tell her to prep this girl for surgery she doesn't look at my face, not even once.
Her ignoring me sucks and I know I need to try harder. Dr. Pierce joins me in the washing room and her smile is as blinding as ever as she bumps her hip with mine.
"It's a great day to safe lives" she says before she goes inside and I agree with her fully. Rachel also walks inside and I instantly get closer to her.
"Rachel…"
"This is not the time and this is not the place" she cuts me off, her hands frantically scrubbing at each other. "We're about to operate on a girl that was raped and shred to pieces before someone found her" then her eyes meet mine and guilt washes over me completely. "So I can't think of you and me right now, I can't think of us because we have a rape victim to safe." I nod and she guides the way inside the OR.
The girl on the table looks young, she's been beating so bad that her entire body is covered in bruises, her ribs are squishing her fragile heart and she has a punctured lung, plus a head injury. On the top of it all, her profile reminds me on my little sister that loves to go out as well as visit the orphans in town. She ought to be a pediatrician and I'm sure that she'll be one of the best in the country.
Needless to say I instantly become attached to the patient in a way that I am forbidden to.
"She'll need a lot of rehab after this" Dr. Pierce comments and I hum my agreement, never taking my eyes away from the open chest in front of me.
"If she lives" an intern whose name I could care less of reminding answers back.
"She's 5 feet tall, doesn't weight more than a hundred pounds. She's still breathing after what this guy did to her, isn't she?" I look up and I find him looking straight at me. "She'll survive" I tell him before I get back to work.
"They should castrate whoever did this" Dr. Pierce says and then I notice the girl's bloody hands and broken nails.
"Look at her hands" I ask Rachel, who is standing by my left watching intently at the procedure I'm preforming. "What do you see?"
"Broken nails, shred skin" then her eyes meet mine in welcomed shock. "She fought back"
"She fought back" I smile at her as I hear the doors opening.
"Not only that but the rape kit came back negative. This girl kicked his ass" Dr. Pierce says and I don't have to be looking at her to know that she's smiling because that's what I'm doing right now and I feel so proud of the girl on my table that it moves me all around.
The procedure isn't difficult per se but these are the kind that make me pay more attention than the rest. You can never get too cocky inside the OR, we -doctors- are egocentric most of the time and I'm aware but we can never walk inside an operation room with that state of mind because one decision, one second, one mislead thought can cost a life and that's it's not a burden that's easy to carry.
Just when I finish closing the patient I notice something odd in her mouth and with a pair of clamps I lean in closer. With care I pull a bit of flesh out of her mouth and hold it up to observe it but I can't figure out what it is.
"Anyone?" I ask and I hear Rachel gasp in shock, when I turn around her wide eyes are staring at me.
"Oh my God" she finally says.
"What is it?" I ask fast, she looks bewildered.
"She bit it off" she stage whispers.
"She bit what off?" Pierce asks before I get the chance to.
"Well that's… it's…."
"Spit if off" Pierce says a bit louder and I'm tempted to tell her not to yell at Rachel but I'm also curious, besides Rachel wouldn't like that.
"That's his… penis" she shrugs apologetically and I almost drop the thing as several males groan in the room. I place the thing on a pan before turning to Rachel. If possible, I feel a little more proud of our patient.
"You're in charge of this, Berry. Make sure it gets to the chief"
"I'm in charge… of the penis?" she gives me a look that I mostly find cute. This is a new look, a new look that I'd make sure to file in my memory for future reference.
"Yes, Dr. Berry. Is there a problem?" her eyes widen as she shakes her head.
"No, of course there isn't. The penis is mine until I see the chief" the entire room giggles and I raise my eyebrow at her direction. That was certainly interesting put. "Not mine mine" she looks mortified.
"We get it, Dr. Berry." She glares, she actually glares at my direction before I turn to leave.
Dr. Pierce joins me again to wash up and I can't help to smile at her direction. The world would be a better place if more people were as brave as our girl in there. More than proud I feel honored to have been in her presence at all.
"Can you imagine that?" I prompt and Pierce laughs again before picking up some towels.
"Bastard got it coming"
"He did, now if she can fight the infection, she'll be fine" she nods weakly before looking up again.
"If she wakes up in the next 72 hours that is" it hits me hard, the knowledge that this girl, this fighter could not wake up and it shouldn't but she reminds me of my sister and she looks familiar and she is brave, she doesn't deserve what's happening. "We should get a drink tonight"
"Yeah" I accept distractedly while thinking that sooner or later we'll find out who did this to our girl in there. He is going to need medical attention and wherever he goes we'll be ready to catch him.
"You can tell me why you ended up in Seattle and I'll tell you all the good places you have to visit around here" I meet her stare and smile, small but it's there.
"I'd like that and it's not that big of a story really" I think I know where she's headed with this but I'm not interested in running this show.
"Still, I need alcohol after a day like this"
"I'll see you later"
"Later" she waves just as the door closes behind her back. Dr. Thomas might have mentioned something about retiring soon and that only made him that much more eager to hire me but I'm not that kind of person. I can run my own show and be the best in my area –and I am- but I can't be the best with an entire hospital on my back slowing me down. That's someone else's job.
I have three more consults before I can start my own research and find out who our fighter truly is and then I finally have some time to check on her since this morning and I'm a little surprised to find Rachel standing outside of the room, watching through the opened blinds. She's carrying a cooler with the penis inside.
"Is she going to be okay?" she asks as soon as I stand close to her, although she hasn't turned around to see me. I look ahead and my throat instantly tightens at the state that our patient finds herself.
"If she…"
"Catherine" she cuts me off. "Her name is Catherine, I found her wallet inside her purse. Her birthday is coming up in a few weeks."
I stare at Rachel for a moment longer until her face turns slowly to look at me and right now more than anything, I wish that I could reach out and embrace her, reassure her but I have to settle for fisting my hands inside of my pockets. I knew her name and at this moment I know everything there is to know about Catherine but still, Rachel's care moves me completely.
"Catherine" I repeat and nod my head. "If Catherine wakes up in the next 72 hours then we'll make sure that everything is okay."
"Rachel" I call her name again and wait until her eyes meet mine. "Come with me."
I don't wait for an answer before I open the door to Catherine's room, thankfully Rachel is behind me as I close the door.
"I've called every hospital in the state. Whoever did this to her is going to need medical attention sooner rather than later and he is going to walk inside one. This" I touch the cooler in her hands as her big eyes hang onto every word I'm saying, "this penis that you're carrying now is going to nail him and we'll be ready."
She nods weakly and hugs the cooler a bit closer to her body and I know that she's going to keep it safe until the responsible for this appears.
"Where is her family? Is there anyone here for her yet?" she asks as I take a seat and pat the empty space beside me. I wait until she's next to me to speak.
"She doesn't have any"
"Anyone?" my heart aches but I swallow the knot in my throat as I vow to be here with Catherine until she wakes up.
"No. Her parents are dead. She moved to Seattle a month ago. This isn't a very good welcome for her"
"For anybody really."
We fall into a comfortable silence as I update Catherine's chart and Rachel stares at nothing in particular. It's a little scary how much I care for this woman, this brunette goddess after so little time and a few stolen kisses. It scares me.
"Are you okay, Rachel?"
"Yes" she says, "I just need to ask you for a favor"
"Of course, what do you need?"
"There is a baby up in PEDS and I saw him have a TETS spell and I think I heard a murmur"
"Oh" I immediately assumed it was something personal of hers but this could be the closest I've gotten to personal with her since she woke up in my bed weeks ago.
"Can you maybe check him up?"
"Did PEDS ask for a consult?"
"Actually no, they're not doing anything about it"
"They need to ask for a consult Rachel"
"But they're not doing anything and I'm sure I heard something."
There are protocols about consults but there is also our patient's wellbeing coming first every time. "Sure, I have another consult to cover first. I'll meet down you in PEDS."
I stand up but her hand on my wrist impends me from walking out of the room and then her lips on mine take away all my abilities at once. This time my hands don't hesitate and I drop the chart to be able to wrap my arms around her slim waist as my lips melt with hers in a soft, languid and perfect kiss. When we pull back I'm out of breath and I keep my eyelids close in order to breathe her in.
"Quinn" she whispers in my ear and I realize of how hard I'm pulling her to me, I'm practically carrying her in my arms. I peck her lips before letting her go softly.
"I like when you say my name like that" I peck her lips again.
"Like what?" she asks against my lips.
"Like I've just rocked your world" she slaps my shoulders as her arms fall from around my neck and with her fingers she runs the line of my lips before handing me the chart from the floor.
"You Dr. Fabray are way too egocentric for me" she says but before she can make a run for the door I'm kissing her again. She giggles and has to push me away several times before I finally let her out of the room. She drives me crazy and I can't help it. A few months ago I wouldn't have even bothered with taking a second look at her direction but now everything is different and she makes me feel like a completely different person and I love it.
With one last look at Catherine I get out of the room. "Page me if there are any changes" I call to the nurse and deliver the chart before heading down to my pavilion.
I'd never consider hiding Rachel but that's exactly what we're doing the longer we keep the doors closed and people out of our lives while we develop this relationship.
Perhaps I'm thinking way too much and maybe I'm getting ahead of ourselves but that's exactly what I want with Rachel. I want a relationship and I don't want to hide her.
After updating my patients' charts I finally head down to PEDS. I hear commotion and as I round a corner I find Rachel in the middle of some sort of argument.
"Who authorized you to be here?" Dr. Dent demands to know and just the way he speaks makes me speed up my pace.
"I did" I call out and his eyes snap up to meet mine, his intern frowns at me and a man and a woman look beyond confused.
"How are you, Dr. Fabray" the pediatric greets and I barely manage to nod at his direction before I make eye contact with Rachel. She looks apologetic and I'm assuming that these are the baby's parents, the baby she talked to me about earlier. I excuse us from them before I address the resident.
"Did I just see you messing with my intern, Dr.?"
"No, ma'am" his answer is quick and I smile down at him.
"I need the chart" he is quick -again- to hand me the chart but I'll decide if he's efficient enough.
"There is nothing wrong with the baby. I checked" I look up to find his intern with a scowl on her face and giving me an unimpressed stare. Like I said before, I hate teaching and teaching sometimes involves learning in front of other interns, patients' family members or staff in general.
"Are you sure?" my question is simple and she gives me a simple answer.
"Yes"
"You can guarantee the baby's fine? You're a hundred per cent sure?" she falters and looks at her resident for help but he doesn't offer any. Her light blue eyes look at me and she shrugs her shoulders, as if we're not speaking about a human life, as if I'm asking her if she likes milk on her coffee or something as trivial.
"I don't know. Seventy five per cent?"
"Seventy five isn't enough" she looks chastised but as quick as the disappointment comes, it's gone and I turn to her resident. "He's my patient now. Are we okay with that?"
"Absolutely, Dr. Fabray" he is a quick guy, I'll give him that.
"She can't take our patient!" the intern whispers shockingly and I become more tempted than before to tell her off but I manage to smile and stare.
"Of course she can. She's an attending" he says fast and I turn to the intern, my wide smile intact.
"Which means I can do whatever I want."
I don't wait to see their reaction and with my hand on Rachel's lower back I turn to meet the parents of the baby, my eyes still on the chart.
"Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, I'm Dr. Fabray. Head of Cardio. We're going to run some tests on your little boy and I'll come talk to you within an hour" mostly they look confused but trusting. "Excuse me."
"I need an EKG, chest x-ray and an echo. We'll figure out what is causing that murmur" I tell Rachel as we walk down the hallway and she smiles a new smile at me. This one is small, touching and so perfectly beautiful that is blinding. She's thankful.
"Thank you" she says, her hand squeezing my bicep and I'm so tempted to kiss her but Dr. Lopez is coming towards us.
"They found him" she practically screams at Rachel's direction.
"Who?" Rachel asks as Lopez barely nods at my direction in greeting.
"The rapist, he just came in. Dr. Jones is about to operate on him. Apparently his penis can't be saved. I'm going to scrub in" the emotion is contained, I can tell. If I weren't here Lopez would be jumping up and down that she gets to cut today but either way, I'd let her because that bastard definitely wasn't Satan's favorite today.
"Do you think she lets me in?" I quirk an eyebrow at Rachel. It's a new procedure for her but I didn't know she'd have liked to see this guy.
"I'm gonna need those results as soon as possible, Dr. Berry" I take a step back as Rachel starts to follow after Lopez and for a moment she looks almost sad to be leaving my side, almost. "Find me in Catherine's room"
"I'll meet you there" she smiles and then I watch her run, cooler safely tucked under her arm.
There are no changes on Catherine's state and I want to remain positive because she still has more than fifty hours to show any signs of consciousness but my brain insists to make me very aware of the risks she's running by remaining unconscious for too long.
I'm paged and I'm forced to leave Catherine's side. Time flies by and Dr. Jones surgery takes more than an hour and Rachel is still in the OR with her so I go for the results myself. The hospital still results a little confusing for me, even though I've been here for almost a month and even before that I was here for two weeks when I finished my internship but I still can't find my way around nicely, especially to the lab but after ten minutes of wondering around I finally manage.
"There you are!" Rachel exclaims from behind me.
"How was surgery?" I ask as I read the results and inspect them.
"We did everything we could" the tone in her voice makes me look at her and I see she's being playful and I like it, another thing to file.
"I'm sure" she laughs and I do too. That guy won't need his penis again and he won't have it either, so...
"Why do you still have the penis?" I point to the cooler.
"The police isn't here yet and the protocol says I have to carry it around until they get here. So, it's still mine"
"That's unfortunate" I fold the papers before finally giving her my undivided attention. Surgery looks good on her, the glowing in her eyes right now can't be compared with anything.
"What did you find out?"
"It's a birth defect" we start walking towards PEDS and again, I'm tempted to hold her hand but my self-control seems to be getting a little stronger around her, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. "Tetralogy of fallout with pulmonary atresia"
"So, I was right" she stops walking and I do as well.
"You were right. Book an OR for tomorrow and you can scrub in with me"
"Thank you" the thank you smile makes a comeback and I like it just as much as the first time I saw it.
"I have to tell you something Rachel" she frowns as I falter and finally understand another issue with -trying to- date an intern. "You can never do what you did before with the Johnsons. Speaking with the parents of a patient behind their doctor's back, trying to steal a patient from another service of the hospital. I will always have your back but you can't do that again, alright?"
"Alright" she smiles and I chuckle out of instinct. I didn't expect her to accept that so well. "I understand and thank you again."
I watch her as she goes and this time she turns around and smiles softly at me, almost sheepishly and it becomes very apparent that watching her walk away will be a habit that I'm most definitely happy to keep.
The Johnsons are reasonable people, for which I am grateful. Explaining their baby's situation is a little terrifying and their eyes prove that but they look optimistic and once again I'm trusted with a life. I'll have to study the procedure tonight again and be sure than I am well prepared for it.
Catherine's state is the same and for some reason I feel incredibly disappointed. I want her up, she needs to wake up and keep on living, keep on fighting.
I enter her room again and decide to update the baby's chart as I wait but after hours of being here I find myself a little edgy. Her monitor doesn't show any changes and the hallway is calmer than ever, even though I've kept the door open. Whenever there is calm, it's usually followed by storm. It happens everywhere at any given moment.
"How is she?" her voice startles me. Rachel's hair looks a little messy but it only ads to her beauty.
"No change" she frowns as I rub my face with my hands and sink deeper on this couch.
"How long how you been here?" she asks as she walks inside, cooler still in her hands. "Have you been here all night?" her voice is laced with concern as she sits down next to me.
"I think so. I have two sisters, you know? One lives in Los Angeles and has two beautiful children, twins" I smile at the memory of my niece and nephew, but the smile quickly disappears when I look at Catherine again. "The younger one is still studying, she lives close to my mom and if I were in a coma, they'd be here. My mom would probably be the first one to get here and my sisters would soon follow, and I'd want them here" swallowing the knot in my throat I look at Rachel. "Not having no one to care" I shake my head. "I can't imagine that."
"I can" she says with a smile on her face that throws me off, then she's giggling and reaching out to tuck some hair behind my right ear. I catch her hand before she pulls away and I just hold it in the middle of the small sofa.
"So, we're kissing but we're not dating?" I prompt and she giggles again.
"I should have known you were going to remember that"
"Of course I remember, it's the best part of my day. Kissing you is great, I'm all for it" she blushes and ducks her head. I follow her outside of the room and to the nurse station in front of Catherine's room.
"I have no idea what you're talking about"
"I can see a locker room from here, an empty locker room" I lower my voice just a bit and she shakes her head. "Is it going to happen again? Because I like to be prepared, you know?"
"Shut it" she mutters. "I caught you by surprise last time"
"Oh, so there is going to be a next time"
"Stop talking now" she laughs and I decide to give her that. Our eyes meet and I'm not eager to break this connection and neither is she. I like her eyes, I like how a sea of emotions seem to swim in them in such a small amount of time. I like her eyes.
"Her birthday" she suddenly says and looks away. "I was checking Catherine's chart and her birthday is the same as mine, and someone beat the crap out of her. We share our birthdays and she has no one."
It clicks, her connection with our fighter clicks and somehow I know that she's not telling me everything, her eyes are a sea, a wide open sea and it falters to hide her emotions.
I'm about to reach out and touch her but Catherine's monitor starts flat lining and we both run inside of her room. I lower her bed as Rachel pushes the code button.
"Her ICP's doubled. Page Dr. Pierce, now!" the team comes rushing in and Dr. Pierce comes just as quickly.
"Talk to me Dr. Fabray" she takes the chart from Rachel's hands.
"Her ICP's doubled"
"Get me an OR prepped for a craniotomy" Lopez is right beside her and eager to help. There's not much I can do to help here and I watch with morbid worrisome as Pierce takes Catherine in for an emergency surgery.
I start pacing the now empty and quiet hallway as Rachel watches me from the nurse station where she's resting from carrying the cooler everywhere. I don't know why I'm letting this affect me so much, it shouldn't but she reminds me of my little sister and I can't not worry.
"What is going to happen now?" I stop pacing and look up to find Rachel looking even more concerned than I probably do.
"We wait."
And the waiting becomes almost unbearable. At one point I sit down, I attend another consult but Rachel doesn't go anywhere. She still has the cooler and the police hasn't arrived yet. Almost two hours go by and Dr. Pierce finally comes out of surgery. I don't have to go to her because she knows I've been waiting.
"I had to leave her scull flap off until the pressure in her brain goes down" she's updating the chart a little too tiredly and I immediately understand what she's just said but I can't bring myself to say it out loud. It isn't fair, she didn't deserve this. Nobody deserves to go through this.
"She's not gonna make it, is she?" Rachel asks from behind the counter.
"She's gonna be fine" Pierce rubs her hands together before picking up the pen again.
"If she ever wakes up" Rachel states.
"If she ever wakes up" Pierce consents with a slight nod of her head before walking off in the opposite direction.
When they bring Catherine back to her room I sit on the same sofa again but I'm not feeling as sad as I did before. I feel angry with the monster that did this to her. She's twenty three, had a life ahead of her and now everything she has is probably this hospital room and a coma. It isn't fair.
I dial my sister's number and breathe out in relieve when she answers and tells me that she's home and that she's going to spend the weekend with mom. She asks me to go back, tells me that nothing has to change, that I don't have to see her, and as usual I tell her the same, that I'm alright, that I'm starting over and that I can't do that in New York. She desists and passes the phone to our mother who is a bit –a lot- more difficult to convince that I'm alright but eventually -and with the calm that my family is okay- we hang up with promises to visit each other soon or as my mother still phrases it, me going back home.
The morning comes and goes without any changes and at one in the afternoon I leave Catherine's side in favor of the Johnson baby. When I enter the baby's room, Lopez and Rachel are already there.
"Good afternoon, Dr. Fabray" Lopez jumps and hands me the chart. She is eager to stand out while I'm eager to make Rachel blush, which she does. "The baby is prepped for surgery, ma'am"
"Thank you, Dr. Lopez. Dr. Berry?"
"Yes, ma'am?" I cringe at how formal that sounds and how old it makes me feel, and especially at how I never want to hear Rachel call me that again.
"Get ready to scrub in" I smile at her but her eyes quickly widen as she nods her head. Lopez' mouth falls open in shock and I remember that she was the one prepping the baby, although it is Rachel's patient. "Trying to steal patients, Dr. Lopez?" her mouth snaps closed and she shakes her head in negative. I'm honestly amused by this girl, she reminds me of an old classmate that later on became a great friend, and they are the kind of Doctors who would kill for a cut. "Nice try."
"Thank you" she whispers as she slips out of the room. I wink at Rachel before leaving and she shakes her head at me but I can tell she's amused.
"Fifteen blade please" Kurt, a scrubs nurse hands me the tool in the OR and I look up to Rachel, who is standing close to me. "We'll be using a median approach for a tranventricular repair with a right ventriculostomy, so we have to open him up."
She nods and her eyes smile at me before she focuses back on my hands. This baby was lucky that Rachel was near him when she was or else this condition would have make his life a living hell later on.
When I finish opening the baby's chest I look at Rachel again. She is so focused on my hands that it makes me proud to see her so entranced in it. "Are you ready to hold the clamp?"
"What?" eyes wide, voice cracking and body practically humming with excitement, she looks at me.
"Ready or not, Dr. Berry?"
"Yes, yes. Of course."
She reminds me of Christmas morning when I couldn't stand still until I got all my presents open and sat down with a hot chocolate mug warming up my hands. She reminds me of happy days and easy smiles, and everything that is good and I just want to keep her close, make her laugh like I'm doing right now by letting her hold a clamp.
When we finish the surgery she's still humming with contained energy and I can't help but smile. She is talking a mile a minute as she retells me everything that we just did while we wash up, like I hadn't been in there at all and I listen patiently, smile and even offer details that slip her mind.
She drives me crazy and I love it.
"I can't wait to tell" she smiles as we stop at the nurse station where I start updating the baby's chart quickly.
"Who are you going to tell?"
"They're gonna be so jealous that I got to hold the clamp, especially Santana" she claps her hands, she actually claps and jumps up and down at the same time, and it's the most adorable thing that I've ever seen anyone do.
"Lopez?" I hand the chart to a nurse and keep walking.
"Yes, that's her. I can't wait to tell her."
I see two police officers standing outside of a room and I immediately know whose room that is. Another intern stops Rachel in the hallway and we have to say goodbye before I make my way back to the nurse station. I find his chart and read through the lines fast. For some reason I'm not glad for what happened to this guy, I'm just angry for the things that he's done. My stomach twists inside of me at the thought of him and that's why I walk towards his room.
"He's still a patient" I turn to the left where Dr. Jones is staring me down but soon her face softens, as if she understands me even though she has no idea of who I am or what it's going through my mind.
"I know" I don't wait for an answer before I stride inside his room and slam my hands on his bed, hard. He looks in pain, sleepy and so disgustingly regretful that it makes me sick. He's handcuffed to the bed.
"The good news is that Dr. Jones stopped your bleeding. The bad news is we've given your penis to the cops. Have a nice life."
I walk out but I don't do it fast enough and the tears sprinkling down the sides of his face only make me angrier.
I decide that after a thirty hour shift I need to get home and decide to take a look at the baby before but Rachel and the other interns are standing outside of his room, watching in by the glass window and instead I stop to look at the girl that has stolen my sleep for the last month.
Rachel looks at me and we see each other for a moment until Lopez calls her name and they leave.
I change my clothes but I don't leave as planned and end up in Catherine's room again. At some point I fall sleep on the sofa but when I wake up and see our fighter's fingers stretching I almost burst in tears. She opens her eyes slowly, confusedly and frighten. Her frantic eyes focus on me and I can almost hear her screaming before I take her hand and caress her with my thumb.
"Welcome back." I smile softly at her but don't say anything else. I page Pierce and wait for her to arrive before I leave the room. We agree that our drink can wait a few days.
Getting to the elevator I find Rachel again and now I'm really starting to believe that the world wants us together. I smile at my own thoughts as she breathes out.
"You know there are lines" she says as I walk inside the elevator alone. "That are dangerous to cross" she smiles and even though she's saying no and I understand it, it also makes me giddy at the opportunity to show her differently.
"It depends on who is waiting on the other side of that line and it's not always dangerous but thrilling"
"I'm so taking the stairs" she laughs and turns around.
"No self-control. That's just sad."
The doors close and I go home alone but the thoughts about what could be never leave me. I've always liked a challenge and Rachel definitely is one.
…