Author's Note: Nothing much to say, except the disclaimer. Still don't own BTR. But, hey, here's chapter 2, and so far everything's heading in the right direction.
Chapter 2
James couldn't believe it.
Just like that, Kendall was gone. After Logan blew up at him, (and honestly, he'd never seen Logan do that,) Kendall just up and walked out of the studio. Kendall had never backed down like that before.
"Kendall!" That was Carlos, sprinting out the door and after their leader. Logan stayed rooted to the floor in front of the door, shocked into submission. James stood behind the boy, and watched. Then Logan's shoulders started shaking. He was crying.
That was the one thing that had kept James from getting too frustrated. Kendall was being Kendall, sorting out his feelings in his own way, and James could wait for that. It wasn't easy because James knew all Kendall really wanted to be able to just reach out and hold Logan, but it wasn't exactly hard either, because Logan's erratic and unstable behavior only further convinced James that he would come out and tell Kendall what he wanted eventually.
Probably.
Maybe.
…Actually, Logan had self-disciplined himself to hold things back when he was his normal self, and even when he was in a self-deprecating mood it had taken a whole hell of a lot to first wrench Logan's jaws apart and get him talking about himself.
Now, the onetime Logan did do it, it had back fired into them all, shattering through their friendship and sending spider web cracks even out to the further most of Kendall and Logan's relationships.
Somehow, James and Carlos had gotten caught in the crossfire. Then another thought struck James: what if Kendall had been right and something was wrong with Logan? What if he was acting embarrassed because he really was embarrassed about everything that had happened, because he'd blow everything so out of proportion? Logan was looking sick, actually, right now, he was looking very ill, like he wanted to puke.
A yawn tore James out of his thoughts. Worrying wouldn't help anything. So he wouldn't worry.
Why was it so quiet?
James pushed himself up a bit. It wasn't very quiet at all, in truth, but an essential voice was missing from the conversation that had made its way loudly known a minute ago. James immediately became worried.
It wasn't that he was paranoid! He just… wanted to be sure that Logan wasn't getting into trouble and was okay and wasn't standing there ready to blow up again. Yeah! Because Logan was in a volatile and vulnerable state right now! And he had to look out for him when Kendall wasn't around. It was his job.
"Hey, Logie…" He started for Logan, cursing his actions to let Carlos go after Kendall. He walked around, afraid to touch Logan or force him to do anything he didn't want to do.
Logan was stilling crying, tears coming down in rivets now, but he was silent.
James bit his lip. Logan shakily met his gaze, and then dropped them down meekly. "God I…I fucked up, James." His voice was shaky and soft.
"Yeah, you did." Logan flinched. No sense sugar-coating it, that wouldn't help anybody.
And something odd happened. Logan took a deep shuddering breath that was more of a whimper, and his eyes rolled into the back of his and head and his body crumpled to the floor.
James caught the smaller boy, dragging him up and slinging on arm over his shoulder to better prop Logan.
Great.
Kendall was gone; Logan was out cold, and Carlos-
The studio door swung open and broke James out of his mental list he was ticking off. Carlos walked in, slowly and with much less energy than when he had just left. His helmet covered his eyes.
"Did you find-" Carlo's head shook so hard back and forth James feared that his helmet was going to topple clear off the Latino's skull. When Carlos lifted his head, James was shocked to get a good clear view of small tear pricking in the corners of his younger friend's eyes. James swallowed nervously.
"What's wrong with Logan?" Carlos whimpered when he spotted his friend utterly limp and tucked against James's sides.
"He fainted…I guess. Here, help me get him to the couch." With little effort on their part, they did so, draping Logan across the couch in Rocque Records lobby and kneeling down at his side. James stared a Logan's thin frame being swallowed by the cushions, and frowned.
"Hey, Carlos," The Latino turned his gaze to him, "Does Logie look….skinnier than usual to you?"
Carlos squirmed closer to the brunette boy ad taking his hand, threading Logan's pale finger with his own. Now that James mentioned it, Logan did look…smaller…and usual, especially against the black cushions currently trying to suck the skinny boy's body into itself.
What was going on with Logie?
"Why did he-did he yell at Kendall?" Carlos asked quietly, as if Logan was going to come awake and yell at him for aksing a question and Carlos didn't dare risk it.
Again, James had no answers.
He wasn't a genius like Logan, he couldn't make impossible plans happen like Kendall, and he didn't have Carlos fail-safe fun loving attitude about the world to brighten his outlook. He was just James Diamond. But Logan was down for the count at the moment, and as badly as James wanted to chase after his headstrong leader, he was also reluctant to leave Logan in this state,
"James?" Asked a timid voice.
And poor Carlos.
The pretty boy heaved himself up from his crouched position by Logan's still form and drew Carlos up as well. He placed his palms on Carlos shoulders and put on his best-trust-me-even-though-I-have-no-idea-what-I'm-doing face.
"Okay, listen Carlitos I know Logan and Kendall got into a fight," Carlos looked pointedly unimpressed, "Okay, a really huge fight, but it's gonna be okay." Now Carlos looked slightly unconvinced at James' speech. He didn't blame him, and okay, maybe James had little (to no) experience with pep talks, and sure James just realized it was so much easier to receive a pop talk then to give one, but really, at least he was trying to pick up the slack.
Carlos broke his gaze from James' determined, confused eyes and went back to Logan again. James knew what that meant; Carlos wanted to leave their smaller friend even less than James did. And that was a lot.
"Carlos, you-" The Latino whipped back up to meet him, eyes wide and desperate. James resolve crumbled. "…stay here. I'll be right back." He didn't have to tell Carlos to keep an eye on Logan; Carlos was already back kneeling by Logan at the foot of the couch and holding his hand again.
James smiled softly, and left, turning down the hall toward the stairs. Then paused. He tried to think. The elevators worked way better here than they did at the Palm Woods, so even though the stairs might have been the first choice for a speedy getaway there, at Rocque Records the elevators were much more reliable and up to code; do they'd be the first route Kendall would take id he wanted to get the hell out of dodge. Kendall probably took them down to the first floor, and then headed past the front desk, he wouldn't have to sign out at the desk either, because they'd all been there so long and the security knew them by now. Then he'd either take home the limo (doubtful since he'd be questioned about being the only one,) walked the eight blocks back, or took a cab. With so many escape routes and a head start on his side, James had a feeling Kendall was already long gone.
So it was really useless to go after someone who didn't want to be found in the first place, the tall brunette reasoned.
But, it was also *quick glance at his cell phone* eight thirty-something at night-and they needed to get back to the Palm Woods before Bitter locked up the front entrance and they couldn't get in. Lock up was at nine. And then they'd have to explain to Mama Knight why her son was inexplicably missing from the group when they finally got up to 2J.
James frowned and groaned out loud to the empty hall, listening to it echo off the walls. He fisted his hands into his closed eyes and rubbed furiously. He hated thinking! All this time and he'd only come up with the obvious answer-get back home. He hadn't solved their missing-Kendall problem or even come close to figuring out how to catch up to him at all.
Heading back the way he came a quick jog, the pretty boy entered Studio B to see Logan sitting groggily up on the couch, leaning against Carlo's side, and looking a bit worse for wear than earlier, and giving off a much more pathetic appearance.
Then James realized Logan and Carlos were both looking over his shoulder, to catch sight of a blonde who he was supposed to have found and talked to and brought back because, well, he was James Diamond and he was supposed to be awesome like that.
Only James wasn't like that, and there was no Kendall behind him and James' heart dropped when Logan shyly glanced at James and flinched.
"Guys, we should head home," Ignoring their utter lack of leader may not have been James's brightest plan, and pushing back problems was bound to turn bad over the course of time, and that was something Kendall actually never condoned.
But Kendall wasn't here, and it was all James could think up in a split second.
'I know I'm not a-a leader….but I can't let the guys down.'
"He's right," Logan agreed with more energy than he probably had to spare. The genius blinked rapidly to clear the spot from his vision and stand at the same time, and promptly tumbled over from the exertion of it.
After James dashed clear across the room to catch Logan before he could hit the carpet roughly, Logan simply leaned against James and sighed heavily.
Carlos simply stared at Logan, looking hurt, concerned and slightly angry all at once. It was obvious Carlos wanted to explode with a hundred questions and poke and probe Logan for answers. What had Kendall done wrong anyway? Didn't they love each other anymore? Were they going to end up like Mama Knight and…Mr. Knight had done-divorce and separation and everyone else caught in the middle?
Carlos felt like five year old and stuck in the middle of a parent's fight-but he didn't say anything and he held it in, like he knew he was supposed to.
"This is all my fault," Logan whispered, his voice rough with emotion. Tears gathered in the corner of Logan's eyes and he clenched his teeth together to combat the oncoming sobs that threatened to trickle from his throat.
James opened his mouth, taking a breath in to ready himself to talk. But at Logan's face, at his expression, at the way he was currently holding onto James like he would let go and leave Logan at a moment's notice, made him stop and not say anything at all.
And without any other word said between the threesome, they headed home to the Palm Woods, all clambering in and huddling together on one seat in the limo.
The car screeched to halt at nine fifty seven in front of the lobby at the hotel, and even Logan found the energy to sprint alongside James and Carlos as they headed for the front door at a breakneck speed. Bitters had been seconds away from locking the double doors, and that honestly scared the remaining members of Big Time Rush a little more than perhaps it should have. The prospect of having to sleep outside in the bushes or something urged the three to only glare tiredly at the lobby man and head up the stairs to 2J and not even say anything to the man.
It occurred dimly to James, in a voice that sounded suspiciously like Kendall, that they could have asked the grumpy manger if he'd seen Kendall return earlier this evening to the hotel and where he had headed. But that voice was muffled over James' over-worked and aching muscles and his hurting heart, so much that James hardly made it through the front door.
Apartment 2J was silent, the girls of the flat already in bed.
Silently again, and without a backward glance at each other, James and Carlos headed up Swirly to their rooms, while Logan headed down the hall to his and Ken-to his room. He corrected himself in his head.
Even as he undressed and plopped down on top of the comforter, Logan could feel that familiar edge of insomnia creeping up on him and resting behind his eyelids. 'Guess I'm looking forward to another sleepless night…I deserve a hundred of them after what I said to Kendall.'
'I deserve a lot worse, too.'