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Spencer
It just takes a second for my world to come crumbling down
Glen dies and so does every part of Spencer.
She doesn't leave her room for days.
She skips the funeral and just lies in bed and wishes for a world where brothers stick around and mothers aren't bitches.
She can't speak without wanting to scream until her heart doesn't hurt anymore.
She stays up for two nights straight carving into her wall and the words are sloppy, but radiate every emotion she's felt since her Glen's death.
How Could You Do This To Me?
(Paula sees what Spencer's done to her wall and leaves. She tosses money on Spencer's bed and says she's taking a vacation. She doesn't say where she's going, but she leaves a number for emergencies. Two weeks later she's still gone, but money is deposited into Spencer's account every three days.
It doesn't bother Spencer.
She just adds it to her wall.
Why Do You Always Leave?)
/
When they were kids Spencer would always cry when Glen got hurt.
His pain was her pain.
They used to always joke about purposely hitting themselves so the other would feel it.
(She wonders if he realized that killing himself would kill her too)
/
Ashley sees the wall and says nothing.
Spencer always loved Ashley's ability to seem calm no matter what war is raging inside of her.
Only now it's killing her not to know what the brunette is thinking.
Ashley just stares at the wall before sitting down and doing her (and Spencer's) homework. She makes dinner and they sit in silence at the dinner table.
(She tries not to focus on the empty chairs because they only remind her of how alone she is)
"Where's your mom?" Ashley is the first to speak and Spencer just pushes the food around her plate.
"Gone," she mumbles back.
(Ashley brings a suitcase over that night and Spencer wordlessly makes room for her in her closet).
/
Some
Days
She
Screams
At
Her
Reflection
Because
It's
The
Closest
She
Can
Get
To
Cursing
Him
/
She fights with Ashley on Friday the 13th.
The floodgates open and soon they are at each other's throats.
"You need to go to school! Life doesn't stop because Glen's…"
"How do you know?! You have a family! He was ALL I had." She cuts Ashley off because she's the last person that needs to be reminded that Glen's dead. She has a mirror that does the job just fine.
"And what about me?" Ashley whispers and it would have broken Spencer's heart if there were any pieces left.
"What about you?" Spencer's voice cracks.
Because Ashley is Ashley.
She's Spencer's first love.
"I worry about you Spence," Ashley shakes her head.
"Don't. I don't need your pity" Spencer grabs Ashley's things and throws them into her suitcase. "And I don't need you"
"You don't mean that." Ashley's soft touch tries to halt Spencer's hasty movements. But Spencer moves away before contact is made.
(She tells herself it's because she doesn't need to be comforted, but in reality she knows if Ashley touches her she'll break down again)
"We're done"
Those two words shatter them both, but she's better at hiding than Ashley.
Ashley leaves her clothes ("I don't want anything that smells like you") takes her guitar and leaves. Spencer locks her door and tries to take down every picture in her house.
(She makes it until she finds a picture of the four of them the summer after she started dating Ashley before she smashes a mirror and cries until her throat hurts)
She spends the night in Glen's room because she never sleeps in her room on this day.
The next day she gets a knife and carves into her wall.
I'm sorry. I love you.
/
She goes to school after Paula threatens to cut her off. ("They threatened to call the police.")
She doesn't explain where she went but Spencer can hear the hospital in the background. (She knows Paula's been staying at a hotel in town.)
She promises to go if Paula allows her to be emancipated.
"I already talked to the family lawyer"
They meet the next day and Spencer just tunes out when they explain what will happen.
"Your mother doesn't want the house. She's already found another residence"
"You will have your trust fund because you need to prove you can support yourself. She will deposit money regularly into your account"
"You have to go to school"
"You will not contact her under any circumstance"
"She will no longer be responsible for you"
"It will be like you have no mother"
She signs without another thought (Paula checked out long before Glen died) and it only takes a few weeks for her to be officially on her own.
The house seems bigger than usual.
/
School is harder now.
The hallways are filled with whispers and stares.
She holds her head up and throws herself into her school work. The only class she is behind in is art (because Ashley can't draw to save her life), but her art teacher understands.
It doesn't take long for her to get back into the flow.
She does the extra credit assignments in all of her classes and works through her lunch.
Her teachers think it's because she's dedicated, but in reality she doesn't want to run into either Davies.
(If she sees Ashley she might break down in tears and if she sees Kyla she might kill her because there is a huge part of her that blames her for Glen)
She keeps herself busy.
She gets a job at a local coffee shop that has open mike nights. The trust fund her mother left her hasn't been touched yet (She still has money from when her mother went on "vacation" and the house is paid for.) The bills aren't high and she doesn't go out so it leaves her sitting on a lot of money. She works just to have something to do and to have people around her.
Aiden Dennison works with her.
She's known him her whole life and he was her first boyfriend (it only lasted a couple of days before she knew boys were not her thing).
He shows her the ropes once she's hired and he never brings up Glen. In response she never brings up Madison (and how skinny she is) and they form a bond.
They work the same schedule and he drives her home the nights that they close.
(She can't find it in her to drive Glen's car)
The first time she laughs in months is because of him.
They are cleaning tables when a girl Spencer recognizes from school does her interpretation of a scene in some soap opera that Spencer doesn't give two shits about.
"I'm kind of hoping this is a death scene," Aiden comments.
It's not even that funny, but Spencer laughs until she cries.
(She feels guilty later because it wasn't Ashley that made her smile first.)
/
She
Misses
Ashley
So
Fucking
Much
/
Glen's video haunts her on a daily basis.
She refuses to watch it mostly because she knows he really would have wanted her to.
And she refuses to give him what he wanted when he LEFT her.
"Spence… please" He would probably say.
But she already knows what's on the video. Empty apologies and explanations that don't justify shit.
She comes home every day from school and looks at the camera.
Watch me
Watch me
Watch me
She wants to hate him for what he did.
For leaving her.
For making her bitter.
She lets those emotions out onto her wall and soon all four of them are filled with questions (Why did I let you go?), memories (Remember the time we got sick on the rollercoaster), and everything else (I worry about me too).
She paints a portrait of him over some of the words and wonders if she's slowly losing her mind.
(Her art teacher says her work has never been better. It's funny how losing her brother made her a better artist)